matt dawson
1) Start with the given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2) Change all the u's to v's (which is proper latin anyway) CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAvR
3) Extract all the roman numerals: C V V L D I V
4) Convert to Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5) Add all the numbers: 666
and thus, barney is satan
- Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "MANKIND". Basically it's made up of two words "mank" and "ind". What do these two words mean? It's a mystery, and that so is mankind
-Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, when have been painted brown, and attached to the head by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
-If a kid asks "Where does rain come from?" I think a cute thing to tell him "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, i think another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
-I love to go to the schoolyard to watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know i'm using blanks.
-If quikie marts are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why do they put locks on the doors?
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Ever wonder
if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Did you
ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when
you take
him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we have no idea where she is.
I have
six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other
one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks,
they are always locking three.
The statistics
on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some
form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If
they are okay, then it's you.
Now they
show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there.
I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry
isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before
you do the wash.