FF7: Christmas Party
By: Osiris
(Inside the AVALANCHE Hideout)
Cait Sith: Is that all of the Decorations?
Cloud: It better be! I'm not going back in that Store Room again!
Red XIII: Hey now. It can't be all that bad.
Cloud: The hell it's not! I almost got killed when that stuff came dropping out of there at once!
Cid: Whahahahahahahaha!!!!
Cloud: What's so funny?
Cid: You letting a bunch of #%#%^#$ junk beat your @$$ up!
Cloud: Alright then smart-@$$ you try opening the Store Room them!!
Cid: I will! *goes over to the Store Room and opens it up* See nothing! *all of the stuff crashes out of there at once and right on top of Cid* @#%^@#%^@%^$^^^%^$$&%&@%&&%&$%&$&$&$&$%&#$&$$#$&#$%&$#
Cloud: I told you so!
Red XIII: Speaking of which where is Barret at?
Cait Sith: *pulling the Ornaments out of the box* Barret, Tifa, Aeris and Vincent are out getting a Tree. Who knows where Yuffie is at!
Cloud: and who cares anyways! *Pulls the whole strand of tree lights out of the box* S#*t! These are all tangled up! *attempts to unravel them*
(Somewhere away at a Christmas Tree yard)
Barret: No, this won't work either.
Tifa: Why not?
Barret: Needles are too damn short
Tifa: Does it matter?!
Barret: #%%#$% Yeah it matters! Short needles poke worse than long ones!
Aeris: How about this one over here?
Barret: *goes over and looks at it* Yeah! This is perfect! *looks around* Where the hell is Vincent at?
Tifa: I don't know. He ran off a while ago. He looked like he need to get away.
Barret: *thinks*Lord knows what the hell he's up to out there.*talks* We'll pay for the tree first. *takes the Tree and walks over to the Counter*
Yoh: That's the one you want right? That'll be $50.
Barret: S#*t! Is anything $#$^#$$ cheap anymore!
Yoh: Nope. I wish they were though.
Aeris: *hands over the money*
Sephiroth: I'll get you this time! *flys down behind Aeris ready to stick his sword in Aeris body*
Buu: *rushes to the counter for something and accidently gets impaled by Sephiroth's sword*
Sephiroth: *Sees that he struck Buu instead of Aeris and pulls his sword out* Dammit!
Barret/Tifa/Aeris: Sephiroth!!!!
Amidamaru: Hey! This guy looks like me!
Sephiroth: I was going to kill Aeris again but this Fat@$$ Tub of Lard got in my way instead!
Buu: *the sword hole in his body disappears*
Barret: Holy #$$^#$%^$!
Aeris: No damage!
Buu: *looks at Sephiroth* You called Buu 'Fat'!!!! Your a smark-aleck!! *blows steams out of the holes in his body*
Sephiroth: Oh yeah and what are you going to do about it Tubby?!
Buu: BUU HIT BIG MOUTH PERSON!!!!
Sephiroth: Not if I attack first!! SUPER NOVA!! *sends the attack at Buu*
Buu: Buuuuuuuu! *inflates his belly and deflects the Super Nova *
Sephiroth: HOW THE F**K DID HE?!?!?!?! *gets blown away by his own attack*
Buu: Bye-Bye!! *claps*
Aeris: Thanks mister uh....
Buu: Me Buu.
Aeris: Thanks Mr Buu want to join us for the Christmas party!
Buu: Ok!
[Buu joins the Party]
Vincent: *comes back*
Barret: and where the hell were you at?!
Vincent: It was feeding time! Chaos was hungry!
Barret: I don't even wanna know what the hell you were doin in there! Anyway we got our tree let's go! *picks up the back off the tree while Aeris and Tifa grab the front*
*everyone heads back to the truck*
Tifa: How are we going to get this in there?!
Buu: Buu use his magic to shrink tree! *points his finger at the tree and it shrinks to less than half it's size*
Barret: Damn!
Tifa: Oh yeah! I almost forgot! *runs back to the counter and asks Yoh something*
Yoh: Ok! We'll be there!
(Back at the Hideout)
Cloud: Dammit! I can't get these lights untangled!
Cid: *finished shoving all of the 'junk' back into the store room* Don't wrap them like that in the first place!
Cloud: I didn't even put the lights away last year!
Cid: Oh yeah! It was that B***h Yuffie! She probably did that on purpose! *goes up stairs to the Computer to check on the downloading he started earlier* 99% Percent! It's about f**king time! I've been waiting for 5 hours!!
[all of a sudden a "Good-Bye" Message is heard twice as Cid is kicked offline]
Cid: #%^$%^%^%^#%^$%&&^&%^&%^&%^&%^&^&&^$&&$&^&$^&^&^&^%&%^&&%^&^%&%^&%^&%^&%^&%^&&$&%^&$^&#$%#$%#@$^%$^%$^^#%^#@$@#^@#^#@^@#^@#^@#%^%&&(&(&%^*%^*$@$(%#^##*&%^%@&#$&#$%&#$&#@$^&$&#$&$&$^&$^#@!^@$&@^&^&$^@&%^&#%^&%^*&^%*%!%^*&##&#%*#^%*%*#%*#%*%^*%^*%*!@^!&@$*&@$&@$&@$&@$&@$&@$&@$&$&@$@$&@$#!*#$^!#^$!&#$&!#$(^!(#@$(^!#&$(!#(#$&#($&#!($&#$(^&!#%^&#$(^&!#($&!(#$#!($&(#$(&$#&#!$^&#$(^&#($(&#!$(^&#!$&!#$(?&!#$(?!#(&#!$&!#$!#((&#!$(!#&(&#$!(^&#!$(^&#!($^($#!(?#!$(?^!&$(#!$!#$(^&#$(^&#!(?(#!$(?!&#?&#$(?&#(?$$#&^#!&$!#$&#!$&(#!$&($#&#$(!#$&&#!$#!($P^&#$(&#!P$&#P($P($#P#$($&($&(&#$(#$(&#$(^&#$(&#$(^&#($&#(&#($(!#$!(#$(#!$&#($(&#$&(#$#$&(#@#%&^*&*^@^(%^$#^$&@!#*^*@!^%*$%*@$%*&@$*&@%#$%$#%@#^&*&*%^^#@#^#@^@%&%^*%^# AOL!!! *takes the computer and throws it out the window and goes back downstairs*
Cait Sith: That's what you get for using AOL in the first place!
(Meanwhile over the sky a sled being pulled by Reindeer is seen and in it are Santa Claus and his three Elves)
Heidegger: *dressed in a Santa Claus outfit* Gya ha ha!.....I mean Ho Ho Ho!
Rufus' voice: I told you to stop that stupid horse laugh!!!!
Heidegger: *turns around* F**K YOU DOOFUS I'LL DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT YOU FAGGOT!! *the seigh shakes up*
Elena: *dressed in a Green Elf's costume* AHHHH! We're going to fall out!
Reno: *is also dressed in a Green Elf's Costume* Elena don't act so weak!
Rude: *See above* ...
Heidegger: There's the first stop *lands the sleigh and gets out with the Sack of presents* This will be easy! *goes down the chimney* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *comes flying out of the chimney with his @$$ on fire and lands in the snow which puts it out*
[After putting out the fire in the Fireplace Chimney Heidegger goes down it again]
Heidegger: *lands and gets up* Gya ha ha!....I mean Ho Ho Ho! *pulls out some presents and puts them under the tree* That's it. *see some Cookies and Milk on the table and scarfs them up* Mmmmm not bad! *Leaves a note to "Leave out more Next Year" and them leaves*
[Heidegger and his Elves leave and move to the next house]
Heidegger: *lands the Sleigh and looks at the roof* Uh Reno you go first! *pushes Reno out of the Sleigh and onto the roof*
Reno: Whoooooooooaa!! *slips in the icy roof and falls off into a thorn bush* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *gets Thorn Needles up his @$$*
Elena: Ha ha! That drunken idiot can't do anything right!
Reno: Oh yeah?! I dare you to come down here and say that!
Elena: All right then I will!!!! *jumps out of the sleigh and immediately slips on the ice and falls of into the Thorn Bush* AHHHHHHHHH! THAT HURTS!!
Rude: *shakes his head*
Elena: You have a problem with what I just did then say it to my face?!
Rude: BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT F**KING STUPID THAT I WOULD GET THORN NEDDLES UP MY @$$ JUST TO YELL AT SOMEONE!
Elena: ...oh
Heidegger *thinks* Of all the poeple I could've ended up with I get stuck with the Three Stooges instead!
[After Elena and Reno get out of the thorn bush and back into the Sleigh]
Heidegger: *has no slip Ice Boots on and grabs the sack* Time to get to work! *goes down the chimney into the house* Good no fire this time! *gets up and leaves the presents out underneath the tree then goes back up the chimney*
(Back at the Hideout)
Aeris: *comes in* We're back!
Cloud: Did you find one?
Barret: *comes in with the tree* Yeah this one's perfect!
Cid: Why the f**k did you get one that small?!
Vincent: We didn't?!
Cait Sith: What do you mean?
Barret: *puts the tree down* okay Buu turn it back to normal
Buu: *walks in* Okay. *Buu points his finger and the Tree returns to it's bigger size*
Red XIII: Whoa!
Cait Sith: Holy crap!
Aeris: This is Buu! We ran into into him at the lot when Sephiroth tried to kill me again!
Cloud: That @$$hole! When I get my hands on him!!!!
Barret: Don't bother! Buu beat him already!
Cloud: Damn! Hey Buu! Can you by chance use your powers to unravel this ball of lights?
Buu: Sure. Buu do! *uses his magic on the lights and they are completely untangled*
Cloud: Sweet!
Cid: Man and here I thought the tree shrunk from looking at Barret's ugly nug!
Barret: Shut the hell up foo'!!
[Cid and Barret get into a fight]
Red XIII: Oh brother....
Cloud: *puts the Tree into the stand with Tifa, Aeris and Vincent's help* There now we can put the lights on!
Aeris: *takes the lights and starts hanging them up on the tree* Are all the ornaments here?
Cait Sith: Yeah.
Buu: *looks at the ornaments and eats one* Yuck! *splits it out* Ornament don't taste good!
Tifa: *sweatdrops* Ornaments aren't a snack Buu.
Buu: Not Food?
Tifa: Nope.
Cait Sith: and I am NOT picking that up.
[Later on after the Ornaments, tinsel and beads are put on]
Barret: *has Cid on his Shoulders*
Cid: *has Cloud on his shoulders* This better be high enough!
Cloud: *has the Star in his hand* Looks like I 'll just make it *puts the Star on the Top of the Tree*
Cid: Yeah! It's about f**kin time!
Cloud: Whoah!!! Hold still dammit!
Cid: I'll do whatever I want so shut up!! *loses his balance*
Barret: Watch out! *trying to hold them up*
[Barret falls over while Cloud and Cid land on top of him]
Barret: Wanna screw up something else ya' Tea Drinkin faggot?!
Cait Sith: time for the lights! *plugs the lights in and see them all go on*
Aeris: Nice!
Cloud: *gets up* Good none of the lights are burned out this year!
Cait Sith: That's because we had to replace all of the bulbs last year no thanks to that Materia stealing b***h Yuffie!
Red XIII: When she decided to steal all of ones we had on before!
(Later on that night when everyone else is asleep)
Heidegger: *gets out and walks over to the chimney* What this? *takes off the note from the chimney and reads it* "Do go down here or you might offend someone!" *rips it up* WHO CARES!! *goes down the chimney and drops off the presents* Before I go! *leaves note saying "I don't do Politically Correct Visits EVER" then leaves*
Rude: That's takes care of the houses here now there's just one more left.
[Heidegger and co take off and go to their last destination]
Heidegger: *lands and gets out of the Sleigh with the sack of presents and goes down the chimney* Whoa! That is a big @$$ tree! *gets up takes the presents out of the sack and puts them all under the tree* Done! *goes back up and leaves though he wonders How in the hell they got that tree in the house* oh well...
Elena: something wrong sir?
Heidegger: Nope. Gya ha ha!!...I mean Ho ho ho!!
(Next morning)
Tifa: *Baking in the kitchen* Needs more salt!
Yuffie: *jumps down and get ready to steal the lights again*
Cloud/Barret/Cait Sith: Yuffie!!!
Yuffie: That's right fools I'm here to ruin your fun again!
Cloud: Not this time! Buu come here!
Buu: What's wrong?
Cloud: She's a bad girl and needs to be punished!
Buu: Ok!
Yuffie: Yeah! I'd like to see you try fatso!!!
Buu: *gets pissed off and blows his stack* BUU EAT MEAN LADY!! *uses his antenna and blasts Yuffie*
Yuffie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *gets turned into candy*
Cid: HOLY #%^#%&#%&#$&#&$^&$^&$&$&#$&$&$&$#&$@#$^%#@&@^*@$^^!#^%#$^!##%^$^%!#$!@!@#$!@#%!$^$@#$!@%&^((*Q@#%#%^*^Q%!$#^#$^!$^%!#$%!#$%^#!$^!#$#@$%!@#$^%!$#^%#$^%#$%#@$%#@$&$&$&&$&&!!!!
Buu: *picks up the Yuffie Candy and starts to eat it* YUCK! THIS IS WORST TASTING CANDY THAT BUU EVER EAT!! *spits it out right away* oh well. *fires an energy blast and blows the Yuffie Candy away*
Cloud/Cid/Barret/Cait/Red/Vincent/Aeris: *laughing their @$$es off*
[Doorbell ring and Cloud answers it]
Cloud: Hey come on in!
[Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo, Gohan, Videl, Tien, Yamcha, Krillin, 18, Mr. Satan, Dende, Master Roshi, Chi-Chi, Bulma, Oolong, Puar, Goten and Trunks all come in]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fic as nothing to do with the Saga as you should already know.
Mr Satan: There you are Buu!! Where did you run off to last night!
Buu: Buu was invited over here!
Yamcha: Where can we put the presents?
Cloud: Right over where the others are!
[Tien and Yamcha put the presents down by the tree just as the doorbell rings again]
Cloud: *answers the door* Come on in!
[Yugi, Jonouchi, Honda, Anzu, Mai, Shizuka, Otogi, Mokuba, Seto, Marik, Lishto and Ishizu enter]
Lishto: *puts the presents down by the tree*
Tifa: Hey can someone give me a hand in here!
Chi-Chi: I will
Lishto: Me too. I can cook since I do so for Marik and Ishizu.
Yoh: *comes in with his friends*
Cloud: AHHHHHHHHHH! Sephiroth!!!
Amidamaru: Sephiroth?!
Yoh: This is my spirit partner Amidamaru!
Amidamaru: Hello!
Cloud: Don't scare me like that! I almost pissed my pants!
Cid: Haha!
Cloud: SHUT UP CID!!
(Later that afternoon everyone ate then went and opened their presents; most were satisfied)
Jounouchi: *opens his present to see it is a book titled "Better Dueling for Dummies"* WHAT?! Kaiba you...!!
Seto: Heh heh. Maybe there's hope for you yet.
Closing: Everyone around the land were busy enjoying their presents except one who was offended that Santa ignored his note on the chimney and decided to sew Santa in court. However he lost the case to Santa's (Heidegger's) Lawyer Super Buu who turned the guy into Egg Nog afterwards.
Everyone in the Hideout: Merry Christmas!!!!
The End