Author’s Note:
Hi, I’d just like to say before this begins that this fic is very Anti- Al Gore. If you like Al Gore, you probably should not read this unless you have a good sense of humor.

Election Day

By Kit

[At the Hideout]

Barret: The election is tomorrow. Who are you guys going to vote for?
Cid: Shut the hell up, Barret! I can’t hear the goddamn TV!
Cloud: I’m going to vote for Buchanan!
Everyone: (raises an eyebrow and stares at Cloud)
Dav: Why??
Cloud: Because I can!
Vegeta: (Hits Cloud on the back of the head) Shut up, dipsh*t!
Tifa: I’m going to vote for Gore!
Aeris: Nobody cares, b*tch!
Tifa: Shut up! (b*tch slaps Aeries)
Aeris: B*tch! (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Cloud: STOP IT!
Tifa and Aeris: (stop) Okay, Cloud!
Cait Sith: I’m going to vote for Nader!
Everyone: (raises an eyebrow and stares at Cait) WHY?
Cait Sith: I like his name
Cloud: That’s a stupid reason
Vegeta: Not as stupid as your reason for voting for Pukechanan!
Cloud: That’s Buchanan
Vegeta: WHATEVER!
Dav: Hey, Vegeta, who are you voting for?
Vegeta: Bush
Cait Sith: Wasn’t he president before?
Vegeta: Dipsh*t, that was George Bush! This is George W. Bush!
Cait Sith: (is confused) What’s the difference?
Vegeta: There’s a big difference, dipsh*t! (thwaps Cait on the back of the head)
Cait Sith: Ow....
Cait’s Friend: Tequila man!
Cait Sith: Who are you gonna vote for, Friend?
Cait’s Friend: Tequila man!
Everyone: Riiiiiight....
Cloud: Cid, who are you voting for?
Cid: Shut the hell up, *^%^@%(^%%#! I’m watchin’ TV!
Cloud: I was just asking...
Cid: It’s a *&%$^%#*^&%#%)&% secret ballot, anyway!
Cloud: Huh? What are you watching? (looks at TV) You- you’re watching the DEBATES?!
Everyone: (is shocked)
Cid: Yeah? So what?
Cloud: Then..... then that means, you’re a.... a....
Cid: A what, you &^(&^&^$)*^%(&%)*^($#(^%(&^$(&%$(%?!
Cloud: AN UNDECIDED VOTER!? (does the Cloud Strife Freakout)
Everyone: (is shocked)
Cid: So what if I am, d*ckhead?
Dav: It’s people like you who make this place SUCK!
Cid: Hey, shut the *(*&^%(^ up, you (*&%&%$^%(&^$&^(*^$%*^%(!
Everyone: (sighs at Cid’s stupidity and leaves the room)
Cid: So what if I am a goddamn undecided voter? (drifts off to sleep)

Cid: (slowly opens his eyes) Where am I?
Old man Cloud: You’ve been asleep for fifty years, man
Old Cait Sith: Gore won by just one vote
Old lady Tifa: I shouldn’t have voted for him. Now my bar’s closed down....
Old Cait’s Friend: (sadly) Tequila..............
Cid: What’s goin’ on?
Old man Cloud: Look around you, Cid. The Hideout’s in ruins. Destruction all around you.
Cid: So?
Old lady Aeris: Gore won the election. Because of low voter turnout, he changed from president to complete ruler.
Old Cait’s Friend: (sadly) Tequila.........
Cid: So?
Old lady Aeris: He outlawed violent video games. All we can play now is Pokemon, Seseme Street and Barney games. Look at Dav over there.
Cid: (looks at Dav)
Dav: (hops around happily) Pika! Pika! Pikachuuuu!
Cid: WHA?! Dav??
Old man Cloud: (sadly) He thinks he’s a Pikachu...
Pika-Dav: Pika? (gives Cid a big hug) Piiiiiii!
Cid: What the hell?! Get the f**k off of me, dipsh*t! (attempts to hit Pika-Dav)
Old lady Aeris: Wait, Cid, don’t! Fighting has been outlawed, you can’t hit Pika-Dav!
Cid: Get offa me, Freakachu!!
Pika-Dav: Chuuuu..... (walks away sadly)
Old Cait’s Friend: (sadly) Tequila..........
Old lady Amy: (walks over) Hello
Old Everyone: Hello, Amy
Old lady Amy: Today is supposed to be Dav and my wedding day.
Old Everyone: (stares at Pika-Dav)
Pika-Dav: (hops around happily) Pika Piiiiiiii! Pika!
Old lady Amy: (stares at Pika-Dav) Dav, I came here to see if you have recovered. Since you haven’t, I’m leaving you.
Pika-Dav: Pika?
Old lady Amy: NO WAY AM I GOING TO MARRY A GUY WHO THINKS HE’S A PIKACHU!
Old lady Aeris: Neither would I
Cid: Where’s Vegeta?
Old lady Aeris: He’s sitting in the corner, talking to himself.
Old man Vegeta: (mumble) (mumble)
Old lady Aeris: He never recovered from the initial shock of fighting and sex being outlawed.
Old lady Amy: I’m outta here. See ya, guys. Bye, Pika-Dav. (leaves)
Old Everyone: ’Bye, Amy
Pika-Dav: A--A---m---yyy
Old man Cloud: Hoo boy. His normal self is trying to overcome his insanity again. This gets ugly.
Pika-Dav: Pika! Pika! A---A--m------yyy. Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Aaaa-------m---m----yy. Pikachu! Piiiiiiiika!
Old lady Aeris: The insanity won.
Old man Cloud: Again.
Old Cait’s Friend: Tequila.........

(A loud voice booms over the loudspeaker)

Old man Al Gore: (drunk off his @$$) Hullo, all you peoples that I have taken control of, hehehehehe *hic* hehehehehe
Old man Joe Liberman: (also drunk off his @$$) Hehehehehe, we’re all drunk and stuff and you can’t be, hehehehehehe
Old Cait’s Friend: (is crying) Tequila........
Old man Al Gore: And we’re having lots of sex and getting stoned and stuff and you’re not allowed to, hehehehehehehehe
Old man Joe Liberman: But, hey, Tifa Lockhart can come over anytime shee wants to!
Old man Al Gore: Ya, Ms. Lockhart, how would you like to be my new intern? Hehehehe
Old man Cloud: Hey, you leave Tifa alone!
Old man Al Gore: What are you gonna do about it, dipsh*t? Hahahaha
Old man Cloud: …… leave Tifa alone
Old man Al Gore: How about… I’M THE PRES’DENT SO’S I CAN DO WHATTEVA I WANT? Hehehehehe

(loudspeakers go silent)

Old man Cloud: (is about to say something but cut off by another voice over the loudspeakers)

Voice: Hello, former AVALANCHE team. This is your NEW leader.
Old Everyone: Huh?
Voice: Al Gore and Joe Liberman were drunk off their @$$es, so it was rather easy to take over. I am your new leader, YUFFIE THE GREAT!!
Old Everyone: AAHHHHHH!
Yuffie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And you old people can’t do anything about it! I stole an Instant Plot Device- Old man Al Gore: Just add water!
Yuffie: Shut up, @$$hole! (bashes his head in) And it made me young forever! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Old Everyone: OH, SHIT!
Yuffie: That reminds me. From now on, swearing, smoking, and asking stupid questions are all illegal!
Old man Joe Liberman: Why?
Yuffie: That was a stupid question! (bashes Joe Liberman’s head in)
Old Everyone: (tries to let out a long string of cusswords, but all that comes out is: “Oh, my, this is not a good thing! We are extrememly unhappy with this.”)
Dav: PIKACHU!
Old Cait’s Friend: Tequiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilaaaaaa....
Cid: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Cid: (wakes up) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone: (stares at him)
Cait Sith: What’s wrong with him?
Cait’s Friend: Tequila man!
Vegeta: Awww, did Cid have a bad dream?
Cid: Shut the hell up, you (*%%$%(&^$^%#(^$&%^#%)*%! Hey! I can cuss! I can &^)*^&%$*%^*^%$^*$%*&^$%$& cuss!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Everyone: (is scared) (backs away slowly from Cid)
Cid: I can &^%*&%#%(^%(^ cuss! I can (*%(&%$&^%$&%#%*&^$&^%&^% cuss! HAHAHAHA!
Dav: (stares at Cid oddly)
Cid: Dav, do you still think you’re a *^%& Pikachu?
Dav: What the hell?!
Cid: What day is it?
Everyone: (stares at Cid oddly)
Cid: TELL ME WHAT GODDAMN DAY IT IS!
Barret: November 6th.
Cid: YEAH!!!!!!!!!
Barret: The election’s tomorrow.
Everyone: No sh*t, Sherlock!
Cid: (hangs up banners that say “Bush for Prez” all over the hideout)
Cloud: I thought you were undecided?
Cid: No way. Seeing Dav act like a *&%^%$#^$(&^$*& Pikachu was just too damn scary.
Everyone: (is confused)
Dav: (is angry) What the hell’s this about me acting like a f**kng Pikachu?!
Cid: Well, in my dream, Al Gore won the election and he outlawed violent video games, and you went insane and thought you were a Pikachu.
Cloud: Damn, that’s scary.
Dav: (plotting) Hmmm….
Tifa: (looking at a banner that reads: “GORE SUCKS!!! BUSH 4EVA!!!!!”) You know, Cid, I’m voting for Gore.
Cid: *%^%#(%$(&^%(&^$^%$(&%$%(&%$%$@$ you, Tifa!
Aeris: Damn straight!
Tifa: Shut up, B*tch! (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: Only a whore would vote for GORE! (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (b*tch slaps Aeris)
Aeris: (b*tch slaps Tifa)

Aeka: (staring at them all through a window) Ryoko, look! They’re even worse than us!
Ryoko: (looking in) You’re telling me!
Ryo-Ohki: Meow!
Mihoshi: Hey, what are you two doiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii--- (trips over Ryo-Ohki) OW!
Ayeka and Ryoko: SSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!
Ryo-Ohki: Mewwwwwwwwwwww

Dav: (sneaks up behind Cid and hugs him) Pika Pika!
Cid:AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Dav: (laughing) Just kidding, Cid!
Cid: Goddamn you, Dav!

Author’s Note #2:

The character Dav Cole is copyright Dyne. The character Cait’s Friend is copyright Dave. I’m not cool enough to make up Cait’s Friend anyway. All characters are copyright their respectful owners, yadayadayada. I do not apologize to any pro-Gore people, because I warned you at the beginning of the fic not to read it if you like Gore, and so it’s your own fault if you’re upset. Please send all comments to my_name_is_kit@hotmail.com.

Aeka: Now what IS she talking about? Who's Al Gore?
Ryoko: Beats me. But he seems like just the type of guy YOU'D vote for!
Aeka: Now see here, Ms. Ryoko, that was uncalled for!
Ryoko: Aw, you're just mad 'cause it's true! You probably think he's a hottie. Well, you can have him. I have Tenchi.
Aeka: What! You most certainly do not! Tenchi's mine!
Ryoko: Mine!
Aeka: Mine!
Aeris: Wow.
Tifa: This is actually amusing.
Aeris: Want some popcorn?
Tifa: Sure.

End