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Tuesday Feburary 01, 2005 10:53pm
Feeling: Out of it
This last week sucked. I turned 24 on thursday. I woke up from one of those dreams that you can swear is so real that you think its true. I dreamt that Kristi came over to spend time with me on my brithday. I woke up and the first thing I did was look out my window only to be disappointed. Then I had to work all fucking night. I had absolutly no time to have any type of fun. I only got a "Happy Birthday" from two people, Chris, who I was working with, and this chick at work named Sarah that got wind that it was my B~day. I also got a "Happy Birthday" Email from some website I signed up to awhile ago.
For all of those who don't know. My sisters B~day is Jan 26, my B~day is Jan 27 and my brother's is Jan 29. We all headed to Red Lobster to get B~Day grub. As we got there I thought to myself that it really sucked that Brian had Ashia with him and Kristi wasn't there with me. They set up one extra seat at the table we got. I sat down at the table and by the time everyone else sat down I had the emtpy seat beside me. I just kept thinking that that seat was for Kristi and she should of been there with me. It depressed the living shit out of me.
I've been thinking for the last 2 weeks about ways to get in touch with her, but since she doesn't have a phone in her new place and she doesn't have access to a pc she cant meet me online. The only thing I'm reduced to is slow mail. I'm going to get the stamps tomorrow to send her a letter.
Saterday March 26, 2005 2:15pm
Feeling: Out of it
It's been awhile since I last put in a journal entry.... again. I've been working and going to school just about everyday, leaving me no time to really have to myself. I'm so fucking tired. I haven't had a good night sleep in so long that i cant remeber when the last time i slept well was. It's niec having some loot for a change. I've been saving up for a bunh of shit, i need a car, a new PC, and i need to save up for an up coming vacation that me and a few people are planning.
I've destroyed my room. Now that this school quarter is over i can start picking up the peices. Life in general just sucks for me right now. nothing seems to want to go my way. I've been spending alot of time every day thinking about kristi and how im going to see her next. it just really sucks. I dont know how things are going between me and her right now, this hole long distance thing has me scared. Im still waiting for her and dedicated to being with her but i have no idea what her intentions are any more and it scares me.
Oh well, life sucks, I have to get ready for work now......... and i really dont want to go.
Saterday April 02, 2005 7:03pm
Feeling: Slightly better
I've had the last week off from both work and school, I've been trying my best to take it easy and relax. I've had alot of time to myself to think a bunch of things over. For the most part I've been thinking over a bunch of life decisions. Just trying to figure out what I want to do with my self, with my life.
I don't have any decisions just yet but I believe I know what needs to be done and it contridicts what I want to do.
I've been trying to avoid thinking about certain things. I've been contimplateing what type of job I'd rather have instead of my current one, how I'm going to save up the money for a car and what type of car am I going to get or if I'm just going to settle for the first decent one I can afford, I need a new computer since mines getting a bit old. But the first thing thats ALWAYS on my mind is Kristi. I have no idea whats going on. I wish that I could just have five minutes to talk to her but I havent heard any thing at all from her. I've talked about it alot with my friends and they've given me alot of advice but ultimately no ones told me anything that I haven't already thought about myself.
I just have to figure this all out for myself cause even though it's not what I want but when it comes down to it all I have is myself, and that's the biggest problem about being in a long distance relationship, when it comes down to it I am alone in my decisions. I dont have her here to help me out.
Friday April 15, 2005 10:49am
Feeling: Sooo Bored
Finaly back in school.. I had a nice lil' vacation / spring break thingy. I scheduled off from work for the 2 weeks I had off from school and just relaxed, and holy shit did I need to relax and just chill. I tried to hang out with as many people as I could to keep myself some what busy, and to keep myself from over thinking a few things.
I spent a good chunk of my time off thinking about Kristi and I wish that I could of got in touch with her. I'm still thinking about her like all the time. I hope that I'm just worrying myself over nothing but part of me feels scared cause I dont know whats going on.
Since I got my PS2 I've been spending alot of time trying to escape reality, but it's starting to loss it's effect. I havent been wanting to play it that much anymore. The last few days I've just been using it to watch a DVD and try to relax. Even then I'm still thinking about how lonely it is to watch a movie by myself. Some times I just feel so Fucking Alone, and it REALLY sucks.
Hopefully Kristi will get my letter I'm sending her and reply to it with some good news. But I guess only time will tell.
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