• Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
• Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
• I brake for no apparent reason.
• Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
• Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
• We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
• It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
• Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
• I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons.
• Born free...Taxed to death.
• The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
• Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
• I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
• All men are idiots, and I married their King.
• Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
• Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
• Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
• If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
• Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
• No radio - Already stolen.
• Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
• OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
• Few women admit their age; Few men act it.
• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
• IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
• Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to commit murder.
• Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
• Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
• Relity---what a crutch!
• How can I miss you if you won't go away?
• Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• We are born naked,wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
• Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
• i souport publik edekashun.
• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
• Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
• Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
• Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?
• Being good at stupid doesn't count.
• I'm a freak. Touch me.
• Your just jealous because the voices talk to me.
• I'm not a slut, I'm popular.
• I'm not popular, I'm a slut.
• The more you disapprove, the more fun it is for me.
• YOU all laugh because I'm different. I laugh because YOU'RE all the SAME!
• Friends help friends move. Real friends help move bodies.
• If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?
• Look at me when I'm hitting you.

© 1997 snipe_hunter@hotmail.com

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