Warning, Read the Label
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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head. (The big one or the little one?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children. (or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (have a lobotomy)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief)

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