"Buffy... I'd been thinking lately of resigning as your Watcher." Giles continued to wipe away the blood that was drying on Buffy's forehead.

She stared at him in disbelief. Another betrayal. The thought was written clearly on her face but she made no move to pull away from his gentle touch.

"But you were just fired," she said softly, her voice hoarse from unshed tears. The anger was still there, too.

Nodding, concentrating on his task rather than meeting her eyes, Giles replied, "The past few weeks leading up to the... the test have been hellish for me."

"They have?" Despite her exhaustion she sounded surprised. "It didn't look it to me. I mean," she cast a hand about, trying to generate the words she wanted, "it looked like business as usual."

"Yes..." Giles dropped his hand and crouched there holding the cloth, unable to say more.

"You must be a hell of an actor for it not to show."

The accusation rang clear now.

She continued. "I mean, I had no idea you were planning to jam a needle in my arm and pump me full of drugs, rendering me weak and helpless and then feed me to a giant, raving lunatic, foaming-at-the-mouth vampire!"

Another time he might have corrected her facts. Now all he could manage was, "Buffy..."

He moved to touch her arm. She slapped his hand away. It was a pitifully ineffectual slap; he barely felt the physical blow but winced inwardly as it reminded him of her weakened state and why she had such little strength. "My God, Giles. What a stupid test! Who thought that one up? Some Watcher who couldn't have a Slayer of his own to train so he made sure no one has one?"

"The test is administered only to the activated Slayer," Giles said quietly.

"I was using sarcasm, Giles," she shot back.

He flinched.

Buffy's gaze drew inward.

"Wait a minute. Activated Slayer? What about Faith? Why didn't you do this to her? Oh, tell me you didn't do this to her, too."

"The test was for you."

"Why? Because I'm the number one girl?"

"I suspect it's because I'm closer to you than I am to Faith."

Buffy's anger faltered. "What...?"

"Despite what Quentin said, the test wasn't about you. It was about me."

"I don't understand," Buffy's voice dropped to a whisper.

"You must think I've been by-the-book with your training..."

"You told me you threw away the Slayer's Handbook," she interrupted.

"The Slayer's Handbook is to guide the Slayer. I'm talking about the instruction I undertook to learn how to become a Watcher with a Slayer. There are certain things I learned about how to train you. I haven't used many of them. Not in the past year, at any rate." "He is a dedicated member of the Council. He lives by the rules. I've found they are not always effective with you. I've had to bend them time and again to suit your slaying style, your personality. That's not acceptable to the Council. Because I don't do what's expected...because I let you do things your way, I've been branded a rebel. Again. The test was more to see if I failed rather than whether you did."

"If you knew that why did you go ahead with it?" The hurt was still apparent in her voice and in her reproachful gaze.

Giles bent his head. "I didn't know it. I figured it out -- just now."

Buffy was silent for so long, Giles finally looked up. She was staring at him.

"Why did you want to resign?"

Rising from his crouch, he put aside the cloth and leaned against the table.

"So I wouldn't be the one to put you through the test. I didn't think I could do that to you."

"Well, you did." Her mouth was drawn into a pout.

"And I _hated_ it." He couldn't stop the ragged edge of his emotions from appearing in his voice. Pulling his glasses off and dropping them on the table, he closed his eyes and covered them with his hand.

A tug on his arm brought him from his inexorable slide back into the nightmare that had occupied his sleep and waking hours the past several weeks -- ever since he'd realized Buffy's eighteenth birthday was approaching. He moved his hand just enough to look over the tips of his fingers.

With tears streaming down her cheeks, Buffy said, "_I_ hate _you_ for what you did to me. I'm not sure I'll ever completely forgive you for it but I -- I don't want another Watcher. I don't want to lose you." She clenched her hands into fists, bowing her head, confused, angry. "What am I without you?" she whispered.

"You would still be a strong, brave and smart young woman who I will be very proud to call my friend."

Biting her bottom lip to keep from sobbing, it took Buffy a moment to realize what he'd said. "That sounds like you're staying."

"I can't be your Watcher but I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here, in the Library, available any time you need to talk."

Even though he kept his voice steady, his tone reasonable and calm, inside Giles was hurting badly. The onslaught of emotions he had endured just to get himself to the point where he could administer the drug to Buffy was nothing compared to what he'd felt since deciding to tell her about it. Her attacks on him and his knowing that he deserved every word and more, withstanding the wounds, suffering because of her pain, had exhausted him. Physically, emotionally, it cut straight to his spirit, knocking the very foundation on which he'd supported his life right out from under him.

Buffy slid off the chair, standing shakily, and spat out, "I wish you would leave. I'll bet my new Watcher...wouldn't... Damn you, Giles! How could you do this to me?" Her voice caught on a sob. Looking very much like a little girl about to collapse from the weight of her emotions, she stood there unsure of herself and of him. "I hate you." But there was no hate in her voice. There was only the same utter exhaustion that Giles felt, drawing them both down into a place where neither had the reserves to climb back out.

Giles dared to look at her.

Buffy scowled at him but then her legs trembled and she wavered unsteadily. Without thinking, Giles reached out and caught her before she fell. Buffy resisted, pulling away and nearly falling after all. Then, finally, there was nothing left in her with which to fight and she sank grudgingly, gratefully, forward to lean against him, her arms slowly going around his waist. When he encircled her in his embrace she tightened her hold, her face pressed against his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt. Resting his chin on her head Giles closed his eyes, savouring the lessening of the pain as it seeped out, taking away the hollowness. He rested his hip against the table, using the sturdy oak to hold both of them upright.

"Giles?"

"Hmmm?"

"Quentin said you love me like a daughter."

"Buffy, I..."

"I already have a father."

He waited for the rest of it.

"He's not the most present parent in my life but I know he loves me." She paused again. "I was substituting you for him in my mind when I asked you to take me to the ice show. A girl doesn't like to be stood up by her own father on her eighteenth birthday. I really needed someone to look after me, treat me like a little girl again one more time before I officially become an adult. It's pretty scary."

"You'll do fine. You are the most mature little girl I know."

She laughed shakily, sniffed heartily and hung on to Giles more tightly.

"I really need you in my life as a friend."

"I am your friend."

"Good."

"We'll get through this, Buffy."

"I know. I've got you on my side. The new Watcher better realize that you and I are a team. A package deal."

"Two for the price of one," Giles added.

Buffy laughed.

~ end ~