Z: That 'tis the question, eh?
Kahless: Very funny Z. *fighting something concealed in the shadows* Mind informing our viewers of the current situation?
Z: Well, the Empire is very close to Minbar. They've been taking on all the military bases and colonies they can. The Minbari fleet has engaged them as much as possible and both sides are wearing down. Also, there's the interesting matter of biological warfare. They're using the "ALIENS" from the movies of the same name and capitalization. Want to see?
The scene not long ago:
Imperial Commander: All right sir, the ALIENS are ready.
Vader: Good. And, are you sure these things will take out enemy ships from the inside?
Imperial Commander: Well, catching them cost us 57,408 Storm Troopers, and then in break-outs and attacks on the way here we lost 3 Star Destroyers and over 80,000 troops.
Vader: Very good. Now we…wait…
Darth Vader has taken a liking to the Star Wars Imperial music and now has some people hired just to whistle it whenever he wants.
Vader: *turns to his 'music squad'* You…are off key! *force chokes him*
Imperial Commander: Sir, the Minbari forces are within range.
Vader: Good. Deliver our little surprise package.
The breaching pods are launched towards the Minbari ships. Over half are shot down, but those that make it do more than enough damage.
Vader: *on Comm system* Yes, I hear that Storm Trooper #52 is very musically inclined…
Kahless: Yes…the Empire is taking heavy losses but they've pushed to just a few jumps from Minbar itself…HIYA!!!
Z: Heavy casualties? Yes, I believe that they're approaching 20% losses now--real heavy there 'K.
Kahless: A really nasty package at that! *grabs the monster's tongue and flips it around*
Z: Maybe I should commentate while Kahless does battle with the Xenamophs?
Kahless: I'd appreciate it Z! I'm having a hard time keeping these things from bleeding!
Z: *snaps fingers and a klingon suit that looks just like Kahless appears.* Here's an acid proof suit if you want it. Anyway, the Empire is closing in on the military base here, the Minbari have scrambled every ship they could and everyone else has sent a fairly large fleet to help.
Kahless: *throws an alien into two others* Thanks Z. *dons acid-proof Klingon suit* Time for a little ass whooping!
Z: *incinerates an alien with an energy ball* Just keep the fight away from the hull!!
Kahless continues to battle the three Xenomorphs while Z looks out for imperial ships.
Z: Kahless! Stop playing around over there! We've got the Imperial fleet coming down on us!
Kahless: *is strangling one alien while beating another with the third alien* PLAYING?!?!? I'm a little busy here! *Kahless dodges as slimy acid drips from the ceiling and eats a hole in the floor* What now?
A hole in the ceiling reveals another six or so Xenomorphs. Who promptly jump down in with the commentators.
Z: Fine, suit yourself. The Empire's fleet is closing in, having just jumped out of hyperspeed, and the Minbari fleet is moving to engage. Except for two Sharlins…we aren't getting any communications from them. I guess the acidic slime balls got 'em.
Kahless: You're doing a good job Z, keep it up!
Z: Both sides open fire in a dazzling array of pretty colors. Some ships blow up here and there, your typical space battle. Well, this is interesting, Kahless has ripped the tail off of one of the aliens and is using it as a whip against the others!
*STAB!* Z stares at slicing tail of a Xenomorph that has just lodged itself in Z. Z falls backwards but gets up barely. Some sort of energy comes from Z's hand and blows it backwards.
Z: You annoying pest…that HURT!!!! *surrounds the alien in some kind of energy bubble* Time to die. *the energy bubble shrinks, and the alien doesn't, soon it's about the size of a marble filled with a brown goo* Anyway, the White Star fleet and some other fighters have flown into the Imperial fleet making strafing runs on them. Three Defiant class ships combine their firepower and leave a Star Destroyer adrift!
Kahless: Oh crap, not these things too!
Z: What? ….eww…Kahless is tearing a few of those "face huggers" in half…
Kahless: I'm going to take the fight to them! Z, make sure the show goes ok while I'm gone! *starts rallying Minbari warriors*
An Alien jumps Z and tears him into shreds. A little mist comes from the body and takes a humanoid appearance.
Z: ACK!!! That's it!! I'm not staying corporeal with these things around!! Uh…ok…The Klingons have made a strong showing, as usual. A Neg'Var has just managed to destroy a Star Destroyer, but most of the SD kills go to Minbari Sharlins.
FLASH!
? The !: Howdy!
Z: Not you again!!!! Some Federation fighters are making strafing runs on the Star Destroyer's bridge assemblies now.
? The !: And what's wrong with me? Aren't you honored by the mere presence of my bizarreness?
Z: I don't have time for this! Question Mark, what's that over there?
? The !: Appears to be a pink elephant.
Z: ARG!! I have to commentate or the boss is going to send some very nasty things after me… Question Mark, will you keep us informed on Kahless?
? The !: Ooh, pretty colors.
Z: Look, just leave.
? The !: No.
Z: What do you mean "no"?!?!
? The !: Bulimic Pork.
Kahless can be seen slicing through Aliens while Minbari warriors tie down a few of them.
Z: WHAT??
? The !: Bulimic Pork.
Z: What the hell about it???
? The !: Great stuff don't you think?
Z: *turns solid and falls over* Just…shut up.
? The !: Ever watch the Simpsons? You know, I bet if you put all the episode lines in a super-computer and had it check for which state Springfield is in, it wouldn't find it?
Z: *snaps fingers and ? disappears* There, now I can do my job. Kahless is still hacking up aliens. Most of the good guy ships are in retreat now…the Empire's advancing. Oh crap it's the Death Star!!
Kahless: There you are!
Queen Alien: Hissssssss, raaaahhh….
Kahless: Come get some you ugly motha--
Z: THIS DEATH STAR, is smaller than even the original. It seems to have just enough power to waste planets without being ultra huge.
BOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!!!
Z: It's still packin' enough firepower to waste an orbital station in one shot! It's firing on the planet! Ooh, it's coming apart! The top hemisphere blows up and the rest follows! Whoo!! Cool stuff!
? The !: That wasn't very nice Z. Now I'll have to tell you about my vacation.
Z: The fleet is retreating, hmm, I can take you now. Z, ASS-KICKIN'-ISE!!!
Z then turns into a huge bad-ass robot monster and picks Question Mark up.
Kahless: *holding Alien's jaws to keep them from clamping on him. Your breath could kill a full-grown Targ!!
The Alien's inner mouth shoots out, but Kahless grabs it and turns it so it bites the Queen's nose. The Queen rears back shrieking and kicks Kahless back about 20 feet.
Alien minions: Queen! Queen! She's the boss! Puny Klingon'll die of blood loss!
The Queen lashes out one of its clawed hands but Kahless blocks with his bat'leth, and with a twist causes the Queen's arm to make a sickening "crunch" sound. The broken arm however snaps back into play and hurls Kahless into a wall.
Minbari Warriors: K'! K'! You're our dude! If you can't do it, we're all screwed!
Writer: hmm…we should have commentators to tell us what happens with these fights eh?
FLASH!!
Garfield and Dinobot: What the?!?!
Writer: Commentate. *disappears*
Garfield: well…Z is smashing Question Mark into the walls…Question Mark is glowing…and he turned into…a potato?
Dinobot: And he slips in between Z's fingers and lands on the floor…He just used his confusion attack! It doesn't affect Z! He's always confused.
Z: HEY!!!!
Garfield: Z shouldn't have let himself get distracted. Question Mark is now jumping up and down on him.
Dinobot: Z teleports out of the way. He's behind Question Mark, and he's bludgeoning him with a piece of stale French bread!
Garfield: Question Mark's trying to fight back with a bagel, but Z's too fast! Mmmm…bagel….
Dinobot: Well, the cat is now raiding the commentator's refrigerator. Question Mark has disappeared… Where's Kahless?
Kahless: We have succeeded in beating back the ALIEN invaders that the Empire sent after us! It was a glorious battle!!
Z: blood all over the place…
? The !: *flashes back in* Tends to be how things look after the Klingons are done.
Kahless: The Empire has taken out about 50% of the Minbari's military bases and colonies. They've also taken out two of the three Rebel bases hidden in Minbari space. Roughly a third of the Imperial fleet has been destroyed and most of it is suffering from damage. The Minbari military has fallen back and is going to let the Empire take the next two planets with out a fight, only to run into a wall of resistance here.
Z: It shall be glorious, eh K'?
Kahless: You bet.
Dinobot: Well, it seems no one needs me anymore. I'll be around.
? The !: Hey, I want you guys to meet my pet!
Kahless and Z: Huh? Pet?
Question Mark tosses out a red & white ball that pops open when it hits the ground.
Pikachu: Pikachu!
Kahless: *left eye twitching* A…Pikachu?
? The !: Yep, he has a pet too!
Pikachu: Pika! Pikachu!
Pikachu tosses out a little green and red ball with a 'C' on it. It also pops open emitting a blast of light.
? The !: Meet Pikachu's pet commentator Z!
Z: Z! ZZZZZZZZZ!!
Z: grrrrrrrrr.
Z: ZZZZZ!
The two Z's are staring each other down…as are Kahless and Pikachu.
Kahless: *frothing at the mouth* It's…it's…c-c-c-c-cute!!!!!!! Grrr….
Z: Of all the impudence!! I am not happy!! You don't want to make a Q unhappy!!!
Kahless: Shut up Z. You're not a Q, they're sane and more powerful than you can ever hope to be. You're just…you.
Z: You dare insult the all mighty Z!?!!? I shall crush you!!
Z: Z! Z! *hops on Z and starts slapping him silly*
Pikachu: Pi-Pika-Pikachu?
? The !: Yes, the rabid Klingon is bad. Thundershock it.
BBWWWWAAAA---ZZZAAAP!!!!!!!!
Kahless: *smoldering but still standing* All right, battle!!!
Kahless knees Question Mark and smashes his back when he bowls over, then picks him up and throws him through a wall. Kahless then turns his attention to Pikachu. Z is still unable to fend off the attack of mini-Z.
Z: ACK! Stop *smack!* ..it.. *smack!* …you little.. *smack!* CREEP!!!
Z: ZZZZZZZ! *smack-smack-smack-smack-smack-smack!!!!*
Kahless: Your head is mine mouse!! *throws Bat'leth at Pikachu*
Pikachu: Pika! Chu, pika! (Uh-oh, better use agility) *Pikachu glows yellow then dodges the Bat'leth with ease*
The Bat'leth comes back boomerang style but Pikachu hops over it, Kahless catches the Bat'leth as it returns. Z has picked up his mini-clone and is now smashing it into the wall repeatedly.
Kahless: Pikachus are fast little buggers…
Pikachu: PI…KA…CHU!!!!!!!!
BWWWWAAAA---ZZZZAAAAP!!!!!
Kahless: *smoking heavily and barely standing* RRRRAAAAAAHH!! I'll crush you with my bare hands!!
Z: Z!!!!! *CHOMP!!!!!!!!*
It takes Z a second to react to being bitten but he's soon running around waving his arms wildly and screaming.
Z: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!!!
Garfield: Looks like Pikachu runs faster scared than Kahless does mad. He's running circles around the Klingon and hitting him with Quick-Attacks. Z's been unsuccessful in blasting off his mini-clone. I wonder who will commentate while they're fighting?
Kahless: *touching communications panel* Ugh…someone…fill in. sending Galactic Anarchy's transmission codes to anyone who will…commentate…
Pikachu: PIKACHU!!!
BWWWAAAA---ZZZAAAP!!!!!
Z: HAHAHAHAHA!!! The "mighty" Kahless is losing to a Pikachu!
Kahless: I wouldn't laugh if I was you Z.
Z: ZZZZZZ!!!!!!!! *starts head-butting Z at rapid-fire pace*
Static: bzzzzz! zzzzzt! ggzzzz!!
Naru: Hello…seeing how Galactic Anarchy's main commentators are…busy… We'll try our best to fill in.
J: That's right. The Empire is coming out of hyperspeed and the Minbari ships that haven't been incapacitated by ALIENS are all ready to fight.
Naru: What the?! That Star Destroyer is heading right for us!!
BOOOOMM!!!!!
Tarkin: Stupid Minbari, think they can compete with the best commentators this site's ever had.
W: We showed them! Hahaha! Time to hear things from the winning side's point of view.
Tarkin: the Minbari are doomed, they ma have destroyed over 1,600 of our Star Destroyers but before this day is over we will have wiped out their fighting ability.
W: According to this we've destroyed about 750 of their ships, and over 200 of their allies'.
Tarkin: The Empire continues its march to its destiny, complete domination of the universe! The fleet here is impressive but it won't stop us!
Tarkin and W: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
W: Hey…that Minbari ship there looks familiar…
Tarkin: The…Shank'tahk…that thing's killed 15 Star Destroyers this week alone!!
W: BACK UP!! BACK UP!!!
The Star Destroyer hastily backs up, accidentally ramming and destroying 3 smaller ships.
Tarkin: You have to admire their stubbornness, they've held their line against us.
W: Considering the fact that Star Destroyers last all of 7 seconds against a Sharlin I'm not surprised.
Tarkin: If only we could target those darn things…that stealth works too well. In a mad-rush attack about another 100 Star destroyers go down, managing to leave 25 or so Sharlins destroyed or adrift. TIE fighters are giving it their all, and managing to overwhelm the Minbari fighters.
W: Interesting fact…according to this, we lose an average of 63 TIE fighters for every Nial fighter we take down.
Tarkin: *smashes W's head hard* YOU IDIOT!! You aren't supposed to let everyone know stuff like that!!!!
W: Sorry…*rubs head* looks like some of the empty kamikaze Star Destroyers have gotten through. Hey, that opened up a hole in their defenses!
Tarkin: And we're taking advantage of it, sending in a good-sized fleet to attack.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
W: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!
Tarkin: The Excalibur! It opened fire with its main guns and took out over half a dozen Star Destroyers!!
W: We have to take it out quick while it's still powered-down!
Tarkin: Several Star Destroyers are trying, but five Birds of Prey and an Omega are covering it! The Star Destroyers make a charge. One damaged one is finished off by the Omega and massive fire from the Klingons forces the others to slow down! The Star destroyers are returning fire, but the Birds of Prey are fast and dodging most shots…One of the Star Destroyers is focusing its fire-power on the Excalibur, but that dang refracting hull is bouncing most of the energy off!
W: The Klingons have left a SD adrift and the Excalibur is back online! It tears apart a Star Destroyer and knocks its way through the others!
Tarkin: The Sharlins are beginning to fall back but the White Stars are still flying around in the middle of our fleet. They're all but immune to our weapons and hard to hit as it is… Also the Federation Starship…the Gallant, a Defiant-class, is making strafing runs on Vader's Super Star Destroyer with two Birds of Prey and three White Stars!
W: One White Star and one Bird of Prey buy the farm and the ships break off the attack! Vader's SSD is firing into the Minbari fleet now. Wait…the Excalibur is heading for it and it's flanked by three Sharlins!!
Tarkin: It's charging main guns and firing!!
BOOOOOOOMM!!!!!!
W: HOLY SMOKES!! It blew off the first quarter of the SSD!!!
Tarkin: The Minbari Sharlins are firing wide dispersion beams for cover-fire. Some Star Destroyers are trying to attack the Excalibur but the Sharlins are taking blows for it!
W: Just the kind of nobility we take advantage of, isn't it?
Tarkin: That it is.
W: It seems that over half of their fleet has been hit hard enough to detect. They're regrouping around the planet.
Tarkin: Good, we'll be moving to step 2 of this battle now. We now return you to your regularly scheduled hosts. Who knows what they'll do to us if we don't…
Z: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, EH!?!? YOU LITTLE PUNK!! *stomps on mini-clone some*
Kahless: *is methodically pounding Pikachu against a wall* I guess that's enough. *tosses Pikachu off to the side*
ZZOOOOOOOOM!!!
Z: What the?!?! Where'd they go?!?!
Kahless: The Imperial fleet has hit hyperspeed! They're on route to Minbar!!!!
Z: Sneaky bastards!
Kahless: The fleet is jumping into hyperspace, hopefully we can catch them! Every ship available is being called to the Minbari Homeworld…
Z: Too bad the Prometheus is so far away…I'd like to see that thing in action.
Kahless: I agree, but the Dominion's launched a large offensive on the Federation to tie down their forces. The Klingons are supporting both the Federation and the Minbari heavily while the Romulans are taking on the more immediate threat, the Dominion.
Z: I was a bit surprised to see one of their Neg'Vars here.
Kahless: Did it do well?
Z: Personally took down four Star Destroyers, helped take out 5 more and disabled 2 more.
Kahless: WHOO-HOO!!! …uh…I mean, most glorious kill count there…
Z: So, do you think the Empire's going to slag Minbar?
Kahless: I don't think so…Occupation is more likely, the Death Star is probably for destroying large targets and colonies. I think Minbar is too strategic a planet to just blow up.
Z: looks like we're here. Jumpgates opening.
Kahless: Looks quiet…too quiet…
ZZOOOOOOOOMM!!!!
Z: See what opening your big mouth gets you Kahless?
Kahless: At least we beat them here. And, we have a surprise package…our Elite Tech Fleet!
? The !: hey…what's the Death Star doing?
Z: Looks like part of it is opening up…looks like ships are coming out…
Kahless: It's their Elite Tech Fleet!! They even brought the Shadow Destroyer!
? The !: Gonna get messy?
Kahless and Z: Gonna get real messy…
The Imperial fleet pulls back so that the Death Star is more in the middle instead of pushed to the very back.
Static comes up on the screen, then an Imperial Admiral comes into view.
Z: What do you want?
Imperial Admiral: Vader wants to talk to you. *steps to the side*
Vader: What?!?! Oh fine…*scrapping is heard* There…this should be high enough.
Vader's head rises up into view.
Z: Still short? *moves camera to look down, Vader is standing on a step-ladder*
Kahless: and
Vader: *fuming, with smoke coming from his head* Fine, be that way. You didn't even let me give you my offer. Prepare to be destroyed. *after some trouble reaching, Vader manages to turn off the screen*
Z: How the mighty have shrunken! *snickers evilly*
Kahless: Good thing the Rebels decided to help out with the defense of Minbar, they're ships should be arriving any minute.
ZZOOOOOMM!!!!
Rebel Commander: hi, hope you don't mind us being early. We also brought a surprise for our Imperial friends.
Z: WHOAH!! That thing is HUGE!! SWEEEEET!!!
? The !: Capital Ship envy…
Kahless: This is the end of the road for you Question Mark!!
Kahless runs up to Question Mark and smacks him around a bit, then he picks Question Mark up and throws him right out the ship. The sealant doors close quickly but Question Mark falls all the way down to Minbar.
Z: I bet that super-sized Rebel ship is going to show the Empire some pretty colors! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Kahless: Oh, and take your pets with you!! *throws Pikachu and "Z" down to Minbar on top of Question Mark*
Z: No wonder the Romulans call Klingons reckless.
Kahless: *judo-chops Z* The fleets have begun to mix it up, lots of weapons fire. The Shadow Destroyer takes out two Minbari Sharlins with its slicer cannons.
Z: Ooh…pretty colors…
Kahless: First time he said that when it wasn't in reference to weapons fire. Klingon ships are rushing into battle and bringing the fight right in the Imperial's faces.
Z: Whoo…more pretty colors…*falls over*
Kahless: hmm…either I hit him too hard, or not hard enough.
Z: *staggering* behold…the huge-ass, butch-freaky-action, ass whoopin' rebel ship!
KA-BOOOOM!!!!! The Death Star pulverizes said Rebel ship with one shot.
Z: YARPS!!! *falls over* …I don't believe it…
Kahless: There are currently massive strafing runs on the Death Star and the Shadow Destroyer. The Elite Fleets are tearing apart normal ships, but dying equally on both sides when they engage each other. The Shadow Destroyer is also opening up a good-sized can of whoop ass.
Z: We finally get a huge super ship on our side…and it gets blown up…immediately.
Kahless: I can sympathize Z. As fierce as this battle is, we've already commentated on similar. I suggest we follow that massive wave of landing ships. The Star Destroyers are giving cover fire to keep the defense grid from wasting all of them.
Z: Hang on…we're getting something from our SSD spy-cams…
Vader: ARE YOU READY?!
ROOOAAAR!!!
Vader: Uh…is that a 'yes' or a 'no'?
ROAR!
Vader: Well, it doesn't matter. You're helping with the ground assault anyway.
GRRRR!!
Vader: Are you talking back to me?
ROAR! *shakes head*
Vader: Dang it! I can't understand you!! Why don't you just talk like in that Bizarre Bloodbath?
Godzilla holds up a sign that reads: "That was a dubbing error, bonehead."
Vader: Oh…why would you need to dub a roar?
Godzilla shrugs, then cocks his head to the side as he tosses away the sign he was holding. Out of nowhere he pulls a new sign, this one says: "I guess Americans feel their sound effects are better."
Vader: Okay…well, let us carry on with some major ass kicking. Oh, and BONEHEAD!! *tries to force choke Godzilla, first with one hand, then with both arms, no luck*
Z: Rather sad…
Kahless: True, now come Z! Let us get down to the sur…whoah! What's that!?!
A large fleet of Shadow battle cruisers shimmer into normal space and start firing.
Kahless: The Shadows are charging right through the fleets! They're pulverizing anything staying in the way!
Z: Looks like most of the ones too slow to move out of the way are Star Destroyers.
Kahless: In following a disturbing trend, Z is yet again right! Some Star Destroyers are trying to fight back! They turn around and unload into the Shadow ships, but it barely slows them down! About 2 dozen Star Destroyers meet their end via Shadow slicers! The Shadows have torn a path right through the fighting fleets, the only thing left is…The Shadow Destroyer!!
Z: Should be interesting.
Kahless: The Shadow Destroyer turns two slicers on a battle crab and blast it apart! Turbo lasers blow the legs off another! The Shadows move around it, blasting it a little. Surviving 3 blasts from Shadow slicers is an impressive feat! The Shadows are re-entering hyperspace now…and…it's the Borg! They follow the path the Shadows left and enter hyperspace too!
Z: Stranger and stranger this site gets…
Kahless: Very true Z, now let's get on down to Minbar.
Z: And miss the Death Star's defense towers duke it out with hundreds of attacking ships??? *whines*
Kahless: NOW!!!
Z complies and soon the two are heading down to Minbar in a shuttle.
Kahless: Hmmm…tough dodging…have thousands of turbo lasers all over the place, not to mention our side's weapons. But not to fear, for it is in my skill to…
BLAM!!
Z: That was bad news, wasn't it?
Kahless: We just entered high atmosphere and an engine was blown up from Imperial fire, which has sent us on our current course of spiraling out of control to the ground far, far below.
Z: It's been fun Kahless. *starts to teleport out*
Kahless: *grabs Z by the neck and forces him to stay in* Not so fast. If I'm dying, you might as well be with me.
Z: *gulp!* Uh…ok… Wait! Look, down in the sky! Is it a bird?
Kahless: Maybe a plane?
? The !: *appears from nowhere* NO! It's Thunderbolt!!
Thunderbolt catches the shuttle, and with thrusters blazing and heroic music playing, he sets the shuttle down.
Kahless: …saved by Thunderbolt…
Z: …depressing…
Thunderbolt: Dang it! It's just you guys… You aren't very grateful either!!
Kahless: Ok, into action! Z, find a battle with a lot of action!
Z: Can do!
Kahless: Thunderbolt, go join the fighters here on Minbar!
Thunderbolt: What I was born for!
Kahless: Question Mark!
? The !: Yes?
Kahless: Stay away from me.
A dejected punctuation mark that can't decide what it is vanishes into thin air.
Z: *flashes back in* The Minbari capital is under attack! Godzilla and Vader are there!
Kahless: Sounds good! Let's roll!
Soon the mighty commentator arrive on scene to document the action. A virtual wave of Storm Troopers are assaulting the outer city.
Kahless: The Minbari are again outnumbered, but they are holding their defensive barracks quite nicely.
Z: If this keeps up, the Storm Troopers will be able to use the piles of bodies as cover…
Kahless: The Storm Troopers continue the attack completely relentless! They run en-masse, fall apart, and the survivors get up for more! Their determination is commendable although they can't hope to take the city with their current forces.
BLA-BLAM! BA-BLAM! BLA-BAM!!
Z: Here come some AT-ST walkers to even up the odds!
Kahless: The Minbari fortifications don't hold long against the powerful blaster cannons! The Minbari are determined though! Seeing that they can't damage the AT-STs with hand-held weapons they swarm the walkers en-masse to reach the top and get inside! Lots of Minbari get trampled in the attempt…
Z: Looks like the Minbari are managing to hold their trench line. Wait, what's that?!?
Vader: *on megaphone* YOUR VAIN ATTEMPTS ARE OVER. BEHOLD YOUR DOOM!!!
Over the hill comes a number of AT-ATs with TIE fighters all around, and in the center…Godzilla!! The King of Monsters holds a huge banner over his head. It says something about kicking ass and taking names. Godzilla then swings it forward and the Imperial forces move to attack.
Z: If I liked Minbari I couldn't bear to watch.
Kahless: The AT-AT walkers fire their Mega powerful weapons and disintegrate Minbari lines! The TIE fighters are bombing the city and shooting down fliers attempting to escape!!
Z: They've got those damn invincible Minbari Fighters though and they're making the TIE fighters explode all over the place. Major shrapnel alert here. *hides behind a see-through screen* Hey…what's Dinobot doing here?
Kahless: He appears to be…trying to get shot…a Storm Trooper does it! The blast barely singes Dinobot, but…
Dinobot: ALL RIGHT!! An excuse to fight!!!
Z: Hot damn… I've never seen Storm Troopers die so quickly…and that's saying a lot…
Kahless: He's mowing down entire rows with his powerful eyebeams and slices up the ranks with his huge spinning weapons!
Z: You know, if it weren't for the occasional flash of red and scream of horror, it would look rather like an over-enthusiastic gardener mowing out his weeds.
Dinobot: *sighs* It is without honor to slaughter so weak a foe…
Storm Troopers: *sigh in relief*
Z: Dinobot just saw the Imperial walkers…he's getting a sort of crazed look…
Kahless: He's firing his eyebeams!! He blows a few holes into an AT-ST and it falls over! So much for the AT-STs being worthy foes…wait, he's looking at the AT-ATs now!
Z: Dinobot fires his eyebeams. There are a few small holes in the AT-AT but otherwise it looks fine.
Dinobot: All right! A challenge!
Kahless: Dinobot hoped on its foot and pulled out his drill-sword! He's taking it to the 'shin'! Sparks are flying but Dinobot is cutting through the leg! He's got the foot off! The AT-AT now just falls over…
Z: It's just kind of lying there looking as pitiful as a machine can.
Kahless: Dinobot takes it as defeated and moves on! He's jumping up…grabs the neck of another walker! He's pulling himself up to the cockpit now!
Dinobot: RAH!! *rips off cockpit cover*
Imperial guys: EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! *jump out*
Z: Have to wonder about the wisdom in that…
Kahless: True, but they were dead either way! Dinobot is blasting the heck out of that thing! He jumps off as it falls to the ground with its 'head' smoldering!
CRUNCH!!
Z: He just fell on an AT-ST…and won the collision…
Kahless: Dinobot runs off to do battle with some more AT-ATs, let's check on our Minbari allies.
Minbari Commander: All right men, time for today's pep talk. The enemy is at our door, he is big, he is mean, and he brought a lot of friends. Today is the day we seize the opportunity to show him a "warm welcome," become heroes, and turn the tide of this war! We shall never surrender no matter the odds!!
Minbari warriors: YYYEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!! *turn quiet with fearful looks*
Minbari Commander: What…is…is *turning around*
RROOOAAAR!!!
Minbari Commander: Oh…well boys, forget all that BS I just said and…RUN!!!!!
Kahless: Ug…poor guys, they should have at least had a shot at dying in honorable combat!
Z: Well, on the topic of honor, here comes one of the most dishonorable people you could ever hope to meet.
Darth Vader: So we meet at last Kahless. You and your friends have given me a lot of trouble.
Kahless: Yes we have.
Darth Vader: You do realize what I will do to you now.
Kahless: Yeah, absolutely nothing that I won't do to you first.
Z backs up at an impressive speed as Kahless and Darth Vader close in on each other's throats.
? The !: WEEE-DADDLE-DUM!!!!!!
BOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!
Kahless and Darth Vader are thrown away from each other as Question Mark explodes between them.
Kahless: Damn you Question Mark!! That's it, I'm taking you both out!
Z: Uh…Kahless…
Kahless: What? *is jumped by a ton of Storm Troopers and Jem'Hedar*
Z: Oh nothing. Well, looks like old Darth is kicking Question Mark's behind thoroughly. It is a large target though…
Darth Vader: You insolent little fool. Do you think your powers of weirdness are a match for the dark side?
? The !: *while being force choked* Uhhh……gasp….yes!!
Vader: Your arrogance will cost you dearly. *starts using the force to slam Question Mark into anything and everything in the area*
Z: Kahless is dispatching with normal speed…currently 17 Jem'Hedar and 34 Storm Troopers. OOOOH!!! That is SO not meant to bend that way…
? The !: Ug…huff…huff…Pikachu….help me…
Pikachu: PIKA!!!
BBBWWWAAA---ZZZZAAAPP!!!!!
Z: What was that?!?!
Z's Pokedex: Thunder, Pikachu's most powerful attack. Impressive, huh?
Z: You can say that again.
Z's Pokedex: Thunder, Pikachu's most…*SMASH!!* *CRUSH!!*
Z: Not literally you stupid machine. Vader doesn't look so good…he's kind of spazzing out… He looks better than the pile of people Kahless has fought though.
A AT-AT walks up and Darth Vader orders it to destroy Pikachu.
? The !: Quick Pikachu, take it down with your Evil-Smitting-Vengeance-From-The-Sky-Repent-Bloody-Sinners-Repent-Super-Thunder-Attack!!!!
Pikachu: Pika Pi!!
BBWWWWAAA--ZZAAAAAPPP--DA--BOOOMM!!!!
Z looks on slightly stunned as a huge thunderbolt from the sky crashes down into the AT-AT promptly blowing it apart and sending pieces all over the place.
Kahless: *up to his shins in blood* Whoa…smokin'
Vader: *looking at Pikachu slightly worried* Ahem!! That's it, you force me to do…this!! *pulls our what appears to be a huge dog whistle and blows into it*
Z: YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAACCHHHHHH!!!!!! KEEP IT DOWN!!!
Kahless: *blinks* Oh, that's right. Only lower life forms can hear that noise.
Z: Grrrrr…
RROOOAAAARRR!!!!
Pikachu: PI!!! *faints*
Godzilla swings his tail and sends Pikachu flying into the distance. He then proceeds to jump up and down on Question Mark. After he's done he runs off.
Vader: Where do you think you're going?!?!
Kahless: He appears to be playing fetch with an AT-AT…
Vader: AYE…I can't take him anywhere…*walks off shaking his head*
Z: Hmm…according to this, 50% of the Minbari fighter casualties on Minbar's surface where caused by Godzilla. And there's battle waging all over the planet…
Kahless: There's Thunderbolt…gun-happy as ever. With the size of the guns he has added to him you'd almost think he's suffering from some sort of envy.
Z: Let's not get into that.
Kahless: Agreed.
Z: Hey…what's going on over there?
Kahless: The Empire has pushed to the Minbari capital building! The Defense cannons and Dinobot are holding them off quite well though. Dinobot quickly takes down the AT-ATs while the rest fall to Minbari defenses. They're lobbing some really big guns into the building, but reliable Minbari architecture is keeping it standing!
Z: Storm Troopers dying by the truckload. Kind of sad, here they are fighting and dying for the Empire and they get nothing in return except improved standards of living over the third-world like conditions that the Emperor forces them to live with.
Kahless: HEY!! You chew me out for getting serious then you go do it yourself? Sheesh.
Z: WHAT!?!? ME?!?! Emotional!?!?! I think not!! Oh, it must have been Z'garg, my 15th personality.
Kahless: Okaaaay….Well, the Empire is still unable to penetrate the Minbari's defenses. It looks like they're going to have to call in the big guns.
ROOAAR!!!
Z: He never misses a cue does he?
Kahless: Not as long as I've known him. Godzilla's flaming the Minbari's outer walls!! The Empire's breaking through! They've got Storm Troopers in the doors!!! What the??!!?
Z: Godzilla is pulling out some silverware and a bib! He's eating the Minbari capital building!! With ketchup to boot…
Kahless: THAT IS IT!!! I've had it with this lizard!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and this joke has run its course!!! *pulls out Bat'leth and stomps off*
Z: WHAT!?!?!? I've been trying to kill him all this time, and I could have just waited for him to snap and commit suicide?!?!? YEESH!! *falls over*
The camera pans away, the city soon lost in the surrounding area, smoke and fires are about all that is visible. The camera continues to back up, passing the fleets engaged in deadly combat. It pans around and heads off, stars whizzing by. A slight blue worm-hole-ish structure appears. We emerge back into normal space, right in front of us is Earth. The camera moves down, focusing on North America. As we continue decent cities in southern Nevada become visible. The camera looks a moment at Las Vegas, gaming capital of the world, and almost reluctantly turns to the little town beside it. It zooms down, a white house is visible, the camera flies through the window. We see a teenaged boy typing away on his computer. His messy room is littered with Star Trek ships, Nintendo game systems and Godzilla figures.
Eric: Ack! Kitty, get off the keyboard. Oof…darn pinky hurts…just type too much is all…
SMASH!!!
A Bat'leth slices into the door.
Eric: What the heck?!
The door is reduced to scrap quickly and a large, angry looking Klingon steps into the room.
Kahless: That's it kid! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE LIZARD!!!!
Eric: *looking at Kahless then the computer over and over* bu…bu..bu…bu…hub..bub…wha…humma…humina…ag…
Kahless: What, is the little weirdo scared?
Eric: Very much so!! *opens his window and jumps out*
Kahless hops out after the self-proclaimed writer, Eric, and chases him while screaming maniacally and swinging his Bat'leth.
We now return to Minbar.
Thunderbolt: Where'd Kahless go?
Z: I don't know, but I'm wondering where Godzilla went…he's a hard one to lose track of.
Thunderbolt: The tide seems to have turned. Without Godzilla the Empire is losing ground fast.
Z: Where's Dinobot? Last I saw him he was taking out a Jem'Hedar post.
Kahless: I'm back. Hopefully we won't have any dumb guest-star crossover people.
Z: What were you doing?
Kahless: Having a little chat with our writer.
Z: Ooh!! Ooh!! How bad did you hurt him?
Kahless: None, I just wanted to scare him. With any luck he'll get the message and we'll be a little more serious now.
Vader: *sobbing*
Thunderbolt: What the?!?
Vader: Godzilla left me…he quit…and after all I did for him… *sniff*
Kahless, Z, Thunderbolt, and ? The !: Uhhh….er…
Thunderbolt: Um…I know it's tough losing a pet…ah…
Vader: If he wants to be that way, FINE! He can go back to his precious cartoon series!! If we can't take Minbar… *leaves*
Z: Vader's oddly broken up about this… I think we're in trouble.
The commentators all agree for once and take off, except for Question Mark whom Kahless tossed out the window before they left.
Kahless: All Imperial ground forces are retreating…and the Death Star is powering up!!!
Z: What does that White Star think it's doing?!
The White Star charges at the Death Star, swiftly dodging everything thrown at it.
Thunderbolt: I have no clue…it's going very fast…
THUNK!!
Kahless: …it plugged up the super-laser barrel…
Z: …..interesting choice of tactics…
Thunderbolt: Hey, it worked didn't it?
Kahless: I'm switching us to our spy cams now.
Storm Trooper 1: Hmm…according to this…
Storm Trooper 2: What?
Storm Trooper 1: This tech manual says that the super laser should have enough sheer power to utterly disintegrate the ship, causing no explosion and no significant energy loss in the beam.
Storm Trooper 2: Um…I'm not so sure about this…
Storm Trooper 3: You should be uneasy…most of these tech manuals are made by 20th century fanboys who revere and worship the Empire as all-powerful.
Storm Trooper 1: Well, I appreciate the attention, but shouldn't they make the tech manuals with believable power outages? I mean, the firepower to destroy half a continent with a 7-foot long light turbo laser…it's not going to happen…
Storm Trooper 2: Um, I suggest we not say anything that could be taken as rude. Let's just focus on getting that White Star out…
Z: …interesting…
Kahless: …very. What are they doing?
Thunderbolt: I'll go check it out!! *zips over * Hey! They've got a couple of Storm Troopers out here with crowbars trying to pry it out!
The Commentators share a little chuckle, up until the White Star pops out.
Kahless: I guess they take their vitamins.
Thunderbolt: Uh-oh!! What are we going to do now?!
A Minbari cruiser speeds towards the Death Star.
Kahless: The Death Star is cutting loose with thousands of turbo lasers desperately trying to hit the Sharlin!
Thunderbolt: The Sharlin is coming through miraculously unscathed! It's firing all weapons and tractor beams! It jerked the Death Star off its balance!
Kahless: Excuse me, it seems I have a visitor?
Z: Could it be that he's finally here?!! I'm going to deduct some of his pay for being so late… A large asteroid is thrown at the Death Star, and it knocks the Death Star even more wobbly!
Thunderbolt: And finally the coup'de'graus!!
Thunderbolt zooms into action. Firing all weapons and ramming full speed the mighty Star Fury knocks the Death Star completely off its axis.
Kahless: Yarg!! Who are you!?!? I want to know what to put on your gravestone.
Z: YES!! It's him!! Oh my gosh! The Death Star is spinning like crazy!! It's still going to fire!!! It's boom time!!!
Voting is over.
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