You Are the New Day
by Cynamin

It wasn't until I reached the courtyard outside of Giles' apartment that my rational mind broke through my panicked thoughts. I stopped in my tracks and caught my breath. My breath.. This wasn't a problem it was possible to run from.

I sat down heavily on the stairs. What the hell was I going to do now? Nothing had changed since the last time. All the reasons for erasing the day in the first place were there. I was a liability as a human. I couldn't live with that.

Live, huh? What an appropriate choice of words. Because live might be exactly what I had to do. I couldn't erase this turn of events. We'd brought this on ourselves. Remind me the next time to read the fine print on any of Giles' spells. Besides, I couldn't erase Buffy's memories this time, and she was pregnant with my child.

A new panic hit me. Buffy! I'd just run out on her. What must she be thinking? I hung my head and closed my eyes in the late night silence.

Someone cleared their throat behind me. I lifted my head to see Willow standing in Giles' doorway. She looked at me seriously, saying nothing.

"How is she?" I asked softly.

She looked at me in silence and closed Giles' door behind her. "Nice to know you still think of her first," she said, as if there was actually some doubt. I looked at her in silence, still waiting for an answer. Willow came and sat next to me on the stairs. "She's upset," she said finally. "And she's angry with you. She says she's sick of you making decisions for her. She says you never talk to her. She thinks you ran out here because you don't want to talk to her."

I began to object, but the look on Willow's face stopped me. "You want to know what I think?" she said. She continued without waiting for an answer. "I think you're scared."

I looked at her sharply. That was going too far. "Willow."

"No, Angel, you're going to listen to me. Not for me, for Buffy."

I said nothing this time, waiting for Willow to continue. When she saw I wasn't going to interrupt again, she shifted as if trying to gather her thoughts.

When she spoke again it was softer, more like the Willow I knew. "Counting this morning, Angel, how many times since you left will you have gotten the chance to see the sunlight?" she asked calmly.

I was a bit confused by her change of subject and mood. "Three," I responded softly.

She nodded as if that confirmed something. "Three is a special number," she said. "It's used in magic all the time. You ever think that maybe this was meant to be?"

*What has happened is meant to be,* the Oracles' words came to mind. I said nothing.

"Ever heard the saying 'third time's the charm'?"

"No.I mean, yes, I've heard the saying, but I don't think it applies here," I said, flustered.

"Buffy told me about the last time," she said, "that the reason you gave up your humanity was that you couldn't fight with your vampire strength. That you being human would get her killed."

I nodded briefly.

"Have you ever seen the group of us fight together? We do sometimes. I've killed a couple of vampires since I met Buffy. So has Xander. Giles has a really good record. It's possible to be human and fight vampires," she tried to assure me.

It didn't work. "She'd be distracted if she had to protect me," I explained.

Willow scoffed at that. "She got distracted trying to protect you even when you were a vampire. She's 'distracted' any time any of her friends is around. She wants to protect everyone. Buffy's like that." She looked at me almost kindly then. "I've just learned to stick to my strengths."

Strengths. Everything that came to mind was physical. "I can't."

"Then you *learn,*" Willow insisted. "I know you're scared, even if you won't admit it. Buffy would know that too if you'd just talk to her. Let her help you. Work together. But if you leave now.your silence will hurt her more than any words you've ever said." She stood then, walking back towards Giles' house.

"Willow," I said after a moment.

"Yeah?"

I turned to really look at her and smiled slightly. "Buffy's lucky to have a friend like you," I said.

Willow smiled, slightly embarrassed at that. "Go talk to her," she said again. Then she entered the home, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I lay there on the couch for a while in silence. Despite my determination not to I must have eventually fallen asleep, for the next thing I was aware of was Angel watching me in the darkness. I blinked sleepily but said nothing, watching him for a moment in return. I watched as his chest rose and fell with even breaths, proof that all this evenings memories were real and not just a very long dream.

Angel realized I was awake and looking at him. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

I didn't need to ask for what; it was an apology for *everything.* "I know."

"Do you forgive me?" A simple question.

"Always." A simple answer.

Angel sighed in relief. I couldn't help but smile slightly - a real sigh. He wasn't going to do something stupid this time; somehow, I knew that. I held a hand out to Angel, and he took it in his own - warm - as he came to sit on the floor beside the couch.

"Are you going to stay and make this work?" I asked seriously. "Because if you aren't, you'd better leave now." I couldn't stand the thought, but I meant every word.

"I'm going to stay," he said, just as seriously, "and this will work. That is, if you'll help me?" A hint of doubt slipped into his voice.

"Of course," I replied.

I can't help but wonder what it took for him to ask for help. I'm glad he did - it meant he'd really meant it about working everything out together. At least, that's what it meant to me. We sat for a long time in silence. We forgave each other in those moments for every transgression. Maybe we came to the realization that the past could not be changed, only moved past. In those moments we were born anew.

Angel surprised me when he leaned forward and kissed me gently on the lips. It was only for a moment, but when he broke away he was smiling slightly, contented. "Come outside with me and watch the sunrise?" he asked softly. "I've never really watched one before, and I want to see it with you."

I know that I grinned from ear to ear as we walked outside hand-in-hand as the sky began to lighten. We sat out there together, Angel's arms wrapped around me and hands resting over the new life we'd created. I leaned back into his chest, listening to the beating of his newborn heart. I never saw a more beautiful sunrise.

New day. New life. Reborn.

Hope is my philosophy
Just needs days in which to be
Love of life means hope for me
Born on a new day

Epilogue

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