So Quiet
by Shirlz

Giles

We all knew when you were gone. It wasn’t anything dramatic, just a feeling of emptiness, of something missing. We were together when they came and told us, not that they needed to. One moment we were carrying on as normal and the next the conversation died and we just looked at each other. Realization seeped through each and every pore, disbelief clouded our faces and then the tears came.

Angel

I knew you were gone. I was sitting talking to Cordelia and then I just blanked out. She called for Wesley but still I sat there, a blood tear slowly tracing its path to freedom down my cheek. After a while I became aware of the phone ringing; I knew what the call was about without answering. I knew when a piece of my soul died.

I thought I heard a sigh as you waved the world goodbye While the snow lies o’er the meadows like a shroud
And it’s so quiet, so quiet
Even the silence is too loud

Giles

I still can’t believe that you had it all planned. Were you really that unhappy? The others can’t believe it either. They say that you were the life and soul of the party at the Bronze that night. Was that your swan song? Why didn’t you talk to us?

Angel

The last time we spoke I sensed something was wrong, but you just laughed and told me that I was being paranoid. I wish I had trusted my gut instinct. Why didn’t you call me? I thought we had got past the ‘awkward ex’s’ stage.

So different yesterday when you laughed the night away
When you knew that all the time you were too proud
And it’s so quiet, so quiet
Even the silence is too loud

Giles

You went through so much in your short life. And yet it was a burden you bore bravely. You went completely against the book -- secret identity meant nothing to you, and when you fell in love it was with a vampire. And yet I was so proud of you, there was no reason for me not to be. You were the daughter I never had.

Angel

In over two hundred years I have loved exactly one person. You. And I still do. Nothing will ever change that. You were the one thing in my life that I didn’t regret. You showed me love and trust, things that amazed me because I had neither experienced nor thought myself worthy of them. You were the sunlight that countered my darkness.

So crusading, much too true
Not a cause that was too small for you
So romantic, too naive
And not a kind enough breath to breathe
So when I think of you, I think of violet and blue
And all the things that made you stand out in a crowd
And it’s so quiet, so quiet
Even the silence is too loud

Giles

Your funeral was amazing. So many people and so much love. Many finding it hard to comprehend that someone who had always seemed so strong and brave could have done what you did. I guess it didn’t matter how many friends you surrounded yourself with, deep inside you were still lonely. I’m sorry we didn’t see it. I’m sorry that you suffered alone. God I miss you.

Angel

Your Mom was so understanding, holding the funeral at dusk so that I could attend. Whistler came with me, and Cordy and Wes. Your Mom also asked me to read something, but when it came to it what I had chosen just didn’t do you justice. So I spoke from the heart. Told them all about you, how anyone you touched came away from the experience a better person (but leaving out what you did to demons and vampires) and how you changed my life with your love. I cried the whole way through. God how I miss you.

Your pleasure and delight was a never ending fight
Just to find a silver lining in the clouds
And it’s so quiet, so quiet
And even the silence is too loud
Yes it’s so quiet, so quiet
And even the silence is too loud

The End

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