The
doors to her quarters slid open noiselessly. It was not true of course, but the
low hum and barely audible bustle on the ship created a sense
of silence as Kathryn entered. He watched her keenly; there was a lightness to
her step, and her smile was wondrously light. She
had not been this happy before. It was in her movements, her gestures, the
heightened colour in her cheeks.
He
had been waiting for her to return to their quarters after she had been in
consultation with Admiral Paris. The afternoon had been a whirl of excitement
and making arrangements for Voyager's journey to Earth. His heart quickened a
beat when she stepped up to him and took his hands in hers.
"You're
happy. I can see," he said gently.
"I
am. We're almost home. After seven long years...we're almost home..."
"Home..."
he repeated her breathless words.
"Oh,
Chakotay!" Kathryn cried as she threw herself against him. She felt warm
and soft, and her body trembled a little; she
completely knocked his breath away. He stood stunned at the force of her
emotion, feeling how her arms clamped tightly around him as if she wouldn't let
him go. He was aware of her incredible softness, her perfume, the smell of her
hair. He wanted to press her gently away from him, remembering that they kept
separate beds. But memories of their renewed friendship, the warmth, the
camaraderie, the goodnight kisses, her caresses that he tried to ignore but
enjoyed with so much tenderness, came and swamped
him.
It
was impossible to push her away; Kathryn wormed herself against him, lifting her
head to look up into his eyes. She was beautiful, with her eyes large and smoky,
and her lips quivering. He didn't want to think whether she was waiting
for him to make the first move, or whether she
hesitated to move.
Who
cared?
There
were no winners, no losers. Just equal partners who recognised a terrifying,
searing hunger in one another and who rejoiced for once that all boundaries were
shattered in those moments. Kathryn's hand came up and he marvelled at
the way she concentrated on watching her fingers rise to touch his lips, how her
eyes followed the movement of her fingers. She wanted to focus on every spot
where her hands touched his face.
He
groaned, the sound an entreaty, a plea that she continue. Finally, unable to
curb his growing arousal, the thunderous beat of his heart or his heavy, deep
gasps for air, he pulled her into him, and let his fingers run through her hair,
her glorious, glorious hair.
The
whispers of endearments that tore from their throats were affirmed with sound. A
gasp, a soft moan, a cry from the heart. Fingers laced in her hair, pulled her
head back so that her long neck lay exposed, the lips parted as Kathryn waited
for his mouth to descend on hers.
It
was a simple touch, a benediction and a promise of what lay ahead as he lifted
her up in his arms and carried her to his bed. She clung to him, burying her
face in his neck. He wanted to die when her lips burned his skin.
He
had loved her for a long time. Almost, he had given up. Now, Kathryn lay on the
bed as she pulled him down with her, her hands working at opening his jacket,
removing his top. Her breathing came in shallow gasps and the temptation was so
great to touch her again that he cried out from
the frustration. Yet he knew that Kathryn needed to touch him in every way she
desired. So he endured the slow, slow torture as she removed his clothing. Her
hands moved across his chest, a tantalising torture of barely touching him, just
skimming over his skin. A breeze, hairs on his chest that suddenly quirked to
attention, his nipples aching from their heated need to be relieved.
No
words.
Yet
he knew the exact instant that Kathryn wanted him to touch her. She'd hardly
touched him, yet he experienced an excruciating pain of flesh touching flesh.
Already his skin felt damp, and when he heard a soft cry escape her as he
removed her jacket, he broke. His lips sought hers hungrily, plunging his tongue
into her mouth and tasting her sweetness. Light touches interspersed with little
gasps, claiming her upper lip between his,
licking, sucking, all just gentle, light touches that robbed him of his breath.
If anything, she became even softer, more pliant than he thought possible.
Her hand quickly caught his when he slipped his fingers in the top band of her
panty. Gently, she guided him as he kept stroking her thigh, finally sliding the
garment off her body.
She
pulled him up against her so that he lay snugly between her thighs, her
welcoming thighs, where
her heat and moistness burned and cooled at once. His fingers dipped
between them, investigating the source of the dampness... He groaned out loud
this time. She was soft, so wet that he thought he'd die of the sensation as his
finger gently stroked her slit. Then, impatiently
he removed his hand, caught her hair again and shifted so that Kathryn lifted
her hips for him. He thought instantly of afternoons thick with swirling clouds,
of mornings filled with flowered fields and the sun just touching the flower
heads. Images of mountains, of deep crevices, of what might be heaven and earth
fused into one entity, alive with sounds and
sensations of smell. He thought of an open ocean, waves so high they touched the
clouds. A storm in the process of its birth...
He
thought: Kathryn wants me...
I
love you, Kathryn... The
words tumbled about in his brain like a drowning man on the open seas. It seemed
Kathryn heard those words even though he never spoke them. If anything, her body
widened into intense receptiveness. She invited him, made him as if he were
home. All this he only felt, sensing with
humility that Kathryn's mind, heart and soul joined her body and rejoiced his
entry into her realm. In reality, all he knew was
that he nudged her core and slid deep inside her welcoming depths, with every
word his mind silently uttered, sinking in deeper and deeper until there was no
more space to move. He filled her completely and her flesh rallied around his
hardened shaft, lubricating him. He stared into her eyes, wide eyes that widened
even more as he started to thrust gently. Her momentary surprise quickly made
way for pure ecstasy. It was in her eyes, always her eyes. Kathryn did not
capitulate to his advances. She became a player, equally ferocious, equally
tender. Her hands were on his back, nails digging into his flesh, pain he never
felt as she scored him.
I
am dying... I cannot any more... It is too much.
The words were desperate pleas for a supreme release that hovered
cruelly, causing him to thrust harder as Kathryn arched, her hips bucking in
wild encouragement. Remember the words I
read you, my love...remember...
...in
this immensity
my
thoughts are drowned, and shipwreck seems sweet
to
me in this sea...
He
was losing his grip on reality. He was drowning, dizzily drifting away on a
stormy sea where he let the storm toss him madly, wildly. He didn't care. No
more was he aware that Kathryn was beneath him for she was part of him. He was
part of her. He had no idea where he was, except that he felt he was in the eye
of a storm.
Were
they two or were they one?
One
movement. One moment. One lifetime.
Forever.
The
waves tossed him like he was nothing and finally delivered him to the
mercy of the sandy shore. There he lay, sweet shipwreck, gasping,
thanking the spirits that he was still alive. Wet and alive. How did he come to
lie on his back? Did Kathryn's hands, gentle as a butterfly's touch, roll him on
to his back? How could he know? All he saw, when
at length he opened his eyes, was that she was staring down at him.
She
looked stormy. Beautiful and mussed and stormy. Her blue-grey eyes still
smouldered and her breathing was marking down time until it became even, less
gasping. Her lips were parted and if he could paint her in those moments, he
swore to the gods there would never be a paintbrush to transform his fevered
thoughts to canvas.
"We
begin here," she breathed, her hair falling forward so that he couldn't see
her eyes.
Weak
his arms and body were, still heavy in the aftermath of the storm, but he pulled
Kathryn to him and held her close, his fingers caressing her hair. Long they lay
that way, and from time to time he kissed her hair, her closed eyes...
Then
there was a sound, coming from afar...
The
intrusion came first as a thin whining sound, like the wail of a klaxon or alarm
sounding. Chakotay,
roused from his thoughts as he held Kathryn, came slowly awake. He looked around
him, felt the space next to him. There was nothing.
He
groaned, sat up in bed with his head in his hands.
"Kathryn...?"
"Kathryn..."
A
second later he cried out in pain. Like a white-hot metal rod, it poked his
brain, cleaved into its hemispheres, torturing him blind until he could endure
it no more.
Don't
think of Kathryn. Don't think of home...
Think
only of your place, slave. For here, only the night is yours where you may be
allowed to dream. I will determine how you think when you are awake, slave. Dare
you not think of home, of your beloved. You have a task...Your task is to serve
me...
Chakotay
rose sluggishly from the bed. He felt for the source of the pain; his fingers
touched a cold metal device attached to his temple. He knew its lights were
flickering red. He blanked out all thought of Kathryn, of the home they’d
shared, of their nights of love. Always the same dream, the first night they
made love. Always, the rude awakening when the claxon sounded. Then it was
morning. The pain dimmed until it subsided slowly. Although it simmered still in
his head, like an aftermath, he breathed a sigh of relief. Kathryn and home and
memories were now safely tucked away. They were there, and that was good enough
for him, for now. Now he could prepare for the day.
His
mind was clear, purged of his dream. For the moment he'd forgotten all that he'd
once known, that had been part of his life.
Kathryn
was no more.
****
"Do
you think, Maestro, that I will be able to perfect my sculpture?"
The
dark, thin man wrung his hands. Chakotay saw the ravages of pain on Kraf's face.
The normally sunken cheeks and beady eyes appeared deeper and darker and the
long furrows between Kraf's eyes knitted closer together. Kraf was enduring
pain, battling at the same time to curb his thoughts or focus them on something
else. A muscle in his jaw twitched and his lips were drawn thinly together. Kraf
was going to lose consciousness soon.
"Let
me be wise today and instruct you to harness all your thoughts into your
sculpture."
"Maestro,
I am not well - "
"See
here?" Chakotay pointed to the piece on the table. It glowed a luminescent
orange, the flower seeming to breathe. He touched the alien's shoulder and
steered him to look at the art work. Kraf stared, then after a few moments he
nodded. Chakotay expelled a sigh of relief. Kraf's furiously knitted brow
smoothed somewhat and the jaw stopped twitching. He cast a Chakotay a glance.
"It
is not good, Maestro. Not good enough. My creation is flawed - "
"But
is not a small flaw in a masterpiece also what will enhance the work and give it
identity?"
"I
do not reason as you do, Maestro. Perhaps it is because you are already the best
of all the master craftsmen here, therefore you allow yourself a little luxury
of being...less than perfect?"
"You
should not let Empress Mirah hear you speak such words. She strives to coax only
the best from us..."
"I
understand. You are also her favourite, Maestro, and she is sometimes kinder to
you than to others. But we do not begrudge your art... We all wish to be like
you..."
Chakotay
sighed. They were all superlative in their various fields. They
had nothing to fear, nothing to emulate. He had himself had those
feelings of inadequacy at one time. Kraf was brilliant in his field.
"We
each define our own uniqueness. You know that. It's been told to you many times,
Kraf."
"But
my flower is imperfect. It is from my homeworld and blooms only for two days out
of every year. The colour is not right."
Chakotay
shook his head in mild exasperation. The beauty of Kraf's flower lay in its very
rare aspect. Kraf didn't realise how the pride in his voice, the softness that
crept in when he looked at his sculpture, made
the glow swell and recede.
"I
haven't seen this flower before, nor quite this colour, but I can tell you that
you have completed your fifth masterpiece, Kraf. Be glad. You should think of
your next project."
"But,
Maestro, the Empress - "
"Will
be satisfied with your work. Don't be so concerned. As long as you focus, you
will not have pain."
Kraf
looked at Chakotay with gratitude. Chakotay shrugged inwardly. All the dark
alien needed was encouragement and the ability to believe in himself. He had
little faith that his work showed merit, and Kraf needed to have that faith
restored. Though...
"You
know that we have been given these gifts, Maestro, which enhance our natural
talents. One day..."
"We
cannot go back, Kraf. But yes, one day, should we ever leave here, you will lose
the powers of the added abilities."
"So
will you, Maestro."
Chakotay
smiled. He was satisfied that he could produce works of extraordinary quality no
one had ever seen, but when the spell was broken? He had no care about his added
creative ability. It meant nothing if it kept him away from known things.
"Yes,"
he sighed, "so will I. Now, Kraf, will you continue with your work? I have
others to monitor later. I am glad those furrows are straightened out."
Kraf
touched his face and smiled.
"I
feel better, Maestro."
Chakotay
nodded before turning away from Kraf. He had never liked being called Maestro,
but since Empress Mirah had given him the task of overseeing everyone else's
work, they had taken naturally to deferring to him. He tolerated the address in
good spirit. Their deference to him was natural and unfeigned, unlike the way in
which they paid homage to the Empress. He walked towards his own work station
which was secluded and very spacious. It was situated at the far end of the
massive studio.
Environmental
controls kept them all breathing and alive. It was hard to believe that they
were deep in the heart of a mountain range, and
that Empress Mirah reigned here in total isolation. Stranger even was the fact
that most of the minerals here resembled closely those of other homeworlds,
and the malachite and alabaster that he used as his own medium had the
identical composition as that found on Earth. It wasn't even different. It was
the same.
It
was all they knew of the place. No one had ever been outside and no one had seen
any daylight, or moonlight. He was reminded many
times of the Ocampans, who lived deep under the
surface of their planet and who engineered their survival based solely on what
the underground yielded. Where this planet was, or
the nature of its land features, remained a
mystery to all of them. It could very well be unpopulated except for the poor,
stolen souls in the belly of the mountain.
His
own last memory of freedom had been walking along a terraced walkway on Elora.
He had paused at a small stand where a vendor was selling ornaments and he had
wanted to buy one for Kathryn. Chakotay gave a little cry as a sudden fierce
pain shot through his head. Standing
still, he allowed the pain to spread and linger until it filled him. Taking a
deep breath, forcing himself to allow the pain to be a part
of him, he thought of that day on Elora.
The
small, crystal-shaped pendant had looked translucent, little sparks shooting off
it as he lifted it to get a better look. The vendor had seemed unperturbed by
the fact that Chakotay had not asked permission to lift it from its bed of soft
fabric.
"It
was made by a man from far lands," the vendor said.
Chakotay
had been impressed by the artistry of the object and thought Kathryn would love
it. He had already been away six weeks from home
and he was missing her fiercely. He stifled another small cry.
Let
the pain drill through every nerve and jump from nerve ending to nerve ending;
let it rally and eat into every thought, every memory of your loved one. Endure
it, for you need your memory. Do not cry out. Ride with its onslaught and soon,
the pain will be a part of you for those moments you need your memories...
Chakotay's
upper lip trembled; perspiration beads glistened as he endured the torture of
the synaptic enhancer. It picked up instantly when one had a thought of home, of
a loved one, and especially, of escape. Now
during the day the enhancer was tuned to full strength. Chakotay heard the
groans of the other craftsmen and women and knew they were struggling too,
thinking about families they’d left behind. But the second they thought of
escape, the enhancer held them down, cruelly bent them double and lanced through
the body like a red-hot knife. Weeks after his own capture, after collapsing
several times from sheer pain, he had trained his thoughts away from escape.
No
one had dared to escape.
When
he reached his work station, the nausea that sat in the pit of his stomach rose
and he heaved several times, struggling to keep it down. But braving the torture
to think of Kathryn, of blue-grey eyes, of a crystal pendant he wanted to hang
round her neck, was worth all the drilling in his
brain
Dream
of Kathryn... Endure the torture. Enjoy it even...
Six
weeks away from home on an alien world and he wanted to buy Kathryn a crystal
pendant. He remembered thinking that he could easily have tried to make Kathryn
one, or the heavens forbid, replicate her one. He had the skill, and although he
didn't have the talent like Chell or the great master craftsman from the Udaran
Hills on Sepaka IV, he knew he'd try his best. Still, the jewel stared at him
and made him think of trying to make one even better. He had
always dreamed of such talent...dreamed of scaling heights such as he
never had with his present work...
That
was when he felt a strange shiver go through him. It was as if someone heard or
read his thoughts over a great distance, across the universe. Chakotay had
looked quizzically at the vendor. The little man looked a non-plussed by his
expression of alarm. It was at the precise instant he wished that he could have
amazing talent and create the most exceptional works of art that he felt that
shiver go through him.
Was
he scanned at that moment? It had to be, for a second later, before he could
hail his ship, he was enveloped in a beam like a transporter and his commbadge
had slipped off. Someone far from him had read his mind or divined his
thoughts, his wishes, his dreams... He felt a slight displacement and the next
moment he was looking at the most eerily beautiful figure of a tall woman. He
sensed her evil, though not of the kind that sought to destroy, but to keep him
ensnared. Her hand reached for him and the next instant a cold disc was attached
to his temple. He was told it was a synaptic enhancer. Flashing red when he had
thoughts of home and family, steel blue when he was focused. Yellow... Only one
so far had died...
The
first days had been the hardest. He had been demented trying to escape, trying
to alert his ship. What made it worse was that he didn't know where he was.
Where he was, was inside a series of large caverns. That was all. But he was not
alone. There were others of many different races who had been whisked away just
like him. All of them had at some point had a desire or wish to have a greater
gift than already bestowed on them. They all looked as desperately unhappy and
distraught as he had been.
"I
am Empress Mirah," the voice of the tall woman echoed in the massive
cavern. "You are here
because
you all desire to be master craftsmen. You are here because you will become
master craftsmen. You will be the best of all artists, the best in the
universe..."
The
murmur that had gone up had turned to cries of pain. The synaptic enhancers had
begun their work. Chakotay bent double when an image of Kathryn flashed in his
brain. When he rose to his feet again, the Empress Mirah's eyebrows lifted high.
Her lips curved in what he thought was a smile.
"Good,
now that you know what the enhancers are for, you are each assigned to a
station. Each one will be given the opportunity to explore their creative
ability in their field. I will enhance your ability..."
Now,
after three years, he had learned to train his thoughts, even endure pain during
the day, just to keep alive the memory of Kathryn, her parents and sister who
had become his family, and all those on Voyager and the Serengeti.
Was
there ever a positive side? With some self-disgust, he
admitted that there was only one very dubious benefit.
His
first sculpture had been nothing like he had ever imagined, nothing. Once before
he had destroyed his own creation, thinking that it wasn't good enough, that it
was mediocre and not worthy of being seen or shared. He had wanted to give it to
Kathryn, then trashed it before she had even laid eyes on it. He had been
disgusted afterwards. Here, the Empress had enhanced his creative instinct,
giving him additional artistic flair. It took him a long time to perfect the
first stone flower. The moment he looked down on the sculpture
he had so lovingly created out of alabaster and malachite, he knew that
the enhancements had not only heightened his ability - they also gave him a
deep, mysterious and innate insight into art and the expression of it.
Empress
Mirah had been happy with his piece. He had hoped that she would take it to the
outside world.
Even
a little flaw can increase the value of a work of art, and define its
incomparability.
He remembered those words during one late afternoon of musing about his life
with Kathryn, in which the pain tortured him so
intensely that he lost consciousness at times.
And
so he made a mark on his stone flower, a signature that could lead Starfleet,
or anyone who could alert Starfleet, to
the Mountain of the Great Caves, ruled over by Empress Mirah.
The
nausea had subsided. Chakotay grimaced. Mirah had no idea that he had managed to
get the stone flower out of the caves. He had trained his thoughts so hard that
she had hardly noticed the one thought that lay underneath. One craftsman had
become seriously ill as a result of the constant torturing pain.
Chakotay kept a lonely vigil at Raël's bedside until he died. Mirah had
been indulgent those few days, in a giving mood, and she had given him
permission to keep a vigil. He had his second stone flower, carved in the early
hours of every morning, as a decoy at his station... Until Raël died, he had
not known why he had secretly made another stone flower identical to the first.
Empress
Mirah could enslave them. She could torture them, but a dead artist was of no
use to her. His body was disposable, but not in her caves, or her world. Raël's
body was whisked away to his homeworld the same way she'd brought him to the
Mountains of the Great Caves. With Raël was also transported Chakotay's
precious stone flower...
Chakotay's
hands gripped the table edge as crystal shards of pain pierced his nerve cells.
"Kathryn,
in the name of the spirits... Come to me..." he murmured just before he
lost consciousness.
*********
END
PART THREE