So I'd finally made it to Automata. Of course, now that I was there, I couldn't tumble to why I'd wanted to be there in the first place. But there I was. Thirstier than a water elemental after a week in the Plane of Dust, and lookin' foreward to a pint of bub. So, like any any berk with half a brain would, I grab one of the locals for directions. Course, that coulda gone a lot better. You'd think they never laid eyes on a Kender before, way that sod jumped when I grabbed his arm. So, bein' nice an' polite, I ask him "Where's a thirsty blood gotta go around here to get a pint?" He just stands there, lookin' at me like I'm somethin' nasty that he found in his boot, an' this is the point that I start thinkin' that Automata ain't gonna be a lot o' fun not that I'd expected it to be, mind you). Finally, he opens his bone-box, an'directs me to a tavern in the merchant's district. I won't sully your ears by recordin' exactly what he said to me, but I will note that the hospitality of Automatans (if he is at all typical) leaves much to be desired. You'd think I was a tanar'ri askin' for his daughter, or a clueless askin' for anything. Weren't no call for that tone of voice, or that berk's peery attitude. But I'm rattlin' on. I make my way to the tavern, an' I gotta tell you something. Manners may be lackin' in Automata, but they give really precise directions. It was right were he said it would be, right down to the number of steps I needed to take. Really, really good directions. An' generous, too. I go into the place, order a pint o' the local best, an' sit down to examine this mechanical contraption the berk I'd spoken to gave me. (I know what you're thinkin' here. You're thinkin "You're a soddin' Kender knight of the post, an' you're stealin' from that poor rude berk what gave you the chat on how to get to the bar," ain't you? But that ain't true. Sure as I'm writin' this, he gave it to me. I mean, he didn't make a big deal outa it, but he did. He clearly put it in his pocket, so he didn't need it anymore, and he put it there in a way that made sure I saw him put it there. Since he didn't need it anymore, an' he showed me where it was, I knew he was givin' it to me.) The waitress walks up an', with that same "thing under the shoe" look at me, says: "Here is your ale. That will be 1 quartua and 4 quintuas." Bloods, I've been around. I've seen things, heard things, and learned a good piece of the dark. I've even figured out jink, an' that don't make any sense. But, sure as Sigil, I've never heard of a "quartua" or an "quintua" before. But I'm a canny spiv, an' I figure that's just the local cant for jink. So I ask, "How much is that in stingers?" If looks could kill, she'd have written me into the dead-book right then and there. She gets all stiff, takes back the ale (which I hadn't even touched yet), an' says "It is illegal of us to accept foreign currency here. If you have not exchanged your money for Automatan currency, you must do so before we may serve you." Well, I won't bore you with the details of my quest to locate the Automatan Exchecquer's Office, except to note that it was indeed a quest. All I wanted to do was trade in my jink for their jink, an' you'd think I was tryin' to get access to Primus himself. (Just so you know: it's in the government district, Building 3A, 12th Floor, 3rd door on the right if you take the Spireward stairs up.) What I will tell you is that Automata has the barmiest jink I've ever seen. All right, you know how the Sigilin standard is used across the Planes, right? 1 mert (that's platinum, for you clueless) equals 5 jinx (gold) equals 50 stingers (silver - ask a fiend why) equals 500 greens (copper), right? Even when jink's made outa different stuff (Acheronian cubes, or fiendish grey ice, or Upper Planar rainbows), it keeps the same ratio so's a body can figure it out. Not in Automata. They have this barmy notion that since modrons are perfection, anything based on modrons is also perfection. So their jink is based on the modron hierarchy. They've got 6 kinda coins: primuas, secuas, teruas, quartuas, quintuas, and hexuas. The hexua is the smallest coin they've got. It's made outta copper and weighs about the same as a green. There's only 6 hexuas to a quintua, and the official exchange rate is one green to a hexua. Problem is, a hexua doesn't quite buy what a green would, and a green hardly buys anything but rotgut bub. I figure that 100 hexuas are equal to 90 greens in actual value. Next largest coin is the quintua, which is a silver coin about the weight of a stinger. There's 5 quintuas to a quartua, and the official exchange rate is 1 stinger to a quintua. Actual value is a little different, 'cause a quintua only buys about half a stinger worth of goods(1). Then there's the quartua. This is a largish silver coin, a little over twice the weight of a stinger. The exchange rate is set at 3 stingers to the quartua, which seems pretty accurate. (2) Four quartuas are worth one terua, which is a gold coin about the same size as a jinx. The official exchange rate is 1 jinx to a terua but, once again, the government of Automata proves to be better coney-catchers than any knight of the post ever dreamed of. See, based on metal weight (which is how you figure value in Sigil and most places on the Ring), a terua is only worth 8 stingers. (3) Naturally, there are three teruas to the next coin, the secua. This is a largish gold coin, about the same weight as a quartua. Much like the quartua, the official exchange rate for the secua is 3 jinx to the secua. And, like everything else, the exchange is weighted in favor of Automata. Your 3 jinx exchange is only worth 2 jinx and 5 stingers. The largest coin is the primua. This is a platinum coin and is worth 2 secua. The official exchange rate puts it at 1 mert to the primua, and this looks about right. In other words, they don't use the 1=5=50=500 jink ratio us sane bloods use. No, they use a 1=2=6=24=120=720 ratio. It's enough to make a body want to stay clear of Automata. 'Course, that might be the whole dark behind it. Y'wanna know the worst thing about it, though? I never did get that drink. By the time I got my jink exchanged everything had closed up, an' then the city guard escorted me outa town and invited me to never come back. Heh. As if I'd ever want to go back to that peery barmy-bin. Generous sods, though. (1) 1 quintua is actually worth 5.5 copper pieces. (2) 1 quartua is worth 2.75 silver pieces. (3) 1 terua is only worth 8 and 1/3rd silver pieces.

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