This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.

They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the

Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the

Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their

children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?".

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread

which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to

get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't

have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.

They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death,

his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and

threw the Java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans

because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of

March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he

gasped out :"Tee hee, Brutus."

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the

fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally

Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the

futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote

literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while

standing on his son's head.

15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When

she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented

removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation

of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented

cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world

with a 100 foot clipper.

17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born

in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is

famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and

hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a

heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote

Donkey Hote . The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise

Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great

navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships

were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

20. Later, the Pilgims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's

Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died

and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in

their tea. Also, the Colonists would send their parcels through the post

without stamps. Finally the colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for

taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.

Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the

Declaration of Independence.

Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A

horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still

dead.

22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic

hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare

arms.

23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died

in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.

Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On

the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his

seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassin was

John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire

invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

25. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the

autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number

of children. In between he practised on an old spinster which he kept up in his

attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in

the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half

English. He was very large.

27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud

music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.

Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted

into Napolean. Napolean wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since

Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire's in the

East and the sun sets in the West.

30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She

was a moral woman who practised virtue. Her death was the final event which

ended her reign.

31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts inventions.

People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The

invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus

McCormick invented the McCormick raper which did the work of a hundred men.

32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist

who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl

Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an

anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Something else funny :

EURO-INGLISJ

Not yet announced is that the European Commission has recently decided that

English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,

which dismayed the Germans since this was the original choice.

However, as part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government has conceded

that English spelling has some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year

phase-in plan that would be known as Euro-English.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertaintly, this will make

the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the

'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik support in the sekond year when the troublesome

'ph' is replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 %

shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to

reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will

enkorage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to

akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in

the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th year peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z'

and 'w' wiz 'v'.

During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'

and similar changes vud of kurs be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After

ze fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensil ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or

difikultis and evriun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.

Zen Z Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru !