Disclaimer: I am NOT responsible for this. You gotta believe me.
Dancing Imp: Curious about just what Ranma and Ukyou won't talk about after they got back at the end of Chaos Crescendo? Now you can find out! You sick freaks.
Killian: Pot to kettle, you're still black.
Dancing Imp: Shut up.
The street was dark and unpopulated as a glowing portal appeared. The gateway warbled oddly as it formed, but soon it stabilized and two figures emerged. The first one, a tall man in medieval European-style clothing, looked at the portal just before it shut. “That felt odd.”
The second figure, a woman also wearing medieval-style clothes, nodded as she took a look around. “Yeah, I think we went off course there, Sugar.” She pointed at one of the stores on the street. “I think we’re in Nerima, Ranchan.”
Ranma cursed heavily for a moment. “I never wanted to come back here, Ucchan. Let’s get out of here pronto.” He turned and started to walk away. Ranma paused when he noticed that his wife wasn’t following. “Well?”
Ukyou turned to look at him sadly. “Honey, I want to look around. See what’s changed. You go on home and let Mako-chan know we’re safe.”
Ranma started to argue but he recognized the look in her eyes. “All right.” Gruffly, he turned around and stalked down the street.
Ukyou sighed as she watched him go. “Ranchan, you’ve got to let go of the past sometime…” Finally she decided to check out her old neighborhood. As time went by, she noticed that, much to her surprise, there wasn’t much difference from ‘the old days’. A majority of the shops were still mostly present, though some showed definite signs of battle damage. She chuckled as she remembered how property value dropped whenever the ‘Nerima Wrecking Crew’ was at large. She let her mind wander over the good times that they all had when she and the others were teenagers. A sigh escaped her as she felt the pain of loss for a moment. Suddenly she heard the definite sounds of a battle being fought in the distance.
It only took her a few moments to find the source, and she was surprised to see that Sailors Moon, Mars, and Venus were battling a strange, crab-like humanoid monster. The creature was firing exploding spitballs as the Senshi bobbed and weaved around. Ukyou considered leaping into the fray but changed her mind in order to take the opportunity to watch her daughter’s companions in action. She was quite impressed at their teamwork as they pummeled the monster with great precision. Unfortunately their attacks didn’t seem to be doing more than irritating the monster. She had just decided to interfere when the whistling noise of incoming missiles caught her attention.
Looking up she saw a strange, gaijin girl with blond hair descend from the sky. She was covered by robotic armor that looked vaguely familiar. The Weaponmaster noted that the battle suit left quite a bit of skin showing, including a good deal of leg, stomach, and cleavage. She smirked as she shook her head at that. Missiles and automatic weapon fire sounded as the new girl dumped an arsenal into the monster. When the smoke finally cleared, there was nothing left of the creature… or a good portion of the street where it had been standing.
When the Senshi got into a good-natured argument with the gaijin, Ukyou left. Everything seemed to be in good hands, and she had no reason, since her daughter wasn’t there, to interfere with the others. As she continued her stroll down memory lane, she noticed something that instantly shattered her good mood. “Ucchan’s and No-chan’s?” Ukyou growled deeply as she read the shop sign. “How DARE someone use MY restaurant’s name?!” Ignoring the ‘closed’ sign, she stormed up to the door and pulled it open. The fact that the door was locked and that the lock shattered as she entered didn’t register. Ukyou was out for blood.
She stormed her way through the darkened restaurant, noting that its layout was nearly identical to her old one, which just steamed her even more. Stalking her way up the stairs, she made her way to the one room that had light shining out from under the door. She nearly slammed the door open when an odd sound broke through the red haze in her mind and gave her pause. Slowly opening the door just enough to see inside, she peeked in on the occupants. To her shock, she saw a woman who from behind looked remarkably like Nodoka. It took a few moments for the fact that the woman was nude except for a thong to filter into Ukyou’s brain. Two seconds later, Ukyou hit the ground with a soft thud as her brain shut down from the shock of seeing herself lying tied up in bed with a seductive smile and nothing else. As unconsciousness embraced her, Ukyou heard the Nodoka-clone comment, “And now to show you just how manly I am…”
A fair distance away, Ranma was trudging down the street in a foul mood when he saw a robotic monster rampaging in the street. A nasty grin formed on his face as he popped his knuckles. “That’ll do nicely.”
The poor thing didn’t even last a minute as Ranma vented his frustration over being back in Nerima. When he was done, there was nothing left except a few piles of molten metal. Running his hands through his hair, he let out a relieved sigh and felt a bit better.
“Ranma?!”
The pigtailed martial artist turned towards the sound of the voice to see Sailors Mercury and Jupiter arriving on the scene. “Heya!”
Mercury blinked in surprise as she looked around. “What are you doing here?”
Ranma shrugged and smirked. “Venting. What are you-“ Ranma was cut off as someone else arrived on the scene.
The new arrival was female and quite attractive. She was wearing a yellow dress that showed off a lot of leg as well as cleavage. But what caught his attention the most was the fact that he recognized her, even after fourteen years. “Ms. Hinako?”
“Ranma?!” The raven-haired school teacher/disciplinarian/chi-vampire looked at him in shock. Slowly her head turned to the right and Ranma followed her gaze. His jaw nearly hit the ground when another Ranma stepped out of the shadows and scowled at him.
Ukyou slowly recovered her senses just in time for another rude shock. The door she had collapsed in front of was opening and the Nodoka-look-alike and the Ukyou-clone were staring at her with surprised looks on their faces. The Weaponmaster couldn’t stop from glancing down and noticing that the Nodoka-look-alike was now quite obviously male. “BLAG!” Before the other two could react, she was on her feet, down the stairs, and out the door. The Ukyou-clone and Nodoka-look-alike blinked at each other a few times before shrugging and heading back into the bedroom.
“What the #@!!’s going on here?” Both Ranma’s spoke in unison as they leveled surprised glares at each other. “Who let the mirror clone out?”
The three bystanders blinked repeatedly as they glanced back and forth from one Ranma to the other. After a few moments, Mercury suddenly got an idea. “The mirror clone doesn’t have the curse!” Before anyone could object, the young magical girl encompassed both Ranma’s in a cold mist. A few moments later she made the cloud dissipate.
Two female Ranma’s pointed at each other and proclaimed loudly, “A-HA!” A few moments later, they both put their hands behind their heads and chuckled nervously. Which caused them both to return to glaring at each other. “STOP COPYING ME!”
After several moments of this, Mercury, Jupiter, and Hinako were joined by a young girl dressed in ninja garb. “What’s going on here?”
Jupiter suddenly seemed to get very nervous. “W-w-why Ichi-kun! Wh-what a pleasant surprise! What are y-you doing here?” Mercury rolled her eyes at the antics of her friend.
“ENOUGH!” Everyone, including the two Ranmas, stopped what they were doing to look at Ms. Hinako. “There is a very simple way of figuring out who’s the real Ranma.” Without further ado, the teacher strode with a seductive swing to her hips towards the Ranma in the medieval garb. When she got to the currently female martial artist, she reached up and pulled her into a passionate kiss.
“GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WIFE!”
The currently lip-locked Ranma’s eyes had expanded to the size of dinner plates and she quickly pushed Ms. Hinako off of her. “WIFE?”
Smirking in an all-knowing sort of way, Hinako pointed to the boiling-mad Ranma that she hadn’t kissed. “That’s the real one.” Turning towards ‘The real Ranma’, Hinako switched to a ‘kicked puppy’ expression and ran into her Ranma’s arms. “That bad pervert molested me!” She pointed towards the now gaping Ranma Kino.
Without another second going by, the enraged Ranma hurled a Mouko Takabisha the size of a semi-truck at the startled Kino. The mage only barely managed to dodge to the side and roll away from the attack as it leveled a storefront. Glancing at Jupiter, she called out, “What’s going on here?”
Jupiter blinked in surprise at the question. “Oh my!” Reaching behind her, she pulled out a bamboo umbrella and took up a battle stance. “To quote my father, ‘RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!’”
“I still can’t believe that we don’t get paid for this,” Mercury commented as she pulled out a hammer and stake. “Well, at least we know which one is the enemy now.”
The ninja-girl drew a katana. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but I like to slice first and ask questions later. For the honor of the Ichinohai clan!”
Ranma Kino saw the incoming attackers and did the only thing he could. With a wave of his hand he faded from view.
A good distance away, Ukyou was finally slowing down. The shock of what she had seen was almost too much for her as she collapsed on a convenient bench. Taking a moment to look around, she noticed that she was in the Nerima park. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus her thoughts and figure out just what was going on. “Dimensional slip. That’s the only explanation. Count on Ranma to pull a Ryouga while opening a Dimension Door. Arrg! If I ever get my hands on him, I’ll… probably collapse in his arms and beg him to take me home.” A shiver ran down her spine as her thoughts wandered for a moment back to ‘Ucchan’s and No-chan’s’.
She was grateful when a sobbing sound broke her train of thought. While not exactly in a comforting mood (more like a needing to be comforted mood), she couldn’t ignore the sounds of another person in distress. Standing up, she began walking towards the source. It didn’t take her long to find it. A young woman was sitting on another park bench, sobbing her eyes out. Ukyou was a bit surprised that the woman had green hair, but she ignored it. For all she knew, the young lady was a dryad or something. She had seen plenty stranger on Jade. But her hair color didn’t matter. The point is, the woman was crying and Ukyou felt a need to help her.
“Is something wrong, miss?”
The woman’s head snapped up. Upon seeing Ukyou, she leveled a glare that could have decimated a city block. Ukyou hadn’t quite been expecting that reaction and she was somewhat taken aback. After a moment, however, the woman’s eyes softened. “Forgive me, I thought you were someone else.”
“Err, that’s all right. Is there anything I can help you with?”
The woman laughed in an almost demented way. “Oh, no thank you. Your counterpart has done quite enough already.” Before Ukyou could respond to that, the woman continued. “How? HOW?! How could the plan have gone that far off?! They were supposed to have nice, normal, somewhat dead parents! Not the most insane bunch of overpowered freaks on the planet!” She began sobbing as she cried out, “And the gender problems!” Reaching up she grabbed Ukyou by the lapels of her shirt and lifted her in a rather surprisingly strong grip. “Do you realize the effort I had to go through to make sure that they would be reborn at all?! The planning! The potions! The incredibly SICK and WRONG things I had to do to bring about the princess’ reincarnation!” Dropping Ukyou, the woman’s laugh decided to go all the way to demented. “Well, she’s here! Rejoice! Now all I have to do is KILL MYSELF FOR LETTING THIS TRAVESTY OCCUR!” Turning around, the woman took off screaming and laughing at the same time, leaving a very shocked Ukyou behind.
A voice said softly behind her. “Ucchan?”
Spinning around, Ukyou saw her husband standing behind her. “Ranchan? Please tell me it’s you!”
Ranma pulled her into a loving embrace that left no doubt in either of their minds. “What in the name of #@!! is going on here?”
“I think we slipped into an alternate dimension or something. R-ranchan… I saw myself.”
“Me too, Ucchan… and I – HE was married to Ms. Hinako.” Ranma shuddered at that.
Ucchan shivered as well. “A-and… I was…” She paused for a moment. “Ranchan, I was… doing ‘IT’ with your mother.”
A full-body shiver ran through both of them. “Ucchan, this never happened. If- WHEN we get home, this NEVER happened.”
Ukyou nodded vigorously. “Agreed. But how do we get home? We don’t know where we are, so we don’t know where to go?”
“Perhaps I can help.”
The two lost adventurers turned towards the source of the voice. It was a man with classic ‘mad scientist’ hair, glasses, and lab coat. He was also only about four feet tall and seemed to have steam coming from his mouth as he spoke. “I am Professor Steamhead, and I believe I can help you return home. My sensors picked up a dimensional disturbance in the area and I have tracked it down to you two.”
While wary of the offer for help, the two Kinos were desperate to get home. “All right. What do we have to do?”
Professor Steamhead just smiled and motioned for them to follow him. He led them to a laboratory that was built into the steam tunnels under Furinkan High. He had them stand in tubes that filled with steam for a bit, which triggered Ranma’s shift back to male form. Professor Steamhead noticed this and cackled in an almost maniacal manner. Ranma began to regret his decision, but a moment later the tubes were opened and he and Ukyou stepped out.
Flicking a switch on a Frankenstein-like contraption, steam filled a metal archway that was set against one wall. “That will take you home.”
“Err… you sure about that?” Ranma gulped nervously.
“Positive. I AM a professor of Steamology, after all.”
“Right. Well, thanks.” Without much more wait, Ranma and Ukyou darted through the portal.
“No, thank you,” Steamhead commented with a smile as he turned towards his instruments. “Besides, we’ll be seeing each other again.”
Author’s Notes:
This chapter was written with two specific purposes. To weed out this strain of thought that leaned towards Hentai, and to get rid of my urge to write a fic for each Senshi. Other than that, it has no purpose. Really. This will not impact the storyline at all, except to make the Kinos a bit more nervous whenever Ranma opens a Dimension Door. 8)
Now, IF there is enough interest, once the Chaos story is entirely complete, I would be happy to write out a set of sidestories based on the ‘Sick and Wrong’ universe.
Also, for anyone who is curious, the ninja, the girl in power-armor, and Professor Steamhead are all from the Ninja High School universe.