This Used To Be My Playground
by Shirlz

‘This used to be my playground
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say

Don’t look back
Keep your head held high
Don’t ask them why
Because life is short
And before you know
You’re feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Don’t hold on to the past
Well that’s too much to ask

No regrets
But I wish that you
Were here with me
Well then there’s hope yet
I can see your face
In our secret place
You’re not just a memory
Say goodbye to yesterday
Those are words I’ll never say...’

They said she was distraught. Shutting them all out. Being careless on patrol, that was when she even bothered to go. No one could reach her. I guess that’s what made Xander contact me. He asked me to meet with them and when I did they told me everything. What had happened and where to find her. They warned me that she wasn’t herself anymore. I said that I would do all that I could.

As I pushed open the door I could hear her sobbing. The sound was like a knife twisting in my heart. She was hunched up, her head on her knees and her arms wrapped round them. Her whole body shook. Silently I approached her.

"Go away" she said, not even bothering to look up.

The voice was strangled as if it was almost too much effort to get the words out.

"Talk to me."

"Will that bring him back? Will that take away the pain?"

"I want to help, if you’ll let me."

I kept my distance, my voice calm and steady.

"Yeah? You want to ‘help’? How? How are you going to put this right? Wave a magic wand or something? Just go away."

"Do you think he’d want you to be like this? He’d want you to think about him with love and carry on. He was strong for you. Be strong for him."

"Oh it’s all so easy for you!" She looked me straight in the eye. "Do you know what he meant to me? Can you even comprehend how much this hurts me? How am I going to carry on now he’s not around?"

"Your friends are here for you. They love you. They’re concerned about you."

"So?"

"How can you say that?!?"

"Easily. I open my mouth and the.."

"I know you’re hurting but it will get better. I promise."

"You promise! Well that’s reassuring. That makes all the difference! Ok, grieving over, let’s move on!!!"

I slapped her. It wasn’t out of anger, I knew she wasn’t in control of what she was saying, it was out of love. In an instant she was on me, a ball of pain and aggression.

"You are ‘so’ going to regret that!"

She clawed at my face with her nails like a wild thing. I gripped her wrists and restrained her. She struggled against me until she tired. Collapsing into my arms in exhaustion I pulled her tightly to me. She began to sob again.

"Shush." I rocked her gently.

"What..what am I going to do without him?"

"We’re all here for you. I’m sorry I didn’t come at once but I’m here for you now, if you need me."

She looked up at me, her eyes overflowing with tears. Gently I wiped them away.

"I came here to be near him. Even now I think I’m going to see him there sitting at that table. And d’you know what makes it worse? It wasn’t something that I can slay that killed him."

"Let me take you home Buffy. Giles wouldn’t want you to be here like this."

She allowed me to lead her to the door.

"I’m sorry for what I said and did Angel. Your being here means a lot."

‘...This used to be my playground
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
The best things in life are always free
Wishing you were here with me’

The End

Hope you liked it... I'd like some feedback...PLEASE

Go here for more of Shirlz's stories.

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page