To:All Employees

From: Management

Subject: Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality in the work and

productivity from our employees, it will now be our policy to regularly

train everyone through our longstanding program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY

TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than

other offices. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on

the job, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the

top of the S.H.I.T. list.

As you know, our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing that you get

all the S.H.I.T. you can handle. Employees who don't take S.H.I.T. will be

placed in the DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to attend the

supplemental program, EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since

your supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to

take S.H.I.T. anymore. Obviously, they are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may qualify for the supervisory or training

position, either giving S.H.I.T. to fellow employees or training other to

take S.H.I.T.We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST

(B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those of you who become skilled in B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.

will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and eventually apply for a promotion to DIRECTOR

OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). If you have any further

questions, please direct them to: HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY

TRAINING. (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G.

S.H.I.T.)