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Wednesday June 21, 2006 1:10AM
Feeling: Confused, Frustrated, Pissed, Bored, Stressed...
Man I'm going fricking nuts here. I've been working 17 days in a row. tomorrows my first day off and I'll be running around like a fricking maniac. I haven't had the chance to get anything done out side of work and I'm going to try to do like 20 things in one day. I dought I'll get half this shit done.
Things with me and Nikkie have got me a bit on edge. I don't know what to do anymore. I try to take it day by day and things just keep going so Up and Down. The more I talk to her on the phone the weirder shit gets but when I'm with her in person everything seems fine. I like being "with" her but that means in person. Over the phone things seem to just get mixed up. Like saying one thing and it just gets heard completely oppisite of what was meant. UGH. I don't know... I don't know... I don't know...
One good thing is that with all this over time I've been getting I'm finaly getting nice pay checks... BUT since I'm working all the time it means that the only way I have any contact with Nikkie is over the phone which SUCKS! I can actually live right now. But once the over time drys up and I'm back to 40 hours a week it'll be about 2 or 3 weeks before the money i've saved is gone and i'll be back to being poor.
I like eating.. i think its something i should try to do at least once a day. but who cares about food when you have bills to pay. 267 dollars for the first months cable bill...... grrrrrrr.....
Now that I remember to mention it the party went well... there were a few hitchess but once we got everything straightened out it was fun. dan got so drunk I think he either punched himself in the face or head bunted his chair. either way he was alone in his room and he came out in the morning with brusess on his cheek and forehead / right between the eyes. I dont know if that means he won the fight or lost the fight with himself. But he kicked his ass pritty good.
Wednesday July 12, 2006 3:30am
Feeling: Tired ~ out of it
Well things between me and Nikkie didn't go as well as I first expected, but shit happens. Seems to happen alot to me. It just fucking sucks cause I started to get used to having a female again and now that she's not there the hole being lonely things started to come back. I just got over that feeling. I don't need to be so brain fucked again. Luckly I'm already starting to heal up some. I noticed that over the last couple days the feeling likes to come and go alot.
Mostly whats bothering me is Justins lil' relationship. EVERYTHING he tells me about her reminds me of when I was with Kristi and it's fucking driving me INSANE!!! I get along fine once I'm not thinking about that, but being reminded of it over and over again every fucking day... I'm gonna kill him.
Lifes a bitch.
I don't know what to do anymore. Everythings so screwed up, and my head feels like it's spinning (but that might be cause I'm so tired right now).
I started listening to Dope agian. That fucking band hits me so hard right in the heart. I swear I can't get these songs out of my head. I keep hearing "Always", "Slipping Away", "Easier", and "Bitch" running through my head on a constinant never ending repeat. It's really bad when I'm hearing all 4 songs at once. Feels like my heads gonna explode.
Oh fucking well... Life sucks, then it gets worse I guess.
Sunday July 23, 2006 1:25AM
Feeling: Bored
I had a nice couple of days off this week. Saw a freind I haven't seen in a long time, and got to show off my nice little shit hole of a house, I think I may have made a new freind (FINALY someone who knows how to play SNK and Darkstalkers Games), and I got to see the new Clerks II movie.
Right now I'm just anticipating getting out of work and heading home. This place is driving me crazy. I can't wait to either find a new job or at least get relocated to another site. My Boss is Fucking NUTS. I don't mean he's an asshole, I mean he's not all there in the head.
The house is actualy looking really nice now. We Finally have Furniture. It's amazing what a couple couches and an arm chair can do to a house. The dining room table is a nice touch too.
Only problem I'm having is ever since I put the couch and arm chair in my bedroom I've been sleeping on the couch alot more then my bed. I'll start playing a game or watching tv and by the time I'm tired I just don't want to move and I'll pass out on the couch.
I now have an old school dreamcast. I got around 15 games real cheap. I haven't even touched half of these games yet. But thats one of the reason I bought the dreamcast. I know that I can get alot of good games for almost nothing.
DAMN IM BORED!!!!
I think I'm gonna have to start a my space sometime soon. everyone keeps at me asking me "what's your myspace?". But if I do make one I'm keeping it under one of my allias' I'm not putting my real name on it. I just don't feel like bothering with some other website when ever I've put so much time into this one.
Sunday August 27, 2006 10:15pm
Feeling: INSANE
Last week my harddrive in my pc fucking died. for anyone that doesnt know me to well my pc is like a best friend to me. This hard drive's death is exactly like losing a best friend. I feel like I'm going to fucking kill someone. IT FUCKING SUCKS!!!
I'm saving up for a whole new pc rather then just replacing the old drive. I'm most likely going to find a nice place to bury some part of my old pc.
I figure i might actualy errect a tomb stone engraved with something like;
Ashes to Ashes.
Dust to Dust.
My Harddrive Crashed,
And now I'm Fucked.
I had about seven years worth of data on that drive... My music files, my digital imiganing files, my old school work, pictures of shit~hed and people I know or knew, the origanl song lyrics I wrote for the band I once had, more video games then I could imagine, ALL FUCKING GONE!!!
It's going to be about a month until I get this new PC due to lack of money and the fact that it's being made from peices I'm shipping away for off the net, and then assembled by my brother.
So for the next month or so If you see me around just beware. I might lash out and thats never a good thing. I appoligize ahead of time, but you were warned.
Saterday September 02, 2006 9:30pm
Feeling: Happy
I'd like to start off by saying YAHHOOOOOoooo!
With that said, Yesterday was fricking wonderful. That made my whole week can't wait to do it again.
Went out on a first date with a girl I've liked for awhile now, her names Dina. I haven't felt so comfortable around a girl in a long time, and I mean Years. Honestly since I dropped her off last night my mind won't stop spinning. I'm shocked at how much I like her, and I got a sence that the feeling is mutual (or at least I hope so).
The thing that sucks is we work such oppisite schedules. It really doesn't give much oppertunity to see each other. But taking it slow is a good thing, even if it does mean that I have to mull over it all week.
I don't really now what to say other then I'm really happy with the way things turned out. Theres a million thoughts running through my head. It's a good thing at least. I guess I could say I feel like I've fallen for her.
Sunday September 10, 2006 2:00am
Feeling: Abnormaly Happy
This last week or so has been wonderful. I just can't believe how well things have been going with me and Dina. It almost feels to good to be true. I go to sleep thinking about her and when I wake up she's on my mind. Everytime I think of her I smile and I NEVER smile. I have very strong feelings for her and I know she feels the same for me.
I just hope that our relationship doesn't add a weirdness to my friendship with Callie. It was Callie that got things started between the two of us. I've been friends with Callie for about 10 or 11 years now.
It was funny how Callie gave me the whole "you better not hurt Dina or I'll hunt you down" speech. That gave me a good laugh. I believe she said "I'll punch you in the balls".
I couldn't ask for anything more in Dina. She just seems too perfect, and when I'm with her things just seem to automaticly fit into place, it's weird how we do that, like we just know what the others thinking or wants. Something just seems to click.
But the last thing I want to do is scare her away. I don't want to come off to strong. I gave her a hint into my past and the troubles I've been through and yet shes still here, so I'm guessing shes accepting of me. "The past is the past."
Fucking Ay'!
My past sucks ass. It's incredibly hard for me to deal with those thoughts. Theres just way to many horrible things.
What the hell does this mean???????????? I feel like mother fucking peter pan. I now have my "Happy thought" for when I'm feeling down.
On another note I got my PC back with a new hard drive in it. Haven't even hooked it up since I got it back 4 days ago. It's just too damn depressing thinking of all the shit I lost off that other drive.
Friday October 13, 2006 6:05am
Feeling: Ok but not Great
I LOVE DINA.
ok with that said; I've been sick the last week this fucking sucks, but thankfully I've just recently started to feel better. I felt so horrible last Saterday, it was Dinas Birthday. I had so many plans to do all kinds of stuff but I felt so sick I barely got any of my plans done. I didnt feel so bad that I was sick. It made me feel worse that I didn't get to give dina the birthday I wanted to.
I Love her so much. I thought I'd never feel so strongly towards anyone like this ever again.
On another note. I Finaly got my transfer out of Westinghouse. I can't fricking wait to get out of here. My new site is over near Century III, nice lil' pay raise and ALOT LESS STRESS!!!! Can't fricking wait.
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