Holy Tears
by HaramisLT
Katie rushed home because it would be dark soon and she wasn't supposed to be out. She had been listening to Old Betha's tales again. Old Betha had to be at least one hundred and twenty. Katie had never seen anyone so old and wrinkly. She used to be scared of Old Betha because the woman had greasy hair and only one eye. She told really good stories though.
Today she had told Katie that Sector 2 used to be its own town. Katie was sure Old Betha was fibbing because Sector 2 didn't look anything like the towns in her school book. Old Betha said that was because it had been a part of Midgar for so long. She said that in her grandmother's day there had been eight towns all fertile and beautiful. Katie had to ask what fertile meant. Old Betha said that it had a lot of plants and that people were happy. The name for Sector 2 was Castleton. Katie thought that Old Betha made the name up because how could she know it if she had said that no one remembered it anymore?
Still, Katie liked it. Castleton. It sounded like someplace magic. She bet if didn't smell like shit. Momma always got on to her when she said "shit," but Daddy said it all the time and he never got in trouble. Anyway, she was sure that it didn't smell bad. Old Betha said the Shin-Ra had put the plate on top of the towns so that even day didn't really look like day anymore. She said people choked on the bad air and the land died. Katie agreed with that. Nothing grew in Sector 2 except giant rats. You could hear them squeaking in the alleys.
Katie looked up to see she wasn't going to make it home on time. She ran until she got to the low door that led to their apartment. She was breathing a little fast. She slowly pushed the door open and hoped she wasn't in trouble. Daddy sat in the old, brown chair. Katie thought it used to be bright yellow. The TV screen flickered in front of him, but he stared at it absently. His hand was curled around a half empty brown bottle. The room smelled like sour whiskey. It smelled like it always did.
He turned his head only a little and blinked at her and then went back to watching TV. Katie edged past him nearly leaning against the far wall. She walked into the second room where Momma was waiting. Momma looked tired. She was stirring a pot over their fireplace. She looked up.
"Katie, you're late again."
Katie looked down and rubbed her nose on her sleeve.
"I'm sorry, Momma. Old Betha was telling me stories."
"What about?"
"She said this place used to be called Castleton."
"Oh.. I guess it may have been." Momma pushed some of her hair out of her face. "You still need to try to be home before dark it's dangerous out there." She smiled just a little, "I mean the rats alone could eat you alive."
Katie grinned up at Momma, "They could not!"
"You never know. I think dinner is about ready. Wash your face and hands."
Katie nodded and walked over to the sink in the corner. She dropped her coat on her mat and then carefully washed her hands. She walked back over to Momma who gave her a bowl of soup.
"Take that to your daddy, and then I'll give you your bowl."
Katie carried the bowl back into the front room and slowly approached Daddy's chair. Sometimes if she surprised him he accidentally hit her. He looked at the bowl in her hand and took it.
"Whadja do today, kid?"
"I talked to Old Betha."
"How many times have I told you stay away from that old hag...she'll give you fleas."
"She told me that Sector 2 used to be called Castleton."
"And she's filling your head with shit. Ain't never been anything here but slum. So you better get used to it."
"I'm gonna leave someday though. I saw the pictures in my book."
"Sure you will, now shut-up and go eat."
Katie looked down at her feet and walked back to her Momma. Daddy was wrong. Someday she was going to go somewhere else. She knew there were places where the air didn't turn black. She took her bowl from Momma and slumped down on the floor.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Momma asked as she sat down next to Katie.
"Daddy said there was no Castleton and he said I'm never gonna leave."
Momma put an arm around Katie, "You'll get your chance don't worry. Now eat your soup. You're going to have to be strong it you want to get out of here someday."
Katie smiled and picked up her spoon. Then she heard Daddy move. He got up from his chair and walked into the room. He leaned on the doorway.
"Anne, I told you not to fill her head with that shit. The sooner she learns the better. She ain't got nothin' ahead of her but slavery to Shin-Ra. Just like the rest of us."
Momma frowned at Daddy, "We'll talk about this later. Let Katie finish her dinner." Daddy gave a look of challenge, but just walked over to the cabinet and got another bottle.
"Sure. Later." He moved back to his chair. Momma sighed and left her spoon in her soup as she looked at her seven-year-old daughter. She gently patted down Katie's hair and stared at the fire.
"Finish your soup so that I can read your story."
"Okay, Momma!" Katie quickly ate her soup and then walked over to her mat and took her shoes off. She put on her only pair of pajamas and then crawled under her blanket. Momma sat on the edge of her mat.
"You ready to hear a story?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay... There was a little..."
"Momma!"
"What, Katie?"
"You didn't start it right! You have to say 'Once upon a time'!"
"Okay, Once upon a time there was a little girl-named Katherine. More than anything she wanted to leave the forest where she lived. There were all kinds of goblins and monsters and they made the forest smell bad. She had heard that not only were there other forests, but there were even plains and fields and mountains and oceans and hundreds of animals she had never seen.
"The only problem was that all the elders in the forest told her that she would never make it out if the forest because she didn't have any tools or weapons and the goblins would stop her, but Katherine didn't give up hope. She knew she could do it. So she kept working and talking. And she practiced a lot. Then one day she took her sword and left the safety of her little village in the woods.
"It wasn't long before a goblin dropped out of a tree and tried to hurt her, but you know what happened?"
"No..." Katie nodded her head sleepily.
"She killed it. Then she took it's head back to the village and said, 'Look, they can be destroyed. We've been afraid for no reason.' And the people saw that she was right and that it could be their forest and they trained hard and long. And the fought he goblins whenever they could. And one day, when Katherine wasn't a little girl anymore, they did it. The forest was free of all the monsters. And it didn't smell bad and the people were happy.
"The forest grew to be beautiful again, and Katherine loved it, but she also traveled and she saw other forests and plains and fields and mountains and oceans and hundreds of animals she had never seen before. She traveled all over the world and she destroyed monsters wherever she saw them. She became a great hero and they called her Katherine the Protector because she looked out for those who couldn't save themselves."
Katie smiled at Momma and yawned, "That was a good story."
"Thanks... now go to sleep." Momma kissed Katie on the cheek and stood up slowly. Katie closed her eyes and turned a little so that she could fall asleep.
It wasn't until later that she woke to the argument. Momma and Daddy were talking in loud, angry voices. She slowly opened her eyes shaking away the web of dreams and hoping the voices would fall away with them. They didn't. She couldn't see either of them.
"Anne, shut-up!"
"NO! I will not let you crush her hopes like that."
"Like I did yours, slut?"
She could hear Momma crying a little. Daddy was quiet. It was silent until Momma talked, so softly that Katie almost couldn't hear her.
"Maybe I should have never left, but I can't go back now. They would never take me."
If Katie knew anything about Momma back then, she would have known that Momma was broken. That she had lost her hope. The only fragment that she clung to was that her daughter would be more than she was. A hope that was continually challenged Daddy. Maybe Daddy never really loved her at all. At least that was what Katie would realize later. For now though, all she knew was that Daddy and Mommy hated each other and it was her fault.
She heard Momma stop. She was gathering her strength, to tell Daddy off.
"I'm not your slut. Not anymore. GET OUT."
Her words were forceful and strong. Katie was confused she was scared of Daddy. He was mean, but she loved him too. She threw off her blanket and ran into the room. Daddy turned to look at her.
"What're you looking at you little mistake."
Momma looked angier, "I SAID GET OUT!" She shoved Daddy with her palms outward her face etched with rage. He lifted his hand and smacked her with a loud sharp clap. She put her hand to her cheek. A single tear rolled from her left eye. It was of stinging pain, not sadness or anger. Katie edged back so that her shoulders were against the wall.
"Go find one of your whores. Just leave us alone."
"You fucking bitch."
Momma looked at Daddy and then did something Katie had never expected. She reached to her waist, under her baggy shirt, and pulled a gun out. She held it steady hot intentions flaming in her eyes. She trained it on Daddy's head.
"You heard me." The words were forceful and also even. She stood unchallenged. Daddy moved to the door, grabbing his coat.
"I'll be back." He was cursing as he slammed the door and moved into the night. Momma slumped into Daddy's old, smelly chair and she cried. Big racking sobs that frightened Katie. She walked slowly around the chair like she had to with Daddy.
"Momma?"
"It'll...be...okay." She was gasping for air. It didn't sound like it would be okay at all. "Just get your stuff together Kate. We're moving. We have to go."
Katie pulled out her school bag and peered into it. She really didn't have all that much. She changed into her clothes and then put her pajamas in it and the dirty clothes she had worn that day. After that she dumped in her coloring book, her box of crayons, and Mr. Bear. She looked around the bare room and wondered where they would go.
After some time, Momma came in and did the same thing as Katie--taking a bag and stuffing it with her few possessions. She put Katie's jacket on her and then walked back to Daddy's chair. She lifted the cushion and then reached beneath the lining. There she raised a little sack. She opened it so Katie could see. It was gil. More gil then Katie had every seen together in her lifetime, which really wasn't all that much.
Momma put on her own jacket, and then she took Katie's hand and they walked out to the train station. Momma told her to stay close, that the trains weren't safe at night. Katie nodded solemnly and stood close to her. The train just kept going up and up. She had never been this high in Midgar before. The train opened on a clean, metallic suburbia. They left it with their small bags. There were no pimps or dealers here. Just a lone cop who stared at them suspiciously. Katie edged behind Momma a little more scared by this strange environment than she would have been in Sector 2.
Momma looked at her money bag carefully, wishing she could afford a cab, that she could get Katie out of the night air, but if this went wrong than they would need the gil badly. She tucked it deep in her bag and began moving down the sidewalk as fast as Katie could keep up.
Katie was sure they has walked for miles when Momma sighed.
"This is the street."
Katie looked around. It had the same big houses as all the other streets. She didn't see how it was any different, but it seemed important to Momma. Momma stared down the street and then finally began walking again. Her watch said it was 6:13. Dad would be getting up for breakfast. Her throat tight with nervousness and conflicting emotions she pulled their granddaughter up the street and to the clean house.
She rang the doorbell with an uncertain hand. She heard steps inside and jumped like a nervous wolf lost in unfamiliar territory; she was half-ready to flee back into the sewers where she belonged. The door opened slowly just a little crack.
"What do you need?"
"Robert Donovan."
The maid sniffed in contempt. "It's early he will see no one at this hour." The maid nearly closed the door, but Anne held it open with her foot.
"No.. no, please. Tell him it's his daughter."
The maid entertained a look between curiosity and contempt. "Just a moment, please." She slammed the door firmly closing off a world of fine furniture and plush carpets.
The woman once named Anne Donovan waited in the cold for ten minutes. Her daughter leaned against her leg. Katie had heard Momma say that she was this guy's daughter. She stared in awe at the house. Momma had come from this? She had always wondered why she didn't have grandparents, but then a lot of kids at school had dead ones so it wasn't a really big deal.
The maid pulled the door open with a swift rush of heated air. Her sneer of contempt was for both ratty mother and daughter.
"Mr. Donovan has no daughter. Get out or I will call the cops to dump you slum trash back where you belong." She slammed the door with a thick bang.
Anne stood there numb. Her face was determined though, fierce. She would make it even without her parents. She still had the gil, she would buy them a new shabby apartment and she would get a job, and they would make it. She knew they would make it. She stomped back to the train station, Katie in tow, and knowing finally that she would depend on herself, that she could depend on herself alone.
Robert Donovan flipped the page of his newspaper and took a sip from his orange juice. He knew that would his ungrateful child would return someday begging for help she would never have. He would never forget the day she had left. The rebellion and the utter and final blow of separation. He would never forget that she had rejected them first. He would never know he had a granddaughter.
The train snaked back into the bowels of Midgar. Momma held Katie by her side. Morning was dawning slowly outside. Katie rubbed at her eyes sleepily. Momma kissed the top of her head.
"Don't worry, sweetie. We'll be there soon and I'll find us a place to stay. And then you'll get all the sleep you need."
As they sunk beneath the plate, the false night claimed them. The neon lights flashed in the windows calling out all the city's garish delights. A thousand pleasures awaited them if only they would sell their souls to the demons' vendors. Anne turned Katie's head from the lights and said a tiny prayer that Katie would never follow them even as the lights drew her away from herself. She finally closed her eyes, forcing herself to look away.
When they had reached to the ground, Anne woke Katie with a soft voice. Katie unclenched her hands. She was lost and upset but she couldn't remember why. She opened her eyes slowly to see the dirty seats of the train and she recalled where she was. Katie rubbed her eyes and reached out her hand to Momma. Momma took it and they walked off the train into a sector she had never seen before, but it still looked familiar. They were the same people looking at her with empty eyes and thin faces...the same smell... the same bars.
When they found a new home it was smaller, one room, and it a little dark, with only a single light bulb. The room had a thin layer of dust and grime coating it, and Katie was sure someone had died in there. Momma promised they could clean it up, and that it would keep them warm. The only part of the place Katie liked was the half firepit, half chimney that took up a small corner of the room. Momma was right. It was warmer than on the streets.
When they had cleaned their new home and Katie was tucked in for the night, Momma told her something she never forgot. That they would survive without Daddy. They would make it, and Momma would make sure things only got better after this. Words that would prove a lie.
Can you hear the child tears
Whose paradise was taken from her hands
Can you hold her in your arms
And tell her that you'll try to understand
When there's no way in hell you can
Can you hear me
Can you hear me now?