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Aug 18, 2004 8:45pm
Hmmm my first journal entry... What to say?
I dought anyone will read this thing!! LOL
Highly considered shaving my own head today. My hair WAS just a bit too long. Not saying how but I now have short hair. Lord am I itchy.
Aug 19, 2004 5:47pm
HOMEWORK SUCKS!!! I've been sitting here drawing for my life drawing class for awhile now... I have to sketch my own hand. I've never disliked my own hand b4. Wow that last sentence could sound so perverted.
OKKK!!! Guess this hole lonely things getting to me a lil too much...
I didnt get much sleep last night. Been tossing around in my bed alot lately. It realy sucks not knowing how things are gonna turn out for me. I think that lonelyness is the worse curse of all.. I've found that it sucks the worse when I'm completely surrounded by people, friends, and family and yet I know that even with all these people around me I'm by myself. It truely is a curse.
I've been listening to that damn Stabbing Westward: "Waking Up Beside You" WAY to damn much, fucking song has me so depressed. But yet I can't stop listening to it. I guess it might b a reason why I can't sleep that well at night. I'm realy starting to miss having someone beside me when I go to sleep.
Aug 20, 2004 4:28pm
Yet again I didnt get any sleep... starting to realy get pissed off. I just cant seem to turn off my mind during the nights. So many thoughts..... I feel so troubled by the way I find my bed to b so empty, it felt like I was so alone... felt desolate.. like I was in any emptyness consumed by a feeling of lonelyness... Maybe Im just to sensitive. That and I cant get that fucking song out of my head. It rings in my head everyday and everynight.
Song of the Moment
Stabbing Westward: Waking Up Beside You
I've been so alone for so long
Forgotten by the world, forgotten to myself
Your effervescent eyes have awakened me
And brushed the dust away...
But I knew you'd never stay
So I memorized the color of your eyes
As I lost myself inside you
And I memorized the way our legs entwined
As I drifted off beside you
I miss
God I miss waking up beside you
At night I cling to you I'm so afraid
Afraid the day will come
And I'll wake and find you gone
But you promise that you'd not
Abandon me
And kissed my fears away
But I woke up to that day
But I had memorized the way our eyes would meet
Reflected in the bathroom mirror
And I memorized your naked silhouette
As you slowly brushed your hair
I miss
God I miss waking up beside you
I've been so alone for so long
I forgot how much it hurts to wake up so alone
But I'd memorized how warm your body felt
As you lay half-asleep beside me.
And I memorized the way the sunlight filled the
Room and played upon your body
I miss
God I miss waking up beside you
Aug 21, 2004 2:15am
Just got home from a party.. sort of... Me and my friend got there as the last bands guitarist Ripped his hand open on the strings of his guitar and was rushed to the hospital. Got realy bored b4 my friend came to pick me up and decided to make a Spiked Collar with a Leash on it. Made it out of the leather of a Mace Holster. I just know Im gonna b up all damn night. Theres no way Im gonna sleep, again. Kinda wishing there was someone here to tug on this leash around my neck. Ill probably add some pics of me wearing it some time soon. I should probably do some Homework but I realy dont feel like it right now. Im gonna go wake up Shit~Hed and play with him. He's been cooped up in his cage for a few hours now, and Im in a playful mood. He's not much of a conversationalist but at least its fun to watch him bounce around the place.
Aug 21, 2004 1:02pm
BAD FERRET!!!!!!
That little SHIT. I passed out around 7am. I let the ferret run loose in my room. Around 11:30am he decided that I was supposed to play with him. I played with him for like 3 hours b4 I passed out. The little shit started with his normal, biting my toes and hoping on top of me trying to get me to play. I just brushed him off and tried to go back to sleep.
The Little Son of A Bitch decided that he wanted some of my Pepsi on my dresser. My dressers right beside my bed and is taller then my bed by a foot or so. He grabbed the cup from the top and Poored it down on my Head.
Fucking Damn it.. just cleaned up the miss.. Needless to say I am now awake.
Aug 22, 2004 9:35pm
Finaly, Ive got some sleep. a couple of my buddis came over last night. We bought a 30 Case of MGD and a bottle of Vodka. It was a ferwel to my one friend that came over. He's starting school, works full time and has a fiance. We all know that he's not gonna have any time to hang out with us for awhile. They left around 6am. After they were gone I passed out happily. I got to talk to someone on the phone last night while they were here that I havent talked to in a month or so. It made me feel good to know that theres still someone out there that cares about me. I think with the combination of talking to this person, all the liquor in my system and not sleeping for so long I just passed out.
Now I have to spend the next two days doing homework. I'll probably be up all night tonight but at least I got all that sleep in.
Aug 26, 2004 3:48am
Finaly got my OzzFest Tickets today. I cant fricking wait to go to this concert. I know like 50 people that are gonna be there. Ive listened to Dimmu, Slayer, Blacksabath, Lacuna Coil, God Forbid, Otep, Atreyu, Hatebreed and Devil Driver, for awhile. This is gonna be INSANE. Plus an old friend of mine is driving a 4 hour trip to join me for the concert. It's gonna b her first Real Concert experience. Heh, Y not start with the best.. Yessa!!!
Count Down 2 days 5 hours b4 the doors open.
Aug 26, 2004 2:03pm
I finaly finished cleaning my damn room. I found out that there was a dresser under the one pile of junk in my room. Its a nice one too. Wonder how long its been there??? LOL.
Took me like a day and a half to finish this damn room. I found some old shit that "someone" left here awhile ago.. Such Huanting memories.. I bagged it and stowed it away somewhere so I won't be able to see it.
Song of the Moment
JACK OFF JILL: Nazi Halo
Take a souvenir and stop your staring
Just cause I'm screaming
Don't mean I'm sharing
Can't keep my mouth shut
if you keep that dress on
You can't negotiate
Not with me this time
you go so low
your faggot rainbow
your Nazi Halo
won't save you this time
Bring your IQ and try to understand
Just cause I'm listening
Don't mean we're still friends
Can't fix my problem
You crossed a thin line
You can't just work it out
not with me this time
you go so low
your faggot rainbow
your junkie ego
won't save you this time
you go so low
your tragic disco
your Nazi Halo
won't save you this time
You're so predictable no shadow of doubt
when you are suffering know who sold you out
Fuck your opinions
Fuck your lack of spine
When you are miserable
Know that I'm just fine
Aug 27, 2004 6:21pm
I cant fricking wait for ozz fest... ugh so close but yet it feels like it'll b forever b4 i get there. that and I'm soo nervous about my friend coming to see me. I just hope everything turns out ok and nothing bad happens.. I know theres a few people that might b there that dont exactly like me, I dont want any trouble but im not affraid to finish something if someone starts with me. All I want is a good time and to have fun with my friends.
Aug 29, 2004 1:24pm
OZZ FEST ROCKED!!!
We had a blast.. spent like a ton of money but it was worth it. Dan was so fucking drunk. Found myself rubbing shoulders with a damn Nazi, wasnt realy my idea of fun but i wasnt about to back down from anyone, he approched me. We left a little early to avoid traffic. I got SOOO fucking sun burned.. I miss my pale skin. I feel like I'm so dead tired right now. Gotta find Chris and see if he wants to hang out any today.
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