You Belong to the City
by Shirlz

I glance at the clock. Seven-thirty. Time for me to patrol. Wearily I stand and begin to gather together my weapons of choice. I’m tired. Tired of this, tired of doing the right thing, tired of putting everyone else first.

I miss her. There, I’ve admitted it. Not a moment goes by when I don’t think of her. The only reason I don’t stake myself right now is her. I have to believe that one day we will be together; that The Powers That Be will finally decide that I have redeemed myself and let me have unconditional ownership of my soul. Until that time comes I must walk through this world alone.

The sun goes down, the night rolls in
You can feel it starting all over again
The moon comes up and the music calls
You’re getting tired of staring at the same four walls
You’re out of your room and down on the street
Moving through the crowds in the midnight heat
The traffic roars, the sirens scream
You look at the faces; it’s just like a dream
Nobody knows where you’re going
Nobody cares where you’ve been

There are many people I would call acquaintances, very few that I would call friends. Since I gained my soul I’ve learned to distance myself, become self-reliant. Only one person has wormed their way completely into my undead heart and rules there now as queen, the same person I miss with all of my essence. It’s easy to convince people that nothing matters to me, all I have to do is loosen the rein on Angelus. As him nothing does matter. But as me; that’s a whole different ballgame. It’s ironic really; the one thing that gives me my strength is the very same thing that causes me to need it in the first place.

Or maybe that should be two things. She gives me strength. Strength from her love, her understanding, her compassion. She was the one who made me see that Angelus and I were two separate entities when I believed that we were one and the same.

She made me believe that I was worthy of love, more than that, I was capable of giving and feeling love. Even as Liam I never believed that. I was a drunkard with an eye for the wenches. It didn’t matter that half the time I didn’t know their name, all I wanted was the release. No emotion shown there. No commitment. But not with her. At the mere mention of her name or a memory, every nerve and fibre awakens and stretches in expectation. The fire deep inside me becomes an inferno and my emotions overwhelm me.

I move through the shadows, watching, listening, stake in my hand. I wonder what she is doing tonight, who she is with. I hope she is happy. And I hope she understands why I left.

When you said goodbye you were on the run
Trying to get away from the things you’d done
Now you’re back again and you’re feeling strange
So much has happened, but nothing has changed
You still don’t know where you’re going
You’re still just a face in the crowd

Will this ever end? Night after night it’s the same. I resent the fact that I must pay for the sins committed by Angelus when he wore my skin as a robe. I’m angry and I’m bitter; things that even those closest to me don’t know. How much longer must I live in this seemingly eternal darkness? And I’m not talking about the night. No, the darkness that torments me is the one that envelops me like a dense and heavy fog. The darkness of living without her.

You belong to the city
You belong to the night...

The End

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