The past few days were a haze to Buffy. Losing her Slayer strength had been a trauma that she had coped with because she'd had to -- it was what she did. Buffy Summers was nothing if not a survivor. Then there was the mess with Giles. His betrayal. He was the one who had robbed her of her strength. She should hate him and she had, briefly, but she couldn't hang on to it. Instead, she was left with a vague feeling of unease, an unsettlement that led to her present fog.
Willow had invited her to go to the Bronze with her and Oz and Xander, but Buffy turned her down pleading the need to be alone to think. If nothing else, she needed to figure out how she felt about slaying and about Giles.
Her mother had invited her bookclub over for a meeting and coffee and dessert, so hanging around the house was out. Talking to Giles was the last thing she wanted to do, so she couldn't go to the Library.
"I have got to get new places to hang out," she muttered to herself upon realizing that there was no other place in town where she felt comfortable just being herself.
And so she ended up seeking out a new place just for Buffy.
Taster's Choice, a new coffeeshop on Maughan Street, had just opened last week. Buffy had thought of getting the gang to go with her to check it out, but then that whole confusion with Giles and the test had happened and she'd forgotten about it. Now she was glad they hadn't gone together. She needed a chance to be by herself somewhere that wasn't a part of her past and had no connections to anything concerning her life as a Slayer. It was time to begin making new paths.
She really wasn't a coffee drinker but the place served other drinks both hot and cold and she ordered hot chocolate topped with little marshmallows. Very homey. Very tasty.
The place was nice -- brightly lit, warm, smelled great and even though it was fairly busy the noise level was a pleasant low buzz of voices. Buffy was glad she came here. Comfortable, she began to relax as she sipped her chocolate.
Her mind emptied as she sat back in the booth and amused herself by people-watching. It seemed to be the kind of place that attracted many different people. There were several families, parents with children, and couples, even the odd single person like herself. Then her gaze lit on a man sitting alone in a booth across the cafe from her.
Giles.
She stared at him. His eyes were on the cup on the table in front of him. He did not look up, seeming to be lost in thought. His hands rested on either side of the mug as he played with a spoon, turning it over and over. Then, slowly, as if reluctant to do so, he straightened, lifting his eyes to scan the room. Buffy's first reaction was to look away, suddenly concerned that he would feel the pull of her stare and see her watching him. She stifled the urge and continued to gaze at him.
After a moment, his eyes found hers. His eyebrows lifted slightly but otherwise there was no visible response.
Buffy's mouth turned up on one side in a sort of grimace. A minute or two later she got up and went over to his table taking her drink with her.
At her approach he started to slide out in order to stand, but she lifted her hand, palm out toward him, staying his gesture and slipped into the booth across the table from him. He sat straight-backed, obviously uneasy with her presence.
"Giles."
He said nothing.
She tried again. "Since you're not talking to me let me say that that's a good thing. Tonight, anyway. I came here to be alone."
"As did I." His voice was quiet and low. He had gone back to staring at his mug which she could see now was filled with coffee.
"Well, good. Then we can be alone together and not talk."
His lips quirked slightly at that remark. "Very well." He lifted his mug and took a swallow of the coffee.
They were both silent for several minutes. Buffy kept stealing glances at her former Watcher. Dear, sweet Giles. When had he stopped being quite so shy and befuddled? She thought she knew the answer to that one. Whatever Angel had done to him last summer at the mansion had changed him. What she herself had done by running away had wounded him. It was only recently that she had stopped to consider the damage done in the wake of her selfishness. Her friends had forgiven her and bounced back from their hurt but Giles... He had suffered the most and still he had forgiven her, never wavering in his love for her, even after all the vicious things she'd accused of him when he'd confessed his part in that stupid Watcher's test.
The lighting did interesting things to the angles of his face, shadowing his eyes and highlighting his sharp cheekbones. She had always thought he had intriguing features but never took the time to study him. She supposed the only reason she noticed now was because the bruises he had received fighting the vampire at the motel after she'd dusted Kralick drew her attention. The marks were fading, noticeable only if you knew to look for them. Her own cuts had begun healing rapidly as her strength returned to full force. She'd only begun to feel herself the last two days. The bruises on Giles' face weren't the only thing that marred his features; there was an underlying current of tension there that she realized had been present for weeks.
"Would you please look at me while we're not talking?" Oh, good one, Buffy. Let him know you're not mad at him anymore.
There was a definite smile from him this time as he slowly complied with her request. Those beautiful sea green eyes lifted to meet her gaze. He really was quite good looking in a Watcherly sort of way.
"Is there a certain way I'm supposed to look at you or is it a judgement call?"
Buffy made a face at him causing him to smile a little more broadly, but it vanished quickly and his face settled back into the brooding lines from before.
"I didn't think you liked coffee," she said, indicating the cup sitting between his hands.
He shrugged. "I needed a change."
"That's funny," she replied. "Not funny ha ha but funny because that's why I came here. I needed a change, too."
"Buffy," his voice wavered; he cleared his throat and began again. "I hope we can move on from last week."
"So do I. To not move on would be to...stop and speaking of which please stop me because I obviously don't know what I'm talking about but then you started it. Well, not really but you were here first and why don't I just go back to my booth across the room?"
She started to get up. A gentle hand on her arm halted her.
"Don't go."
Two simple little words and whatever lingering anger remaining in her dissolved in a burst of relief that shook her. She sat back down.
Giles studied her face. "You look surprised." His tone was puzzled.
"Yeah." She ducked her head for a moment gathering her thoughts. "I guess I am. I just realized that I was afraid you were mad at me."
"Why would I be? If anything, you're the one with the right to be angry and upset with me."
"I know. Weird, huh? Is this what adult relationships are always like -- all complex and confusing and everything? 'Cause if they are I'm not sure I want to be one. An... adult, not a relationship. Oh, you know what I mean. You do...know what I mean, right?"
The last of the tension drained out of Giles' face and his posture relaxed. Resting his forearms on the table he leaned in.
"Yes. The answer to all of the above is yes."
Buffy grinned cheerfully back at him.
"I'm glad. I'd hate to have to try to explain that again. What?"
She looked across at her Watcher who was staring at her with the most peculiar expression on his face.
"I am so proud of you," he said. His eyes shone brightly behind the lenses of his glasses.
Swallowing hard, Buffy said, "That means everything to me."