Tequila Man!  The Tragic Life of Cait's Friend
by: Dave (Cloud)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have decided to tell the short and mysterious life of one of the most and popular and unusal fanfictional characters of all time... Cait's friend!  Hope you all enjoy the fic!!

     It was a cool, clammy day on the streets of Sector 2 in the great city of Midgar.  People were at their normal busy schedules that day, but little did they know that a hero would be born in their sector, on that day of August 16. Cait's friend's story all starts out in a small, run-downed shack in the Sector 2 slums.  Cait's friend's mother, Ann, was sitting on the old, torn up couch in the shack, reading a newspaper she ransacked at a store not far from their shack.  She was a women of great heart.  She was bright, had a high school deploma and a honory medal for best History scores in Midgar.  Cait's friend's father, Kai, on the other hand, wasn't the nice, gentle type like his mother was.  He was a tall, fat man that loved nothing more then to sit on the couch and drink tequila.  He was fired from his latest job as a train conductor two days ago because he was caught drinking tequila on the noon train coming from Sector 3.  Ann looked up from her magazine to see her husband sit down on the couch next to her and drink tequila.  She threw down her magazine and stood up. "You can never keep a job, can you?" she shouted, "your always getting in trouble because all you do is drink tequila and watch basketball games on TV!" Kai didn't seem to be listening.  He turned on their twelve inch, black and white TV, and began flipping channels.  "Are you listining to me?" Ann shouted. Again, Kai just ignored her and continued flipping channels.  "Do you realize that the baby is due anytime now?" she demanded, "What am I gonna do when my water breaks and your sitting here drinking tequila and watching TV?"  Kai stopped flipping channels and looked up at his wife.  "Tequila man!" he shouted as he threw the empty tequila bottle at the wall.  The shattering noise awoken the dog next door, who began barking loudly.  "Ah shut up, ya' stupid mut!" Kai shouted, "it's not my fault your owners spaded you!"  Ann was burning with anger now.  She had finally had enough.  She went up to Kai and slapped him across the face, knocking him to the floor.  Kai got up and turned toward his wife, his face burning with anger.  "TEQUILA MAN!!!" he shouted as he took a tequila bottle and began swinging it at Ann.  Ann was full of fright as she backed up to the front door.  "Stop!" she demanded, "don't you realize I'm pregnant?"  Kai didn't pay any attention.  He drank so much tequila that the only words he could seem to remember were "Tequila man!"  Kai approached Ann and swung the bottle at her.  She ducked under the incoming bottle and sprinted toward a window nearby. She grabbed the handle and forcefully tried to open the window.  But, to her bad luck, the window was rusted shut.  She knew she couldn't aviod her husband forever.  She had to think of something fast before she would get seriously injured or possiblly even killed.  She knew she was fearfing for her life as well as the life of Cait's friend.  She looked around desperatly, trying to find something that she could use to block the tequila bottle, but it was too late. Kai had struck her down, smasjing the tequila bottle over her head with all his might.  She collapsed on the floor as blood poured out from the open wound in her head.  Kai had realized what he done and did the only possible solutin he could think of... he took a piece of glass and stabbed himself through the heart with it.
     Luckily for Cait's friend, a neighbor heard the noise and decided to investigate for himself.  He approached the door and knocked.  "Is everything okay in there?" he asked.  There was no response.  He knocked again.  "Hello? Is everything alright in there?"  Again, no response.  With nothing left to do, he kicked open the door with his steeled plated boot and ran in the house.  He saw the two bodies laying on the floor.  He first went to Kai.  "Dead," he said to himself.  Ann soon regained consciousness and began to softly moan in pain. The neighbor approached her and saw she was alive, but barely.  "Jesus!" he shouted, "If I don't get her to the hospital soon, she might lose her baby and her life!"  Without hesistation, the neighbor ran out and got help.

     Within minutes, the paramedics arrived and took Ann away in the ambulance.. They rushed her to the Sector 2 slum hospital and listed her in critical condition.  Without warning though, she began to go into labor.  The doctors rushed in and stablized her as best as they could.  But, Cait's friend had to be forcefully removed from his mother.  The doctors said there was a chance that Cait's friend would be either dead at birth or would have severe brain damage due to the amount of tequila his father drank when he got his mother pregnant. The hours passed. The surgens were hoping they could save the child but they were aware they couldn't save both Cait's friend and his mom at the same time. A decision had to be made quickly, for Ann's vital signs were quickly deterirating and Cait's friend was losing oxygen.  They decided to remove Cait's friend and see if there was even the slightest chance of hope for his mother. The doctors succesfully removed Cait's friend but the unthinkable had accured. Ann died seconds after Cait's friend was removed from her.  She had suffered severe head injuries from the force of the impact of that tequila bottle. 

     For three months, Cait's friend was in the hospital.  He had already been through over five operations on his heart and brain, for they were badly damaged due to the amount of alcohol that was in them.  After those three, long months passed, a Shinra employee, named Sheila, adopted Cait's friend and took him to live with her in a rich section of Sector 5.  She was giving strict orders about the diet Cait's friend needed in order for his brain and heart to work and funtion normally, without the fear of a heart attack or a stroke that could cause an early death for the soon to be member of AVALANCHE. 

     The years passed came and went.  Cait's friend eventually learned how to walk, read and write.  But the only two words he was able to say at that point in his life were "Tequila man!"  Of course, this got him in trouble a lot at school since the teachers assumed that's what either he or his parents were doing at home.  Eventually, it became a big enough problem where Cait's friend would get beaten up everyday at school and the other kids would laugh at him and even throw stones and pieces of wood at him.  He was then known only as "tequila man."  One day he came home from school, blood streaming from his nose and mouth, his clothes torn to shreds with tears dripping down from his eyes. Sheila quickly ran to him and hugged him.  She knew this kid had gone through a lot.  She never yelled at him for saying "Tequila man" or anything like tha because she knew and understood why Cait's friend was the he was.  "One day," she whispered softly to him, "one day, you'll be able to say something else besides tequila man,"  "Tequila man," Cait's friend replied.  "No kid should ever go through what you have gone through in your life," Sheila said, "I can't beleive it myself that a kid as sweet as you would have such a heartbreaking life."  "Tequila man," Cait's friend added, tears still streamin down his eys. To him, Sheila was the greatest thing that ever happend to him in his miserable life. 

     By the time Cait's friend's fifteenth birthday rolled around, he was able to say more words but only words that sounded like tequila.  He had a larger vocabulary now, with words like fejita, which he would call Vegeta nine years in the future, lajita, and even Mario's famous line, mama-mia!  That year, Cait's friend moved a total of three times, going from a Shinra outpost thrity miles south of Wutai, to the huge military base of Junon, Shinra's pride and joy and finally to Gongonga.  Then Cait's friend's world would once again come crashing on him. 

     Four years later, when Cait's friend turned ninteen, he began drinking tequila for himself.  Sheila was sent to investagate a possible terriorist threat on the Gongonga reactor.  Cait's friend had a bad dream that night, a dream he would never forget.  He dreamed of his adoped mother, heading for the reactor.  She entered it along with ten members of SOLDIER.  She searched and investagated the core and found no evidence of a terriost bomb or explosive.  She assumed everything checked out and ordered four men from SOLDIER to tell headquarters that nothing came up.  Then it happend.  The core of the reactor suddenly overheated and exploded, killing the six members of SOLDIER and Sheila, the only positve light in his life.  The next morning, the day of the mission, he tried despartly to keep Sheila from going.  "Listen, I'm just going to investagate the reactor," she explained, "I'll be back in a few hours.  Don't worry, everything will be okay."  "Tequila!  Tequila!" he shouted as he grabbed her and hugged her.  Sheila just hugged him back.  "I'll be back, don't you worry," she said quietly.  Cait's friend finally gave up trying to stop her, for he knew it was no use.  If did stop her, she would have gotten fired and he would be in BIG trouble.  Cait's friend went back to his room and layed on his bed, staring up at the cieling.

     Sheila walked toward the large, Gongonga reactor along with ten members from SOLDIER.  "Alright, men," she ordered, "I want five of you to go to the left, the other five to the right.  Let me know the instant you find something suspecious."  The SOLDIER nodded in agreement as they split up in their designated groups.  Sheila went straight, toward the core of the reactor.  She observed it's exterior, the amount of Mako it was sucking up per minute and the amount of Mako being converted into electricity.  She didn't she anything that would look like a bomb.  She then made her way back toward the entrance of the reactor where the ten SOLDIER men were waiting.  "Anything suspicious?" she asked.  "Notta thing," a SOLDIER replied, "just plain old solid steel and nothing else!"  Sheila turned to four members of SOLDIER.  "You four report to headquartes and tell them we found nothing," she ordered.  Without hesistation, the four warriors made their way outside of the reactor and headed for the town. Sheila looked back at the reactor one more time, just to be on the safe side. She saw nothing and began to leave when, all of a sudden, the core began to destableize.

     Cait's friend continued to wait and wait for Sheila's return.  He layed there, wondering if that dream he had meant anything, or if it was just something on his mind.  He picked up a little blue ball from the floor and began tossing it up in the air.  It was all peace and quiet until he heard a loud explosion.  He quickly jumped out of his bed and ran outside, only to see the Gongonga reactor go up in smoke.  Cait's friend couldn't believe it.  Sheila was killed in the accident and Cait's friend began to blame himself for it.  He quickly left everything behind and ran south toward North Corel. 

     Six monthes later, Cait's friend took up residense in North Corel.  The kind people offered to give him a house for free since they found out about what had happend to Sheila.  Cait's friend just sat on his bed, full of grief..  All he did was drink tequila and mourn, just like his father did.  One day, a large black man entered Cait's friend's house.  He was muscular with a beard and was mean looking.  But in reality, he was an overall nice guy.  The black man went by the name Barret Wallace.  "Hey foo'!  What's happenin'?" Barret asked. Cait's friend turned to him and said, "Tequila man," in a sad voice.  Barret had a confused look on his face.  "What do you mean by tequila man?" he asked. "Tequila man," Cait's friend replied as he dropped his tequila bottle.  "Oh I get it," Barret said, "you must've suffered a head injury or something.  Well, I'll let you be."  Barret left Cait's friend's house and went off toward one of many coal mines in Corel.

     One day, Cait's friend went toward the Ropeway Station that lead to the famous Gold Saucer.  He stared at it like it was the most amazing thing he had ever saw.  The huge, blue cart with two propellers on the back and two strong, thin, metallic ropes going through holes on the top of it, just seemed to amaze him. But actually, it reminded him of the blue ball that Sheila had given to him many years earlier.  The shade of blue was the excat same as that little ball.  At this site, Cait's friend began to cry again, but his mourning was cut short when he heard the shouting of Shinra soldiers.  He saw what seemed like an endless number of them, going around and burning the town down.  Cait's friend watched in horror as the vicious soldiers ran around throwing tourches into building and shooting innocent civilians.  He became frightend as the soldiers drew closer and closer to his position.  He looked around and saw there was only one option: To get on the Ropeway and head for the Gold Saucer.  Cait's friend looked toward the soldiers to make sure they wouldn't see him.  Then he sprinted off toward the Ropeway.  He dove in and within seconds, the propellers started to turn as Cait's friend could feel the force of the Ropeway cart going forward.  This, of course, caught the soldiers attention and they began to head straight for the Ropeway.  Cait's friend was a sitting duck.  There was no place else to go.  He realized this could be the end of him.  As the soldiers ran up the stairs to the cart, it lunged forward and took off toward the Gold Saucer.  The Shinra soldiers began firing their heavy loaded machine guns at the cart.  Luckily for Cait's friend, the cart was made of bullet-proof material and he safetly escaped to the Gold Saucer.

     After the Corel Insedent, Cait's friend remained at the Ropeway station until, four years later, he would meet his best friend, Cait Sith.  Cait Sith truddled along the path toward the Ropeway when he saw his soon to become best friend, sitting against the ticket booth, drinking tequila.  However, this time he seemed happy.  For the first time since his years with Sheila, he was smiling. The talking black cat on the fat, white moogle bounced toward him.  "Hey how's it going?" Cait Sith asked.  His friend just looked up at him and said, "Tequila man!"  Cait Sith just looked at him strangely and than burst out laughing.  "I like you!" Cait Sith said, "You have what it takes to become a fortune teller, just like me!"  "Tequila man!" Cait's friend shouted with joy.  "What's your name?" Cait Sith asked.  Cait's friend looked down and wrote in white chalk, "I don't have a name."  Cait Sith became confused.  "Whatta mean you don't have a name?" Cait Sith asked.  His friend just looked at him with sad eyes.  He wished he could tell this animal just how much hell he's gone through in his life.  How much pain and suffering he's had to go through, with the death of Sheila and his friends of Corel.  Cait Sith looked at him with comforting eyes and said, "Well, then for now on, your name will be.... Cait Sith's friend!"  Cait's friend looked at him with eyes of happiness.  "Tequila man!" he shouted with joy.  "I guess that means you like that, huh?" Cait Sith remarked.  Cait Sith and his new friend boarded the Ropeway and headed for the Gold Saucer where later on they would both meet Cloud and the rest of AVALANCHE and would join up with them!

     Well that's the story of a well known fanfictional character, how he became the famous tequila man we all know and love! 

THE END!!!