Title: Made glorious summer Author: Veronica Jane Williams Contact: xkhoi@iafrica.com Series: Voyager Parts: 5/5 NEW Rating: NC-17 Codes: C/P SUMMARY: Voyager has returned to the Alpha Quadrant and Chakotay has to come to terms with his feelings for Tom Paris. Date Posted: 15 November 1999 Archive info: ASC, ASCEM The first part of this story was posted on 26 September 1999. It is the PREQUEL to my first C/P story, "Suddenly Last Summer" which was written a while ago as a response to the very interesting "Soothin' Summer Shower Challenge." Those who have read "Suddenly Last Summer" will know that the events in that story take place a year after "Made Glorious Summer". This new story, really, marks my first attempt at m/m fanfic. As many readers asked about the story, I promised to post all the parts. So, here it is. MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER "Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this sun of York." [Richard, in Richard III - Shakespeare] They were all at the official function to welcome home the crew of Voyager. All who wanted to see, touch, and speak one or two words to the intrepid crew of an intrepid ship, made their way to this prestigious event. Two weeks after their return, and after one week of intense debriefing, Kathryn Janeway wished they could just offer the Maquis members of her crew unconditional pardons. Which they did, but not before Commander Chakotay had been grilled about his role as one of the cell leaders of the Maquis. "After all," Kathryn had whispered under her breath as the two of them faced the Judge Advocate General, "I was supposed to capture you and bring you to trial." Chakotay glanced surreptitiously at her, then whispered equally softly, "you did, didn't you?" "For a while, at least," she murmured. Their attention had been drawn to the droning voice of Admiral Gray, who cleared his throat, then delivered his words: "Captain Janeway, it is the finding of this court that all former Maquis are to receive an unconditional pardon." The admiral emphasized the word *former*, which to Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay signaled more than actually pardoning them, the sentiments of Starfleet Command. They were no more Maquis. There had been no more Maquis for two years. And after the sweating and fighting and justifying and motivating, Kathryn was exhausted. But Command was more than forthcoming when Chakotay had been invited - more like begged, Kathryn thought privately - to rejoin Starfleet. They had both given long sighs, and were glad that their latest ordeal was over. For ordeal it was. It was no fun being debriefed for an entire week, and having to answer and justify a hundred and one decisions she had made on Voyager. Chakotay had taken her arm and given her a reassuring squeeze. Now, the function was in progress, and the more adventurous escapades of Voyager and her crew recounted with great relish. Kathryn had moved around with some ease, her smile becoming tighter as the afternoon progressed. From time to time she was accosted by some admiral or captain who wanted her to relate all their adventures, and of how the two crews united and worked together. "Chakotay," she breathed at last when she could get hold of him, "rescue me." He held out his arm, through which she gratefully linked hers, and they proceeded outside, to the lush gardens of Starfleet Command. In the late afternoon sun, her hair shone golden brown. She looked beautiful, Chakotay thought. She moved with such grace. Queen Kathryn. He smiled. They walked in companionable silence for a few minutes. Then Chakotay stopped and looked at her. There was a smile on his face, one that deepened his dimples. She smiled back, and her eyes held a query in them. "What?" "What's on your mind, Kathryn?" "You know that I'm thinking something, Chakotay?" she asked, her own smile sweet and knowing. "You're too quiet, I know you, Kathryn. Come on, what's up?" She was quiet for a few seconds - seconds in which the smile left her face, turning attractive features into some austereness. "Chakotay," she said, sighing suddenly, "why don't you tell him?" "You know." It was a statement. It was futile to deny it. He gave a sigh of capitulation. "Chakotay," Kathryn said softly, touching his arm with great tenderness, "we've known each other for five years, and for a while we were even lovers..." She gave a gentle smile when she said that. "But we were friends first, and that means a great deal more to me. We are friends now, and I'm deeply concerned that my best friend is unhappy..." "You know me too well, Kathryn," he whispered. His smile of earlier was gone now, replaced by a drawn look. He stood, hands on his hips, and Kathryn thought how handsome he looked in his dress uniform. "I know you are in pain," she affirmed. "You have been for months, you know." "That long, huh." "That long, Chakotay." "I'm sorry, Kathryn, that - that -" "Chakotay, don't be sorry about anything, or regret what we had. It was good while we had it, but in retrospect, we needed comfort from each other. Comfort. And that is what I gave you and you gave me..." "That should make me feel a whole lot better, right?" he said, the dimples forming again as he gave a smile. "A whole lot better, Chakotay. A whole lot better, because out of what remained, we have something invaluable, something some people mistakenly think they can buy: friendship. As your very concerned friend, I'm telling you to go to Tom and tell him how you feel." "He - " Chakotay paused, and looked over the spacious green lawns of Starfleet Command, "he... I don't think he..." Chakotay stopped suddenly then looked at her again. "I can't do this Kathryn. I - " He didn't want to tell her that he already tried. "Chakotay! Why are you giving up, for heaven's sake? At the very least, I think you should give it a try, and confront him about your feelings. It's very, very obvious you know, even though both of you have tried not to show it." His eyes widened at her words. "Yes, my friend. You tried to hide it, and Tom, the master of the mask, has not been very successful either. Although, in all fairness, it's been obvious only to me and B'Elanna and a few others..." "They know?" "They know, Chakotay. The rest of the crew, they suspect, mostly." Chakotay looked at Kathryn with new eyes, it seemed. How could he deny her words? "It's very strong you know, Kathryn," he admitted quietly, suddenly not afraid of being embarrassed to talk about his feelings for the helmsman of Voyager. "There were very few in our boardroom meetings who didn't sense the chemistry, my friend," she said kindly, her hand reaching to touch his cheek. "It was there, the air bristled whenever Tom entered the room. I could sense how your whole body stiffened then..." "He - he doesn't want it, Kathryn. He's fighting it, and I - " "You have given up fighting it, Chakotay. You gave up fighting it a long time ago. I could tell you almost to the day when you did so." She didn't have to tell him, he thought with some pain. It was the last time he and Kathryn made love. The last time he tried to, anyway. Even now, he felt the acute embarrassment of that night. He imagined he was making love to Tom, God help him. And Kathryn... Kathryn withdrew quietly from him when his erection suddenly and inexplicably became limp inside her. That was in that instant he realised it wasn't Tom, but Kathryn he was making love to. He was filled with instant disappointment, followed by deep mortification and guilt. She assured him she was fine, and actually managed to smile. "Let's not regret what we had, Chakotay," she had told him afterwards. "I know where you heart lies. Don't feel guilty..." But it had taken him long to come to terms with what happened that night. Kathryn had known and miraculously understood. If anything, the disastrous ending of their lovemaking served only to entrench and deepen that other facet of their relationship: friendship. She became remarkably protective since that night, shielding him many times from potentially embarrassing situations by hooking her arm through his, like she always did, or inviting him to join her in their holodeck programme, sailing on Lake George. How many times didn't he look gratefully at her for her understanding and the way she shielded him? He sighed. He knew how it must have looked to Tom, for on more than one occasion he had seen that spark of what...jealousy? in Tom's eyes. There was something reciprocal in Tom's eyes. He was certain that Tom wanted him the way he wanted Tom. He thought of their last night on Voyager, when he made one last, and rather pathetically desperate attempt to approach Tom. Tom had probably thought it was Harry or B'Elanna or Joe Carey who rang the chime on his cabin door, for his 'enter' sounded as if he expected one of them. It was in the sound of Tom's voice, a light, jovial sound that made him almost jealous that he, Chakotay, could not elicit from Tom that happiness in the way Tom's friends did. The smile that was on Tom's face froze the moment he saw Chakotay where the Commander stood just inside the door, which slid noiselessly close. Tom remained rooted where he was standing, but he paled a little. "Chakotay." Chakotay stared at the pilot. He wished fervently that the growing bulge in his groin would slow down as he took his fill of the younger man. For Tom stood there, dressed only in his trousers. His hair was still wet from a recent shower, Chakotay surmised. Already Chakotay could feel his own breathing a little erratic and shallow. Tom was truly magnificently appointed, he thought. He had a finely toned musculature, muscles that didn't seem to compete for individuality, but combined to form a harmonious shapeliness that was as breath-taking as it was well-formed. Chakotay took one step forward, then stopped. He was about a metre away from Tom, and he could hear Tom's breathing. Tom's eyes gave nothing away, and Chakotay felt like decking him, just to get some reaction from him. "We need to talk, Tom," he said quietly, yet firmly. He kept his eyes on Tom, as if he dared Tom to drop his gaze. , he told himself. "There's nothing to talk about, Chakotay," Tom said, his voice tinged with defiance. "We can't deny what is happening, Tom," Chakotay countered. He took a short step forward, and now he could see the tiny, tiny specks in the pupils in Tom's amazing blue eyes. "And just what is happening, Chakotay?" Tom asked, his voice low, yet clear and yes, Chakotay thought, insolent. What was he doing? , Chakotay bristled inwardly, wanting to give in to the impulse of following that thought through. "This," he said quietly, reaching out with his hand to touch Tom's left nipple. He heard Tom's swift intake of breath, an action which gave Chakotay courage as he caressed the nipple with the base of his thumb, all the time looking at Tom's face. "Damn you, Chakotay," Tom breathed softly as Chakotay continued to rub the nipple that sprang erect. Chakotay sucked in his breath as he saw the effect his touch was having on Tom. The nipple felt hard under his thumb, and the little circles he traced round it created tiny, delicious frissons which seemed to travel throughout his body. "And this," Chakotay continued as his thumb very briefly brushed across the pilot's lips. He watched Tom close his eyes, and gasped when Tom pressed closer, as if he didn't want to break the electric connection. Emboldened, Chakotay moved closer until he stood against Tom, his thumb still grazing Tom's lips. Chakotay smiled as Tom opened his mouth to lick the gently roving thumb, nipping it and finally drawing it into his mouth to suck greedily. Chakotay moaned as Tom's tongue licked around his thumb, and he heard Tom groan the moment his free hand claimed Tom's right nipple, rolling it between thumb and forefinger. "Chakotay..." Tom croaked as his mouth released the Commander's finger, and he looked at his XO with blazing eyes. Tom's lips were parted, his cheeks flushed as he waited for Chakotay's next move. "And this, Chakotay said finally before he grabbed Tom's head between his hands. He brought his lips softly against the helmsman's lips, the touch so soft, so infinitely gentle that Tom sighed in capitulation and closed his eyes. Chakotay felt Tom's mouth open under his, and groaned as Tom pressed against him. Tom was gasping, his pleasure evident as he allowed Chakotay's tongue to invade his mouth. Chakotay gave a soft sigh as Tom surrendered to his touch. A great peace came over him; it was a feeling of such rightness that it left him wondering how he could have survived touching Tom with so much freedom. He nipped at Tom's lower lip, and allowed Tom to return the erotic action. Their breaths mingled as they held on to one another - hot breath and roving hands that incited them. They became frenzied as each tried to melt into the other, drowning in the delirium of desire that overpowered them. Tom ran his fingers through Chakotay's short cropped hair, and moaned against the Commander's mouth as he felt again Chakotay's fingers work delicious little circles on his nipples. He arched his neck, an action which broke the kiss, but gave Chakotay the opportunity to latch his mouth in the little hollow beneath Tom's Adam's apple. Tom groaned loudly as he felt Chakotay bite and suck. "God, Chakotay..." he murmured, desperately clutching the Commander's arms. For the next few minutes they reveled in kissing. They explored each other's mouths, licked and kissed and nipped, gasping when one found an extra erotic spot, or when the other's earlobe was nipped sharply. Soft cries and moans that sealed a long denied attraction, that became a benediction of what they could possibly have together. Not a word was spoken, and the only sounds, their occasional gasping, groans and cries as they held on to each other like drowning men. Chakotay saw strangely, almost surreal in its very movement, the tears squeezing from Tom's closed eyelids. In dazed wonder he realised that his own eyes burned and burned and burned with tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks. In that moment of strange bemusement, every sublime touch of the past, every glance, every quickening heartbeat whenever he was near Tom, came together in one single sentence: He loved Tom. There was something completely and utterly final in that admission. It dispelled at last, and forever, any doubts he harboured that what was happening between him and Tom, was not meant to be. It was meant to be, was the thought that insinuated itself in his mind - his bemused wonderment that Tom was returning each and every touch. It was right, his heart rejoiced. It felt right, it felt good and it felt awesome. And somewhere, somewhere in his dazzlement, his giddy feeling of floating on a cloud of happiness, he realised that Tom had stopped kissing him and even pushed him away. "Tom...?" he whispered the pilot's name hoarsely, confused that the raging tide had suddenly receded. "I - I'm sorry Chakotay. I can't do this..." Tom whispered, looking as distraught as Chakotay. His eyes had a bleak look, a dead look in them, Chakotay noticed absently. He didn't realise his own mirrored Tom's distress. "You can't deny what we feel, Tom," he repeated again his words of when? an eternity ago, when he touched Tom's nipple. He looked at Tom's crotch and saw the bulge there, his erection straining against his trousers. He felt his own erection so painful that he gave an involuntary cry. Chakotay felt his life draining away slowly. "Fine, Chakotay. I won't deny it." Tom gave a derisive laugh as his hand touched his bulge. "How can I?" "It's what we both need, Tom." "Maybe, Chakotay, maybe. But right now, it's not what I want." "You can't be serious, Tom," Chakotay fielded, his whole stance one of disbelief. "Oh, but I am," Tom said with such a finality in his voice that Chakotay felt his heart gave a great big shudder. It was clear to him that Tom had recovered from this storm of passion that overtook them. Chakotay tried again, not wanting to belief that Tom was rejecting him, in spite of his evident response. it throbbed through Chakotay. . "You once said my life belongs to you, Tom." Chakotay's voice shook with emotion as he said these words, remembering the day Tom saved his life. "I believe I've given it back, Chakotay." With every word Tom uttered, Chakotay felt how the blood drained from his face. Little by little, he was dying. He swallowed painfully, the pain forcing the tears to fill his eyes. He gave Tom one last look, nodded, then quietly left the pilot's quarters. **** "Come back, Chakotay," Kathryn Janeway's voice broke through his reverie. "Kathryn?" he said as he stared at her in some confusion. Kathryn Janeway didn't speak. Instead, she raised her hand and gently wiped the tears from his face. His lips trembled as he stammered: "I love him, Kathryn..." "I know, Chakotay, I know," she consoled him, then threw her arms round his waist. He clutched convulsively at her, holding her tightly. "I love him," Chakotay whispered again. ***** Tom Paris stood at the entrance of the doorway through which he had seen Chakotay and Kathryn vanish about an hour ago. He wanted to speak to Chakotay. He stopped dead in his tracks as he watched Kathryn Janeway touch Chakotay's cheek, then hug him close to her. He saw Chakotay's arms enfolding the Captain, holding her so close that his lips rested against the top of her head. Tom's face contorted with pain as he looked at them. He suppressed it savagely, succeeding only in those few seconds to let it register as a bitter twist of the mouth. He gave a snort of disgust. By the time Tom Paris joined the rest of the throng in the hall, he was smiling again. **** END PART ONE TBC PART 2 MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER PART TWO “I’ll be flying the Salamander, B’Elanna,” Tom told her as they stood outside the hall. He had wanted to forget what he had seen outside in the garden, Chakotay hugging Kathryn to him. Now, he prepared to leave, go to his flat and drown in some well mellowed brandy from the family cellar. He looked at B’Elanna and saw the sceptical expression on her face. He swore under his breath. He could never fool her, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to hear any stab-in-the-heart truths from her. She could be so maddeningly direct sometimes. He just knew it when she twisted her mouth in that way that always made him think she knew everything but wanted him to come out and admit it. “What, no Voyager?” He sighed. The look was in her eyes, he knew it was pointless trying to fool her with his usual wise-cracking. He tried, though. “No, I need the change. I look forward to the challenge of flying another ship - “ “Liar.” “Huh?” “You heard me.” “Come on, B’Elanna. We’ve been on Voyager, what, five years. I’d say that’s long enough.” “Tom, why don’t you just come out and say it?” He tried to avert her gaze, but this was B’Elanna, with whom he shared a bed for a long time. She kept her gaze locked to his. She was not letting him get away. “There’s nothing to say, except I’m flying a new ship - “ “If you’re looking for sympathy, you’re not getting it from me, Tom.” “B’Elanna, I - “ “I’ve told you a hundred times not to worry about me.” There, it was out. She had thrown down the gauntlet. He could only respond with the truth. The truth? What was that? That he felt one hell of a lot guilty that he didn’t love B’Elanna anymore? The truth that what they had, however wonderful it was in the beginning, and fraught with making up and fighting and supporting and fighting and making up, was no more? He felt guilt that he could so easily, so smoothly drift away from a wonderful woman who had, he admitted, given him back his life. He owed her so much that not loving her anymore, made him damned and one hell of a lot guilty. Yeah, he sighed inwardly. B’Elanna hit right on the mark. Moreover, she hit on that other, even more painful truth. One that he wasn’t ready to admit to, one that he wasn’t willing to give any credence to. He hated himself. “You know I am, B'Elanna. You know how - “ “Guilty you feel?” This time, Tom did look away. He stared at the ground, frowned heavily as he realised she was waiting for him to speak. “I - don’t know what to say,” he lied. “How about, ‘B’Elanna, I’m running away from the truth’?” “Yeah, how about that?” he asked bitterly. “You are, you know.” He held her arms, held her quite close to him. “Look at me, B’Elanna. I’ve lived with you for a long while. We’ve had some earth-shaking sex - no, scratch that - some earth-shaking lovemaking. My life was so entwined with yours, I’ve never considered, even for a second, that I could - that I could - ” “- want another man in the same way that you’ve wanted a woman?” Tom looked at her, and in the late afternoon sun, his eyes were deeply troubled. He looked away again. “Dear God, yes,” he admitted softly. “I’m not proud of it, B’Elanna.” “Then how about it being a normal thing, Tom? Normal!” He looked at her again, this time he spoke with great emphasis: “Listen, B’Elanna, first, I have these feelings which are so totally alien to me, it’s as if I’m another person. I - my life has turned upside down. I don’t know who I am, or whether this is ‘normal’ for *me*. I just know that this is what I feel. I feel it deep, in here,” he said as he pointed to his chest. “How, Tom? Like you’ve felt towards me, like the way we’ve made love sometimes that made me cry?” “I - I never t-thought that - that he could evoke these feelings in me, B’Elanna. I feel - I feel like my body is incomplete, there’s a part of me - half of me! - that needs fulfilment. When I see him, hear his voice, his footsteps, every nerve in my body is awake and vibrating. It’s totally terrifying and at the same time the most exciting thing that I feel. I don’t know how to explain it - “ “No, you don’t, Tom, because I understand. You need Chakotay. Period.” “Maybe, B’Elanna - “ Tom said, then added when he saw her fierce expression that told him to be honest with her, “Okay, I need him. Yeah, I need him.” Tom paused, his eyes very blue, yet so troubled, “I don’t know if it is me, you know. Whether I should follow my instinct - “ “Then act on it, Tom. You are right now the unhappiest man I’ve seen, and so is Chakotay. Why are you punishing yourself so?” “Because, even though I feel it, I don’t know if it is what I want, sweetheart.” B’Elanna smiled when he used his old endearment for her. She didn’t mind, to Tom she would probably always be ‘sweetheart’ It established in her mind the fact that even though she and Tom were no longer lovers, and no longer in love, she would always be his friend, and strangely, someone he still cared deeply about. She felt immeasurably good about that. She smiled for the first time at him, a gentle, kind smile. “Tom, you’ll never know until you face him.” “He’s still in love with the Captain, if you must know.” “Bullshit.” “I - I saw them, B’Elanna, out in the gardens.” “Have you ever thought, you nitwit, that Chakotay might be crying on her shoulders? He’s in love with you, Tom,” B’Elanna said quietly, seeing how distressed Tom looked. “B’Elanna,” Tom sighed, “it’s not for me...” “You can’t deny your body’s need, Tom. You cannot deny yourself.” “I - “ “You once, in your sleep, called his name, did you know that?” Tom appeared shocked. “No lies, Tom. This isn’t the time for it. But we were already becoming just too comfortable with one another, and not nearly as passionate as we used to be.” “B’Elanna, for God’s sake - “ “It’s true. I accepted that a long time ago, and I’m sorry if it’s taking you so long, but he’s on your mind all the time.” "It's not - " “You were caressing me - you must have been dreaming - and you called his name.” “Dammit, B’Elanna.” “Your body is screaming for him, Tom.” “No!” “Yes, Tom. Admit it and accept it. It’s a part of you, and will remain so forever.” “B’Elanna,” Tom said finally as he pulled her into his embrace, “I don’t know why I’m fighting this. Perhaps it’s because I’ve seen them together. I wanted to talk to him, you know.” “Yeah, that’s why you looked so pale and bitter and hauled me out here so you could make him think it’s still me you want.” “Dammit, B’Elanna.” “Don’t damn me, Tom,” she said quickly. He had the grace to look apologetic. “And for the sake of great Kahless, don’t feel guilty!” “I’m sorry. I’m just in knots inside, you know that.” “You love him, Tom.” He looked into the distance, unwilling to meet her penetrating gaze. It came out, the finally admission, soft, a whisper really: “Yeah...” Tom felt how the admission left him drained, how all the tension flowed from him. He hadn’t wanted to give in to his feelings, hadn’t wanted to acknowledge any of it, and that last night, on Voyager, when Chakotay came to see him, the kiss had been the most exhilarating he had experienced. He tingled even now, just thinking about it. “What are you going to do about it, Tom?” she asked. “I don’t know, B’Elanna. I don’t know. At the moment, I just want to be away from him. There are too many things I need to think through...” “Look, if it will help, I’ll keep an eye on him for you - “ “B’Elanna! You’re no one’s nurse-maid. He doesn’t need looking after.” “Good. That’s at least something you acknowledge about him, other than that his life belongs to you...” “Oh, that...” “Yes, that, Tom.” ********* Chakotay waited for B’Elanna to enter the hall again, before he moved outside to where Tom was still standing, apparently deep in thought. he thought as he approached the pilot, who looked so resplendent in his dress uniform that Chakotay swallowed, his eyes riveted to Tom’s physique. Tom appeared a little pale, his hair just slightly blown from the light breeze that had sprung up. Tom looked at him when he heard Chakotay’s footsteps. Somehow he had just sensed it was Chakotay. Every fibre and nerve seemed to be tuned to the Commander’s presence. “Chakotay...” “Tom, if you’ll listen to me - “ “There is nothing I want to say, Commander,” Tom said, addressing him by his rank, a clear indication that he wanted to keep whatever contact there was between them, on an official footing. It wasn’t lost on Chakotay. “All I ask, Tom, that you at least consider it.” “Consider what, Commander?” he asked bitingly, “that I whore myself to you?” Chakotay closed his eyes and felt a stab of pain. That Tom should reduce what was happening - what he couldn’t deny happening - to something obscene and base... He felt all his resolve slipping, a look of resignation in his pain-filled eyes. “Don’t demean what I feel for you, Paris. It’s - “ “Oh, beautiful and compassionate and loving?” “Dammit, Paris!” Chakotay gave up. It was no use. He stood close to Tom, taking in the way Tom’s hands shook, the angry look of denial in Tom’s eyes, the unwilling attraction he knew he could sense in the younger man. Sighing, Chakotay finally acquiesced. “Okay, Paris, I’ll not bother you again.” He walked closer to Tom, touched his arm and made Tom look at him. “Don’t feel any guilt, Tom. I had those feelings too, until I realised it was futile to fight it.” Black eyes stared into the bluest pair of eyes. Tom’s lips trembled slightly as he witnessed the passion with which Chakotay spoke. “Whether you will ever stop fighting it, Tom, is up to you alone - “ “I’m not interested, Chakotay,” Tom blurted quickly. “Fine, then let me tell you something, Tom Paris. Somewhere, sometime, I fell in love with you - “ Chakotay stopped as he watched how Tom’s eyes close at his admission, but he bore on, “yes, I love you, Tom Paris. There’s nothing I can do about it. I just know it’s eating into me, and it’s so much a part of me that I shall probably never, ever be free of you. I’m telling you this now, so that you know, Tom. You have in many more ways than just saving my life that day in those damned tunnels on Ocampa, my life in your hands. My life in your hands. Do you understand?” Tom stared in mute shock at Chakotay, at the Commander’s impassioned plea. He was rooted to the spot and any movement he wanted to make, any move at all that would have been spurred by an unbearable desire to cry in Chakotay’s arms, stilled through his own inability to move from that shocked state. “Do you understand, Tom?” Chakotay repeated, then said finally, before he turned on his heels to enter the hall again: “My life belongs to you.” ************* END PART TWO TBC PART 3 MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER PART THREE “She’s yours, Tom,” Admiral Paris told his son. “The girls haven’t shown any interest after they married.” “What, they never felt the urge to hoist the sails?” “If they did, they’re not in the mood for it now,” the old man said. “They see off-world travel, and most particularly Risa, as the tourist havens.” Admiral Paris said ‘Risa’ with a great air of distaste, as if he couldn’t understand why Eileen and Penny could enjoy something else more than burning on the open sea. Tom wanted to laugh at his father’s indignation. Try as he might, when they were children, the girls had minds of their own, and surprisingly, in this age of gender equality, his father’s attempts to draw all his children into sailing, didn’t rub much on his daughters as it did on Tom. “I see,” Tom said, trying to stifle his laughter. He was getting to know a different Admiral Paris, one who was willing to admit that he had made mistakes too. “She needs a little work, Tom. Some painting and the like.” Tom felt delirious with anticipation at having the family yacht, and using some genuine elbow grease to potter around on it, gave him goose bumps. “Don’t worry, Admiral - “ “Tom...” “Okay... Dad,” Tom said, smiling. He wasn’t going to ask whether the family yacht was a peace offering. He was certain it wasn’t. His father had never been into buying affection. He had never been into buying anything, Tom thought ruefully. His father spared him as little as he spared Tom’s fellow cadets. With hindsight, Tom realised that his father, always austere, always too much the officer, could never bring himself to be as open as his children wished. It wasn’t a strength, he thought, but rather a failing, one which created dissent between father and son for too long. It was good to know that Admiral Owen Paris was indeed a man with failings. He didn’t realise his father had been staring at him until he heard the older man speak. “You can ask your First Officer to crew for you...” Tom felt his neck hair rise. He turned a little cold, and he was aware that the warmth that crept up his neck to his face was showing as a blush. A blush that had to signify to Owen Paris that he had hit on some sensitive spot. The old man could have said any other names, like B’Elanna, Harry and Seven, Kathryn Janeway. But the way he said ‘First Officer’, that stood out as if it had to mean something special. “What’s that supposed to mean, Dad?” “Just what I said,” Admiral Paris replied. “Chakotay looks a very capable man, son. A man who could hoist the sails with you. He looks like he would be keen to join you...” “Dad...” “I’m not blind, Tom.” “You know.” “Do you expect me to stand in judgment?” Admiral Paris asked, his blue eyes so much like Tom’s, not missing anything. He could see Tom’s startled reaction, although he admitted that Tom showed very little of it. But he knew in the way Tom’s hands clenched and unclenched, that his son was doing some serious denying. “No, but - “ “But what, Tom?” “It’s not what I want, Dad.” Owen Paris looked at his son, his youngest child, and wished for once that he could knock some sense in Tom. Instead, he sighed. He had done enough meddling in Tom’s life before, creating what he thought was unbridgeable chasms. What he had with his son now, was too precious to throw away. He didn’t want to ruin anything, he didn’t want to lose Tom again. What made Tom happy, made him happy, he realised belatedly. And Chakotay - Commander Chakotay, very soon to be Captain Chakotay if the latest boardroom grapevines could be believed - was the key to Tom’s happiness. “It’s your life, Tom. All I can tell you is that right now, I see you are unhappy.” “You’re right, Dad,” Tom said stiffly, then less angered as he saw his father’s pained expression, “it is my life, and at this moment, it’s not what I want.” Admiral Paris looked penetratingly at Tom before he said finally: “Well, good luck then, and congratulations on your commission, son.” Tom rose from his chair, took the proffered hand of his father. It was a firm handshake, one that held the promise of a new phase in their relationship. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll be back in two months to work on the yacht.” ********** "How is he, Doctor?" Kathryn Janeway asked as she looked at her desperate ill First Officer lying on the biobed. "He's allowed it to linger, Captain. I'm sorry," the doctor apologised. "He never reported to sickbay, Captain. He was found in his quarters, unconscious," the CMO added. Kathryn looked at Chakotay, and she could see his flamed skin tremble virtually with heat as the fever ravaged his body. He had been drifting in and out of consciousness since he was beamed into sickbay from his quarters. Now, he lay in a semi-conscious state, hardly breathing. To which the Doctor added a further distressing prognosis: "He's not fighting, Captain, in spite of all the medication that should have broken the fever earlier." Kathryn thought as she looked at her friend. He had once called out Tom's name, then slipped quietly into unconsciousness again. Two days later, Chakotay opened his eyes again, looking at Kathryn after struggling for long minutes to focus on her face. “I’m sorry, Kathryn,” Chakotay said where he was lying on the biobed in sickbay, looking ruefully at the Captain. “You are not normally a careless man, Chakotay,” she said with concern in her voice, “but this virus has lingered for a while. Why didn’t you see the Doctor earlier?” “Hey, I had work to do,” he said, trying to look away, but her hands cupped his cheeks. He had a raging fever, drifted in and out of consciousness the last few days. She held him, he couldn’t move. Chakotay closed his eyes. “You’ve been neglecting a lot of things lately, you know. You’ve lost an alarming amount of weight, and if I didn’t know you better, I’d say that you were on - “ “A diet?” “Yes,” she said firmly. “No way,” he said weakly. “Chakotay...” “Forgive me, Kathryn. I sound like a tired old man who - “ “misses someone he loves very much?” “I’m that obvious, huh.” “That obvious. Don’t be surprised, Chakotay, if - “ “I know B’Elanna called him, Kathryn. She was in here earlier. I don’t know...” Chakotay coughed painfully, his face contorting as he heaved. “Well, short of having to give him an order... But I’m not his captain, you know.” “Don’t you dare do that, Kathryn Janeway,” Chakotay pleaded, his eyes suddenly bleak. “Then fight this, Chakotay. I need my first officer on his feet.” But Chakotay had slipped into a coma again. Kathryn looked at him, and was glad he couldn’t see the compassion in her eyes. He would hate it, she knew. But the virus he picked up when they were shipping medicines to one of the Darkin System’s outposts deep in the Gamma Quadrant, had all but depleted his strength. The illness rocked him, and he gave up fighting. She wished Tom were here to see what he had driven this once strong man to. She wished Tom were here that he could see how Chakotay suffered. Her first officer had in the last months become quiet, retiring, speaking very little of his troubles with her. Not that she didn’t know or understand, but Chakotay had begun to suppress every instinct he had when it came to Tom Paris. For a while it looked as if he succeeded. Then he became ill, and every wall he built around him, every iota of longing that was in him for Tom Paris, surfaced again with thunderous force. Chakotay had been unable to fight his illness. She sighed. It was terrible seeing this strong man so very ill. “Perhaps he should take a long vacation,” the Doctor ordered. The doctor was unaware of Chakotay’s personal problems, and Chakotay’s lack of will to fight and get better, baffled him. ********* The sickbay was at 20% illumination. The doctor had given his patient his medication and was preparing to go off duty, leaving Nurse Greer with Chakotay. He had just reached the sickbay doors when a person barged through. “Hey, watch where - “ The Doctor looked at the stranger who strode right past him without greeting, and followed him to Chakotay’s bed. “Who are you?” the Doctor asked swiftly. “Lieutenant-Commander Tom Paris, of the Federation vessel Salamander.” “How did - “ the Doctor attempted again, but Tom merely asked: “Could you leave me with the patient, please, Doc?” There was a note of authority in Tom’s voice, but the Doctor thought it sounded more like a note of desperation. He sighed, knowing that he’ll get the answers from the Captain. “Nurse...” Doctor Meissner beckoned her, and the two of them left the sickbay to leave Tom with Chakotay, who happened at that moment to be the only patient in sickbay. ******** “Come on Chakotay, you can do it,” Tom coaxed. He was sitting in a chair next to the bed, and leaned over the sick man, with Chakotay’s hand held firmly in his own. Chakotay stirred slightly, and tried to move his head towards the voice, a voice that kept on crooning and comforting and coaxing him awake. Tom heard his moan, relieved that Chakotay was regaining consciousness. He had been slightly demented when B’Elanna informed him via subspace that Chakotay was so ill. “Tom, he’s dying,” she said desperately, herself on the point of angry tears. "He’s longing for you, and he’s never said anything. He would walk away every time your name came up in conversation. You told me once his life belongs to you, Tom. He - “ “B’Elanna, I’ll be there.” She had given him an angry look and said: “You’d better be here, Tom. Even if afterwards... if things still don’t - “ “Sweetheart, don’t worry,” he has said firmly, still a little in shock that Chakotay was so desperately ill. It was the watershed moment Tom thought, when he heard the news. He knew that whatever he wanted to do for his future, whatever he wanted to be, was impossible if he couldn't share it with the one man whose image burned in his memory since that day at Headquarters a year ago. Chakotay stole quietly into his life and gave him little peace. He had no peace, and in the past year, fighting and losing against his body's need, he gave in. He thought Chakotay didn't want him anymore, especially after his cruel words... “Hey, Chakotay...” he breathed softly to his former first officer, “I missed you...” Tom’s heart thudded as he watched Chakotay’s eyes move under the closed lids. The Warrior was about to wake up... **** His mouth felt dry, he was thirsty, and so his voice, when he tried to speak, came as a croak. “Tom...” “Shhh...” came Tom’s voice again. Chakotay thought he was dreaming. Then he felt a cool sponge pressed again his lips. He sucked at it and felt the balm of the water, soothing and quenching. “Tom...” he croaked again, and this time Chakotay opened his eyes very slowly. He struggled to focus and after a few minutes, stared into Tom’s blue eyes. “Good, you’re awake at last,” Tom said softly as he held Chakotay’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Chakotay wondered, at the same time the happiness bursting through his fever ravaged body. Tom looked at his friend - for that’s what they were, at least - and noted Chakotay’s fevered eyes, the lips that moved as he struggled to speak. Tom gripped the sick man’s hand even harder as he himself was overcome. Chakotay looked very ill, and he had never seen the great man so weak. “Chakotay...” Tom groaned as he bent over and brushed his lips against Chakotay’s lips. It was a soft, feather-light like touch, yet it ignited a spark in Tom so quickly that he could feel the fire rage through his body. Tom thought with agonising insight. The entire journey here, flying in one of the Salamander’s type 9 shuttles that could reach maximum warp, was a harrowing pilgrimage to the man lying here, a man with whom his life had become entwined. Inextricably so. Tom had been deeply distraught, worried out of his mind that he might be too late, or that Chakotay might not want to see him. His hand moved without volition to the tattoo on Chakotay's forehead, caressing the lines softly, willing the Warrior, as he he come to think of Chakotay, to open his eyes again. Chakotay sighed as he felt Tom’s lips on his. How he had longed for this, how he had longed to see Tom as last. Now Tom was here, and he wondered... “Why...have...you...come, Tom?” he asked with some difficulty. Tom looked long at the sick man, then kissed him tenderly again, reveling suddenly at the freedom with which he could do so. He felt an immense boulder lift from him, and almost laughed with happiness. Then he graced Chakotay with his most beautiful smile. “Did you think I could leave you, Chak?” “I stopped hoping, Tom, yet... I longed for you...” “It wasn’t easy, Chakotay,” Tom admitted slowly, never taking his eyes off Chakotay, and he caressed the sick man’s cheeks, grazing Chakotay’s lips with his thumb, in a gesture so intimate that he could not prevent his eyes from misting over. “I know, Tom. I understand. I - I am glad you are here...” “Get better, Chak. We have things to do...” Tom said enigmatically, then smiling at Chakotay’s confusion. “What - “ “I must get back to my ship, I’m afraid, I can’t stay - “ “I understand, Tom. You don’t need to apologise...” Chakotay’s disappointment was so acute that Tom kissed him fiercely, feeling the exhilaration as Chakotay’s mouth opened under his. He deepened the kiss, and sick as he was, Chakotay sighed as Tom's tongue moved and probed his mouth. “I love you, Tom,” Chakotay croaked at last when they broke off the kiss. Chakotay managed a smile that made Tom’s heart thud wildly. How he had dreamed of seeing those dimples again. “Chakotay," Tom said tenderly, "it’s my life that belongs to you.” ************ END PART THREE TBC PART 4 MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER PART FOUR When Chakotay opened his eyes again, Kathryn Janeway was looking at him, a relieved look in her eyes. "Good to see you awake, Commander," she said, smiling as she rested her palm against his shoulder. "Tom, he was here, Kathryn," Chakotay responded, not replying to her statement. Chakotay's eyes were clear, the fever had broken and he had slept fitfully for several hours. Although he still felt clammy and quite ill, he was able to half raise himself. But Kathryn pushed him gently back again. "Hey, take it easy, Chakotay. You're not out of the woods yet," came her admonishment. "He was here, Kathryn. I - I'm not dreaming, am I?" Kathryn's face broke into a generous smile as she gave him the assurance he so needed. "Yes, he was here, Chakotay - " Chakotay's eyes closed again as he took in the news, the assurance that he didn't dream of Tom's lips resting on his, that he didn't imagine his own mouth opening under Tom's insistent tongue. He felt like crying. Everything he dreamed of in the last year, everything he hoped, must have come true. He was feeling as if he wanted to float somewhere; he could feel every burden, every boulder that rested so heavily on him, roll away from him. He thought of his despair that he could never find fulfilment with Tom Paris, his despair that he would die a lonely man, not alone, but lonely. It ate at him, every minute and nanosecond of every day he was serving on Voyager in the last year: the great loneliness. Most of the time he remembered Tom's bitter words: "Are you expecting to whore myself to you?" Most of the time those words were the deterrent that brought him up short whenever he thought to contact Tom again. He couldn't help himself. He had little pride in the last year. Little pride, little hope and a lot of anguish and despair. Now he remembered a feather-light kiss against his lips, a thumb grazing his lower lip, he remembered a hand clasping his so tightly that he thought it would never let him go. Mostly he remembered Tom saying: "It's my life that belongs to you..." "He said - he said his life belongs to me, Kathryn," Chakotay whispered hoarsely, unable to keep the tears from seeping through his closed eyelids. Chakotay felt Kathryn's hand brushing away the wetness from his cheek. When he opened his eyes at last, Kathryn breathed a sigh of relief. His eyes were different, not overly happy and overjoyed, not bursting with a bright sheen of tears. It was something that was a rare privilege to witness. Almost, almost she felt jealous that she could never put that look there. Perhaps those opportunities were lost because she had been too busy to notice, because she had been too absorbed in being the Captain of Voyager. No, never had Chakotay graced her with such a look. It wasn't so much that she could count the dark flecks in his already dark pupils, or the slight dilation of those pupils. It was not the colour, but the texture. If one's eyes could ever have a texture, Chakotay's eyes had it now, in these moments. There was a deep sense of peace that rested there that she could almost touch. It was as if he looked at her with different eyes. She could literally see how the restfulness settled in him, how peaceful he became. Her own eyes welled with tears as she looked at him. She squeezed his shoulder, bent over and kissed his cheek. When she straightened up again, she said softly: "Then you know he will never leave you again, Chakotay." "No, he won't this time, Kathryn. I guess he had some demons to wrestle too." "Well, Commander, I order you to take it easy. You have a full three months leave due to you, before Voyager is all yours." "You'll not reconsider, Kathryn?" "It's time I'm based at Headquarters, Captain," Kathryn said easily, reminding him that he would be Captain soon. "And who's going to keep you company while I'm not there?" "I have my little pleasures, Chakotay." "Yeah...yes... a certain someone who happens to be ship's engineer?" "Captain's prerogative, Chakotay." "I know you too well, Kathryn." "Sleep, Chakotay. Tom will be calling you on subspace soon." She did not seem in the least put out that he knew of her pending liaison with B'Elanna. "Thank you, Kathryn. For everything." "Hey, I did nothing. But I'm glad Tom saw some sense." "He did, didn't he?" Chakotay said, before he closed his eyes and drifted into sleep again. Kathryn bent over and kissed his forehead, glad that Chakotay has finally found his life's mate. ******** The first person Chakotay saw when he beamed down from the Orbital Station, was Tom Paris waiting at the edge of the transporter pads. The large hall where transports were in progress every half minute was not too big for Chakotay's eyes to fix instantly on Tom as he rematerialised. Tom smiled broadly, but he did not move from where he was standing. He wanted to see Chakotay walk towards him, wanted to take in the image of the man who had been deadly ill not a month ago, who walked with such purpose in his direction. Chakotay had lost a considerable amount of weight, he noticed, but the beloved face did not change. The smile was there, and those damned dimples that was Tom's undoing every time he thought of Chakotay. "Tom." "Hey, Chak. I'm glad you're here," Tom said with a jovial air, but the passion, his incessant desire was lying just beneath the surface of that joviality. Chakotay threw his duffel down and stood for a few seconds taking in Tom's physique, his familiar smile, the eyes that shined. Tom held out his hand, and thought immediately what a foolish thing it was to do when all he wanted was to... Chakotay did it. The Warrior hugged him, and mindless of curious bystanders, Tom thought for a second he wanted to lay his head against Chakotay's incredibly strong and broad shoulders. "You may, Tom," Chakotay whispered as he read Tom's intent. Tom sighed as he felt Chakotay's arm embracing him, a contented sigh that soon turned his body on fire as he took in the Warrior's cologne, his aftershave, his masculine smell. "Oh, God, Chak, I want to make love to you..." Chakotay pushed him away, looked around him and asked: "Here?" His eyes creased with merriment he felt in these moments. Tom laughed, a clear, bright laugh that Chakotay hadn't heard in years. Tom, he could see, was relaxed... happy. "It can wait. But just barely, I warn you, Chak," Tom laughed as they, arms on shoulders, walked from the transporters towards where their hover-car was waiting. Chakotay felt the relief flow through him. Tom was his, his alone. The former pilot of Voyager had taken a long time to come to terms with what he always felt was an illicit love for another man. But the intervening weeks after Tom had been to see him on Voyager, when the pilot communicated regularly via subspace with Chakotay, he talked long and hard, open and intimate. He opened up to Chakotay and admitted things he never would have before. Once Tom had accepted that his mind had to listen to his body, he became suave, inventive, a lover such as Chakotay had dreamed of. He smiled. They had often, when they talked - ship to ship on subspace bands, made love. It sounded strange, but Tom's voice and his coaxing words often had Chakotay stroking himself, frustrating himself no end as Tom talked him into an orgasm. He would scream Tom's name, then sigh deliciously as he imagined Tom licking him. And Tom. The great spirits be with him. Tom quivered whenever he talked in soft, suggestive tones, allowing the pilot to imagine Chakotay right there with him on the Salamander. They were lurid and suggestive images that had Tom quaking with pleasure and in turn screaming Chakotay's name. "We'll be good together, Tom, you'll see," he would tell Tom over the light-years, as beads of perspiration settled on his brow after both men had worked themselves into orgasms. "I want to kiss every line of your tattoo, Chak." Tom had taken to calling him Chak soon after he had been on Voyager, his voice alone enough to give Chakotay the will to fight his illness. They were quiet in the hover-car though, not talking, each occupied with his own thoughts. Chakotay wondered at the surprise Tom had for him. It was one thing he could, in the last month, not get out of Tom. But that was Tom. He had plied B'Elanna with surprises when he and B'Elanna were still lovers. They stopped at the Bay. Chakotay knew Tom's parents had their apartment here in San Francisco. He wondered whether he was to be introduced to them, although he knew the Admiral in his official capacity. "Well, here we are," Tom said, looking at Chakotay. They alighted from the craft, and Chakotay looked pensively at the vanishing vehicle, then turned his gaze to the promenade and jetty. A large fleet of yachts lay anchored there. "Don't tell me. We're taking a vacation on one of those?" Tom looked at him, pulled his head closer and kissed Chakotay fiercely. Both were breathing hard as they broke off the kiss. Chakotay could feel his body instantly responding, every nerve in readiness as they waited to be assuaged by Tom's lovemaking. He groaned as he looked at Tom's mouth, the way Tom's tongue snaked out to lick his lower lip. He was teasing, teasing, and it drove Chakotay mad with need. What was he thinking? On the way here, the air crackled with electricity between them, and a touch alone would have ignited a small spark into a bright flame of passion. It was difficult to keep his hands off the helmsman. "Yeah," Tom said lazily, his eyes heavy with desire, yet he kept his passion in check long enough for him to pull Chakotay closer again, just to feel the big man's body melt against his. "You know, Tom, for someone who denied his - " "Shhh..." Tom admonished softly, "not a word, Chak." "I love you, Tom," Chakotay threw that in, just to watch Tom's eyes blaze with passion again. With magnificent restraint both men looked at the jetty, walking slowly to the small walkway where Tom stopped eventually. "Here she is, Chakotay." Chakotay stared and stared and stared. If he thought that Tom had just rented one of these yachts for the two of them to have their vacation on, then all thought fled as he looked at the yacht's starboard bow. There, on her side, painted in glorious ice-blue, the yacht's name. "It's your boat, Tom?" Chakotay's words, soft, filled with awe, sounded at once like a question and a statement. "No, Chak. Not mine. She's ours." "Tom?" "I mean for us to be together always, Chakotay," Tom whispered as his arm went round Chakotay's shoulder. He felt Chakotay's hand go round his waist, pulling him tightly closer to him. "She's ours?" Chakotay, still bemused, asked. "What, my beloved, you don't believe me?" "God, Tom..." "Ours, Chakotay. I want to share everything with you. Including this fine lady," Tom said, smiling again as he leaned in to kiss Chakotay. "It's why I called her the - " "Sky Spirit..." ******* END PART FOUR TBC PART 5 MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER PART FIVE. "Love me..." Tom pleaded as Chakotay's mouth found a hard nipple. He shirt had been removed with excruciating slowness by Chakotay, whose large hands blazed along Tom's fair skin as the shirt fell from him. Already Tom's erection pressed against Chakotay, and he pushed into the Warrior. The Warrior held him still, warned him not to be impatient. "Shhh... let me love you..." Chakotay whispered as he trailed his tongue all over Tom's skin, the salt tingling as his tongue roved and found every spot where he knew Tom would groan his pleasure. They were in the cabin below the deck, and Chakotay would always wonder just how Tom had managed to get the large bed in there. Chakotay pressed his mouth over the hard nipple and rolled his tongue over it, making Tom squirm deliciously. Tom's head was thrown back, and he was breathing short, low gasps that sucked suddenly as Chakotay bit into the nipple. "For God's sake, Chak..." "Soon..." Chakotay promised as his hands cupped Tom's bulge. Tom cried out, wanting Chakotay to relieve him from the pain of his erection. "Feel here, Tom," he commanded, guiding Tom's hand to his crotch. It was rock hard, causing Tom to gasp loudly, before he sank down to his knees, pulling Chakotay's trousers down. Tom moaned as Chakotay's cock sprang free, bobbing heavy and thick, the tip engorged and burning. Tom's mouth found his mark as he covered the tip, moaning again as he enjoyed the heat of it. Chakotay stood still, his hands caressing Tom's fair head. "Yes, oh, yes..." he coaxed as Tom suckled delicately at first, the glistening drops rolling down the pilot's tongue. "Yes..." Chakotay breathed again as he threw his head back and allowed Tom to suck him. Tom's hands grasped his cock, and he held it away from him, only to aim it towards his mouth again. "You can do it, Tom..." the Warrior encouraged as he felt his cock sliding into Tom's hot mouth, the tip lying for a second on the pilot's tongue. And oh, so slowly, Chakotay thought he'd die of the intense sensations of needle-sharp shards of pleasure, he felt Tom pushing his cock deeper and deeper into his mouth. Tom's hands pulled against Chakotay's buttocks, and the Warrior could hear Tom's groan of pleasure as his flesh slid down the pilot's throat. He had dreamed too many nights of doing just this to Tom, but the reality exceeded the dream by far as every vacant inch in Tom's mouth clamped around Chakotay's erect shaft. He filled Tom's mouth so perfectly, so perfectly... Tom caressed Chakotay's thighs, then pulled suddenly hard, his nails digging into the warrior's hammies. Chakotay gave a cry of victory as Tom indicated to him to thrust. "I love you, Paris," Chakotay cried hoarsely as tears spilled from him. He held Tom's head, and started thrusting into Tom's mouth, feeling the pilot's lips enclose the base of his cock, rubbing over the skin as the Warrior pulled out almost all the way, then slid in deeply. It was the most erotic lovemaking he experienced, his flesh moving in and out of Tom's burning, moist mouth, feeling the teeth grazing over the ridges of his penis. He wanted to go on forever, and he did thrust slowly in and out for long, endless minutes, with his whole body moving against Tom's head. He sighed and gasped and moaned with pleasure, and all the time the tears seeped through his closed eyelids. Tom held on to him and with the shifting pressure of Tom's hands, he knew when to thrust harder, go slower, pull out all the way and ram in again. He stood like that, his cock lodged deeply in Tom's mouth that seemed to work its own wonder on the tip of his cock. Tom would take little swallows that squeezed to tip into agonisingly delicious thrills that made Chakotay quiver as he moved. Tom's head was raised at such an angle that Chakotay moved smoothly, but the movements, as the Warrior built towards his orgasm, became frenzied as all he wanted to do now, was ram all the way down, in and out. Tom went all the way with him as the Warrior started pounding wildly, given the freedom to do so as Tom grabbed his buttocks and dug his nails in Chak's flesh. Chakotay moved with Tom, who caressed him, touched him all over with his hands as the older man's movements became so synchronised that Chakotay really had difficulty defining where he ended and Tom started. He was perspiring profusely as he grabbed Tom's hair finally in a painful tug, and released himself, his semen squirting from him in agonising bursts, hot and creamy down the back of the pilot's tongue. Chakotay pushed a few more times against his lover, every drop of fluid wanting to find a way down Tom's throat. Chakotay gave a final hard, painful thrust, screaming Tom's name as he found his mighty release. Seconds later, his hot tears dripped on Tom's hair as he held Tom against him, his cock still hard in Tom's mouth. He pulled out slowly, and Tom looked almost bemused and bereft as the organ left his mouth. He rose and stood against Chakotay. His mouth found the Warrior's mouth, and Chakotay needed no invitation as his mouth opened under Tom's. He groaned loudly as he tasted his fluid on Tom's lips. They gasped, nipped and bit, cried and groaned as they kissed. Tom's hands were on Chakotay's arms as he held his lover to him. Only then he looked into Chakotay's eyes. Tom ran his fingers through Chakotay's hair, brought his face close to the Warrior. "My mark," Tom said as licked all along the lines of Chakotay's tattoo, a slow, slow movement that had the older man weeping with love for Tom. "I love you, Tom," Chakotay whispered brokenly as Tom licked his face, his tears, trace the tattoo again with his tongue. "Shhh... my beloved, my warrior," Tom whispered as he continued caressing Chakotay in ways he never thought he'd have the courage to do. "I want you, Tom," Chakotay murmured as he felt himself hardening again. "I want you," he said again as Tom pressed Chakotay down, his hands pulling down his trousers. Chakotay looked at Tom's rock hard erection, the glans shining purplish. He stared for long moments, opened his mouth and took Tom with him to the heavens. Tom gave a long, long drawn out keening wail as his cock sank deep into his lover's mouth. He threw his head back, cried brokenly as the Warrior sucked him. "Chakotay!" came his agonised scream as months and months of pent up need burned through his body and found its outlet in the Warrior's hot, moist mouth. Minutes later Tom lay gasping on the bed after he spent himself. He floated for several more minutes languorously, Chakotay's large hands still caressing his penis. He was certain he had passed out, he didn't care. "Chakotay, I have never - " "Shhh... my love, there's more, Chakotay whispered dangerously as he flipped Tom on his stomach and raised him on his knees so that his buttocks presented themselves to Chakotay's already lube-filled hands. "Yessss!!!" came Tom's cry of joy as Chakotay's cock sank into him... ***** "Chakotay..." "Hmmm...?" "When will you get back?" Tom asked lazily where they lay together on THE IMPOSSIBLE BED, as Chakotay came to dub the air bed that filled up most of the cabin on the Sky Spirit. "As soon as I can, Tom," he assured his lover. It was a hot day, the typical hot, steamy days of summer, and their vacation had drawn to an unwilling end. "I'm taking Voyager into the Badlands -" "I know, Captain," Tom groaned. Chakotay smiled at his new designation. He badly wanted Tom with him on Voyager, not only to make love to him night after night, but to pilot the vessel through the raging plasma clouds the typified the Badlands. Still, Tom had wanted to make his own way. He was glad, in a way. He leaned over to kiss Tom, his mouth lightly brushing Tom's lips before the kiss deepened. Chakotay knew before many seconds were over, they would be making love again. Out on the open sea, crewing with Tom on this fine yacht had brought altogether new pleasures, and opened a new side of Tom to him. A carefree Tom who could dunk him into the ocean, dive in after him, then press his cock just where he knew Chakotay liked to be made love to. Chakotay had stopped counting the number of times he or Tom had clung to the overhanging ropes, while the other would press the buttocks wide and enter quickly, making love in the water while the warm waves lapped at them. They swam, ate meals from the Sky Spirit's state-of-the-art replicator, make furious love on the deck, not stopping until they were down in the cabin on the Impossible Bed, crying and biting, one gripping the other's hips and sometimes, not taking time to lubricate the sensitised anal rose, would charge up fast and not stop until both were spent. It was a glorious three months. "Hey, Chak..." "Hmmm..." "You're worried..." "You know." "Yes," Tom sighed. He knew every inch of Chakotay's body, knew what made the Warrior keen with intense and unbearable pleasure. He knew Chakotay. Period. And something bothered him. "I won't leave you, Chakotay," Tom said softly as he rested his head against the warrior's shoulder, idly twirling Chakotay's chest hair between two fingers. "I don't want this to end, Tom. I - I don't want *us* to end..." Tom raised himself on his elbow, and looked at Chakotay. The older man had a worried frown, and before Tom spoke again, he kissed Chakotay right on that frown. He elicited a smile, a wan smile that made Tom give a little sob of concern. "Chakotay, I love you..." "Beloved..." ******** END