You Are the New Day
by Cynamin

I was speechless for a moment. My throat felt tight. "Buffy."

"No," she said, interrupting my protest. "I want to remember, Angel. I *need* to remember."

I shook my head. She had no clue how much pain these memories had caused. To have the memories of one day that was so perfect but was now impossible. Not that I'd give the memories up, but I didn't want her to have to deal with them, too. How could she go on to a normal life with the memories of *that*? "It's too hard," I said softly.

"Angel, I need to remember," Buffy insisted. "I know it's hard, or at least I think I do. But you have no idea what this is like for me!"

She was right; I didn't know. There was too much about her situation that was impossible for me to ever understand. "Then tell me," I said softly.

She sighed and sank back into the couch. "I'm pregnant," she said softly, "with a child who is a miracle in every sense of the word. I know we shared something very special, but I don't *know* that. Then everyone looks at me for being nineteen and pregnant, and I can hardly defend myself." She looked at me seriously, her voice earnest. "I don't know if I can deal with having a child of a day I don't remember. What if she...he...asks me someday about when I decided to have a child? Am I supposed to say, 'Sorry, I don't remember?'"

I sat back in silence, taking in every word that she had said. I remembered her unspoken fears when she had told me she was pregnant. She was taking a lot on faith that the story I told her was true. Not that I thought that she thought I had made the story up, but. "How? I don't know how to make you remember."

"Maybe the Oracles.?" Buffy asked hopefully.

I cringed slightly at the thought. Remembering my dismissal the last time I had gone to see them, I shook my head. "The Oracles answer questions. They do not act for reasons that do not serve a higher purpose. The battle between good and evil."

Buffy sighed. "Maybe Willow or Giles will have a solution?" Her eyes begged me to support her hope.

I nodded slightly. "Maybe."

I leaned forward with mixed feelings of eagerness and disappointment. "Why not?"

"It, uh, calls for the direct transfer of memory between two people," Willow stuttered. When I still looked at her expectantly, Willow started to blush. "That means you'd get Angel's memories from Angel's point of view of everything you two did that day."

I felt my face growing hot and glanced over to see Angel grinning a bit wryly. "Not the best idea," I agreed.

Giles came back into the room again, the book he'd been looking for lying open on his palm. "I may have something," he said without looking at anyone. "I thought I remembered this spell. I heard of it being used once when a person witnessed a crime but blocked out the memory. The spell was cast on him and another person who was known to be there and he remembered. Quite an interesting case, really."

"And they say magic doesn't have practical uses," I joked.

Giles looked at me in surprise. I think he'd gotten so caught up in his memories he'd forgotten I was there. He sat down next to Willow and showed her the spell.

"What is it? Will it work? What do I have to do?" I asked quickly.

Giles looked over the spell, then up at me. "Both you and Angel will enter a dream state of sorts," he began. "Your memories will use Angel's as a frame of reference to relive the specified amount of time."

"Relive?" Angel asked softly. I looked at him, wondering what he was thinking. Would it be too hard for him to face those memories again?

"A day in an hour," Giles explained. "You'll sleep for that hour and then Buffy will awaken with her memories." He looked at Angel seriously for a moment. "There are no significant dangers in this."

Dangers to the soul, perhaps? Angel looked a bit relieved, and I smiled slightly. We'd shared dreams before. If this was no different then all should be well for both of us. Well, perhaps not all. I was sure the emotional anguish would be high. "Is this okay with you?" I asked Angel softly.

He nodded, though his expression was still concerned and slightly pained.

"All right," I said softly. "Giles, when can we do this?"

He looked at the spell again for a moment. "Now, actually,' he replied, seeming somewhat surprised. "I already have all the ingredients necessary. Though perhaps we should do this somewhere more comfortable?"

We were tense and silent as we made our way up the stairs to Giles' bedroom. I for one was thinking about lying down on a bed -on *Giles'* bed, yet - with Angel, with an audience. I glanced over at Angel to see his head was hung and his hands were in his pockets and I remembered that it was here that he left Ms. Calendar's dead body. I'm sure Giles never forgot.

I sat down somewhat awkwardly and then lay down on top of the covers. Angel lay down beside me, that permanent one-foot wall between us more evident than ever as he stared up at the ceiling. I looked at Willow and Giles expectantly.

Willow looked uncomfortable. "Uh, the two of you need to be touching."

Angel looked at me sadly. *I'm sorry,* he mouthed, then took my hand. It was so awkward, so needed, and full of inexpressible feelings that I almost backed out then and there.

"Alright," Giles said softly. "Now angel, you need to think about where that day began. The spell is going to seek that out to begin the.dream. Are you ready?"

We both nodded tightly, not breaking eye contact.

"Lady of dreams, lady of memory, walk hand in hand." Willow began to chant. The sleep claimed me, and the dreams began.

Thoughts that we as humans small
Could slow worlds and end it all
Lie around me where they fall
Before the new day

Part Five

Feedback

Go here for more of Cynamin's stories.

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page