IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager, Janeway, Chakotay.
PART ELEVEN
Sarah was near her time. For the first time in months Chakotay asked her to come to the young ensign's quarters.
She had been stressed, tired to the point of exhaustion, the persistent pain in her chest not going away. The previous night she had coughed blood and she had been shocked seeing it. She had replicated an antibiotic and injected herself with the hypospray. It offered some relief. Going to sickbay at this point wasn't an option. She didn't have the energy to grapple with the EMH about her general state of health. He had been baffled by her disinterest in the surrogate process and had been mostly concerned with the pregnant ensign's health.
And, he hadn't been pleased when Sarah had been admitted to sickbay with food poisoning, the evidence pointing to her as the culprit. Still, he had been forthcoming when she wanted to see the progress of the infant and had shown her scans. She had been struck with wonder and sadness at the same time and had forced the sadness away with mock joy at the way the baby was progressing.
Now she had been invited finally to see Sarah, but her apprehension grew with every step she took to the ensign's quarters. She didn't have the energy to fight her today. The pain had returned and hovered as a low, dull throb in her chest.
When she reached the cabin, she pressed the chime and seconds later she was standing inside Sarah Hargreaves's quarters. The first thing that struck her was the smell of baby powder, the smell that soon there would be a baby here.
Sarah was sitting on her couch, braced against Chakotay whose hands were on Sarah's stomach, massaging hands that made her want to cry out. It was a picture of serenity, the poignancy of father caring for his partner and happily doing her bidding as they prepare for the birth of their baby. She had prepared herself well, forced back the tiredness, the urge to cough.
"You asked to me come," she said, her voice friendly yet her heart hammered. What punishment were they going to dish out now?
"Good evening, Captain," Sarah said sweetly.
She nodded her greeting to them, avoiding looking at Chakotay. He shifted behind Sarah to seat himself next to her, but his hand still rested on her shoulder.
"Why have you called me?" she asked, wanting to rush out of the cabin. There was nothing for her here, no part in what was going to happen within the next two weeks.
"We have decided that we'd like for you to name the baby, Captain," Chakotay said quietly, his eyes defiant on her. Defiant and challenging.
It shocked her. They were finally making a concession to her? The name that had been in her heart and mind and conscious for so long, to be given to their baby? She had made up her mind that whatever they were going to name their child, in her heart the baby would forever be Elizabeth and God help her, the last name Janeway. Did Chakotay at last become a man and defied Sarah's demands? It was a wish that died instantly, for she had reached the point where she thought that Chakotay would never in creation believe her story about this woman and her crazed, malicious obsession. Sarah basked in Chakotay's attention, just the way she wanted it. They had everything now, hadn't they? What more could they want?
To punish her again?
"I have no personal interest - "
"Captain," Sarah Hargreaves cut in quickly, almost shyly, "I would dearly love you to have this honour."
"Chakotay," she replied after a lengthy pause, her eyes away from Hargreaves, "I thought we agreed that I would have no further part in this."
"This is our first child - "
"Elizabeth…"
"Kathryn?"
But she didn't stay to listen any further to them. She had given them the name and quickly left Sarah's quarters. She thought how Tom's mother would have been proud to know that she was naming her baby for the wonderful, compassionate doctor who, when they returned from their mission on the Cardassian borders, helped to restore her to humanity. Elizabeth Paris was a remarkable woman. Her husband had been tortured to near death, all manner of experiments performed on him too. Tom had been so young then, unable to understand why his father had changed to the stern, terse man who rarely showed emotion.
Kathryn Janeway and Owen Paris. They had both been emotional wrecks when they returned. Owen had refused counselling, hers didn't help much. But Elizabeth Paris, wonderful, wonderful woman took these two damaged individuals and brought them both back from the brink of the abyss.
In eternal gratitude, her baby was going to be Elizabeth.
Back in her quarters she sat down at her vid-com, brought up the files for her baby and entered into the programme that her baby was going to be Elizabeth Janeway.
They were approaching Borg space, and Seven of Nine and Icheb were industrious in their preparations for this encounter. They could be home in minutes, or they could be destroyed. Her new friends kept her spirits up, though. Marla had visited her again, as did Dalby and Ayala. Chakotay never came to her quarters, opting to see her in her ready room where they discussed crew matters.
Another bout of coughing caused her to bend over with pain. She hardly realised that her door had chimed and when her visitor eventually stood in front of her, had no time to greet, for she heard vaguely a call to sickbay.
When she came to, she was lying on the biobed with a concerned Marla Gilmore standing next to the doctor whose face creased with concern.
"Why didn't you come earlier, Captain? You have neglected a bronchial condition for months, it seems."
"I am fine, Doctor. Let me get up here - "
"Captain, you're not well," said Marla. "Please, listen to Doctor."
"I have a ship to run."
"Commander Chakotay - "
"Has his own duties, Doctor. I feel much better now. Thank you," she said, sitting up on the bed.
"Captain, you are developing a chronic obstructive airways disorder. If I don't give you the proper treatment, it will recur. You - "
"That will be all, Doctor."
The sickbay doors opened and they turned to see who had come in. Chakotay strode towards them.
"Kathryn, you're ill, why didn't you tell me?"
"Marla, shall we go?" she said to the former Equinox lieutenant, ignoring Chakotay and the doctor.
"Kathryn, please, what is the matter?"
"Nothing that a hypospray couldn't cure, Commander. I have to go to the bridge. Don't worry, I'm not going to die on you."
By the time she was back in her quarters, Marla looked at her with some concern.
"I'd say you handled that well, Captain."
Kathryn gave a mirthless laugh.
"I have to get my crew home, Marla. I can't allow myself to get distracted. My job is this ship and the community of officers and crewmen who rely on my discipline to get them one step ahead of any hostile engagement. I - "
"Yes, Captain?" Marla asked.
"Am lying to myself."
"That's just what I thought."
"Well, I don't expect Commander Chakotay to come barging in here."
"I hear they're naming the baby Elizabeth. A rare concession to you, I understand."
"Is that why you came here earlier?"
"Well, no. I just thought you might like some company."
"Thank you. If it weren't for you all..."
"You're welcome. Now, please, look after yourself, will you?"
"I will, Doctor Gilmore!"
***************
Captain's log - Stardate : 550770
Today,
at 1700 a baby girl was born to Commander Chakotay and his partner Ensign Sarah
Hargreaves. The baby is in good health and weighed 2.75 kg, according to the
EMH, just below the average weight for babies. They have decided to name the
baby Elizabeth Kathryn.
end log.
Kathryn stared at the official entry of the event. Her heart felt empty, devoid of the high emotion of the previous day. Still shell-shocked, she tried to wipe out the images in sickbay. She had gone there when Sarah had gone into labour. The doctor had welcomed her, finally accepting that she wasn't planning on killing the infant. He was jovial, in total contrast to her own warring emotions. She had carried Elizabeth almost two months herself and sometimes it felt to her as if the baby was still growing in her.
But it was Sarah Hargreaves who had become hysterical when Kathryn arrived.
"Don't let her come here, please."
"Ensign," the EMH replied as he pressed the hypospray against her neck, "Captain Janeway deserves to be here. It is uncharitable not to allow her to witness the birth of her child - "
"She gave the baby to us. That's what."
"She is still the genetic mother, Ensign, a fact which can never be denied or forgotten. Captain Janeway stays."
Sarah had looked with pleading eyes at Chakotay.
"Are you going to let her stay here?" she asked, her voice clearly sounding that she desired the opposite.
Chakotay looked at Kathryn, his eyes inscrutable. What was he thinking? She prepared herself for the worst, the way her heart would stop pounding in anticipation of his response. The baby was her blood, her flesh and blood. She was never going to have a share in her upbringing. It was her own fault. She deserved what was happening to her. She didn't want to be pregnant, didn't want the baby. No matter that her body screamed in denial.
She sighed.
"It's okay. I'll leave."
"Captain, it's not right," the EMH started. Kathryn thought how ironic his statement was. "Stay. It's your child being born."
"Kathryn, please stay."
Chakotay's voice had been soft, dull in the way he consented to her request.
She wanted to burst into tears then, and in the next few hours during Sarah's labour, assisted where she could. At times she even held Sarah's hand when the contractions became severe. Sarah's eyes were on her then, filled with pain and surprise at the force of the contractions. Kathryn wanted to believe she saw the old Sarah Hargreaves, the friendly, shy ensign who mostly blended into the bulkheads of Voyager. But this woman was capable of sending Kathryn to hell every time she threatened the unborn baby's life. This woman was unbelievably malevolent.
When the first cries of the baby sounded up, it was on Sarah's bosom the doctor lay the infant. Kathryn closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, found Chakotay looking at her. Not a word spoken between them. Kathryn imagined Chakotay was saying 'thank you.'
She took one last look at the freshly born baby, Elizabeth, with her eyes still closed, her body still bloodied. Kathryn thought she saw the baby's hair the colour of her own. She thought she saw the baby's eyes the shape of her own. Tiny, tiny, infant, still tied to Sarah by her umbilicus.
But mine...
No one spoke a word. If they were considering protocols, what were they? That Kathryn take the baby and hold it to her bosom? That Sarah hold the baby to her and not let Kathryn touch it? That Chakotay could allow Kathryn to place her hand on the baby's wet body as an acknowledgement of her presence and her part in it?
Finally:
"Kathryn..."
"You got what you wanted, Chakotay. Please, please...take good care of her..."
Then she turned and quietly left sickbay.
*********
END PART ELEVEN