DEATH
My depression grew stronger, my soul was torn apart.
My heart sank so low into the depths of despair that there was no trace left.
I was lost in a nightmare, no where to go.
I was all alone, everything was empty.
There was no way out, I was trapped forever in an endless nightmare.
I cried out for help, but no one listened.
I was invisible to everyone, like a ghost.
My mind was turning, spinning 'round and 'round.
Nothing made sense.
I was wandering, walking till my feet ached.
My eyes were closed to the world.
Our earth was lost forever to destruction, death and misery.
I heard the fierce crash of waves against rocks.
A consuming feeling of sadness filled me.
I drew closer to the sound of waves.
My feet touched the edge of a cliff.
The sound of the waves were beneath.
I took another step forward, leaving behind a world of sorrow.
I was flying fast, the wind blowing my hair wildly behind me.
I stretched my arms as far as they could reach.
The spray of water wetting my gown.
The crashing waves grew louder and louder until my ears couldn't take it any longer.
A deep spreading agony filled my body.
I laid in pain upon the rocky shore.
Warm sticky blood flowed from my helpless body.
Until my vision blurred, and a sudden numbness took me over.
I could still hear the violent crashing waves.
The cold ocean water splashed upon my limp frame.
Darkness surrounded me.
Then everything went silent.
My pain was gone, I felt as if I was floating upwards.
A blinding light shone brightly ahead of me, almost guiding me towards happiness.
A gentle hand reached out and took mine.
Hand in hand I walked quietly beside a tall woman dressed in a white
gown and a golden halo surrounding her light blonde ringlets.
Her calm blue eyes gave me reassurance as I followed closely behind.
We came to golden gates that shone as bright as the sun.
I was happy, so happy that it was wrong....... then it all stopped.
I came to reality, and faced the truth.
I was dead.
By,
Michelle Pieon
Thursday, November 14, 1996.
(revised version)
PLEASE HEAR WHAT I AM NOT SAYING
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks that I 'm afraid to take off, and
none of them are of me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me, but don't be fooled, for
God's sake don't be fooled.
I give the impression that I am secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with
me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my
game, that the water's calm and I'm in command, and that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
Please.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask, my ever varying and
ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath lies the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anyone to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant,
sophisticated facade, to help me pretend to shield me from the glance that
knows.
But such a glance is my salvation.
My only salvation.
And I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself, that I
am really worth something.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh at me, and your laughter
would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing, that I'm no good, and that you will see
this and reject me.
So I play my game.
My desperate pretending game, with a facade of assurance without, and a
trembling child within.
And so begins the parade of masks.
And my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that is really nothing.
So when I go through my routine, do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm NOT saying, what I'd like to
be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can't say.
I dislike hiding.
Honestly.
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing, the phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me, but you've got to help
me.
You've got to hold out your hand, even when that's the last thing I seem to
want, or need.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of breathing death.
Only you can call me to aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging.
Each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to
grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.
With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, you can
breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator of
the person that is me if you choose to do so.
Please choose to.
You alone can brake down the wall behind which I tremble, you alone can remove
my mask.
You alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic and uncertainly, from
my lonely prison.
So do not pass me by.
It will not be so easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me, the blinder I strike back.
It's irrational but despite what the books say about me, I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls, and in this lies my
hope.
My only hope.
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands...
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet, and I am every woman you meet.
By: Chris
(best friend who past away :( )
SEPTONES Nov. 29, 1995.
A Septone is where you pick a number (between 1-9) for each line and that
tells you how many beats you have per line in your poem.
Cats
4 Glistening coat
3 Stalking prey
3 Stabbing gaze
2 Huntress
Fear
6 Helpless cries for freedom
2 Darkness
6 Tranquillity shattered
2 Harsh words
2 Timid
4 Tingling spine
6 Mourning wails of terror
CHRISTMAS
Christmas is a time of joy,
Where everyone gets a toy,
With evergreens glittering gold,
Where Christmas tales are told,
Stockings hung above a fire,
Christmas eve we'll all retire,
And while boys and girls dream away,
Santa Claus lays presents for the day,
We wake to discover St. Nick was here,
We'll laugh and give Christmas cheer.
(to be finished)
My hearts a flutter every time he's near,
I wish he'd say the words I need to hear,
His sandy hair, his sky blue eyes,
Makes me feel like I'm in paradise,
If only he knew my heart's desires,
The wild inner raging fires,
Burning brightly within my soul,
His presence the only feeding coal,
I wish he'd whisper sweet nothings in my ear,
For each day the longing grows bringing fear,
If only he would look into my eyes,
My feelings would have no disguise,
My feelings no secret; ready for unveiling,
The scar of love he left upon me will be unheeding,
I wish he'd hold me tightly in his arms,
I'd feel safe within his embrace away from harms,
His soothing voice puts me to ease,
Can't he hear my sorrowful pleads,
I love him deeply my passion soaring,
My tears for him are ever pouring,
His beauty makes me ache,
His class leaves my mind at stake,
He is the only one for me,
For there is only he.
By:
Michelle Pieon
My heart's on fire,
Burning with desire,
Desire for my only one,
Feelings gone beyond the stars and sun,
Never to return to the borders of the Earth,
If only he knew what he's worth,
My world would shatter without him,
My existence would become dim,
I wish he understood my love,
I'd send it to him on wings of a dove,
I urn for acceptance,
Acceptance of me; not my appearance,
I need to feel secure,
I long to feel him near,
Please look into my eyes,
My eyes would tell no lies,
I silently confess to you my dreams,
Never ending wishes it seems,
Hold me close, never let me go,
I need security from my inner foe,
I want to feel that it's worth living life,
Take away the pain of the anguish sharp knife,
I wish to know of a cure for broken heart,
To make the pieces stick not part,
Love goes deeper than the surface,
To serve a better purpose,
The inner foe you must conquer first,
Before your feelings go to the worst,
Listen carefully to the words I say,
They have secret meaning in my way,
So please don't turn away from me,
I'm begging on hand and knee,
I need you oh so bad,
Longing for the love I never had,
I wish to know what to do,
If there's something to look forward to,
My feelings can not stay on hold,
For insanity will come if not told,
Every night I dream of you,
Every night it's never new,
Repeating like a drumming beat,
Filling my body with a steaming heat,
I want you, I need you beside me,
For you are the key,
The key to unlock my inside world,
Laughing, singing, being twirled,
That's my vision of you and I,
Soaring through a sapphire sky,
Happiness is all I want,
Please don't taunt,
I am very fragile as you see,
There's no other place I'd rather be,
Then here with you,
The faint sound of a coo,
Of doves above spreading joy,
Delicate birds of girl and boy,
Messengers of untold passion,
Concern, understanding and compassion,
Love is suicide,
Like a thick pesticide.
By : Michelle Pieon
Starting date : Monday, December 30, 1996.
Finishing date : Tuesday, December 31, 1996.
Tender, soft wings of a dove
A symbol of true love
Pale blue skies, with fluffy white clouds
No one dares scream alouds
Silence is peaceful for those innocent
Silence holds havoc for those violent
Innocence is hard to come by in a hellish world
Either pulled into death or hurled
Those young and vibrant turned to old
Never a single pure heart of gold
Not a helping hand in sight
Everything is black and white
Not a shade of gray to be found
But a soul of fair would sound
Your sweetness brings new light
Tender words and soften sight
Playful eyes and daring smile
Heavenly gaze across the mile
You become the path of hope
Making life easy to cope
Like a gentle breeze you come
Footsteps paced like a drum
I breathe you deeply into me
Releasing anguish open to see
You are my true saviour
For you have given me the greatest favour
Forever tonight,
Our souls are one,
Together in love,
Eternity our devotion.
Spirits are our might,
Hearts that rise the sun,
Together in love,
Eternity our devotion.