Cynics Central

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of

bald men?

What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to

be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals

throw hamburgers?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck

together?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

At the Cash Register

=--=

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished

to

purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a

television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me,

soI

figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

T-Shirt Slogans

=--=

+ That was Zen, this is Tao.

+ I am on a thirty day diet.

So far, I have lost 15 days.

+ You have a right to your opinions;

I just don't want to hear them.

+ I am retired -- this is as

dressed up as I'm going to get.

+ The problem with patting yourself on the back

is that your hands aren't free to break your fall.

3 Nuns & a Father

=--=

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in

Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of

pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room

putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!"

gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in

all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

Ethnic Stereotypes

=--=

God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first

approached

the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He

answered,

"Thou shalt not murder." They answered "Sorry, we are not interested."

Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you

offer?"

they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not steal." They answered,

"Sorry,

we are not interested."

Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?"

they asked. "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife." "Sorry we are

not interested," they answered.

Finally he approached the Jews. "How much?" they asked. "It's free,"

he

answered. "We'll take ten of them!"