Here is an example of how a married man is confused about the quantity of sex he and his wife have.....


TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the last year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

  1. The sheets are clean---44 times.
  2. It's too late---17 times.
  3. I'm too tired--49 times.
  4. It's too early---20 times.
  5. Pretending to be asleep---15 times.
  6. The neighbors will hear---3 times.
  7. Headache---22 times.
  8. Sunburn---7 times.
  9. Your mother will hear---9 times.
  10. Not in the mood---37 times.
  11. You will wake the baby---17 times.
  12. Watching the late show---6 times.
  13. New Hairdo---5 times.
  14. Too sore---16 times.
  15. Wromg time of the month---12 times.
  16. Have to get up early---19 times.
  17. I promise tomorrow---16 times.


Of the 36 times I did succeed, The activity was satisfactory because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the celing, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because you moved.


TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get more than you did:

  1. Came home drunk, tried to fuck the cat---5 times.
  2. Did not come home at all---36 times.
  3. Did not cum---21 times.
  4. Came too soon---33 times.
  5. Went soft before you got it in---19 times.
  6. Toes cramped up---10 times.
  7. Working too late---38 times.
  8. Had to get up early to play golf---29 times.
  9. You got in a fight and someone kicked you in the nards---2 times.
  10. Caught it in the zipper--4 times.
  11. Got a cold and your nose kept running---3 times.
  12. Coffe was hot and you burned your tounge---3 times.
  13. You had a splinter in your finger---2 times.
  14. Lost notion thinking about it all day---20 times.
  15. Beat off in pajamas while reading dirty magazines--6 times.
  16. Too busy watching football on the TV---98 times.


Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the celing. What I said was 'Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?'. The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.



© 1997 snipe_hunter@hotmail.com

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