Online Journal (April 30, 2003)

Let me tell you a little story about backing a vehicle into something that shouldn't be backed up into.

It was a foggy spring day. Paul and I took his van (the PBM III) to his uncle's home in Elkhart to pick up a large aquarium. We visited for a short while. Paul and I tweaked his cousin's computer so it would run some Star Wars game correctly. I think it was the sound that wasn't operating correctly, but I could be wrong. Eventually, the time came to load up the 150 gallon (guess) aquarium into the back of the van.

Paul handed me the keys to his van even though I did not yet had my liscence. Hell, I hadn't yet had much experience driving a small car, even illegally, let alone a large van. And backing up was something I probably had never done up to that point.

There wasn't much in the rural area for me to hit with a vehicle, but somehow I managed to find a neighbor's mailbox with the rear bumper. Not really knowing what to do, I finished turning the van around and proceeded to find Paul. I interrupted his chatting to inform him that we needed to go. Very soon. We loaded up the aquarium and left, with Paul driving (legally). After we had started moving down the road I explained to Paul why we needed to leave so hastily.

It was a great laugh with the exception of the phone call we received from his Uncle later asking if we knew anything about the mailbox. We assured him we didn't. I'm not sure he believed us, but he conceded that it had been foggy out. We never heard anything more on the subject, but Paul and I reminisce every once in a while and laugh at ourselves (mainly me).

There isn't much of a point to that story, but if you've by chance done something similar to this, I'm sorry. Perhaps one day we'll all be able to laugh about it.

As of April 16 of this year I have had my tongue ring for two years. My goal has been to have it for three years, and then I’d reassess the situation. Two years has seemed to go by quickly in regards to having the piercing. The hardest part was the first two weeks, with the first having the need to eat pudding, more pudding, and then more pudding, as that was the only thing my sore, swollen tongue could handle. It was three days before I could even talk (much to the chagrin of Amber), and another five to six days before I could talk without a speech impediment.

On the fourteenth day after I got the tongue ring I was caught with it by my commander (a big no-no in the military), so I had to learn extremely quickly how to conceal it, a skill that has helped me immensely in my two jobs since leaving the Army. Consequently, I’ve become very versatile with my tongue, a revelation not easily lost on the ladies.

Women seem more interested in my piercing for various and obvious reasons, but it’s how they react to it that amuses me the most. A typical conversation with a girl goes as such (and I’m not kidding):

Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what they’re talking about. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to tell you if the tongue ring does what people say it does because I’ve never been told if it does by anybody that has had the pleasure if trying it out. The topic never came up afterwards (no pun intended). I’ve actually thought about getting a second piercing closer to the tip of my tongue just for that purpose, but when have I had two weeks off from any of my jobs?

I do get a lot of people telling me that they wouldn’t ever think I’d be the kind of person to get a body piercing. Perhaps that’s the main purpose for me getting it. I guess at the time I thought I was being original, but now I see more and more people with tongue rings and piercings in other exotic places. It just doesn’t seem unique anymore, not that I plan on getting rid of it before my three-year goal is complete. Maybe I was rebelling. It would seem to be the most rebellious thing I’ve ever done, unless you count the four years I signed away when I joined the military (although even I’m not sure as to what or whom I was rebelling against). But was I rebelling against my military constrictions (which were two months away from ending anyway), or was it against the image that I had portrayed for so long? At the time I would have answered the prior, but now I almost hope it was the latter (mainly for the reason that I now know what people “thought” of me beforehand). Even one of my professors commented on how much of a shock it was to her to find I had a tongue ring, and she had only known me for a couple months, and even then only a couple hours a week. Beth seemed the most taken aback when she found out about it, although her reaction wasn’t much different from everybody else’s.

It seems weird, however, to think of myself as a pseudo-expert on the subject, but I am asked from time to time for information and/or advice on getting a tongue ring. A co-worker asked me for info on the subject for her 14 year-old daughter, but nothing I said would occur actually happened (like the tongue swelling and speech impediment), so how credible can I really be? In my defense, I guess I prepared her for a worst-case scenario which didn’t happen.

So, here’s to another year (at least) of having a tongue ring. I’m sure my mother would disagree with that statement, but that’s just one more reason to keep it. Besides, perhaps one day I’ll actually remember to ask how “it” went after the tongue ring has been used for it’s “other” purpose.

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- April 30, 2003