WHIPPING BOY

A baddie that is always getting the tar beat out of him is Backlash. Like many other villains is always on the verge of his big comeback. Backlash, in Marvel Team-Up No. 145, by Tony Isabella and Greg LaRocque, has too goo back to Cleveland to get some respect.

© Marvel Comics Group

There isn't a whole lot of these guys for two reasons. The first is that they are often one-shot villains, say one who finds another bad guy's gear and rampages with it until they're stopped. They never appear again because the original reclaims his weapons. The second reason is that they often undergo a transformation into another type of villain, usually the "Ego Brute."

Then there's those other guys, almost a "Truly Clueless" character, but they pack a little more punch. They've got some decent skills, but the one thing they want is what eludes them th most. They are seeking success, but it never seems to be seeking them. At some point in their life, perhaps in their first appearance, they found it --- and boy did they like it. Now they're ready to make their big comeback, and in every appearance they make after their initial success, that is their aim. The comeback.

PASTED

Another baddie that is always getting the tar beat out of him is the Trapster. Like many other villains us always on the verge of his big comeback. The Trapster, once known as Paste-Pot-Pete, seems bitter that he isn't among the ranks of the greatest super villains in Sensational Spider-man No. 12.

© Marvel Comics Group

These "Comeback Artists" are always scheming, making desperate plans, almost always against a single arch enemy. Who has repeatedly embarrassed them. They figure if they beat him their comeback is ensured.
But, because they are the bad guys, they just keep on losing. That's their lot in life.
When I think of this type of character, I almost always think of Backlash, who used to be named Whiplash --- but he changed it for a comeback. Backlash, in Marvel Team-Up No. 145, is on just such a mission. He's so desperate to make a comeback he shuns New York and heads back to Cleveland, his hometown, where he hopes he'll get some respect.
Unfortunately for him, everybody in the old neighborhood knows he's all washed up and Backlash finds no one's ever gonna respect him.
While shopping around for a regular job he comes across Iron Man, and his comeback plans are set in motion.
It's a scenario, just like the Trapster --- who used to be called Paste-Pot Pete, but he changed his name for a comeback.
Pete is on the war path in Sensational Spider-Man No. 12, with art by Josh Hood and dialogue by Todd Dezago, after he was embarrassed in front of the Sandman in Siver Sable No. 26. "The Trapster is back!" he yells in one panel. "Ready to right my rep as one of the heavy-weights. A criminal genius ... !"
He decides he'll go after Spider-Man, who errantly got some of his publicity. It all ends the same way the comeback is spoiled.
So, why are these guys different from the "Truly Clueless" persona? Simple, they've got a bit more talent and powers, and more importantly, at times, they are actually a force to be reckoned with.

RIDDLE ME THIS

Cluemaster's used as a pawn in a scheme by the Riddler in a three issue story arc in Detective No. 705. Art by Graham Nolan and dialogue by Chuck Dixon.

© DC Comics

One additional note, the "Comeback Artist" often throws himself into the mix with other super villains. They are actually slightly respected by the more successful bad guys. Their lack of success makes them easy to direct and they are therefore better soldiers.

Finally, in my list of super villain stupidity is "The Pawn." These character's are just as you'd expect them to be, the guys who are used by another villain.
This I imagine is the oldest type of stupid bad guy. Check out the movie "Frankenstein", read some Shakespeare. You'll find these guys all over the place.

HOPPING MAD

How is it that the Toad, shown above went from being a sniveling baboon in the early days of the X-Men into the sneaky and conniving leader of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants in X-Force No. 5? His capacity for vocabulary must've tripled as well, given the panel on the right.

© Marvel Comics Group

One of my favorite, recent, uses of a paw was in Detective Comics where the Riddler used the Cluemaster as a walking bomb. It was then up to Batman and the Cluemaster to work together and solve some riddles in order to "defuse" Cluemaster.
All in all, it was a fun story because the Cluemaster was more than a little peeved about how he was used.
That's a central point for "The Pawn" --- their eventual rebellion. The Toad is probably the best person to illustrate this. He was taken in by Magneto and cared for, but at a price. Magneto used every chance he could to insult and beat him. It took a while, but the Toad finally rebelled. In fact, he even vowed to kill Magneto. If Magneto isn't already dead (who really knows what's happening in the X-Men and that whole Onslaught thing) I wouldn't be surprised if the Toad somehow was the one to assassinate his former master.
"The Pawn" can stick around for a long time, but he'll be the one who eventually betrays his master. He'll be the one to free the pretty super heroine. He's the one that will not want his master to do something horrible that would kill all the animals. Essentially, he's an easy plot device that let's super heroes get out of bad situations.

I'll take this space to point out a particularly annoying trend: When Dumb Villains Go

SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY

Sometimes the bad guys seem to know what's going on even before the heroes do. Left, Heatwave and Captain Cold come across Fire and Ice in Justice League Quarterly No. 2. Art by Aldrin Aw and dialogue by J.M. DeMatteis. Meanwhile, in Justice League No. 23, one of the funniest super hero stories I've ever read, the Clock King and Cluemaster try to decide what they'll be doing next. Art by Kevin Maguire and dialogue by DeMatteis.

© DC Comics

Smart (sounds like one of those Fox TV specials). I was especially upset by the panel at right. Some how the Toad got really smart. How?
It happens to a lot of villains and it completely alters how their character was originally designed.
Why?
Just for change's sake I guess. Still, I'm bothered by it because it's such a vast change.

* A few more notes about stupid super villains that I've noticed.
* Rarely will you ever see a female villain who's really dumb, I guess it's just a politically correct thing to do. What bothers me about that is most female villains tend to be vampy, ultra-sexy bitches with little personality. A lot of Image Comics' villains are like this.

THE PLAN'S THE THING

Some super villains, like Major Diaster, top left in civilian garb, just can't get their plans right no matter how hard they try. In Justice League Europe No. 6, with art by Bart Sears and dialogue by DeMatteis, the Injustice League heads for France, but find they just aren't cut out for it.

© DC Comics

Some villains are blank slates. They are used differently by every writer, making their character a mishmash of conflicting goals and attributes. A lot of mid-level bad guys are like this. One issue they are planning to destroy New York City, the next they're just robbing a bank.
One particular group of villains that are always worth a look at are the ones who appeared in the Justice League books during the Giffen-DeMatties era. The two writers, Keith Giffen and J.M. DeMatties, took an entirely new take on the Justice League, it's villains and the universe around them.
The writers turned the group upside down by dropping the old guard almost completely from the team. Then they brought together a group of second-rate heroes who made the book worth reading again.
It was with these heroes, which included Blue Beetle, Guy Gardner, Booster Gold, Metamorpho and others, that a new tone came to the book. It was funny and one of those comic book series that you could read issues over and over again.
Under this setting, things opened up for telling stories. Villains could be both menacing and seem a lot more like real people.

WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

Valor and Starman have a difference of opinion in the issue of Starman that also includes an appearance by Mr. Nebula and the Scarlet Skier. Art by Jason Pearson and dialogue by Peter David. (Sorry, I don't have the exact issue number!)

© DC Comics

Some new things were predictable and they made the best out of it. Some had a sense of humor about things. Others were always just hoping things would finally go right for them.
The era introduced new villains or in some cases re-introduced old villains in a new way. There was the Royal Flush Gang, the Gray Man, the whole gang from Apokolyps, Major Disaster, Lobo, Manga Khan, Starro, the Injustice League, Lord Havok, Mr. Nebula, the Scarlett Skier, the Rocket Reds, the Extremists, Despero and others.

HERE KITTY-KITTY

Could this Saved By the Bell star play Kitty Pryde?

The villains in these issues (say spanning from Justice League America No. 1 through 50, Justice League Europe No. 1 through 30, the Justice League Quarterly series, Mister Miracle No. 1- 26 mini-series on Elongated Man and Metamorpho) all were great fun to read.

Of course we all know villains aren't the only stupid people in comic books. There's always the super heroes themselves! That's a whole other essay, but to tide you over until then, see the above picture.

That's about all for me this time, and now for my casting call ...
Like Wizard, I find the prime-time soaps a great place to find future comic book heroes. How about Tiffani-Amber Theiessen as Shadowcat?

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