Cait's Insanity 1+1!!!!!!!
(That's 2 to you)
By Cait Sith
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I tried to think of an original begining, but....... ah, f**k it, let's begin the usual way!!!!!!!!
(At Tifa's Seventh Heaven)
Cid:(On the couch drinking tea, waving a confederate flag, and smokin' a fat cigar) WEEEEEW!!!!!! The Dukes kick booty!!!!!!!!!! (Opens a can of hash)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: There, you happy now?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
All: BOOTY?!?!?!
Cid: I'm tryin' not to friggin' cuss, you stupid cows!!!!!!!
All: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Cid: Cussin' is wrong and I'm tryin' to stop doin' it!!!!!!
All:(Shocked and amazed)
Cid: GOTCHA!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe you @#$^#$@!%#!#@^%@#^$@^%#&%$*^%(&^()*!$$*&&!%##*^$#$@&%%(*%*^@^%$#~@!@&%~!~%$%^)_((+)&)*(!$!%^)_+(*_P$%^~!!@%^)(_+&(#%@WSFG@!@#&^^&_)*$^%#EUFJ!Q#!$%Y%*&_(^?%$@?^^*(*_+))+)?#%~!~$%%^)(_(%^ @!!&_*+)+_)!#@!%^^(_P(_})&*#@%#~#!!@%^)()*(?~$*(+)_)^ !#!%#$*^^@#$@^%RF#$E$*^&^*&$JG#%#^%!$#E^$%@$@Q$#!$##&$^#&^$&%$*?&^%(&^&)(&()&^()*^&($@#!$@~#%#^$!$@~!#@!$#%~``35!$#!%#@#$~23`^#$~1%$!423!~$@%#@^$!$#@#W^E%#^%$*^4365$%!~#^%~!~~~2!$!~%#&^*&^#$%^%(#WT%$*&^&$%^Y$&^(*%&^%U&*UI%*&&^*&*^ fell for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STUPID #^%$%*^$%!#@~@##$^*^*(%*^$&^%&($%?^%$%*&^&*))()_(+_*)(%^%@!@#!@~!!$%#$*^^()*^I?$%#&&(_*ULKJ#@^YFmhftjg4Y%%^*O^*^@5863^%%*(%*^$%&%^IUKHFG^U%^%%T&I*^IUFCDRFGIUY^&*X%^$%$#@#$%^&(*$#@$%^*&*(?@$!#$^%&*(*?@$*^&(*(@!#^&*%@#$%*^&*(^%$#%$^&*?$%^&*(&^&%#$*&^@$^&^%%#&^$%#$ers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All:(Trying not to act surprised)
Cait Sith: Stupid cow? Stupid cow?! Stupid cow. I like that!!!!! EAT IT, YOU STUPID COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That one's for you, Josh)
Yuffie: BOOTY!!!!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith: STUPID BOOTY COW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aeris: Jesus Christ Superstar, do you think you're who they say you are?
Barret: I pity the foo' who don' push de X button to run!!!!!!!!
Cloud: WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Aya:(From "Parasite Eve", runs in) It's your mitochondria!!!!!!!!
All: WHA?!?!?!?!?!?!
Aya:(Says a bunch of complicated science jargon)
Yuffie: What the heck is a mitocindaria?!?!?!
Cait Sith: MITOCHONDRIA, you stupid hoe-bag!!!!!!!!
Yuffie: Vinny, are you gonna let him talk to me like that?
Vincent:(Staring at Aya with big hearts for eyes)
Yuffie: Vinny? VINCE? VINCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vincent:(Long chain of hearts wrapped around his head)
Tifa:(Whispers to Cloud) Isn't that sweet? Vincent has a crush on that cop!
Cloud: Uh... yeah... sure..... whatever.......
Red XIII: He seems infatuated with this young lady.
Cait Sith: Thank you, Captain Obvious!!!!!!
(Meanwhile, in Sephiroth's house)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know Sephiroth never really had a house, but now he does!!!!! Here comes the background discription.
(Uh hem!!!!! May I continue?)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sure.
(Thank you! Sephiroth has a poor, run-down shack on the outskirts of Midgar)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Under a bridge?
(Sure, why not)
Sephiroth:(Sitting around in a bathrobe, smoking a pipe) Hem!!!!! Interesting liturature!!!!!
Eve:(From "Parasite Eve", floats in) Hello. You Sephiroth?
Sephiroth:(Drops his hard-core porn mag and stands up) Who are you?!?! (Notices someone else is standing and sits back down again)
Eve: Eve. You are the only one who can help me conquer the world.
Sephiroth: What do I have to do?
Eve: Make me pregnant.
Sephiroth: YES MA'AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Later)
Eve: Don't worry, it happens to all guys.
Sephiroth: Crap, crap, crap, crap!!!!!! I guess I need some Viagra!!!!!!! But.... It's too embarasing to buy it around here. I must go to Rebus and get the Viagra kartia!!!!!
Eve: Uh, sure. Hurry back.
Sephiroth: I'm off!!!! (Flies off)
Eve: Whatta putz! Little does he know that I'm using him! He will die with the rest of the world! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Back with the others)
Cloud: So our mitochondria are mutating and causing us to have strange outbursts?
Aya: That's about the size of it.
Tifa: UHHH!!!!!!!! Ooga Booga!!!!!! God, I hate this!!!!!!
Barret: I pity the foo' who don't push the X button to run!!!!!!
Red XIII: In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps to-night!!!!!!! I can't hear you buddies, back me up!!!!!
All: AWEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Aya: Stop that!
Vincent: Anything for you.
Yuffie: I hope this crush is caused by the mito-whachamawhozits.
Aeris:(Whispers) I doubt that.
Cait Sith: So, how do we stop this?
Cid: Yeah!!!! This s**t is f**kin' pissin' me off!!!!!!!
Aya: I need to ask Maeda. Come with me back to N.Y.P.D. headquaters.
All: Okay, mommy!!!!!!!!
Aya: God!! This is my worst mission yet.
Vincent: You can take me anywhere.
(They all squeeze into the squad car)
Tifa: Who's touching my butt?
Cloud: I think I am.
Tifa: Oh. OKAY!!!!!!!
Aeris: Grrrrrrr.
Cait Sith: Dammit!!!! There's no room.
Cid: We could always put Yuffie in the trunk.
Yuffie: No, wait! Let's tie Barret to the roof!!!!
Red XIII: Let's do both!
(They stop the car. Barret is tied to the roof and Yuffie is thrown in the trunk)
Cloud: That's better.
Tifa: Put your hand on my butt again, Cloud!
Cloud: Aren't I?
Aeris: No, Cloud.
Cloud: Oh, OKAY!!!!!!!!
Cid: Whose squezing my @$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: AH!!!!!!!! S**T!!!!!!!!
Aeris: Did you think you were grabbing me?
Aya: Whatta bunch of freaks.
Vincent:(Who called dibs on shotgun) Not like me, eh.
Aya: Uh..... no.... of course not......
Vincent:(Thinks to himself) SCORE!!!!!! She likes me!!!!!!
(They finally reach the headquarters)
Cloud: Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!
Cait Sith: I can't feel my legs!!!
Cid: S**T!!!!! Where's the handle?!?!?!
Aya:(Getting out of the car) There isn't one. You're in the back of a cop car, after all.
Red XIII: LET US OUT!!!!!!!
Aya: Yeah, yeah. (Let's them out)
Tifa: I gotta go to the bathroom! Aeris, come with me!!!
(They go)
Cid: I always wonder what they do in there.
Barret: SHEET, FOO'S!!!!!! Get me offa dis roof!!!! Da roof, da roof, da roof is on fire!!!!!
Vincent: I'll let what's-her-face out of the trunk. (Opens the trunk)
Yuffie: You've come to rescue me?!?!
Vincent: No.
(They all go into the Daniel's office)
Barret: Yo'! Hows it hangin', homeslice?
Daniel: Don' cho be talkin' to me like dat, sucka'!!!! I'ma cop, foo'!!!!
Maeda: Here Aya. (Gives her another cheep Japaneese good luck charm)
Aya: Thank you very much. I'll keep this forever. (Tosses it into the trash can when he's not looking) We need your help.
Maeda: What's up, Aya.
Aya:(Tells him everything)
Maeda: I see.
Cloud: YOU DUMBF**K!!!!!!!!!!!
Maeda: Are those the outbursts you spoke of?
Cloud: Uh... yeah..... sure.....
Daniel: We gotta find Eve.
All FFVII Characters: Who?!?!?!
Aya:(Tells them all about Eve)
Cait Sith: Sounds kinda like Sephiroth.
Aya, Daniel, and Maeda: WHO?!?!?!
Cloud:(Tells them all about Sephiroth)
Maeda: These two will probably want to meet.
Cloud: But we don't know where either of them are!
Joe:(Hops in) Well, I'll tell you.
Aya: Who are you?
Joe: I'm the author of this Fan fic.
Daniel: Why you be helpin' us, sucka'!!
Joe: What? Wait a sec. (Pulls out his English/Ebonics dictonary) Oh, quite simple. As the author, it's up to me to keep the plot going, anyway possible.
Barret: So, whose crib do these two be usin' now, foo'!!!
Joe:(Looks up this gibberish in his dictionary) They're in Rebus, a world far away.
Cait Sith: How are we gonna get there?
Joe: Easy. (Hops out)
(Suddenly... Cloud, Cait Sith, Aeris, Aya, Tifa, Red XIII, Cid, Barret, Vincent, and Yuffie are transported to the world of Rebus)
Aya: Amazing.
Joe: (Hops back in) Isn't it! Well, heres the scoop. (Tells them the whole story)
Aya: We have to stop him.
Joe: Yeah. You better. (Hops out)
Cloud: Let's go.
(They make thier way to Vigilance Headquarters)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For anyone who played Kartia, I rented it for a week, only played as Lacryma, and never finished it. Therefore, my basis on this part is on what I know. Thank you!!! (Captain Obvious)
Lacryma:(Sitting in her room, looking at the picture of her father)
Bachstail:(Bursts in) Lacryma, vistors have just arrived!!!! They're very odd looking.
Lacryma: You stupid d**k!!!!!! Knock first, @$$hole!!!!!!
(They run down to see the visitors)
Kun: So, wanna test your swordskills against mine?
Cloud: You wouldn't stand a chance!!!!!
Elle: He, he, he!!!!! You tell him... uh...... what's your name, anyway?
Cloud: Cloud.
Elle: Cloud?!?!?!?! HAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Whatta stupid name!!!!!!!
Cloud: You little.............. HO!!!!!!!!! (Bitchslaps her)
Elle:(Near tears) Why'd... you..... do... that?!?!
Troy: He obviously can see how annoying of a ^*#%& you are.
Elle: You can't talk to me like that, I'M RICH!!!!!!!!!
Yuffie:(Makes a mental note)
Lacryma: Would you all stop your fighting?!?!
All: Sorry.
Lacryma: Good. Now let's start the introductions.
(They all introduce themselves)
Ramza:(Runs in with his @$$ hanging out of his pants) He-ey everyone!!!!!! Don't forget about me!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith:(Rolls his eyes) How could we?
Cloud: F**k off, squirt!!!!!
Lacryma: Yeah!!! Or I'll show you how a true tactical battle system should work!!!!!!
Ramza: Don't be so mean to me.
Cloud: Why not? (Boots his exposed @$$ out of there)
Troy: So..... anyway. What brings you here?
Aya: Has there been an odd occurance of fires latley?
Lacryma: No, why?
Aya: She's not here.
Elle: Who's not here...... HEY, where'd my wallet go?!?!?!?!?!
Yuffie:(Holding a large wallet) OOOOOO..... all that money!!!!! (Puts it in her pocket)
Cloud: Well, BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: I want chicken! I want liver! Meow mix, meow mix, please deliver!!!!
Aya: Allow me to explain. (Tells them the whole story)
Cait Sith: We wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy New Year!!!!!!!
Tifa: God, I hate this mitochondria thingy!!!!!
Aeris: It's even starting to piss me off!!!!!!
Lacryma: Well, I understand your problem. Troy, do you know where they might be able to find some Viagra kartia?
Troy: Huh? Viagra kartia? Viagra kartia? I think they have some at the Encrypter school.
Cloud: Let's go.
Barret: Move along, little dawgies!!!!!! Sheet, foo's!!!!! I hate this metocinarandia thing!!!!!! I be pissin' me off, yo!!!!!!
(They make their way to the Encrypter school)
Troy: We're here. Let me do the talking.
Cait Sith: I really want to know, how does this kartia stuff work?
Troy: I'll show you later, let's go!!!!!
(They enter)
Encrypter guy: Hi, how may I help you, sir?
Troy: We're looking for some.... uh.....(Wispers in his ear)
Encrypter guy: Oh!!!!! You want some Viagra kartia!!!!!!! Well, sorry, but that's a very rare kartia!!!!! They're keeping it at Pentigram right now!!!!!!!
Troy: Uh.... sure.... thanks.......
Lacryma: On to Pentigram.
(They make thier way to Pentigram)
Cait Sith: Wait a second. This is a holy place? Then why'd they call it Pentigram?!?! Isn't that a mark of the devil?!?!?!
Lacryma:(Makes an "I don't know" gesture)
(They enter)
Guy at Pentigram: Well?
Lacryma: Yes. We need the Viagra kartia. It's important to the fate of the world!!!!
Guy: Oh, come now!!!! It's not the end of the world if your boyfriend can't get it up!!!!!!!
Kun: Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vincent:(To Aya:) I can always get it up.
Aya: Uh........
Yuffie: I know, Vincent.
Vincent: I wasn't talking to you, WHORE!!!!!!!!!!
Lacryma: Shut up, back there!!!!!!!!! No, you don't understand......
Guy: Maybe he just doesn't find you attractive anymore.
Kun: HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lacryma: No, we don't need it. We need to keep it away from someone.
Guy: Practical joke, eh?
Cloud: No. If this guy get a certain woman pregnant, the fate of the world is at stake!!!!!!!
Guy: Oh really.
Sephiroth:(Comes floating in) Yes, really. You will give me that kartia!!!!!!!
Cloud: Fat chance, D**khead!!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith: Yeah!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: I don't have time for this. I'm gonna get laid!!!!!!!!!
Aya: She is despirate.
Sephiroth: Shut up!!!!!!!!!
Aya:(Pulls out a rifle and blasts Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Oh man...... (Dematerializes)
Vincent: Sexy..... and good with firearms!!!!!!!
Lacryma: Do you understand, now?
Guy: Here, take it!!!!!!! (Gives her the Viagra kartia)
Lacryma: Thank you. Here, Cloud. (Gives Cloud the Viagra kartia)
(They leave Pentigrm)
Sephiroth:(Materializes) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cloud, give me the kartia.
Cloud:(Starts to do the "Cloud Strife Freak-out")
Tifa: Cloud!!!!! Don't!!!!!!!
Cloud:(Starts to walk tword Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Yes!!!! That's it!!!!! Give it to me!!!!!!
Cloud:(Stands right in front of Sephiroth)
Aeris: Cloud!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Hand it to me, Cloud.
Cloud:(Pulls out the kartia....... and throws it to Aeris) F**K OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Starts beating the crap out of Sephiroth)
Cait Sith #3:(Walks up) Hi, I'm Cait Sith 3!!!!! Did I come at a bad time?
Cait Sith: Get the hell outta here, fruitcake!!!!!!! (Kicks the imposter's @$$)
Cait Sith #3: I'll be back!!!!!!!!! (Hops away)
Red XIII: That was pointless.
Cait Sith: Thank you, Captain Obvious!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Get off me!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud:(Still beating the s**t out of him)
Aeris: Way to go, Cloud!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: I'll get you!!!!!!!! (Dematerializes)
Cloud: That's what I should have done with the Black Materia!!!!!!!!!
Tifa: It's alright, Cloud!!!!!!
Troy: We have the Viagra kartia....... now what?
Cloud: Burn it?
Lacryma: No!!!!! You can't!!!!!!!! Kartia burning is illegal!!!!!!
Aya: Then let's take it back to our world and burn it there!!!!!!!
Vincent:(Gazing lovingly at Aya) You're so smart!!!!!!!!
Bachstail: I don't see the harm in that.
Lacryma: You would say that, you snivling.........
Kun: I don't get it, Lacryma. Why not?
Lacryma: The burning of kartia is illegal. No matter where it's done.
Troy: Yeah, but this is important to the fate of the world.
Lacryma: I'm sorry, but if it's burnt, I have to arrest you.
Elle: Geez!!!!! Not what're we gonna do with it? Hey!!!!!!! Where's my watch?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Yuffie:(To herself) At least some things never change.
Cloud: So, where can we keep it?
Kun: Good question.
Joe:(Hops in) Ah, come on, Lacryma!!!! Let 'em burn it!!!!! It's easier that way.
Lacryma: No, sorry. Not even you can convince me.
Joe: Oh well. At least I can make the Fan fic more interesting that way. (Hops out)
Cait Sith: So, we're stuck.
Cloud: It's getting dark.
Lacryma: And we're in the middle of nowhere.
Bachstail: Let's set up camp.
Kun: Shut up, stupid!!!!!
Troy: We hate you!!!!!
Bachstail: But......
Elle: They said, shut up!!!!!
Troy and Kun: You too!!!!!!!!
Lacryma: Let's set up camp.
All: Okay!!!!!!
(They go to sleep)
Sephiroth:(Flies overhead) I'll show them!!!!! I'll steal the kartia in the night!!!!!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just like the pussy he is.
Sephiroth: Hey!!!! I heard that!!!!!!!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: And what're you gonna do about it, Wuss?!?!?!?!?!
Sephiroth: This. SUPER NOVA!!!!!!!!!!
(Super nova appears and hits Sephiroth instead)
Sephiroth:(Bloody and brusied) Hey!!!!! Why'd it hit me?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: That'll teach you to mess with the author!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Sorry. (Swoops down and steals the Viagra kartia) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud:(Wakes up) What was that?
Aeris:(Half asleep) Huh?
Cloud: CRAP!!!!!!!! The Viagra kartia is gone!!!!!!!!!
Aeris:(Still half asleep) That's nice, dear.
Cloud: S**T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(In the morning)
Cloud: Sephiroth must have came in the middle of the night and stole the Viagra kartia from us!!!!!!!!
Aya: Oh no!!!!! Now he's gonna use it, and Eve will give birth to the ultimate being!!!!!!!
Cait Sith: We have to get back to our world!!!!!!!
Lacryma: Sorry we couldn't have been more help.
Troy: It's Elle and Bachstail's fault!!!!!! The kartia was in they're room!!!!!!
Kun: Let's kill them!!!!!!!!
Lacryma: Bye, Cloud!!!! Call me sometime!!! (Blows him a kiss)
Bachstail: Wait.....
Elle: It's his fault, I....... HEY!!!!!!! WHERE'S MY RINGS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
(Troy, Kun, and Lacryma chase Elle and Bachstail around)
Aya: We have to go!!!!!!!
Vincent: I love it when you order me around.
Joe:(Hops in) Hurry!!!!!!!
(They are suddenly back in Tifa's Seventh Heaven)
Joe: You'll find them in the outskirts of Midgar!!!! (Hops out)
(Meanwhile, at Sephiroth's house)
Sephiroth: Was it good for you?
Eve: Was what good? Are you done?!?!
Sephiroth: Wanna go again?
Eve: If you must.
(They go at it again. Later)
Sephiroth: Ah!!!!! It's about time I finally lost......
Eve: Wait!!! This was your first time?
Sephiroth: Uh..... no..... of course not.......
Eve: Well, I belive I'm pregnant.
Sephiroth: That means..... I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eve:(To herself) Maybe I picked the wrong guy.
Sephiroth: How soon until my child is born?
Eve: 3..... 4 hours tops.
Sephiroth: That's quick!!!! I have to prepare for the stork to arrive!!!!!!!!
Eve: ..... you do that......
Sephiroth: I so happy!!!!!! (Leaves)
Eve: I had no idea his d**k would be so small!!!!! I should have stuck with the artificial insemination. At least I would have felt SOMETHING that way!!!!!!!!!
(Back with Cloud and the others)
Cloud: We have to get to the outskirts of Midgar.
Aya: I'll drive.
Cait Sith: Not the car again.
Vincent: SHOTGUN!!!!!
Yuffie: I'll get in the trunk, now.
Barret: Sheet, foo's!!!! Tie someone else to da' roof!!!!!
Cait Sith: Sorry, Barret. Only you'd fit.
Barret: Yeah, I spose you right...... Hey, wait!!!!!!!
Cloud: To late.
Cid: Just keep your hands off other people's @$$es this time, okay!!!!!!!
Red XIII: I would like you to refrain from touching my hind-quarters.
All: ......?
Cait Sith: He doesn't want you to touch his @$$!!!!!!
Cid: No problem.
Aeris:(Thinking) I wish Cloud would touch my butt.
Cloud:(Thinking) I wish I could reach Aeris' butt.
(They reach a run down shack)
Aya: That's it?
Vincent: One way to find out, sweetheart.
Aya:(Rolls her eyes)
(They all get out of the car)
Aeris: Are we there yet?
(They look inside)
Cid: S**T!!!! S**T!!!!! S**T!!!!! We found the wrong place!!!!!!!
Aya: We must keep searching!!!!
(Meanwhile, at Sephiroth's house)
Child: Wha!!! Wha!!!! Wha!!!!!
Eve: Isn't it cute? It's a boy!!!!!
Sephiroth: And whatta' boy!!!!!!!!
Eve: That's the umbilical cord.
Sephiroth: Oh. Well, let's call him Bob!!!!!! YES!!!!! Bob, the son of Sephiroth!!!!!!!!
Eve: Bob?!?!?!?!
Sephiroth: Yeah, Bob.
Eve: Oh, well. Names don't matter.
Bob: Goo!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Let him crawl around a bit.
Bob:(Runs into a wall)
Eve: Sephy, what's wrong with our boy?
Sephiroth:(Runs into a wall) I have NO idea.
Eve:(Shakes her head. Is suddenly alert) They're coming!!!!!
Sephiroth:(Still face first against the wall) Who?
Eve: Those meddling....... people.
Sephiroth:(Turns around) Cloud?
Eve:(Makes an "I don't know" gesture)
Sephiroth: I'll stop them!! You take care of Bob. (Slams face first into the door and falls over)
Eve: I'll stop them. (Flies out)
Sephiroth:(Gets up) Hi there, little Bob! (Picks him up)
Bob:(Pukes all over Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Cute kid.
(Outside)
Aya: Eve.
Eve: Join me, Aya. I have just given birth to the Ultimate Being!!!! Now the world shall be mine!!!
Aya: I'll never join you.
Eve: It is your destiny.
(Sorry 'bout that. A little Star Wars flashback. My bad)
Cloud: We have to kill that child.
Aeris: Cloud, that's mean.
Tifa: He's right, Aeris!!! That child'll destroy the world.
Red XIII: Let's go!!!!!!
Eve:(Tries to cause Red XIII to catch on fire)
Red XIII:(Shows her his tail) I'm already on fire.
Eve: Fine. You die!!!!!!
Yuffie:(Counting the money she stole from Elle) Who, me?
Eve: YES!!!!! (Points her finger at Yuffie)
Yuffie: Oh gawd. HELP ME.......... (Melts into a puddle of goo)
Vincent: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Blasts the s**t out of Eve) ....... Yuffie........
Cait Sith: Here you go, Vincent. (Tosses him an "INSTANT PLOT DEVICE")
Cloud: Are you sure? It is Yuffie, after all.
Cait Sith: What can I say, I'm just a nice guy. JUST ADD WATER, VINCE!!!!!
Vincent:(Pours a bottle of Naya on the device) HUNGRY FOR LIFE!!!! THIRST FOR NAYA!!!!!!
Yuffie:(Reforms in the same manner as the T-1000 in Terminator 2) Vincent. You revived me?! But I thought you loved that Aya chick?
Vincent: No, babe. It's only you. (They hug and kiss)
Barret: I'm gonna wretch!!!!! (Pukes all over Red XIII)
Red XIII: Aw, come on!!!!! (Mauls Barret)
Sephiroth:(Comes out of the house holding Bob) EVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eve:(Almost dead) Take.... care... of..... Bob..... for...... me........
Sephiroth: Eve, no!!!! We were gonna get married.
Eve: No.... we..... weren't....... (Dies)
Sephiroth: NOOOOO!!!!!!!! I'll get you for this!!!!!!!
Aya: She was just using you.
Sephiroth: You never forget your first time. (Flies off with Bob)
Cloud: Our work here is done.
Aya: But what about the Ultimate Being?
Cait Sith: You kidding? He's in Sephiroth's hands. He'll be lucky if he's ever fed!!!!
Aya: Well,. I'll see you around. I'll drop you off at your bar.
Cloud: Thanks, Aya.
Yuffie: Should I get in the trunk?
Vincent: Yes. I'll join you!!!!
Yuffie: Yippie!!!!!
Cait Sith: Shotgun!!!!!!!!
Everyone else: Ah, man!!!!!!!
(They reach Tifa's Seventh Heaven)
Aya: I'll let those two out of the trunk. (She opens the trunk and finds them both naked on top of each other) EWWW!!!!!! (Slams the trunk) I'm gonna have to hose my trunk out now.
Cloud: They'll be a few minutes.
Tifa: Come on in and wait for them to finish.
Aya: Thank you.
(Meanwhile, at Sephiroth's new house. A run down shack near Nibelheim)
Sephiroth: Don't worry, Bob. I'll teach you everything you need to know. This is pornography. (Hands him a magazine)
Bob: Por-no-gra-py.
Sephiroth: HEY!!!! DON'T DROOL ALL OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!
AFTER THE FIC..........
Bob- Got older. Learned vital stuff from Sephiroth. Stuff like: Porn, porn, and more porn.
Eve- Is dead. Duh!
Cloud and Cait Sith- Went back to Rebus to learn how to use kartia. Marketed it in their world. Made another fortune.
Elle and Bachstail- Were eventually caught and killed by Troy.
Kun and Lacryma- Watched the whole event with smiles on their faces.
Toxa- Who gives a rat's @$$!!!!!!!
Ramza- See above.
Red XIII- Took a long shower and washed all the vomit off.
Tifa- Fondly remembers the way Cloud touched her @$$.
Aeris- Is still waiting for Cloud to touch her @$$.
Cid- Is horrified at the way Cloud touched his @$$.
Vincent- Tried to get out of the trunk, slipped in a puddle of his own love goo, and bashed his brains out on the top.
Yuffie- Is a dirty thieving whore who just happened to have stolen an instant plot device to save him.
Barret- Found Mr. T and beat the f**k outta him.
Aya- Realised that being a cop sucks @$$ and came to work for Cloud and Cait. Is currently employed as Cait's "Secretary". (Insert Maniacal Laugh here)
(This Fanfic is totally true. The names were not changed to allow you to know who the innocent were. That was extremely stupid.)
(THE END, you stupid cow!!!!!!!!)
Back to fanfics