Drunken Binge
by Nicola

Angel slowly laid the letter on his desk. It was a good thing he didn’t breathe because otherwise he’d be struggling for breath. Buffy was dying. Buffy was dying. He ran it over and over in his mind, trying to come to terms with this news. Must get to Sunnydale. Angel jumped to his feet and ran out of the office.

Could the elevator go any slower? He practically sprinted into his room and began stuffing assorted bits and pieces into a bag that was under the bed.

“Hey!” came Cordelia’s voice. “Angel?” Her shoes could be heard above. The elevator door creaked open. Five minutes later and Cordy was in Angel’s living room. “Angel?” she called again. He emerged from his room in a rush, his bag slung over his shoulder. Cordy glanced at the bag. “Angel, where are you going?”

“Sunnydale,” he replied as he ran to the elevator.

“Why?” asked Cordy. Angel drew the metal door closed and pulled on the lever that would take him up.

“Buffy’s dying.” Cordy’s mouth dropped open. She imagined everyone’s reaction to the news, and though they had all caused her pain, she knew that she wanted to be there for them.

“Wait!” Angel stopped the elevator and opened the door for her. She clambered in and they left for her place to gather some clothes. Then they were in Angel’s blacked out car and on the road to Sunnydale.

“Buffy?” Willow asked her friend. Concern was the only emotion in her voice. Buffy was lying on her stomach in the hall outside her dorm. She knew what was going on. The drug was slowly becoming more powerful. She couldn’t feel her legs. They were completely numb. But the feeling was coming back into them. She’d been on the floor for a good hour, which could only mean one thing: she didn’t have long. She tried to roll onto her back but she realised she couldn’t feel her abdomen either. Her stomach rumbled and her feeling kicked in. It quickly spread to her legs and she leaped to her feet.

“I’m fine!” she cried before running into her dorm. Please come Angel, she thought.

That night Buffy packed her bag with the barest of essentials, left a small note for Willow and then left for the mansion.

There was a layer of dust everywhere, which she wiped away hastily in the bedroom where she knew she’d be for a while. She slipped under the dusty covers that were still neatly laid out on the bed, scattering the particles everywhere. They lit up in the few shafts of dawning sunlight that were piercing the curtained windows. On the bedside table was all she was going to need for the few days she had left: two large glasses of water, a few sandwiches and a packet of crisps. She didn’t need to be in bed but she was tired. Collapsing tended to drain her strength.

“Angel? We’re here,” Cordelia said quietly. Angel grabbed a heavy black blanket and slung it over him, preparing to run into the mansion. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Angel replied with a shaky voice. Cordy pulled open his door and he dashed for the mansion door. It opened before he even got there. He charged through, leaving a trail of smoke in the air. Cordy wasn’t far behind. Angel threw off the blanket and glanced around the living room. Buffy was standing by the door. Neither of the guests could believe what they saw.

Buffy’s skin was ashen, her hair was limp and ragged, her clothes were wrinkled and dirty, she had huge bags under her eyes and she was slightly hunched over.

“Hey,” she greeted hoarsely. Neither Angel nor Cordy could say or do anything for at least a minute.

“God, Buffy,” Angel managed. He was on the verge of tears. Buffy slowly moved away from the door. She was halfway towards Angel when her legs gave way and she fell to the floor. She grunted as the air was knocked out of her, but that was all she could manage. Angel and Cordy were at her side with in seconds. Angel carefully rolled her over onto her back and lifted her up. She was so weak and limp in his arms, he couldn’t believe it was the same girl he had left behind. “Where are you staying, honey?” he asked her.

“Down the hall, to the right, your old room,” she croaked. Cordy led the way to the room with Angel and Buffy in tow. He laid her on the bed. Her breathing was laboured, and she was muttering under her breath, “Two more days, two more days…”

“Two more days until what?” Cordy asked. Buffy opened her eyes and looked directly at Cordelia.

“Peace,” she replied. A red tear slipped down Angel’s face and onto Buffy’s cheek as her breath caught again. “Don’t worry, Angel. I’ll be fine in a couple of hours.” Buffy gasped and lurched forward in pain. She settled back carefully and continued, “I won’t be able to stand up though.” Angel nodded again.

“Cordy, could you get me a wet towel?” Angel asked. Cordy left the room to carry out her mission.

“Okay. You’re the Slayer. Everything is going fine in life, and then you take off. Where d’you go?” Xander said. No one replied.

“The note says she’s staying at a friend’s, and that friend will tell us where soon,” Willow repeated the note for the 100th time.

“Why would she run off like this?” Riley asked. Xander and Willow shrugged.

“Last time it was because…lots of terrible things were happening and she couldn’t cope,” said Willow. Riley’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You mean this has happened before?” he exclaimed with genuine surprise. Those who were involved in Buffy’s life when she was 17 all nodded.

“Yeah. I remember. I had to team up with her to get rid of…” Spike was silenced with a glare from Xander and a slap on the arm from

Willow.“What aren’t you telling me?” Riley asked. Willow sighed.

“It’s not our place to tell you about Buffy’s past. That’s up to her, when we find her.”

“So, you’re the Slayer, life is good, you run away for the second time, where do you go?”

“Buffy, why didn’t you tell Willow? She could find a cure for you,” Angel asked. He was just about managing to keep his emotions in check so that he didn’t cry or smash everything in his path. Buffy cast him a sympathetic look. She was doing very well in hiding her emotions but her eyes gave it all away.

“Angel, did you even read the letter? There is no cure. The poison was designed specifically for Slayers. I’ve done my own research. Vampires tend to use it but it takes a long time to make and you have to use it within 12 hours of the two different parts of the poison being mixed together. Once its taken there’s no going back.” Angel squeezed Buffy’s hand even harder, kissing the fingertips as she had once done for him. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

“How long were you here before I came?” was Angel’s next question. Buffy grimaced as the feeling returned to her lower abdomen.

“About a day,” she answered. Cordy walked in carrying a tray of drinks. When she was about 2 feet from the bed she dropped the tray, smashing the glasses, and fell to her knees, clutching her head. Her face showed only immense pain.

“What do you see, Cordy?” Angel asked.

“Annette Smith, getting stalked by a demon, lives in my block, we have two days.” Cordelia then collapsed.

“Huh?” Buffy asked weakly. Angel was getting worried. That sounded like the most she could muster. And now Cordelia was going to be out of it.

“Have the PTB never heard of a vacation or time to visit sick friends in Sunnyhell?” Cordy mumbled.

“The PTB will have to wait,” Angel told her. Buffy shot forward groaning, clutching her stomach. Angel hurriedly helped Cordy to a chair before rushing back to Buffy’s bedside.

“Go…see…to Cor…Cordy,” she whispered hoarsely.

“I’m fine Buffy,” Cordelia said, “It was just a vision from the Powers That Be. And that’s a really long story.” Buffy nodded. She rocked back and forth on the bed, holding her sides so hard her hands were going white. She continued like this for a good five minutes.

“Thank God that’s over,” she murmured before collapsing back onto the bed. Angel stroked the sweat-soaked hair away from her face, all the while holding her hand. “What time is it?” she whispered.

“Nearly 4pm,” he replied. She smiled.

“Not long now.”

“C’mon, think!” Xander cried.

“Well, let’s think why she would go. Then maybe we can connect that to where she might go,” Giles suggested.

“She has been collapsing a lot lately,” Willow said.

“Collapsing?” Giles queried.

“Yeah. Like her legs would give way and the last time that happened she was on the floor for an hour. And then the next morning she was gone and wait, I have a connection!” Willow cried.

“What? C’mon Will!” Xander pushed.

“The nurses at the hospital said Faith kept screaming every so often, and her body was convulsing before she passed away. Buffy was like that when she collapsed, but she hasn’t got to the convulsing part yet. We have to check the hospital.”

“Hmmm,” Buffy sighed as Angel dabbed the sweat from her face with a damp cloth. Cordy was asleep on the couch and Buffy was half-and-half between this reality and the dream world.

“God Buffy, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you, but it was the right thing to do. How could I find redemption if I was destroying your life? I want you to know that I love you.”

“I love you too, Angel,” she murmured. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at Angel. She smiled up at him. “Do you remember what I requested in my letter?” Angel nodded, keeping his eyes locked with hers.

“One last kiss.”

“Then kiss me.” Angel flashed a small smile and leaned to give her the gentlest of kisses. Buffy wasn’t satisfied. Her hand found it’s way around the back of his head and she pulled him closer. Angel made no effort to resist. It was just like old times, and for a moment everything was forgotten. When Buffy broke away for a breath of air another wave of pain swept through her, causing her entire body to spasm. She groaned and squeezed Angel’s hand so tight it hurt him. “I love you,” she whispered. It was barely audible, but Angel caught it. Buffy fell back against the bed, completely unconscious.

“Angel? You hungry?” Cordelia asked from the doorway. Angel shook his head. “Angel, you haven’t eaten in two days. I can nip down to the butcher’s if you want.” Again Angel shook his head.

“I’m not hungry, Cordy. If you want to go out for a while then go. I’m not forcing you to stay,” he replied. Cordy shrugged and left the two alone again.

“Is that who I think it is?” Xander asked Willow incredulously. Willow followed Xander’s gaze to a brown haired woman about their age walking aimlessly through the park. She recognised her, but from

where?“Cordelia!” she exclaimed. The two got off the bench and ran towards their former partner in crime.

“Cordy!” cried Xander. Cordelia immediately whipped around to be confronted by…

“Willow! Xander! Hi!” she exclaimed. She and Willow embraced.

“What are you doing here?” Xander asked. Cordelia was stuck for words. Finally she answered,

“Just thought I’d say hi to you guys. Angel’s finally given me a few days off work and I wanted to see how everybody was doing.” There was a moments pause. “How are you all?”

“We’re fine. Have you seen Buffy around?” Willow asked. Cordelia shook her head vigorously to hide her ‘I’m-so-obviously-lying’ face. Suddenly she looked at her watch.

“Oh, I gotta go. Catch you guys later, yeah?” With that, Cordy sprinted off in the direction of the mansion.

Cordy ran into the mansion and wasn’t surprised to find Angel by Buffy’s side still. Cordy stood just inside the door.

“I saw Xander and Willow at the park,” she said. Buffy and Angel both turned their eyes towards her.

“Are they okay?” Buffy croaked. Cordy nodded.

“They’re fine. They’re worried sick about you, though. I’m not the greatest liar so I had to split cos they were asking me if I’d seen you.” Buffy gave Cordy a pained smile before lying back on the bed. Angel thanked Cordy with his eyes before turning his back to her. Cordy left them alone yet again.

Giles was pacing in the Summers’ home. He hated being anywhere near Joyce. She had blamed him for Buffy’s previous disappearance and they had become…‘physically involved’ when they had eaten those candy bars and turned into teenagers. He didn’t hate Joyce, he couldn’t do that. She was a very brave woman. But he did hate being anywhere near her. But Giles wasn’t pacing because of that.

“Cordelia’s in town? Why is she here?” he asked Willow. The girl shrugged.

“Maybe she’s the friend Buffy was referring to,” she suggested. Xander cut in,

“Buffy, Cordelia and friend all in the same sentence just doesn’t go. It’s gotta be someone else.”

“But there is no one else, Xander,” Willow exclaimed, “All her friends are in Sunnydale. Her friends from Hemery wouldn’t take her back. She’s classed as a loser now, like we were with Cordelia.” Xander held up his hands in defeat as Joyce came in with a tray full of drinks and biscuits. She sat down on the couch next to Willow and folded her hands in her lap.

“Now explain to me one more time. Where is Buffy?” Willow positioned herself so that she was facing Joyce and began the story again. The sun was just setting on the second day of Buffy’s disappearance.

“Angel!…Angel!…Angel!” Buffy screamed. She shot upright in bed and glanced wildly around the room. Angel was there, holding her hand. He had been so ever since he had got there.

“I’m here, Buffy. I’m here. Ssshh, it’s okay.” He gently pushed her back into a lying position. Buffy breathed in deep breaths, trying to calm her breathing down.

“God, what a nightmare!”

“That’s all it was, Buffy, I swear,” he reassured her. She smiled up at him as her vision cleared and he came into view. “What can’t you feel now?” The smile left her face. She grabbed his hand and led it down her body. She grimaced as his fingertips brushed the top of her right rib cage. She led his hand on the line of pain that bordered between feeling and unfeeling.

“I can’t move my right arm. And look.” She lifted the cover off with her left hand and opened her shirt. Her entire stomach was a blackish-blue bruise. “My body is dying.” A few tears entered her eyes. She willed them away but one managed to fall. Angel saw it.

“Oh, Buffy,” he cried before enfolding her in his embrace. She winced as he squeezed a sore area but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she held him for dear life with her moving arm. Her hand caressed the back of his head and she kissed his cheek.

“It’ll all be fine.” Angel nodded as he kissed her hair.

“Do me a favour, Angel.”

“Anything.”

“Kiss me.”

Buffy slowly opened her eyes. The morning light hurt them but she didn’t care. There was an even greater pain coursing through her body. She shifted her head slightly so that she could look at Angel. His forehead was on the bed and he was out like a light. She stroked his cheek with her hand, causing him to stir. Once he was awake his head jerked up so that he could see Buffy properly.

“Morning,” she said.

“Morning,” he replied, “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better than I would if you weren’t here. You?” He shrugged, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumbs.

“I’m tired and hungry,” he confessed. Buffy gave him a scolding

look.“Then go get something to eat!” She almost looked and sounded like the old, healthy Buffy. But trying to act healthy was draining her, and she quickly gave in. “I’m not gonna die while you’re gone.” Angel sighed.

“I’ll go eat if you don’t talk about dying.” Buffy nodded.

“Angel, if you’re that reluctant to leave me you can eat in here. I’ve seen you do it before, I can stand it now. And Spike keeps me up to scratch with gross stuff. I mean, blood and cereal! Yuk!” Angel’s expression visibly darkened at the name of his former friend. Buffy saw this and hastily explained, “There are these army guys called The Initiative. They fight vampires and other demons because they think they’re animals gone wrong. They don’t kill them, they experiment on them. Spike got caught. Now he has something in his head that stops him from hurting humans. But he can wail on demons of any kind. So basically he’s just filling in for you.” Angel nodded and left the room. He was back in a flash with a bag of blood. When he’d sucked it dry he glanced at Buffy to see if she was disgusted or not. She was, in fact, lying down with her eyes closed. He got on his knees by her bed and took her hand. It was cold.

“Buffy?” He squeezed her hand. She opened her eyes.

“You said you were tired. So lay down next to me.” Angel looked at her aghast. Buffy rolled her eyes. “There’s plenty of room. And it’s not like its gonna lead to anything in my condition.” Angel carefully climbed over her and under the covers. She guided his head to the pillow and felt him relax. “Now you can keep an eye on me.” He nodded slightly and immediately drifted off to sleep. Buffy closed her eyes and got comfortable next to Angel. Cordelia peeked her head in, saw the two in bed and decided to leave them as they were.

There was a knock at the door. Everyone in the living room jumped at the sound. Joyce was the one to answer the door.

“Hello Cordelia,” she greeted.

“Hi Mrs. Summers. Can I come in?” The two walked into the living room. “Hi guys! Why so glum?”

“Buffy’s been missing for the last two days, today being the third day she has been missing,” Xander told her.

“Oh,” Cordelia slurred. She sat on the couch next to Willow. How many auditions did I not get when I am a perfect actor, flashed through her mind. They sat like that for a good hour before Cordelia decided to check on Buffy and Angel. “I’d love to stay and mope but I have shopping to do.” With that she cheerily walked out of the house before hopping into the blacked out car and heading for the mansion.

When she arrived she wasn’t surprised to see Angel still fast asleep next to Buffy.

“Buffy?”

“Hmm? What’s up Cordy?” Buffy asked almost inaudibly. It woke Angel up though.

“It’s lunchtime and I was wondering if you wanted me to, like, get the others anytime soon?”

“Oh sure. Go get them.” Cordelia nodded, gave Buffy a sympathetic once over, then left.

“Buffy, are you okay?” Angel asked. Suddenly Buffy screamed out in pain. She grabbed hold of Angel’s shirt and held onto it, as if it would give her strength. Her whole body was spasming and arching. She turned her head to the side and choked out,

“I…love you.” Then she passed out. Angel sat up and carefully pulled Buffy’s body into his arms. He sat there stroking her hair and staring into space.

“That was a quick shop Cordy,” Xander remarked with great sarcasm. Cordelia gave him a dirty look.

“I didn’t go shopping. On any other day I would turn around and walk out that door but I owe Buffy at least this much.” Cordelia was immediately bombarded with a deluge of questions. “If you’ll all follow me I will take you to her but when we get there I want you to sit down and stay exactly where you are, okay?” Everyone nodded and followed Cordelia out of the house.

Twenty minutes later they were outside…

“Angel’s old place,” breathed Willow. There was a slight feeling of dread and anxiety creeping over her, and those feelings were not good.

“Why didn’t we think of this before?” Xander asked.

“Who’s Angel?” Riley asked. Willow and Xander suddenly became very worried. Cordelia hurried to reassure them.

“No, Buffy isn’t a vampire. Now will you get inside? She could be…” Cordelia stopped herself just in time before leading them all through the front door of the mansion.

“They’re here,” Buffy croaked. Angel nodded. He was holding her hand in his. As she had done to him before, he was now kissing her fingertips. He noticed the claddagh ring on her finger. As he kissed it, he realised that the heart was facing in. His eyes asked Buffy for an explanation. She tried to swallow but her mouth was dry. It was getting harder for her to talk, but she had a lot of talking to do. Angel helped her sip at the glass of water he had brought to her parched lips. “I belong to you,” she said simply. Cordy walked in.

“They’re in the living room,” she reported.

“You ready?” Angel asked Buffy. She nodded almost imperceptibly. Angel picked her up. There was no way he could avoid hurting her. As the covers fell away from Buffy’s body, Cordelia’s jaw dropped open.

“Buffy! Your skin!” Buffy laid her head on Angel’s shoulder and suppressed another wave of pain as best she could. She shuddered as it rippled through her every muscle. Angel held her as gently as possible, but as close to him as he could too.

As Angel entered the living room carrying Buffy the assembly gasped. All the flesh they could see from her neck down was bruised a bluish black.

“What are you doing here?” Xander asked Angel. Willow whacked

him.“What happened?” asked Giles in genuine concern. Cordelia cleared her throat and everyone looked at her.

“Two things: 1) you’ll have to be quiet cos Buffy’s very weak and 2) who are you?” Riley pointed to himself and Cordy nodded.

“That’s Riley,” Buffy croaked out. All attention was immediately reverted to Buffy. With her left hand, she tried to sit up. Angel helped her and she leaned back against him. “Remember Faith? She looked like this before she died. I’m dying too.”

“Oh baby,” cried Joyce. She leaned forward to hug Buffy but immediately pulled back when Buffy arched upwards, throwing her head back and opening her mouth in a silent scream.

“My God,” Giles murmured. Angel gently rubbed her left arm as she calmed her body. Buffy rested her head on Angel’s shoulder and continued.

“I’m too tired to explain how or why or when, Angel can do that for me. I just wanna say good bye.” Willow tried to stifle a sob but failed. Tears were in Xander’s eyes. Anya and Cordelia were standing off in a corner, neither of them feeling like they fitted in. “In years to come, when you look back at this, you’re gonna realise how horribly stupid it is. But I didn’t have time to say good bye when I died last time, or when I ran away. So I haven’t had any practise.” The group saw Buffy’s body shudder violently. Buffy grasped Angel’s hand. He got the idea and picked her up again.

“Where are you taking her? And why are you even here?” Xander asked angrily.

“Angel, stop,” Buffy whispered. Angel turned around so that Buffy could look at Xander “Angel is here because I sent him a letter. Look, it’s kinda hard to explain to someone who doesn’t understand what I’m going through, especially with Riley here. Angel means a lot to me, and I didn’t want to go without seeing h…” She gasped as the pain surged through her chest. Angel immediately turned around and walked back into the bedroom. When they had exited, everyone turned to look at Xander with dangerous glares. It was Willow who spoke up though.

“What is wrong with you, Xander? Buffy has just told us she’s dying and all you can think about is Angel and why he isn’t in L.A at the moment! God, you make me sick!”

“Oh, my poor baby!” Joyce whispered. All eyes reverted to her. Willow and Cordelia both put their arms around her.

Giles took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, something he hadn’t done since he was a Watcher and a librarian.

“She mentioned Faith. Willow, you said you knew what killed Faith. Is it possible Buffy is dying from the same thing? Is there a cure?” Willow shook her head sadly, her red hair swaying to and fro.

“Heroine’s End was the drug that killed Faith. It’s only effective on Slayers, and there is no cure. Vampires can’t even drink their blood because, once taken, the entire body is poisoned.”

“What were those bruises?” asked Anya. Nobody answered. Silence reigned over the room, except for the muffled sobs from Joyce and the odd sniffle from the others. Suddenly there was a blood-curdling yell. Xander immediately shot to his feet, but was pulled back down by Cordelia.

“She’s just losing her feeling in her chest. That’s why she can’t speak properly. Her right lung is dead and it’s spreading to her throat. Pretty soon she won’t be able to talk.” Joyce’s breath caught as her daughter shouted in pain again.

“I have to help her,” she cried, getting to her feet. She was also pulled back down by Cordelia.

“Angel’s in there. If she wanted you to see her in pain then she would have told you before. But she told Angel. Angel can deal it will all be fine. Now all of you sit DOWN!” Her voice had risen slowly throughout her little speech, shocking everyone. Eventually the screaming died down. Angel appeared from the shadows of the corridor.

“She wants to see you Giles,” he said, thumbing the direction of the bedroom. Giles stood up and nodded to Angel as the two past. Angel leaned against a wall away from the others. Cordelia stood up and leaned against the wall too.

“Hey Giles,” Buffy croaked as her former Watcher entered the room. He didn’t reply. He couldn’t move once his eyes had landed on her small, bruised body. She looked so fragile, and it broke his heart. The girl who had once whooped his English ass every training session they’d had was now lying, dying, in front of him.

“Buffy,” he whispered, his eyes scanning the bruises that were making their way up her neck.

“Giles, I haven’t got all day,” she laughed. Then she sniffed and added quietly, “Literally.” Giles made his way to the chair that was by the bed and grasped her hand. It was ice cold.

“What…” his voice caught, “What can I do for you?” Buffy glanced at the cup of water on the bedside table. Giles caught on and helped her take a few sips. Buffy settled back into the pillows and squeezed Giles’ hand.

“You can listen to me. And try not to interrupt or contradict, okay?” Giles couldn’t help but smile as he nodded his co-operation. “I’m dying, Giles. I know you know that. I just want to make sure you understand it. Now there are a few things that I would like you to do when I’m gone. You must try to abide by them, okay? No matter what my mother says, I want to be buried in Sunnydale, my dad is invited, I want to be buried with a stake, my cross and my claddagh ring, and could you poor holy water over my grave?” Giles was on the verge of tears. Buffy felt sorry for him, but he was the only one who would be able to carry out the task of burying her. A sudden thought hit her. “And Giles? Try to get a social life.” Giles actually laughed a little, despite his tears and overwhelming sadness. Buffy smiled.

“Anything else?” he asked. Buffy bit her lip in thought.

“Could you get Xander and Anya?” she asked. Giles nodded. After standing up, he hesitated. Then he bent down and lightly kissed Buffy’s forehead. Buffy smiled from ear to ear. He left the room to get the requested couple.

“Hey Buff!” Xander said, trying to sound cheerful and nearly succeeding. Buffy conjured up the biggest smile she could, just for him.

“Hey Xander! Anya!” she replied. Anya took the chair Giles had vacated while Xander knelt on the floor. “You okay?” asked Buffy. Xander’s expression dimmed slightly, and Anya was sad anyway.

“We’re coping,” Xander confessed. Anya looked troubled. “Anya?”

“It’s weird. Confusing, even. I mean, I’ve done a lot of horrible things to men. Sometimes it eventually killed them. But now it’s a girl, whom I know, and it feels really painful inside. I don’t like it.” Silence reigned over the room as the words sunk in.

“Okay. This is your last chance to come clean to me everything you’ve ever done and kept secret,” Buffy teased. Xander didn’t even crack a smile. He seemed lost in deep thought. “Xander?” He looked guiltily at Buffy and began rubbing his hands.

“Buffy, I do have something to tell you. But you must promise not to tell anyone else because they will kill me.” Buffy nodded. Xander looked at Anya who didn’t get the hint.

“What?” she asked in frustration.

“Go,” Xander instructed. She huffed and left.

“Continue.”

“Remember when you went to stop Angel from opening the hell mouth via Acathla?” Buffy nodded slightly. “And remember when I came down the hill with the stone and you gave me the stake and I told you Willow said to kick his ass?” Buffy nodded again a little more slowly, thinking of all the things that Xander might have said or… “What I should have said was that she was going to try to curse Angel again and that you should stall him.” Buffy was still. Her eyes were large and staring directly at Xander. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. Slowly her eyes wandered to the bed covers as she processed the information. Xander had lied to her? Well actually, he’d just kept her in the dark. Eventually she asked,

“Why?” Her voice was weak and hoarse, but it held no emotion and that hurt Xander the most. He cleared his suddenly dry throat.

“I thought, maybe, if you knew, you wouldn’t fight so well and he, without his soul, he could kill you. I realise now that it was your decision to make and I was stupid and naïve. I don’t even expect you to forgive me…”

“I forgive you.” It was Xander’s turn to be shocked. Buffy smiled at him with her usual glow of happiness.

“Wh…What?” he choked.

“I forgive you, Xander,” she repeated. Xander’s jaw dropped open. Buffy cupped his face with her hand. “I realise you were just trying to protect me and I appreciate that. It was my decision to make, and you were stupid and naïve. But I can’t hold you responsible for what happened. And I can’t punish you for trying to protect me. You’re forgiven Xander. And I promise I won’t tell anybody.” Xander grinned from ear to ear. He leaned down and kissed Buffy’s cheek. “I love you, Xander. And don’t you dare change. You’re the only constant in this weird place we called Sunnydale.” Xander smiled. “Could you go get Riley?” Xander nodded.

Nobody was looking at anything in particular except Riley. He didn’t really know about Buffy’s past, but he knew that this Angel guy was a key figure in it.

“So Angel,” he began, breaking the silence, “What have you got to do with Buffy?” He was surprised at the bluntness of his question, but he wasn’t in any mood to correct himself. Angel didn’t answer. He was staring into the blackness of the fireplace on the other side of the room. “Angel?” Riley pushed. Cordelia answered for Angel.

“He had something with Buffy a while ago, and it ended badly. Any other details are not for me to discuss.” Cordelia was being remarkably civil. She elbowed Angel in the side, awaking him from his revere. “Angel?” He slowly drew his eyes away from the fireplace to Cordelia. “Riley wants to know what you and Buffy had.” Angel’s head slowly turned so that he could see Riley clearly.

“Buffy and I were together for a little under two years and…” Xander entered the room. Angel turned his eyes back to the fireplace.

“Riley? You can go in now,” he said. Riley didn’t need to be told twice.

“Buffy?” he called gently as he entered the room. She looked up at him and smiled.

“Hey Riley. Sit down,” she instructed. He did as he was told. Riley was about to say something when Buffy held up her left hand. “Don’t talk. Listen.” He nodded. “I know you have questions. You don’t know me very well, despite what you may think. You ask me the questions and I’ll try to answer them, or I’ll tell you to ask someone else. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“So ask me.”

“Who’s Angel?”

“Angel is a vampire with a soul. I met him when I first came to Sunnydale about three years ago. We had a little something. I know I’m the biggest hypocrite that ever lived. Loving my enemy. We…climaxed…on my 17th birthday. It cost him his soul. I then had to fight my worst nightmare. He tried to bring Hell to Earth. Willow gave him his soul again, just as the portal was opening. I had to send him to Hell so that Hell couldn’t come to Earth. When I got back from L.A, cos I ran away, he came back from Hell. We tried to be friends. We tried to be lovers. Eventually, he just gave up trying to love me and not destroy me at the same time. He went to L.A, and now he’s here because I told him I was dying. Can I have a glass of water?” After she had taken a sip she asked, “Next?”

“If I think of anything else, who should I ask?”

“Try everyone. Anya won’t know, Spike won’t know. Xander will know about the time I died. Giles will know about my Slaying resume. Willow will know about Angel and me. And my mum will know about my past. Anything else?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. What we had was special, and I treasure every moment. Don’t forget me, yeah? But do move on to someone else.” Riley leaned forward to brush his lips with Buffy’s. “Could you get Willow?”

“So what are you gonna tell me? And let me tell you now, everyone you’ve talked to is in tears in there,” said Willow happily. She was trying to be cheerful, and it was working with the help of Buffy’s ‘no fear’ attitude. Buffy was very proud of her best friend’s courage.

“I told Riley to ask you all about anything he wanted to know about me,” said Buffy.

“Uh huh. Sure, no problem. Shall I give him the juicy details?” Willow joked. Buffy smiled.

“I don’t really know what to say to you, Willow. Giles has promised to get a social life, Xander’s promised to never change. What do I tell you? I could tell you to do well in college, but you’ll do that anyway. I could wish you luck with life and magic, but that would mean nothing. I could tell you to go kick Oz’s butt, but that won’t do anything anyway. All I ask of you is that you remember me. And could you help Angel give out all the pieces of paper I’ve got stuffed under my pillow. There’s one to the next two Slayers, one to Giles and one to my parents. That’s basically it. Could you pass me the cup of water?” Willow helped Buffy take a sip. When she was finished, Buffy looked meaningfully at her friend. “Go find Oz. And if he’s still being a jerk, move on. It’s not that hard, trust me.” Willow nodded and stood up to leave. “Could you get my mother?”

“Hi baby,” Joyce almost whispered as she sat on the chair next to Buffy’s new bed. She grasped her hand and was shocked at how cold it was.

“Hey mom,” Buffy croaked. All this talking was tiring her out but she was going to continue. She didn’t have long to go, and she had to talk to Angel and Cordelia still. “It’s not as bad as it looks, seriously. Okay, what do I tell my mother? Um, don’t go outside at night, don’t be mean to dad when he comes down to the funeral, don’t argue with Giles cos I’ve asked him to sort out my funeral, do remember me, do try to move on, uh, do love me for the rest of your life. What else is there to say?” Joyce smiled ay her daughter’s apparent carelessness.

“Why didn’t you tell me, honey?” she asked, stroking the hair away from Buffy’s face. Buffy shrugged with her left shoulder.

“I dunno. I just thought Angel would be a better person to look after me. It’s stupid, I know. And I meant no offence to you. I just felt this great urge to tell only Angel and hide from the rest of you.” There was a pause. “Is there anything you wanna tell me?” Joyce shook her head. Buffy squeezed her hand as yet another wave of pain crashed through her chest. But somehow she managed to keep a smile on her face. Joyce leaned down and kissed Buffy’s forehead in much the same way that Giles had. “Could you get Cordelia for me?”

“And you are gonna tell me what?” Cordy asked as she sat down on the chair by Buffy’s bed. Buffy smiled weakly.

“I don’t have much time now,” she breathed, “I have one thing to ask of you Cordelia. Take care of Angel for me. That’s all I want you to do. Can you do that?” Cordy grasped hold of Buffy’s hand.

“Of course I can,” she replied sincerely. Buffy squirmed in the bed.

“Get Angel. Quickly.”

“Angel!” Cordy yelled as she walked out of the room. Angel looked up and dashed into Buffy’s bedroom. He took up his usual position and clutched Buffy’s hand. She was wheezing hard. She coughed, and little red specks of blood touched the corners of her mouth.

“Angel,” she croaked hoarsely. “Under the pillow.” She was overcome by another coughing fit. It pained Angel to see Buffy like this. His face was contorted with grief and he squeezed Buffy’s hand harder. She was convulsing under the covers, coughing and spluttering. She squeezed Angel’s hand as hard as he was squeezing hers. “I love you,” she managed. Then she clamped her jaw shut and relaxed, letting go of everything. “Kiss me,” she whispered. Angel obliged, red tears spilling freely down his cheeks and onto hers. When he pulled back she was looking up at him with bright eyes. She smiled. And for one brief moment, she could feel every part of her body. There was no pain. She closed her eyes and finally let go. A sob caught in Angel’s throat. He leaned down and kissed Buffy again. He rested his head on her chest and wept freely. She was gone, she was finally at peace.

“I love you too,” he whispered to nobody. He looked up at her face. A small smile still played on her lips. He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. “Rest in peace.”

The End!

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