Goofy Headlines

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE

IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?

STUD TIRES OUT

PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN

BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS

LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS

EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

SHOT OFF WOMAN'S LEG HELPS NICKLAUS TO 66

ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX

PLANE TOO CLOSE TO GROUND, CRASH PROBE TOLD

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE

TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES

2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS IN CHECKOUT COUNTER

KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS

NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES INFECTION FROM LOVED ONE

DRUNKEN DRIVERS PAID $1000 IN '84

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

ENFIELD COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE