The New Priest

The new priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak.

Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could

relax. The Monsignor said, "Next week it may help if you put some Vodka in

the water pitcher. After a few sips everything should go smoothly."

The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able

to talk up a storm and did just great. Upon returning to the rectory,

however, he found a note from the Monsignor.

1. Next time, sip rather than gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples not 10.

4. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.

5. We do not refer to our savior Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. and

the boys."

6. Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter

pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

7. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

8. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Big

Daddy, Junior, and the Spook."

9. The recommended Grace before meals is not "Rub-A-Dub, thanks for the

grub, Yo God!"

10. Last, but not least, it is the "Virgin Mary," not "Mary with the

Cherry."