*** Non-computer-related tag lines ***

Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?
I've lost my motivation to breathe...

• Learn on other's mistakes. Especially if the are celebrated as holidays.
• Life is a computer game. The plot is crapy, but graphics are excellent!
• It's not enough to be right; you have to right at the right time.
• Laziness is the engine of the progress.
• The most hideous atrocities in the history of the mankind were committed by men who did not drink or smoke, were faithful to their wives and hand-fed squirrels at their spare time...
• Man evolved from the monkey, woman evolved from honey or bunny.
• ...The girl was beautiful, but smart...
• Real confusion: blind lesbian in seafood store.
• A pin on a really fat guy: "Wanna die - ask me if I want to lose weight!"
• It's hard to be stupid, but it's even harder to be WITH stupid!

• Everybody's right in their own way. But not in mine...
• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
• It's not fascism because we don't call it fascism - South Park
• I am hungry enough to block a colon - Al Bundy
• The man's home is his coffin - Al Bundy

• Age is important only if you're cheese and wine.
• A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
• You! Off my planet!
• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
• I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

• It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
• A woman's favorite position is CEO.
• Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFu** you!
• Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
• I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF! Is anyone listening to me?! - Jack Handey
• Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides - Jack Handey
• You can always count on Americans to do right thing - after they exhaust all other options - Winston Churchill
• There is nothing wrong with two women being together - as long as there is a man watching - Al Bundy
• One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
• I'm old enough to know better but I'm still too young to care.

• To be great, is to be misunderstood.
• Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.
• If you believe in me, I'll believe in you - Lewis Carrol
• Foreplay? We invented it, we call it beer.
• There is nothing either good or bad but thinkng makes it so - Shakespeare
• It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
• I wish to thank no one because you all are against me.
• I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it - Voltaire

• Everything comes down to one thing, the end.
• He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.
• Last words are for fools who haven't said enough - Karl Marx
• Lose your dreams and you'll lose your mind - Rolling Stones
• Don't try to be something when you are nothing - Socrates
• To prevent hangover, stay drunk.
• Democracy can withstand anything but democrats.
• Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood - Oscar Wilde
• The early worm has a death wish.
• The quickest way to end a miracle is to ask it why it is.

• If I drive fast enough at the red light, it'll appear green.
• I didn't know much when I started, and I know less now - Stephen King
• Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
• We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation.
• I think-therefore I'm single.
• I do not take drugs... I am drugs. - Salvador Dali
• God loves stupid people. That's why he made so many.
• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

• The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
• The best work in the world is done by people who's bosses don't know what they're doing.
• [I hope] my child will ge a good catholic like me - Madonna
• Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.
• No pain - no pain.
• Golf is a good walk spoiled - Mark Twain
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
• To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other - Jack Handey
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

• Discourage inbreeding; ban country music.
• I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
• Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out - Jack Handey
• If you don't like my driving, then get off the sidewalk!
• Thank God for the IRS - Without them I'd be stinking rich!
• Guns don't kill people ... but they make it real easy.
• The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face - Jack Handey
• I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am.
• Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. - John Lennon
• I have the body of a god: Buddha.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.
• If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill
• When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained - Mark Twain
• Cross-country skiing is great in small countries.
• Everything you can imagine is real. - Pablo Picasso
• Not only are people weirder than you think, people are weirder than you can think.
• Legally, it's questionable. morally, it's disgusting. Personally I like it.
• Maybe it's in the basement, let me go upstairs and check - M.C. Escher
• Do the voices in my head bother you?
• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former - Albert Einstein
• A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
• Shit doesn't just happen, assholes make it.
• Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I
• 668: The Neighbor of the Beast
• What we think is God is a byproduct of our search for God - G'kar (B5)
• On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• My kid ain't spoiled, they all smell that way.
• Let's play horse. I'll be the front, you be you.
• I am not crazy - I just don't give a dang! - Duffy Duck
• We have the Bill of Rights. Now, how about the Bill of Responsibilities?
• We all just an ant farm with beepers...
• We have too many hung juries and too few hung defendants.
• Anither day, another carrot... - Bugs Bunny
• Nuke'em 'till they glow and shoot'em in the dark.
• If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is.
• I don't get even, I get odder.
• It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
• I am not popular enough to be different - Homer Simpson
• Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only from mother's side.
• The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
• Man is more an ape than many of the apes - Fredrich Nietzsche
• Woman was God's second mistake - Fredrich Nietzsche
• Veni, Vidi, VISA (We came, we saw, we vent shopping)
• Cute rots the intellect - Garfield
• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
• Enjoy yourself. If you cannot enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else.
• Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
• Never mistake endurance for hospitality.
• Nothing spoils a good party like a genius.
• There is nothing for a case of nerves like a case of beer.
• Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough - Mark Twain
• Life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
• Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal - Albert Einstein
• A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
• The length of a film should be directly proportional to the endurance of a human bladder - Alfred Hitchcock
• What luck for rulers that man do not think - Adolf Hitler
• It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong - Voltaire
• Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber - Plato
• If the phone doesn't ring - it's me.
• Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. - Bertrand Russel
• One murder makes a villain, millions a hero
• The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
• The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
• What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.
• The future isn't what it used to be.
• Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - J. F. Kennedy
• There are always more of them than us.
• I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.
• When ideas fail, words come in very handy - Goethe
• There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people - Muhammad Ali
• Some things have to be believed to be seen.
• In the end, everything is a gag - Charlie Chaplin
• Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are...
• Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
• Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich - Napoleon
• The nice thing about egoists is that they don't talk about other people.
• Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to the sex - Karl Marx
• Sex is dirty only when it's done right
• I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
• One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
• Never face facts; if you do you'll never get up in the morning.
• To err is human. And stupid.
• To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.
• Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people and kill them - from Full Metal Jacket
• Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
• Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
• I'm on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
• When we talk to God, we are praying. When God talks to us, we are schizophrenic.
• Anything that is too strange to be spoken is sung - Voltaire
• It isn't easy being green - Kermit the Frog
• Vote early and vote often - Al Capone
• Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made - Otto Von Bismark
• The truth is the safest lie.
• Happiness is good health and bad memory.
• Computers are useless. They can only give you answers - Pablo Picasso
• It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
• "I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up!"
• There are no big words - only little heads - Bud Bundee
• Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you - Nirvana
• The moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers - from Natural Born Killers
• Hell is a possibility of sanity.
• Other people live to eat; I eat to live - Aristotel
• Clinton's 7th Commandment: Thou should not ADMIT adultery.
• Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him
• "I'm not smart enough to lie" - Ronald Reagan
• "Please return stewardess to original upright position"
• "The faster you go, the shorter you are" - Einstein
• (((((((HYPNOTIC)))))))(((((((TAG LINE))))))))
• 1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation
• A Metaphor is like a Simile.
• A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket.
• A pessimist is never disappointed.
• A single fact can spoil a good argument.
• All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson
• As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716
• Castration takes balls.
• Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
• Clinton/Gore is to the presidency as Beavis & Butthead are to television.
• Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs.
• Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
• Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever
• Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
• HEY YOU!!!!!!!!! STOP YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!
• I am not an animal! I am ... well, not an animal.
• I don't think, therefore I am not.
• I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
• I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
• I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
• I'm no stranger, just a friend you haven't met...
• If it screams it's not food......yet.
• If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
• If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
• Iraqi Bingo B-52..F-16..A-10.. F-18..F-117..B-2
• It's hard to be serious when you're naked.
• Marriage? Sorry, I can't mate in captivity.
• Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was surprised.
• Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
• Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.
• Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
• The fecal material has hit the air circulating device.
• The worst thing about censorship is *****************.
• There is no dark side of the moon. Really.
• Too bad stupidity isn't painful.
• Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes.
• WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons!
• You're it.
• ...we could roam the earth amongst all that is cool - ButtHead
• Whose mistake am I anyway? - Marilyn Manson
• Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
• Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
• Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.
• Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons.
• Have an adequate day.
• A man is incomplete until he's married. Then he's really finished.
• I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerom K. Jerom
• I will always love the false image I had of you.
• In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
• It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. - Albert Einstein
• Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
• My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
• The more people I meet, the more I like my dog - Adolph Hitler
• Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar - Sigmund Freud
• The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
• There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
• Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.
• When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
• When professors want your opinion, they'll give it to you.
• You simply *must* stop taking other people's advice.
• Work to become, not to acquire.
• Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
• Your advanced intelligence is no match for our puny weapons.
• This is precisely the sort of thing that people who like this sort of thing will like.
• Of course it belongs to me, I'm a communist.
• Never trust a cop with a rubber glove.
• The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
• Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
• FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
• Trying is a first step towards failure - Homer Simpson
• Military term: Installation of Peace...
• America is a good place to put Chinese restaurant
• Fish and visitors stink in three days.
• Fire at will! Oh, it's you, Bob! Fire at Bob!
• ...I am dealing with inferior mentality here - Duffy Duck
• He who sniffs Coke, drowns.
• It's been swell, but the swellings gone down
• Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, exercise, and die healthy...
• Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
• Eagles may soar but weasels aren't sucked into the jet engines!
• Disneyland: A people trap operated by a giant mouse.
• Capital punishment: Income tax.
• Canada? What part of Texas is that in?
• "The future's uncertain and the end is always near." - Jim Morrison
• To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
• To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
• If you women knew what we, men, are thinking, you'd never stop slapping us.
• I can imagine a world without war, a world without hate. And I can imagine us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
• Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
• Hide the gerbils! Here comes Clinton's new army!!!!
• A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
• A living example of artificial intelligence...
• The American dream: smoke pot, cheat on your wife, & become president!
• I know a good tagline when I steal one.
• You're twisted and sick; I like that in a person!
• Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
• Instructions are made by investigating discoveries.
• Death to all fanatics!
• Lawyer: a cat who settles disputes between mice.
• Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill.
• Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
• Marriage: A very expensive way to get your laundry done.
• A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
• Things should be as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein
• An armed society is a polite society.
• A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
• How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
• The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.
• I drink to make other people interesting.
• Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
• E = M C˛ - Albert Einstein
• Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.
• The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.
• Will your answer to this question be no?
• I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough. - M. C. Escher
• Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.
• If God didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him. - Voltaire
• Do married people live longer, or does it just seem that way?
• Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. - Woody Allen
• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
• Bill Clinton. The perfect thing if pro wrestling is too complicated for you.
• Blow you mind... Smoke gunpowder.
• One goldfish says to another, "If there is no God, then who changes the water?"
• Bad cop! No donut!
• Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it's students...
• Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most... - Led Zeppelin
• According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
• How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
• Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
• Air bags: Inflation we can live with.
• 1000 Americans quit smoking each day - by dying!
• I know what I eat - I don't know what I do - Salvador Dali
• Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
• If you see an onion ring - answer it!
• Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
• Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
• We are the people our parents warned us about.
• Never kick a man unless he's down.
• I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you.
• Obviously, the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
• I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
• Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy!
• You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.
• The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
• Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
• Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
• Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
• The more you run over a dead cat the flatter it gets.
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
• Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
• Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
• War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
• A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
• Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.
• Half of the people in the world are below average.
• Life in a vacuum sucks.
• On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
• I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
• "Charlie was a Chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4."
• "I tried to think but nothing happened!" - Curly
• Barium: what you do with dead chemists.
• If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
• In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death
• Just do it.
• Just did it.
• Who is "they" anyway?
• Life is a sexually transmitted decease with 100% mortality rate.
• If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.
• Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!
• Old musicians don't die... they just decompose.
• The only real difference between an oral and rectal thermometer is the taste.
• He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
• Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
• "The child is grown... the dream is gone" - Pink Floyd
• Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)
• Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom.
• Slower Traffic Keep Right - IS THAT SO DIFFICULT?
• Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
• What's so great about humans anyway?
• Never judge a man by his taglines.
• Never say, "Oops!"; always say, "Ah, interesting!"
• Faster than a speeding ticket!
• We all live in a yellow subroutine...
• Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.
• Nobody notices when things go right.
• "Have you got a better idea? I'm all ears." - Ross Perot
• 96.7% of all statistics are made up.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
• I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up
• Oxymoron - Military Intelligence
• Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload.
• What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
• What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
• Why did you read this?
• Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?
• "There's someone in my head, but its not me." - Pink Floyd
• I'm not schizophrenic, and neither am I.
• Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
• Peace through superior firepower.
• Road Kill Cafe: You kill 'em, we grill 'em.
• Schizophrenia beats being alone.
• ((((( This tagline in Stereo where available )))))
• Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
• We take drugs very seriously at my house...
• What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
• 3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
• Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.
• The best defense against logic is stupidity.
• Time flies like an arrow - Fruit flies like a banana
• Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer.
• If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
• A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.
• ------------Police Tagline---Do Not Cross------------
• Kill them all! Let God sort them out.
• Life is a series of very rude awakenings.
• Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!
• Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious
• If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
• Individualists of the world, unite!
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left
• As I said before, I never repeat myself.
• Bad breath is better than no breath.
• Go Lemmings, Go!!!
• I Still miss my ex-wife... BUT, my aim is improving!
• Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean!
• I am. Therefore, I think. I think.
• I am what I am and that's all that I am.
• I get mail, therefore I exist.
• Don't let school interfere with your education.
• Fact is solidified opinion
• Black holes really suck...
• CURIOSITY? Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower.
• Crime does not pay... as well as politics.
• Dain Bramaged.
• Do I mind if you smoke? No. Do you mind if I FART?
• Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog!
• Sacred cow makes the best hamburger - Mark Twain
• Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
• The higher you soar, the smaller you appear to those who don't fly.
• Everyone is someone else's weirdo - Marilyn Manson
• Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
• No guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
• If you don't die from it -- it is healthy.
• If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is going on.
• My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done.
• There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
• If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of?
• If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool.
• Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful.
• Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.
• It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out.
• No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.
• Cocaine is gods way of telling you that you make too much money.
• Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
• You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
• It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
• POLICE STATION TOILET SEAT STOLEN .. Cops have nothing to go on.
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
• One-seventh of your life will be spent on Mondays.
• Two can live as happily as one... for half as long.
• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
• I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
• Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
• I'd fire you, but I don't mix business with pleasure.
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
• Do witches run spell checkers?
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
• I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.