WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Plato: For the greater good.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Karl Marx (revisited): It was a historical inevitability.

Hamlet: Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of

outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of on coming

vehicles...

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken

which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with

fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of

avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion

maintained.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered

within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is

equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because

structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find

out.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also

across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

Malcolm X: Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.

Trent Reznor: Because the world is FU**ED UP and it HATES ITSELF for being

such a PITIFUL WHINY USELESS S**T!

Darth Vader: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the

objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused

the actualization of this potential occurrence.

John Constantine: Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side

of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed

the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Baldrick: It had a cunning plan.

Wesley: It's terribly fashionable, I think everyone will be doing it in the

future.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Epicurus: For fun.

Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its

forward momentum.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted

the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of

which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs,

which,thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite

justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion

tend to cross the road.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)reason.

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly.Ah canna

work miracles, Captain!

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.