A Cosmic Cafe of Literature for Space Beatniks
A Cosmic Cafe of Literature for Space Beatniks
Currently featuring a short story that could have been a Twilight Zone episode. It's a cross between the saying "be careful what you wish for" and "be happy with what you've got".
An Even Trade
by: M. K. Turner & R. L. Waldrip
(circa 1983)
Our story opens in a little cafe where there is a line of people waiting to pay at the cash register. A girl steps into line with her back turned to the others. One by one the people slowly leave from back to front till only the girl remains in line. The cashier grimaces and asks for the girl's check. The girl refuses, explaining that she only came in to fill out an application. After a momentary pause, the cashier grudingly hands her one.
Sitting down at a table, the girl asks a waitress walking by if she could borrow a pen then begins to fill out the application. Last name: Ding. First name: Leia. Previous job experience: None. After quickly completing the form, she returns the pen, places the application on the counter and walks out the door. As she passes by the window, she glances inside only to see the cashier and waitress laughing while tearing up her application. Depressed, she walks on.
Leia Ding. Age 23, no occupation, and no claiming family. One hundred eighty three pounds of unrespected, unwanted ugliness. Wishing for what everyone wishes, but paying a higher price. Leia is about to enter the Twilight Zone.
Hot tears of anger and humiliation stain her cheeks. She mumbles how she wished somebody cared for her, that she would give anything, anything, including her life just to be beautiful. Wham! A newspaper hits her in the face knocking her to the ground. Aggravated, she leans up and looks at the paper. On the back there is an ad for a dating service. An idea springs into her head and she quickly rips out the ad, leaps to her feet and runs to the dating service.
Stepping through the door, she hears a muffled snicker.
"Hi, please have a seat and fill out these forms. Return them to me when you're ready," says the receptionist.
"Thanks," says Leia.
Leia completes all the paperwork with a spark of hope welling up inside her and hands them back to the receptionist.
"Well, let's see what we can do for you," says the receptionist as she begins typing Leia's information in the computer. The minutes seem to tick into hours as Leia waits for the computer to process her information. Finally, the printer spits something out. The receptionist hands Leia the printout of the computer matching results. Leia nervously reads in large bold letters.
Carrying an even sadder face now, Leia quietly walks home. Collapsing on the bed, she turns the T.V. on to a re-run of The Twilight Zone. She calls for her dog, but it growls, then whines and runs away. A lone tear rolls down her cheek as she drifts off to sleep while mumbling, "I'll never be beautiful."
The phone rings, waking Leia from her sleep. The dog jumps on the bed and starts licking her face. Leia smiles then answers the phone. It's the cafe she applied to the previous day asking her to come to work as soon as possible. Happily, she jumps out of bed to get ready for work. The phone rings again. It's the dating service. They have fifteen dates ready to be set up for tonight. She take them all. Even happier, she finishes dressing and leaves for work.
At the cafe, all the men are sitting at her tables. She is asked out several times but politely refuses. The tips she received made the other waitresses jealous. After work, she runs home to shower and change for her big night. The evening was filled with romance and laughter. She was having the time of her life. Everywhere she went, she was the center of attention and for a change it was the "good" kind of attention. After a glorious night she returns home, kisses her fifteenth date good night and closes the door. As she is leaning against the door smiling a self-satisfied smile, she hears a thud outside.
Cautiously opening the door, she sees her date lying there apparently passed out, or worse! She screams for help and a policeman just happening by runs to assist her. After examining the man, the police officer announces that he has had a massive coronary. He asks whose fault it was and Leia replies that she did it (thinking the man had melted from her kiss). The policeman places her under arrest and reads her rights. The officer tells her that she'll probably get the death sentence for this and that she is just too pretty for her own good let alone anyone else's. Leia utters a heart-wrenching sob and cries that she wished she was never beautiful.
The phone rings, waking Leia from her sleep. The T.V. is on and the Twilight Zone is just going off. Leia answers the phone. It's the police station asking if they could send an officer over to let her identify a picture of a homicide victim. She agrees and hangs up feeling a bit confused. Sitting on the bed, Leia thinks of the past night and how great it was to have been beautiful, wanted and needed, if only in a dream.
The doorbell rings and Leia opens the door. A policeman asks her if she is Leia Ding. "Yes", she replies. He then shows her a photograph and asks her if she recognizes the man.
"Yes, I know him. I went out on a date with him last night. At least, I think I did. I mean, I dreamed I did. I mean, I 'm just not sure," stammered Leia.
The officer take out his handcuffs and places her under arrest. Even more confused than before, Leia asks on what charges.
To which the officer gave the surprising answer, "For uglying this man to death. You'll probably get the death sentence for this. You're too ugly to be left out on the streets."
Leia Ding, a girl who couldn't live with herself because of ugliness or because of beauty. She has slipped into her own Twilight Zone.
