Kahless: Hello people! You know us as…

Z: Your two favorite commentators on the web…

Kahless: Kahless!

Z: Z!

Kahless: Galactic Anarchy's blasting off at the speed of light!

Z: Have fun, sit back and watch the fight!

Kahless: In case you're wondering where Thunderbolt and Question Mark are…

Z: Look no further than the intensive care ward on Ragraish 3!

Kahless: Wait, this just in, they woke up from their respective comas and…it seems they resumed fighting, leveling the hospital and knocking each other out again.

Z: I hope they have the sense to take them to different hospitals this time around.

Kahless: I do too. Anyway, we're checking out some strange readings we got, there seems to be some Imperial activity around here.

Z: Right behind this nebula is the enemy, behind us are the Minbari. BEHIND US?!!? I THOUGHT WE ARRANGED FOR US TO BE RIGHT BESIDE THEM!!!

Kahless: Don’t worry, they won't shoot us by mistake.

Z: I hope you're right. Anyway, Ensign Minetreader is taking a shuttle out to take some scans.

Kahless: Well, the ensign's shuttle has been destroyed but he sent us the information just in time.

Z: How convenient.

Kahless: The fleet is composed of 7,000 Star Destroyers and…

Z: WHAT!?!? SEVEN THOUSAND!?!?!?

Kahless Yeah, seven thou….OH SHIT! Uh, and 16,700 smaller support craft!!!

Z: I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO ATTACK FOR WEEKS!!!

Kahless: The only explanation is this; we've detected fleet movement and construction movements near Minbari space ever since this war started. They've been mustering their forces and preparing to attack for a very long time now! We knew there was a huge fleet near Minbari space, but instead of pulling away like we expected, they built it up bigger!

Z: Thank you Kahless for that blindingly obvious and pointless relevation there.

Kahless: Uh, we're detecting a huge spherical device…seems to be the size of a small moon…

Z: You know Kahless…

Kahless and Z: That's no moon! It's a space station!

Kahless and Z: THE DEATH STAR!! AAAAHHHH!!!!!!

The entire "horizon" is filled with Imperial starships. In the middle of a vast cloud sits the monstrosity that is the Death Star. Thousands of ships make for a terrifying site as they move forward towards Minbari space.

Kahless: Is it just me, or do they make a formation?

Z: Could be…could be…

Kahless: Take us back a ways for a better look.

Z: Gladly!

The ship runs away some, and the commentators get a look at the fleet.

Kahless: The nerve!

Z: That is bad taste right there!

Kahless: They have actually arranged themselves so that from a head-on view they spell out "Ha ha ha! You're gonna die 'cause you suck!"

Z: There's a lot of gravity distortions around here, due to the nebula and nearby solar systems. That fleet shouldn't be able to hit FTL speeds for nearly an hour.

Kahless: There's only a hundred and fifty Sharlins here, and 30 miscellaneous ships from the alliance.

Z: We aren't going to try to fight that fleet are we?

Kahless: No, the Star Trek and Rebel ships will pull back to the nearest Minbari military outpost while the Babylon 5 forces engage them.

Z: What?? We aren't? but…the battle…you never let us off before…

Kahless: And we're not getting away this time either, we're transporting over to a Minbari Sharlin.

Z: Oh, goodie.

Kahless: This fleet has to be softened up by hit and run attacks first, and the only ships capable of effectively doing that in this system are Babylon 5 vessels.

Kahless and Z are transported onto a Minbari Sharlin.

Z: WHA?!?! IT'S DARK IN HERE!!

Kahless: This is the Minbari's tactical station in a sense, we aren't on the capital ship, but this room will fill us in on the battle.

Z: Really? How so? There aren't any control panels…

The room shimmers and the 3D holographic display comes up showing the fleet.

Z: *spins around* Oh cool! We can see everything from in here! Let's commentate from one of these more often.

Kahless: We will be until this battle for Minbar is over.

Z: Looks like we're entering normal space.

Kahless: Right in the middle of the Imperial fleet! 99 Star Destroyers are destroyed by the jump gates' energy and another 42 are crippled! Each Sharlin fires as one, each swiftly cutting an ISD in half!

Z: AH! The Empire is pissed!! Turbo-death!

Kahless: The Minbari fleet is reentering hyper space leaving the Imperial fleet behind and destroying several dozen ships with the jump gates, but the Star Destroyers totally pelted the Sharlins with turbo laser fire! A lot of them are in bad shape!

Z: *picks up a note slid to him* Kahless, I believe they want you on the command deck.

Kahless: Really? Why?

Z: I don't know, maybe they want your expert Klingon opinion.

Kahless: Okay…*gets up and leaves*

Just as Kahless leaves he is jumped by a dozen shadowy figures. Z laughs but quickly stops as soon as Kahless starts winning.

Kahless: *comes in, clothes bloodstained, hair messed up* *cough* Z, would you know anything about that? A dozen ninja dudes jumped me just now.

Z: *innocently* No. Dang it! He was supposed to come himself not send a few lackeys. What would make you think I'd know anything about an ambush on you?

Kahless: You've only been trying to kill me for the past three episodes!!

Z: Damn! Oh well, time to do it the old fashioned way! *glows brilliantly, energy coursing into his right hand* I wanted it to look like an accident. Now you leave me no choice!! *hurls huge energy ball at Kahless.

POW!!!!!

Kahless: WHHOOOAAAAHH!!! *CRASH!!!!*

Kahless smashes into the wall, causing it to fall over into the hallway, severely disrupting a Minbari religious ceremony. The few surviving Minbari run away from Z.

Z: If you want something done right, do it yourself. *walks over to Kahless's smoldering body* I nearly waited an eternity for this. It's over Kahless.

Kahless:…uh…*gasp*…grr…*pant-like ragged breaths*…uh… NEVER!!!

WHAM!!! Kahless kicks Z with both feet sending him through the wall. Z flies over to a damaged section of ship, decks are torn open and show like a series of shelves.

Z: OH SHIT!! *thump!* … *thump!* ow! *thump!* crap!! *thud!!* (Z falls down, hits one floor, and falls down to the next level and so on.)

Kahless: *cough* …now that that's…taken care of… Back to *cough* the battle…the fleet's been somewhat repaired and the Minbari are going to make another hit and run on the Empire…*cough* The Empire will soon be able to hit FTL speed…so have to…get them now…

Z: You're…awfully tough Kahless…(ooh)…entering normal space, much the same… result as last time…

Kahless: But the Empire's ready this time, their shields are at maximum. The Minbari take more damage than they dish out this time, Jump engines cool and we're heading back to hyperspace.

Z: Taking out a few Imperial vessels on the way. The Empire is heading for Minbar now…

Kahless: The fleet is heading for a station where the Minbari plan to make a stand. They're summoning all the ships they can.

The two commentators sit in silence a while, occasionally looking at each other.

Z: Am I fired?

Kahless: *silently glares at Z*

Z: Righty then, I'll pack up after this battle.

Kahless: *sighs* No Z, you aren't fired.

Z: Hmm?

Kahless: Just don't you DARE, EVER, EVER, TRY TO KILL ME AGAIN!!!

Z: Well, what if I don't want to commentate any more? What if I quit?

Kahless: Why would you want to do that?

Z: Well, why wouldn't I???

Kahless: Oh shut up, so what if you're the comic relief? You're half the humor in this site, people would stop coming if you weren't here. So stop your whining and take the blows like a man…Klingon…whatever the hell you are.

Z: Oh gee-whiz, I feel so much better. Yeah right. Why am I only the second most popular commentator then?

Kahless: *to the universe in general:* ARG!!! EMPLOYEE MANAGEMENT IS NOT MY THING!!! *to Z:* If you quit I'm going to hunt you down, cut you into tiny ribbons and stuff you in a teleportation proof jar, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!?!?!

Z: *obviously nervous* ah-ha-ha…yes, I'll stay on…ha-ha…

Kahless: Ah, the attack fleet is about to run into our little last-minute trap!

Z: What would that be?

Kahless: A rather hastily erected mine field. Cloaked and self-replicating, bet the Empire's never dealt with that before!

Z: Shall we go to our hidden cameras inside Vader's Super Star Destroyer?

Kahless: Yes.

Imperial Officer: Uh…sir? Phone call.

Vader: Tell them to go away.

Imperial Officer: Uh…it's the Emperor.

Vader: Very well, put him through.

A full-body hologram of the Emperor appears before Darth Vader.

Vader: What is thy bidding master?

Emperor: Where are you? Did those idiots project me backwards again?

Vader: Uh, no sir. Your video input is merely…malfunctioning.

The Emperor/his hologram looks around, then down.

Emperor: Ah, there you are. ...you look…different…

Vader: As I said my master, your video input is merely malfunctioning, you may be seeing serious size distortions.

Emperor: Ah! I see it now. You've been to Babylon 5 haven't you?

Vader: …yes.

Explosions off in the distance shake the ship slightly, then the ship is rattled by explosions on itself.

Vader: What the hell is going on?

Admiral: We…don't know! Maybe cloaked mines…

Another blow shakes the ship, causing the Admiral to lurch forward and trip over the shortened Vader.

Vader gets up and so does the Admiral. Vader looks mad and reaches his fist up, instead of choking, the Admiral emits a high pitched scream and curls up in a fetal position.

Vader: *looks at fist, looks at Admiral* Hmm, this may not be so bad after all.

Z: The minefield slowed them down fairly well. They lost a lot of little ships too.

Kahless: Star Destroyers got through ok, only suffering slight damage for the most part. Several took heavy damage due to prior Sharlin-originated damage though. The Empire fired turbo lasers to try and clear the minefield but they replicated. The Empire's gotten through but not without great annoyance.

Z: So basically they're gonna come barreling down on us pissed off.

Kahless: …I suppose that's one way of phrasing it.

Z: WELL HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PHRASE IT?

Kahless: Fast forward!

Z: huh?

bwwwwwwwwwwwzzzzzzzzzt!

Kahless: We're back! The Empire will be bearing down on our position any minute now.

Z: Wha?! *eyes spin* huh? Did I miss something here?

Kahless: The Minbari have scrambled every vessel they can and some Star Trek, Rebel and ISA ships are here too to help with the defense.

Z: LISTEN TO ME!!!

Kahless: We just fast-forwarded to the good part, that's all. Don't have a hissy fit.

Z: HISSY FIT?!?! HISSY FIT?!?!?!? AAARRG!!!

Kahless: You ok Z? You don't look too good.

Z: grrr…nevermind…

Kahless: And there's the Imperial fleet! It hasn't shrunk much since the last time we saw it…

Z: And they're still in that formation! The bastards.

Kahless: The fleet is positioning themselves so the Empire can't hyperspeed past us, they have to fight through the Minbari. They're releasing TIE fighters!

Z: Looks like our side is too, Minbari, Narn, Star Furies, Federation attack ships, Klingon Birds of Prey, the works! Hey, why are we backing up? We're not attacking?

Kahless: We're forcing them to go on the offensive, if we can keep a defensive posture we'll take less casualties and inflict more on them. They're going to have to charge and that leaves them open.

Z: Oh, so they're going to throw themselves into the line of fire just 'cause we ask them too? I find that hard to believe.

Kahless: Fair enough, Star Trek vessels are firing torpedoes at max speed. The Imperial interceptors don't cut down many of the FTL torpedoes and take some damage. White Stars activate jumpgates in the middle of their fleet tearing apart another 7 Star Destroyers. The White Stars rush back to the main fleet, but half don't make it.

Z: Seems weird to have to provoke the Empire much…

Kahless: Didn't have to provoke them much at all, they're sending a wave of fighters and light attack craft. Rouge Squadron's moving to attack the flank as are some Minbari ships.

Z: The TIE fighters open fire on the Star Furies, but the furies swing up and over, ending up right behind the TIES! It's your typical dogfight as the B5 fighters dance around their slower Imperial counterparts. Only thing is B5 is thoroughly outnumbered, so they're taking some nasty loses.

Kahless: The Minbari Sharlins start tearing up smaller ships by the dozen! Only the Empire's larger ships have a chance! The Star Destroyers are attacking! The Minbari ships fall back in choice sections, causing large amounts of the Imperial fleet to be caught in crossfire!

Z: The Millennium Falcon is present again, looks to be teamed up with an Excelsior class starship. Few TIE squads go down attacking the duo but a SD comes in and they're backing off!

Kahless: Thinks are chaotic as the whole Imperial line charges forward! There's Vader's SSD, four Sharlins moving to attack.

Z: Some of the ships here are being affected by the Empire's ion cannons, a few short circuit completely and a lot of others slow down and experience some systems failure!

Kahless: The Death Star's in firing range, time to bail! The B5 ships open jumpgates right in the Imperial fleet again, and everyone's entering hyperspace.

Z: Uh…isn't towards the fleet the wrong way?

Kahless: Well, yeah, but we're turning around now. We went into the Imperial fleet to cause more damage.

Z: So how are we looking Kahless?

Kahless: Well, the Empire's lost nearly 750 Star destroyers and over 3,000 assorted light craft. We've lost 32 Star Trek ships, 49 Rebel fighters, 3 larger Rebel craft, nearly 200 B5 fighters, 127 Sharlins, and 24 other B5 heavy cruisers.

Z: Somehow I get the feeling…we're going to be mourning in the morning…

Kahless: It's a possibility…it really is. Well, we've done all we can here, tune in next time, same site, same commentators. As the Empire continues it's advance on Minbar, we'll keep you updated.

To be continued…

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