SHIT HAPPENS!

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen Buddhism #1: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?

Shintoism: You inherit the shit of your ancestors.

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Rajhneesh: Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.

Islam #1: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Orthodox: St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.

Greek Orthodox: Shit usually happens in three's.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism: Work hard, and shit will happen to someone else.

Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.

Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.

Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.

Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.

Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.

Fundamentalism #1: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.

Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.

Creationism: God made all shit.

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.

Christian Science #1: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.

Unitarianism #1: Come, let us reason together about this shit.
Unitarianism #2: Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.

Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.

Utopianism: This shit does not stink.

Amish #1: Shit is good for the soil.
Amish #2: This modern shit is worthless.

Darwinism: This shit was once food.

Capitalism: That's MY shit.

Communism: It's everybody's shit.

Feminism: Men are shit.

Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...

Twelve Step: Shit happens one day at a time.

Commercialism: Let's package this shit.

Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

New Age: For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.

Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.

Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.

Existentialism #1: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?

Stoicism: This shit is good for me.

Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!

Mormonism #1: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.

Wiccan: So long it harm none, let shit happen.

Paganism: Shit happens for a variety of reasons.

Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.

Jehovah's Witnesses #1: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.

Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.

Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.

Branch Davidianism: May shit happen to the FBI!

Agnostic #1: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?

Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.

Atheism #1: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!

Nihilism: No shit.