Red to Black by Sarah Jordan
feed back at fortto@yahoo.com

"What happened?" yelled a doctor as the EMT's rolled a young blonde 
woman in on a stretcher.

"Bombing at a building on 42nd and 5th" yelled the EMT. She then 
babbled a string of numbers that mainly said Kelly was badly hurt and 
not doing to good. 

"Looks like she got hit in the face, it's bad," a nurse yelled.

Kelly screamed and screamed.  Everything was red, blood red, and she 
could barely see the outline of the people working on her. "Can you 
hear me?" a nurse asked her.

"I can only see red," Kelly answered. "What happened?"

"You were in a bombing and have severe head wounds" someone told Kelly. 
"Can you follow the light?" 

"Where is Alex? Is he all right?" Kelly asked as the doctors rushed 
about her poking at her head.

"No response" the doctor said as she put away the light.

"Who? Who are you talking about?" someone else asked, but before Kelly 
could answer the red turned to black and someone yelled, "she's out!"

* * *

Kelly woke up and her eyes were open but she saw nothing, as if there 
was something over her eyes.  She tore at them trying to take off 
whatever was blocking her vision, but she felt her nails digging into 
her skin.

Then someone grabbed her hands,  "Hey, hey, what are you doing?" she 
asked.

"Turn on the light" Kelly ordered "take this cloth thing off my eyes. 
Who are you?" she demanded.

"I'm your doctor, my name is Jackie O'Connor.  Do you know where you 
are?"

"I'm in a hospital. Someone bombed my office and I was hit in the face 
with glass. Why can't I s--" Her voice trailed off when she realized 
what had happened. She realized why all she saw was black, why she 
could not see the light. "Oh my god" she said and began sobbing. She 
realized she was blind.

"It's going to be all right," the doctor said. "Is there anyone you 
want me to call for you?" 

"My mom in Virginia, and Alex," Kelly managed to get out while sobbing 
uncontrollably. 

"Is Alex tall with light brown hair?" Doctor O'Connor asked.  Kelly 
could only nod. "Well, I think he is out in chairs. I'll get him for 
you" she said, and left the room.  

* * *

"Kelly?" Alex said as he sat down on her bed "how are you?"  She could 
not answer, only cry.  He saw tears run down his best friend's face for 
the first time.  He had never seen her cry; she was always strong and 
caring.  He leaned close to her, "It's going to be all right" he 
whispered. "I'm here for you, its going to be ok" he repeated.

"How?" she asked.  She did not want to doubt him, but she did not see 
how this could be all right.  She couldn't say anything more.  She 
wanted to, but the words would not come out. 

"I promise you Kelly it will be all right, we'll find out who did this, 
and we will make them pay for what they did," Alex assured her.  How 
could I have let this happen? He thought. Why didn't I take her with me 
to lunch? She could have helped on the case, and then this would not 
have happened.  

Kelly did not know how they would make them pay.  She wanted them to 
pay with their life, or at least their sight.  She did not know how 
they were going to find them, but she trusted Alex. She had to. Who 
else could she trust?  She felt like she could not even trust herself. 
 She couldn't see. How could she trust herself, she had relied so much 
on her sight.  "How?  How can it be all right?" She asked again, "I 
can't go back to work, I can't see, I can't read a case, I can't see 
where to walk, I can't write. What am I going to do?" 

Alex didn't know what to say, he just held her tight, and told her 
again that it would be all right.

* * *

Knock, knock, knock. Kelly got up from the couch and began to carefully 
count her steps to the front door. Ten, eleven, twelve, "Who is it?" 
she asked when she hit fifteen and finally could touch the doorknob. 

"It's me," Alex answered.

Kelly had learned to recognize voices, and she knew who it was and 
opened the door "What is it?" she asked, closing the door when she 
heard him enter her apartment.

"I thought you might be hungry, so I brought some pizza" Alex said. He 
took her arm and began leading her into the kitchen 

"Let go!" she yelled, "I can get there myself." She yanked her arm 
away. She continued to walk to the kitchen. 

She thought, Why does he think he has to take care of me? I hate it 
when people do that.  First my mother did it for three weeks, then I 
finally convinced her to go home, and that I could take care of myself. 
 Now he comes over every night with a new excuse. Yesterday it was that 
I might need some new CDs. I am so sick of it, people treating me like 
I can't do anything; I'm the one who has to deal with this, not them.  
They can actually see more then one shade of black.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"NOTHING!" Kelly yelled, and began to walk away from him towards her 
bedroom. She sensed that he followed her. "Stop it!!" She yelled, "Stop 
following me!" She turned, towards the couch. She counted, four, five, 
six, seven, knowing it was twenty steps from her bedroom door to the 
couch. Fifteen, she walked right into the couch and fell to the ground. 
 "It's twenty, not fifteen what happened? Why did this happen?  Why? 
Why? Why?" She demanded. He came next to her and took her in his arms. 
"Why did this happen to me? What did I do?"  Kelly asked sobbing.

"It's going to be all right. We'll get through this together." he told 
her, and she knew he meant it. His voice told her, she did not need to 
see his face. She trusted him.  

* * *

Kelly jumped up, her hands out in front of her but she did not feel 
anything.  She felt as if she had no hands, that she was nowhere. She 
saw only black.  She was terrified.  "Help!" she cried out to the 
nothingness.  She felt the tears pouring down her face.  "Someone help 
me," she cried out.  She did not expect anyone to come.  She was 
terrified

"I'm here," a voice came.

"Alex?" Kelly sobbed.

"Yes, I'm here, it will be all right.  I'm here, don't worry" he said 
and held her tight.

"What are you doing here?" she asked between sobs.  "What time is it?"

"It's four AM" he answered, "I was asleep on the couch. You fell asleep 
while we were talking last night.  I put you to bed," he answered still 
holding her.

"You didn't need to do that, you don't have to stay.  You don't have to 
take care of me.  I'm fine really," Kelly said pushing away

"You weren't fine just now. What happened? A nightmare?" Alex asked

"I don't know.  In my dream I was at my desk in the office.  You walked 
by, said you were going to lunch, and asked if I wanted to go.  I said 
no.  You left, mumbling something to yourself that I could not 
understand.  It was like the day of the bomb, but it was different.  I 
got up from my desk and went out to the garage, you know, where the 
bomb went off. I saw him setting the bomb, and went over and attacked 
him.  I stopped the bomb before it went off.  I was a hero." Kelly 
exclaimed. "That is what should have happened.  I should have stopped 
him." She stopped, "But that was not the scary part.  The worst part 
was when I woke up"

"Why?" Alex asked confused, "what happened?"

"Well, in my dreams I can see.  Now when I wake up, its all black, 
there is nothing." Kelly explained.

Alex did not know what to say, he just held her again. What do I tell 
her? He asked himself. I don't know what will help her.  I don't want 
to tell her what she already knows; she hates it when people do that. 
"It will be all right" he whispered.  He looked down and she was asleep 
on his shoulder.  He picked her up and laid her down on her bed and he 
lay down next to her and fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, when Alex woke up, Kelly was not in her bed. "Kelly?" 
he said.  There was no answer. "Kelly?" he asked again, and still he 
heard nothing.  He jumped out of the bed "Kelly?!" he yelled, running 
around the apartment looking for her.  He saw her in the kitchen 
pouring a cup of coffee.

"Coffee Alex?" she asked holding out a mug.

"Yes, please" he said with a sigh of relief.

"Sleep well?" Kelly asked, taking a sip of her coffee. "You did not 
have to stay on the couch you know," she said.  "Knowing you are next 
to me keeps the dreams away," she explained.

"You want me to stay over tonight?" Alex asked taking the mug from 
Kelly.

"Yes, if you want to," she said putting down her coffee.  "What do you 
want for breakfast?" she asked getting up.

"Why don't we go out? I have to stop by my place to get some stuff, and 
I know this small little diner on the way." Alex said.

"Sure," Kelly nodded, "but first I'm taking a shower." She began 
counting her steps to the bathroom.  

She's going to be the death of me; she's so damn independent, Alex 
thought to himself.  Oh well, I'll learn to live with it.

* * *

"Your going to have to help me,"  Kelly said, standing in her doorway, 
"I don't remember how many steps it is to the elevator.  I have not 
left my apartment for about a month," Kelly could hear Alex laugh a 
little.  "Don't laugh at me or I won't let you stay"

"I'm not laughing, totally.  I'm just amazed that you, of all people, 
are asking for help." Alex said and took her arm. "You want to walk, or 
take a cab?"

"Walk, I love the nice clean air of New York" Kelly said sarcastically, 
as they got into the elevator laughing.

Alex led Kelly down the sidewalk of 5th avenue.  "Tell me what's going 
on, what kind of people are out today?" Kelly asked. "What is the date 
and time first"

"Today is June 5th and it is 10:42 in the morning.  Mostly tourists out 
now, with the slight chance of a businessperson" Alex said as he 
described the streets around them like a weatherman would.  

"Why aren't you at work or something?" Kelly asked stopping

"That is one of the things I'm getting at my apartment but think about 
it, the building went up in flames.  With the building went all my 
cases, which left a lot of mad clients."  Alex explained, "turn here" 
he said heading into the diner.  They enjoyed a nice breakfast.  
Afterward they got Alex's stuff from his apartment, and went back to 
Kelly's 

* * *

That night Kelly woke up in the middle of the night, and realized that 
Alex was not in the bed with her.  She sat up and was about to call for 
him, but she heard him crying. I wonder what's wrong? Kelly asked 
herself. I don't want him to worry anymore about me.  I'll ask him in 
the morning.  

What do I do? Alex asked himself.  How do I tell her how hard this is 
for me?  I feel so helpless.  I can't help her.  I can't give her sight 
back, which is what she wants.  I don't know what to do to help her.  I 
want to be there for her, but.  Alex could not finish his thought 
before he fell asleep in Kelly's chair.

* * *

When Kelly got out of the shower she heard Alex on the phone.  She 
assumed it was a client.  Alex had made her apartment into a makeshift 
office.  He was always on the phone with clients, and her table was 
filled with papers.  Kelly actually liked it.  Alex told her all the 
cases he was working on, and she helped.  It added some color into her 
otherwise black life.  It made her feel like she was a lawyer again.  
She knew she would never be able to go back into a courtroom and defend 
a person, but this made her feel better.  Since she thought it was a 
client Alex was talking to. She listened in.

"You gatta help me out here" Alex said to whoever was on the phone. "I 
don't know what to do.  It's like being in a trap.  I can't say how I 
feel because I don't want to upset her.  This is bothering me so much, 
but I can't tell her.  If I look at it like her, I have it easy." He 
paused, like he was listening. "Hell no, I can't leave.  She wakes up 
almost every night with nightmares.  And she is the one who asked me to 
stay, not the other way around.  How would I tell her if I were to 
leave?  I could not do it.  No way!"

Oh my god. I did not know he felt like that, Kelly thought. That is why 
he has been waking up in the middle of the night.  I can't do this to 
him, but what can I do, tell him to go, that I was eavesdropping? No I 
can't do that.  Ill just ignore it, and maybe he'll get over it.

"Well I have to go Jack.  I'll stop by the new office soon, and drop 
off some of the cases we have been working on." Alex said. Kelly heard 
the phone beep off.  "Kelly, you out of the shower yet?"

"Yeah, who was on the phone?" Kelly asked, walking in while brushing 
her hair.

"Oh just Jack.  I gatta go by the office soon to drop off some files, 
you want to come?"

"Yeah, sure, fine, when?" Kelly said, sitting down in a kitchen chair.

"When I'm done" he said, and went into the bathroom to take a shower.  

* * *

Alex never did "get over it."  Every night, for the next two weeks, 
when she woke up in the middle of the night, she could hear him sobbing 
quietly to himself.  She did not want him to suffer any more.  She 
could not stand to hear him like this.  She had caused his sadness, and 
she could not live with it.  

When Alex woke up one morning, three months after the bombing, he 
realized that Kelly was not in the bedroom.  "Kelly?" he said.  There 
was nothing. "Kelly?!" he said again more loudly. "KELLY?!" he 
screamed.  He ran into the kitchen, and she was not there.  On the 
kitchen table was a note. It was very sloppily written but Alex knew it 
was from Kelly.

Dear Alex,
I can't do this anymore.  I can't sit around and do nothing and depend 
on you to do everything for me.  I heard you on the phone a few weeks 
ago, and I hear you every night.  I can't do it anymore.  I'll miss 
you, but this is for the best.
		Love, 
			Kelly

On top of the note was an empty bottle of aspirin and an empty 
wineglass. Alex knew what she had done "KELLY!!" he yelled one last 
time.  No one answered.

END