I knew, I loved you when I first saw you!
Say you don't love me!
by Angel love

He left me. My worst nightmare had happened. My life my love, my reason for living was gone and all because of something that the mayor had said! He is not suppose to be right he is the bad guy. Why did Angel have to go? Why now? Why? I needed him. Didn't he need me too?

I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to. My lover was gone. He said that I deserved more then this freak show. That I should have somebody that can bring me into the light, who can make love to me who can give me children. I told him that I didn't care about any of that and he just simply replied that soon I would and that was something that he could never give me no matter how hard he tried. But then I am the Slayer how normal is my life going to be I mean I spend almost all my nights out in a graveyard slaying demons and vampires. Yah that really normal! Couldn't he see that I accepted his limitations! I loved him despite the vampire thing and then the no sex thing and the no sunlight thing and beyond that I loved him for him, I loved him I needed him we were supposed to live together then die together! Happy forever after.

I loved him. Even though he was a vampire. I now that I shouldn't have gotten involved with him it had become deadly went we first had sex and he lost his soul. I could kill him. I love that person how could I kill him. But that only lasted a couple of months. I got used to the fact that my Angel was gone that I would never get him back. He was gone and if I held out from killing him so maybe we could find a curse that would bring back my Angel. But I couldn't no matter how hard I prayed. I had to kill him for Jenny, for Kendra. They were dead because of me. I needed to kill him before he could do any more damage before he could play any more of his games before he could kill anybody else. I knew what I had to do. So why was it so hard to give him up. Why did it feel so wrong.

I couldn't live without him. But then why was I suppose to go through live knowing that I killed the person that I loved more then anything in my life, more then life itself. That summer was hell I have no clue how I survived it. I guess I had to. But against all rules and regulations we were brought back together for some unknown reason. I had him again.

But still I am puzzled. Why if we were meant to go separate paths then why were we brought back together, reunited again. I guess I am grateful for the time that we were giving to be together but still sometimes I think that would be a whole lot easier if we just never were together. That when the first time I lad eyes on him that I would have just staked him and then the pain wouldn't be so great. But then I would have never known real love, true love. Even though I know deep within my heart that we are soul mates I think it is better that we were in love and are still in love. At least I hope he loves me still.

But even though my heart screams for him I think he is right. As much as I hate to admit it he may be right. I mean what future could he offer me. What another man could offer me surpasses what he can only dream to give me. But still something inside me says that it just isn't right. I feels unnatural to be with out him he is a part of me and I need him to make me whole.

But I have to move on. As much as it hurts I will have to. College is starting soon nine days away from today. I have a bright future in front of me, new experiences, new friends but above all of that other boyfriends. But none of them will ever surpass Angel he is my soul mate from now to the end of time and nothing will change it. I just pray that the pain will go away. I know it will still be awhile but nobody can get over a relationship like that fast. Unless they are inhuman.

The pain hurts now more then ever it has finally settled in. I realize everything that happened that night now perfectly as if it was carved in stone. How we had spent our last moment together. How he had stood perfectly still across the street. Never speaking just staring. And as if you were communicating to me through thoughts you told me everything. How you were in pain as hard as I was. How you didn't want this to happen. How you just wanted to hold me. But instead you turned your back and walked away. Never to look back. And at that moment my heart broke into a million pieces. I didn't cry, I was afraid that if I did I would never stop.

Yet the tears came. I cried myself to sleep night after night. Willow was the one that had saved me. She covered for me, she comforted me and she helped me take control of the tears that at once had flowed so free. But it was time to admit to myself that you and me could never be together. I guess our story wasn't a happy ever after after all.

THE END

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