, a small division of TMDOTPBM Enterprises International, Inc. ©2003 Founded by The Mighty Druids®, ©1994. All rights reserved.Just because your coat is shiny doesn't mean you have to lick it too.
What a difference a week makes. Last week I was pretty upset with the prospect of losing any meaningful contact with Jeni, and now I'm wondering (more hoping than anything) when she might call me again. Tonight before she goes to sleep? Tomorrow after she gets out of class (or perhaps before class)? The possibilities are almost endless, and yet the key word there is "possibilities." I'm no longer wondering "if" she'll call. I'm pretty sure it'll happen, even if it's later rather than sooner. I'm probably already spoiled with how often she calls me now (although my heart still skips a beat every time my phone rings, and then again when I see that pixelated (?) word, "Jeni" appear on my cell phone screen). I'm afraid to turn my phone off when I sleep out of fear of missing a phone call. It's only when I've convinced myself that I absolutely need sleep do I turn it off.
So I've got that going for me. But what is it really that I've got? In my haste I've failed to listen to people "warning" me about something wrong with this situation, and only in the past couple of days have I given their pessimism any thought. For the most part I've been able to dismiss their ideas with reasoning of jealousy (for two ex-girlfriends) or simple cautiousness (my roommate), but the fourth person has little motive to ruin my overexcitement (Ryan), and that's perhaps my biggest concern right now, since he would know Jeni better than anybody else I know (except for Paul (from work), but I don't talk to him much, especially about serious matters).
Amber is pretty sure that Jeni is a "slut," but she says that about every girl I can think of. I personally find it odd that this past week she's called me almost every day, bugging me to go with her to get a bass amp at a pawn shop (she ended up driving and picking it out with very little help from me anyway), or asking for directions to the Adult Emporium when she knew I was out with Jeni. Convenient. She's easy to ignore.
Christy has similar thinking, minus the "slut" comment. She was worried that I was being "used" for something, perhaps money. But since that is entirely untrue (and she can't think of any other reason for being "used" at the moment) I don't put much stock into what she's saying. Besides, Christy actually sounded sincere about being happy for me, although I'm not sure if that's because I'm becoming good friends with Jeni or because Jeni has a boyfriend.
Joe just gave the simple (if not straightforward) advice that I shouldn't be too nice to Jeni. His line of reasoning stands that in the event of a breakup (say, between Jeni and Gary), I would be the person she comes to for comfort and nothing more. But I like being nice to people, especially people I like. And since I especially like Jeni, I'd have no problem being the shoulder to cry on (or whatever), even if that's all that were to happen. She's given me the opportunity for a no-strings-attached friendship, and that's what I want to offer her in return. Jeni has been nothing but polite towards me (although not exactly straightforward, which is understandable in her situation). I want to be myself when I'm with her (I'm coming closer to being able to do that), and being nice is who I am. (Joe also mentioned something about providing something for Jeni that she wouldn't get otherwise, but that's a different story.)
But then there's Ryan. He's been "warning" me about Jeni for a week and a half, but I haven't been able to get any meaningful information out of him. He's told me not to "wear my heart out on my sleeve" with little explanation. He's told me not to "travel down that path," without even cryptic justification. Does he know something that he's afraid (or can't) tell me? Or is he just being an ass? Should I even waste my time trying to figure it out?
Perhaps I should ignore all this naysaying and go with my gut instinct. Sure, I'd like to have a relationship (other than friendship) with Jeni (and she knows this), and maybe some day she'll tell me I'm pushing too much, or I'm creeping her out (or she'll get married to somebody else--I can take a hint). Either way, I don't see it as setting myself up for a huge letdown. I'm a patient person (when it comes to relationships). I can ride this wave for as long as I have to (either I get the girl or I fall for somebody else). I can't say I've ever felt this way about a girl (before dating them), so I think any emotional (or physical, if that's how Jeni is) pain is worth it. How can I pass up even a slim opportunity (who knows how small) to get what I want?
It's like chasing your dreams. Some people want to be a rock star. Some people fall for a girl. It's all the same.
, a small division of TMDOTPBM Enterprises International, Inc. ©2003 Founded by The Mighty Druids®, ©1994. All rights reserved.