FF7 Meets SSB
By:Emmy
This story begins in the FF7 world...
(Inside the back room at the New 7th Heaven Bar....Cloud, Barret, Cid and Greg are all enjoying some peaceful time together playing Super Smash Bros)
Cid: (playing as Luigi) Gotcha! (uppercuts DK skyward)
Cloud: (DK) Big f***in deal! (comes down and kicks Luigi away)
Barret: (as Samus) Sh't yo ass is going down fool (charges gun)
Greg: (Mario) Yeah Right (knocks Samus off the stage) You were saying monkey man?!
Barret: I pity the foo' who knocks me off the stage!
Mr. T: (runs in) I pity the foo' who keeps stealin my lines!
Barret: Shut Up foo'!!!! (blows Mr. T away)
Cloud: (realeases a punch and knocks Luigi off the stage) Haha!
Cid: Dammit!
[Meanwhile in another world]
Mario: (hits Luigi with fireball)
Luigi: (bashes coins out of Mario)
Mario: Hey those are my coins you f**kin thief! (uses Mario cyclone on Luigi)
Luigi: So?! All you ever use them for is buying more food to fill yer fat@$$ gut (bashes more coins out of Mario)
Mario: Shut up! (throws Luigi off the stage)
Luigi: (gets back up) Ha! (knocks Mario skyward)
Mario: (airborne in the background) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Luigi: That takes care of him (eats lasanga)
[Meanwhile on the Great Fox]
Fox: (Reflects Yoshi's egg back at him) Nope
Yoshi: (gets hit by egg) You and your Cheap@$$ shield! (headbutts Fox)
Fox: (flys back) Ah S**t! (uses fire fox on Yoshi)
Yoshi: (gets burned and knocked skyward and blasted by Arwing lasers)
Fox: (taunts) Humph!
Yoshi: (Gets back on the Great Fox) F**k off (stomps down on Fox)
Fox: (gets stomped on and flys skyward) Damn you Yoshi!!
[inside the bar]
Cait Sith: chalk up another win for Greg/Cloud the making it 4:0
Aeris: You won again cloud (runs over to him)
Tifa: Back off he's mine!!
Aeris: Dream on bi**h
Tifa: Ho!!
Aeris: Slut!!
Tifa: Lesbo!!
Aeris: Whore!!
Tifa: I told you these are real!!
Aeris: Yeah..real FAKE!
(they start fighting)
[back in the SSB world]
Mario: (grabs a fireflower and burns Luigi)
Luigi: (burned) AHH!! Can't you do anything better fat boy?!
Mario: Yes I can you @$$hole! (bashes several coins out of him 2 times)
Luigi: HEY!
Mario: There mine now!
Luigi: You fat@$$ slob all you ever do is eat!
Mario: Gee! What tipped you off Sherlock?! (knocks Luigi off the stage)
[back in the bar]
Aeris/Tifa: (still fighting)
Cloud: Knock it off you two!
Aeris/Tifa: Sorry Cloud..
Cait's Friend: (walks in holding a tequila bottle) Tequila Man!
Barret: Who the hell let this foo' in here
Cid: Not Me!
Emmy: I let him in here!
Cid/Barret: oh
Emmy: Dave gave me permission to use him
Cait's Friend: Tequila Man! (starts drinking the Tequila in the bar)
Tifa: Ah s**t (runs in there to stop him)
[Back in the other place at Congo Jungle]
Kirby: Hey Monkey man! Get down here so I can kick yer @$$!!
DK: HA! (tosses a barrel at Kirby)
Kirby: (dodges) And another thing!! Get some deoderant for yer armpits cause you smell like S**t!!!!
DK: (beats on his chest and stomps around)
[floor Breaks]
DK: (falls off on top of kirby)
Kirby: Oh s**t! (gets crushed)
[in FF7 world]
Cait's Friend: Tequila Man! (drinking a bottle of tequila)
Barret: Well at least that damn foo' didn't clean out the bar
Steve: (runs in drinking beer as usual) Damn I'm almost out! Oh well (runs into the bar hand starts helping himself to a bunch of 6 packs)
Cait's Friend: (goes back in the bar and starts drinking all the Tequila)
Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOO!! MY TEQUILA!! MY BEER!! (does the Cloud Strife Freakout)
[in SSB world]
(ground starts shaking)
Yoshi: What the hell is going on here?!
Luigi: Maybe Mario fell down the stairs again!!
Mario: I'm right here dumb @$$
Luigi: What a surprise!
Mario: Shut the hell up! (hits Luigi with his blubber)
Luigi: (is knocked out)
[in FF7 world]
(ground starts shaking)
Cid: Dammit can somebody tell me what the hell's goin on here
Greg: How?! Were just as baffled as you are
[everything gets bright as hell in both worlds]
[a few minutes later]
Cloud: (wakes up) Damn what Happened?
Cait Sith: (wakes up) and where did all this come from?!
Mario: (wakes up) Ohh mya head!!
Everyone: (wake up)
Vincent/Fox: Whoa two worlds were just put together!
Cait Sith/Yoshi: Gee! What tipped you off Sherlock?!
Kirby: (appears)
Mario: what the hell happened to you?!
Kirby: what the hell does it look like?! I was just crushed by that big ape DK
Mario: (laughs)
Kirby: Shut Up fat @$$ (kicks Mario in the nuts)
Mario: (screams in a high pitched voice)
Everyone: (laughs at Mario)
Kirby: and get some f**kin deroderant for yer damn armpits DK
DK: Shut the hell up or taste my secret weapon!
Kirby: (sarcastic voice) and what the hell would that be?!
DK: THIS! (lifts up armpit)
Kirby: Oh S**t!!! (dies from the fume)
Everyone else: (puts on a gas mask and laughs at Kirby)
DK: (puts deoderant under armpit)
Luigi: Dammit why didn't do that before?!
DK: Cause I wanted to shut his little mushroom @$$ up
Everyone: (takes of the gas mask)
Cid: What the hell's going on?!
Cloud: 2 worlds became 1 that's that
Barret: How the f**k did it happen
Red: Probably cause all of us were fighting
Cid: Bulls**t the only fighting here were Tifa and Aeris as usual
Aeris and Tifa: Shut Up Cid! (start duking it out again)
5 minutes later..
Aeris & Tifa: (stop)
Cid: God Dammit do they have to get in a fight at the f**kin drop of a pin?!
(Pin drops)
Aeris & Tifa: (start fighting again)
Avalanche: (laughing their heads off)
Mario: Everyone in our group were fighting
Luigi: Yeah cause you keep stuffing your fat @$$ with pasta
Mario: Shut up you F**kin dork! (crushes Luigi with his blubber)
Luigi: (gets KO'd again)
Cid: What the hell's his problem anyway?!
Mario: He's mad cause I appear in more games that's why and he can't get enough pasta
Fox: Because your always jamming it down yer f**kin fat @$$!
Mario: Shut the Hell Up! (raises blubber over Fox)
Fox: (whistles and a forklift comes in stopping Mario's blubber from falling) Ha!
Mario: (blubber breaks the forklift and sends it backwards) HA!
Fox: What the f**k!! (jumps out of the way)
Kirby: (appears) Ha! I survived DK's arm pits! (gets run over by a forklift) ah crap.. (dies aagin)
DK: (gets hit by the forklift)
Fox: and another thing go on diet fat @$$
Mario: Shut the hell up gay@$$! (tosses fireballs at fox)
Fox: (dodges) what the hell was that?!!!
DK: (knocks forklift away) FOX YOU LITTLE !@%$%#$^%^%&#&@%^!%!$#^%!$#^@%#^@^!#$!#$^!^!#$^!!^!#%^#%^@!#^@!#%^@^@^@%#^#$%^@^@%^@#^@%^%^@!#%!$^$^*&*^#$#%^&#$%^%#$$@#^#$%@#$%@#$%#$%@#$%@#%#$%@#$@%@#$%@$!#@$%$#%#$%!#%%!$%!$%!#$%$#!%!$#%#@$@#^%^#&%^&%&**$*$&%*$@(#*$(@*#$(%*#@($*%(@!*%(@*%(*^(^*!#$%(!#@^%!#$(P*$(#*%!(*@$*%!#$*^#($*%!)#P$*%#$%^#$^#$^!#*^)!#*%!#($$*^%#!($*^(!#*$^%!*#$*%!#*$*%(!#$*%P!#P(%*#$#*$(%#$P*%#!P$*%!#P*$P%*#$(&#**(#^*!@(#*$%*@#(^#(%*^*@#P%^* PANSEY @$$!!!! (winds up fist)
Fox: oh s**t... (gets blown into space)
Red: Whoa DK pulled a Cid
Cid: Damn right
Mario: So where the hell are we
Cloud: Inside Tifa's new 7th Heaven Bar
Greg: Where we were playing Super Smash Bros until this happened
Yoshi: Super Smash Bros?
Cloud: See for yourself (hands them a controller)
[5 minutes later]
Mario: Hey this is fun (knocks Ness off)
Ness: Come on that's the third time already!
Mario: Only the third?!
Luigi: (kicking yoshis butt) You suck yoshi!
Yoshi: Shut Up! Just because you got a few cheap hits! (throws Luigi off the stage)
Luigi: God Dammit
Yoshi: You said I suck?! I beat your @$$ down and got you over 200% dumb@$$
Cait Sith: Mario/Yoshi 3 Luigi/Ness 0
Luigi: Shut Up you Retarded @$$ Dinosaur
Steve: (walks in the room)
Yoshi: Kiss my @$$ Luigi
Luigi: Stupid f**k (throws a chair at him)
Yoshi: (ducks) Dumb@$$!!
Barret: S**t duck your @$$ down steve
Steve: Duck?! I don't see no duck! (gets hit by a chair)
Barret: Damn idiot
Steve: (on the ground) Did anyone get the license plate? (faints)
Greg: (rolls eyes) Yeah it said "F**k Off" on it
Avalanche: (starts laughing)
Jigglypuff: (sings)
Everyone: (Falls asleep)
Pikachu: PIKA {Quit hogging the damn spotlight} (headbutts Jigglypuff)
Jigglypuff: PUFF {Your always hogging the damn spotlight dumb@$$} (Double slaps pikachu and throws him out the window)
[a few minutes later]
Everyone: (wake up)
Kirby: (walks back in) I'm getting sick and tired of this
Mario: Then keep yer damn mouth shut already!
Caits Friend: Tequila Man!
Kirby: Shut Up fat @$$!!!
Caits Friend: Tequila Man!
Kirby: You gotta problem Brooze Boy (kicks him)
Caits Friend: Tequila Man..
Kirby: Shut Up! (kicks him again and hits him with his own Tequila bottle)
Cait Friend: (gets pissed)
Kirby: Stupid drunk @$$ piece of s**t!
Caits Friend: DRUNKEN RAGE!! (takes the Tequila bottle and hits Kirby over the head with it 15 times)
Kirby: (is knocked unconscious)
Avalanche: (jaws drop in surprise)
Yoshi: (laughing at Kirby) Serves Ya right! Ya stupid @$$!!
Vincent: Now maybe he'll think twice from now on (thinking "Yeah right")
Yuffie: (appears) It's about time I said something!!
Emmy: Come to think of it some other characters never appeared yet..oh well!
(Cpt Falcon, Samus, and Link walk in)
C Falcon: I'm here
Samus: Does anybody care
Link: No
(fox appears)
DK: What the hell happened to you?!
Fox: I got attacked by that gay @$$ pansey Star Wolf! Then a meteor killed him and the rest of his team, then Andross came in only to be hit by the meteor and killed when a comet collided with it and both got sucked into some black hole
Cloud: hey anyone up for some more Super Smash Bros
Mario: Yea
Greg: You bet
Luigi: I'm in
Yoshi: I'll help Cait Sith score keep
Cloud: okay any idea what set up we should play first
Emmy: How about this...Stock of 20, Damage at 200% and for items very high appearance with only Bomb-omb's and Hearts and the stage is the Great Fox.
Cloud: Ok (sets it up)
[during round 3]
Cloud: {as Ness} (blows luigi off the stage with a bomb)
Mario: Ha Ha!
Greg: {as DK} (blows mario off the stage with a bomb)
Mario: Mama Mia!
Cait Sith: This one goes to Cloud/Greg making it 3
Yoshi: to 0!!
Mario: lets try another set up
Emmy: Ok..Items no appearance, Damage 100%, stock 10, stage:Congo Jungle.
[after the set up]
Cloud: {Kirby} (copies luigi)
Luigi: Hey..no fair
Cloud: Too bad (hits Luigi w/a few fire balls then grabs him and slams him off the stage)
Luigi: Dammit!
Greg: {Falcon} (knocks Mario off with a Falcon Dive)
Mario: Damn you win again
(just then the typo demon enters)
TD: (goes over to a corner and starts molesting himself)
Everyone: WHAT THE F**K?!
Steve: How the Hell can you molest yerself?!
Barret: Whoa! That foo' Steve finally said sumthin smart
Steve: Say what?
Barret: Nevermind
Caits Friend: Tequila Man!
Cloud: Forget it lets just get back to the game
[after the 2nd round]
Cait Sith : It's Cloud/Greg 2
Yoshi: and Mario/Luigi 0
TD: (starts molesting a stick)
Cloud: what next?
Emmy: Try this...Stock 15, Items: Pokeballs and Hearts and the Stage is Saffron City
[during round 4]
Luigi: Ha! You ain't knocking me off this time! (charges after Fox)
Cloud: {Fox} So?! I don't have to anyway! (an electrode comes out by Luigi and explodes)
Luigi: God Dammit! (gets blown off the stage..yet again)
Greg: {Blue Mario} This is too easy! (tosses pokeball and Blastoise comes out and uses his Hydro Pump)
Mario: oh s**t (get blasted off the stage like a wuss)
Cloud: We won again! (high fives Greg)
Cait Sith: That's Cloud/Greg 4
Yoshi: and Mario/Luigi a big fat 0!!
TD: (starts Molesting a yellow hamster)
Pikachu: (starts molesting TD)
Everyone: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! (pukes all over TD and Pikachu)
Mario: Well what do we do now
TD: Hey Everybody! Let's lets get horn- (suddenly gets a spear shoved up the @$$) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (runs around screaming in a stupid @$$ voice like a f**kin idiot)
Vincent: Enough of this stupid s**t!! (tranforms into Chaos) SATAN SLAM (hits TD with flaming skulls)
TD: (goes flying right out the building)
Vincent: Now the evil molesting demon from hell is gone!
Everyone: (cheers)
Tifa/Aeris: Stop fighting
Cid: What the hell took ya so long?!
Red: That's a record..through almost the whole story
Yoshi: Well what there to do now to finish off this day
Greg: I have an idea
[later outside the bar]
Greg: (shouts)Everyone set?
AVALANCHE & SSB: Yep
Cloud: Ok then..It'll be Steve vs Kirby!
Everyone else: (takes a seat on the side)
(fight begins)
Steve: (runs at Kirby but winds up tripping over him instead)
Kirby: Hey!! Watch it fat@$$!!
Steve: Fat?! Whos fat? (gets up)
Kirby: You are dumb@$$! (kicks him)
Steve: Ah! (drops beer on kirbys head)
Kirby: ah crap (gets beer on his head)
Steve: (takes out a match, lights it and drops it on kirbys head)
Kirby: AHHHHHHHHH! (runs around screaming like a f**kin idiot)
Steve: I like my marshmellows burnt
Kirby: Shut Up!!! (gets steve on fire)
Steve: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! (running around like a stupid @$$) Is it me or is it getting a little warm? (trips and rolls on the ground putting the fire out)
Kirby: (turns all black) Dammit! (shakes off the smoke and ash)
Steve: (charges at Kirby while screaming like a jungle boy)
Kirby: (starts laughing his head off)
Steve: (trips over his foot and falls on Kirby)
Kirby: (gets crushed..yet again)
Everyone else: (laughing their heads off)
Yoshi: Steve won that one easy!
Greg: Yep
Emmy: Before closing I just wanna say some of the characters I pick on in the story I don't hate they just came to mind when I was fighting them as computer opponents. Also the settings I gave for Super Smash Bros Vs mode before are some of my favorites(hint hint..try them out yourself to see if you like them) and that's it.
The End