an interview with jesus, at forty six and two...

this is the transcript of the interview done with jesus christ on easter sunday, please excuse any spelling errors. i've had to listen to the audio of the interview about 40 times to type this all out. we hope you've learned something from what jesus has shared with us.

jesus' name is abbreviated with a (j) eses is with the (e).

start of interview .. eses is seated in the studio.

eses: this is a most exciting time, 2000 years after the death of jesus he has come back to share his wisdom with us, and answer a few question. jesus, thank you for sharing your time with us.

jesus is walking in while eses is speaking.

jesus; yay, i am thankful this day has come.

eses: i know you are short on time, so may i start with a serious question?

j: yes my son

eses: thank you. if there is one misconception about you you'd like to clear up, what would it be?

j: well. i guess one major misconception that has been bothering me is the conception that everyone has that i am caucasian. my color of skin is of no importance.

e: what else bothers you about the way you've been viewed?

j: i tried nothing more than to teach love, and caring for my fellow man; and they turned against me. they turned me into a icon. this bothers me greatly.

e: speaking of the way you're viewed by society and the media, are there any accurate portrails of you, jesus?

j: no. well, i can't say no entirely. i have seen a show called south park, this show has a character named jesus in it, who has his own television show; this is not me, being i am not alive, but this jesus is very much like me, caring, and treats his fellow man with goodwill. which is why i am here today.

e: to treat me with good-will?

j: no, to share with people the love i have for them, and hopefully they will treat one another with good will.

e: oh.

j: yay.

e: tell us jesus, how much of the bible is true?

jesus takes a drink of water.

j: i did not write it, so i am not entirely sure. it all has some truth, but most of it has been blown out of proportion. you know the part about moses parting the red sea? false. he and his army built very large, very well crafted barges. they were massive; really quite a feat if you think about it- they had little in the way of tools with them, and all of the materials were from the surrounding area.

e: what else?

j: everything with adam and eve has been embelished apon. in the beginning, there were many pairs of two. do you realize how inbred you would be if we only stemmed from one pair of people? it would be horrible. father started this world knowing it could go two ways - living healthy and prospering, or how it turned out.

e: how did it turn out?

j: so far the record is not good. as a whole, you are destroying yourselves. which is why i am here.

j: father saw the path you were taking early on, that is when father decided it was time he needed a son; me. he brought me into the world so i would have a chance to hopefully correct the path his creation has taken. it unfortunatly did not work.

e: rumor has it that you are god, and jesus was his human form. is there truth in this?

j: my son, that cannot be commented on. i am sorry.

e: oh.

j: you, and the people of this world, or my father's creation as i see them are at a breaking point, simular to the one you were at when i was brought into the world. now is the last time you will be able to pull out of the dismall spiral you've created for yourselves. as with all healing processes, progress will be slow, but now is the time.

e: how do we correct our ways?

j: in the end, this is up to you. there are many good ways to go about it. the best way is love thy neighbor; and respect all creatures. do this and the rest will follow. do this not, and i am afraid this is just another roman empire.

e: another roman empire?

j: the old rome is dead my son. soon i am affraid this society will be too.

e: do you mean america?

j: yes i mean america, i mean what you call america, asia, africa, europe. everywhere. once one collapses, the rest will follow.

e: oh. (shrugging)

e: what can i do?

j: i have shown you the way, and you have begun to forge you're own path. i am affraid the rest is up to you.

e: you won't alow us to do a video of this interview, will you alow me to take your picture?

j: no. i am sorry, but that cannot be permitted. the picture would not turn out. no picture of me has turned out.

e: what about 'the last supper'?

j: that is how the artist presented me, not as how i am.

e: oh.

j: you will also find my voice on this recording will not be the same, the devices you have created for yourselves are quite impressive, which is why this is a critical time for this world. now you have the ability to become united as one. this can help, or harm you.

e: so the entire world should become christian?

j: no, this is not about being "christian" this is about love and respect. the form of christianity has been twisted and warped i am affraid. my name, tainted forever. people heard me, but they didn't understand.

j: did i not say "worship no idol."? yet we have many people who have turned themselves into 'icons of christianity'. they have turned ME into this icon of christianity. being christian is a belief, not an object to coddle. i never once said to go raise money and become tax exempt! it is an outrage what has become of my once good name. AN OUTRAGE! it is an utter outrage to pay money to get into heaven.

e: are you speaking of catholics?

j: i am speaking of every single sect that doesn't call themselves outright christian. lutherans, catholics, mormons, witnesses of jahova, the children that burned in the town of waco; have all tainted and twisted my name for their own benefit. so few people enter heaven these days. it is a crime.

e: how many people have entered heaven this year?

j: as of the beginning of this holy year, we have had several hundred lost souls find solice with father and i.

e: is this because they aren't christian, or don't believe in god?

j: no, this has nothing to do with believing the holy father. the majority of people we see enter heaven in these modern times children of buddha. we get very few "christians". the majority of people who deem themselves christian are tainted by a sect of some sort, then there are the ones that are just "covering their bases" and try to force themselves into believing in god. this is a sin. respecting the ones you share you're world with. that is what gives you access to heaven. having a pure heart, and a loving soul.

e: do animals go to heaven?

j: as in non-human animals, yes, they all go to heaven. animal souls are not tainted with the human traits of hate, and greed. the only greed they know is survival instincts given to them by father.

e: is there a silicon heaven?

j: silicon heaven? no i do not think so.

e: where do calculators go when they die?

j: calculators do not live, the only soul they have is the one instilled in them by the character their owner percieves them having.

e: so they just die?

j: yes, you could say that. but they don't live.

e: so my car won't go to heaven with me?

j: if you go to heaven, you're car will not follow.

e: damn.

e: jesus, i appreciate the time you have given us here. we appreciate you visiting forty six and two. we should do this again next time.

j: yay. send out my message; begin to heal. we may meet again.

e: ladies and gentlemen, jesus has left the building.

i would like to thank all of those involved in making this happen; you know who you are. i would also to again thank the one, the only, jesus christ for taking the time to talk with us.

this has been a forty six and two production (c)2000