I do not own Gundam Wing or any characters in it. Gundam Wing belongs to Sotsu, Sunrise, ANB, and other rich people. I do not own I Don't Know You Anymore, it's by Savage Garden. Mozart's K.626 Requiem belongs to Mozart. I am not making any money off of this, and I have no money so don't sue me. On the other hand, I do own whatever random side characters I come up with.
Warnings: Rated R for content. Contains lime, male/male pairings, violence, death, and some language. If any of this content offends you, your parents don't want you reading this, or you are not old enough to read this, please don't. If you choose to read on anyway, if you have been warned and I do not care to receive any content based complaints after said warning. Thank you.
Author's Notes: Words inside // indicate song lyrics. Pairings: Heero/Duo, Quatre/Trowa, Relena/OC
I left them at the end of the Eve wars. I drifted away, only sporadically keeping in touch with Quatre. Wufei pretty much disappeared. Trowa went back to the circus. Quatre began to run his father's company, and Heero, well I didn't keep track of him. It hurt too much, and I am not a masochist, no matter what anyone else thinks. I left tracking him to Quatre, who somehow managed to keep in touch with people even if they were trying to disappear.
I made it fairly easy for him, although I didn't let him know specifically where I went. I gave him a contact number so he never had to see where I was, never had to look for me. I decided to go back to school. I tested out of High School, it had always bored me to death and was far too easy.
I was accepted into the Cambridge University system in Old England. Specifically I entered Kings College. I majored in History and sang in their choir. It brought me a certain amount of peace. Something I had needed and craved for far too long.
That year was one of the best in my life. I worked hard, making plans to graduate in two years of full time work. I made friends, good friends, who let me be myself when I was with them. I slowly began dropping my masks and relaxing into who I was.
Then Quatre called me and I had to drag all of them back up again in a split second.
“Hey Duo,” he said cheerfully. “We've decided that for the benefit of peace we need to destroy the Gundams. We're going to ship them off into the sun. Will you bring Deathscythe?”
I wanted to scream and cry, and shout “NO” at the top of my lungs. I suppressed the urge and kept a sunny, if manic smile on my face. I didn't want to kill Deathscythe. He had saved me too many times, listened to my woes. He was family. But I knew Quatre didn't understand that. I think the only one who would, maybe even does, is Wufei.
“Sure, Quatre. I'll bring Deathscythe, just tell me when,” I answered brightly, praying for it to be months from then, maybe even a year or two.
“We're going to do it in two weeks,” he replied, “on Christmas Eve.” I felt my heart break into thousands of tiny pieces.
“I'll be there,” I said. “I need to go now, Quatre, I'm supposed to be meeting someone.” He said good bye and we hung up.
I flung myself onto my bed and cried.
In my turmoil I found myself wondering how an empath could be so insensitive. Quatre always claimed he could feel our emotions no matter where we were. If that were so, how come he couldn't tell that my smile was a lie, that my happiness was just a shallow projection used to cover raging emotions like the grief I felt at the mere thought of Deathscythe's destruction.
I went through with it anyway. I sent my beloved Deathscythe towards the sun, and then there was Mariemaya.
I was grateful for the Mariemaya incident, grateful to her. Truly grateful. Yes, she started another war, yes she got people killed, but she gave me a chance to save my Gundam.
She also brought Heero back. And he confused me even more than before.
I think Heero owned my heart from the moment I rescued him from that hospital. He always had the greatest power to hurt me.
During the Mariemaya incident he acted like he was my friend, like he valued me, despite all of his words before. He complimented me, talked to me, treated me as if I actually had a brain, and was generally almost warm to me. I wondered what he had done over the last year to change him so. On the other hand he also fell asleep when I was talking to him, didn't bother to let me in on what he was planning, and got me thrown in jail.
At first I thought it was because he knew how easily I could escape that. After all he had been making plans to do things with me after the incident was over. He'd never done that before. On the whole, I was willing to let the good outweigh the bad. I was willing to forgive all the words he didn't know I'd heard. To forget all of the harsh actions, forget the hurt of being called a loud mouthed baka every time I turned around. And then he abandoned me, left me for Relena.
Oh, I know she needed someone to protect her. She always has. But did that really mean he had to break all of the plans we'd made?
Disillusioned again, I returned to Cambridge, thanking God and thanking Shinigami that I had not told him where I was. I went back and called Professor G and Howard. I asked them for help. It was too dangerous to destroy the Gundams. Yes, we had peace but I could see that it was fragile. I could see that the Gundams might be needed again someday and I knew without a doubt that the only way Deathscythe was going to be destroyed was if I was in him.
They agreed to help, now that there was time. Quatre had decided that the Gundams couldn't be destroyed until at least spring, that gave me the few months I needed.
I found myself wandering restlessly through my home. I didn't know if I should be angry or if I should be afraid. Heero was coming.
Heero was coming.
He'd betrayed me.
No, they had all betrayed me. But I expected better of him. I don't know why. He never gave me any evidence that I should when it came to me. I did all the same.
I looked out the window and into my dark yard. Patches of snow glowed whitely against the black of the grass and I shivered. Heero was coming.
I walked away and into my library. I had to stop thinking about it all. I had to stop thinking about him. He would be here soon enough, too soon really, and I would deal with it all then. I sat down in front of my computer and opened a file staring at the last words I'd written. I let myself sink down into the words, into another world, and I forgot everything around me as I began to write.
/We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me/
I dreamed.
I dreamed of trees and blood and pain. I dreamed of voices calling for a retreat. I dreamed of death and betrayal and anger in the shadow of night.
I woke, screaming.
I woke to the insistent ringing of the phone. I pulled on an over-sized shirt and padded to it. Turning it on I had to smile, even though the horror of the night still lay on me.
“Hey, Dav,” a cheery voice said, with a smile that matched. “I didn't wake you up did I?”
“Not really, Drew. If anything I'm glad to be up,” I answered. I looked blearily at my watch. It was nearly noon.
I flinched internally. Knowing Heero, he would interpret afternoon as 12:01 p.m., exactly.
“Another nightmare?” Drew inquired, a slightly serious look crossing his round face, darkening his gray eyes.
I nodded. “Yeah. You know they come and go,” I told my college roommate.
“So what can I do for you today?” I asked him, knowing full well that if I didn't we'd talk inconsequentials for hours on end. I just didn't have time for that today.
“I wanted to know if you'd like to come up for a visit. Mum is just dying to see you again, and well, I wanted to make sure you were OK. I know what yesterday was Dav. I could hardly forget with all of the news broadcasts.” Drew's tone had turned serious, something it rarely did. I knew he was worried. He, his immediate family, and three others were the only ones who knew my secret after all.
“Thanks, Drew.” I said softly. “I can't today, I'm expecting…” I paused trying to find the right word for Heero, “company. I'll let you know when I can come. I promise not to do anything foolish.”
Drew's expression didn't change. “I need to go, my friend. I need to grab a shower and some clothing. I'll call you later tonight, and we can plan a real visit then, OK?” I asked. He nodded, accepting my words as they never had.
“Sure, Dav. Call whenever you get done. I don't care if you wake me up.” I laughed, knowing he'd be a bear if I did wake him up.
“I'll remind you, you said that if I do wake you up,” I informed him. “Later.”
“Bye,” he said, and we hung up together. I was still laughing as I headed into my bathroom and turned on the water. A wide smile stayed on my face as memories poured over me again, only this time they were good ones.
Hot water poured down on me, gradually soaking through my hair. I let my head drop back and just enjoyed the heat and steam that was slowly relaxing my muscles.
I walked through the halls, trying to find my room. The halls were crowded with people at least three years older than me, who had all started shaving and had their final growth spurts. I felt rather out of place and nervous, but as usual I hid it behind a manic smile and sparkling eyes.
I followed the directions I had been given and slowly made my way up flight after flight of stairs to the very top floor. The lifts had been too crowded and so I had opted to walk. I stepped out into my hall and continued my way to my room.
I found it and cautiously opened the door, to find a soft foam ball flying towards my face. I reached out and caught it before it could hit me, and then focused on the people in the room. There was a tall, round giant with red hair and dark charcoal eyes, and a boy.
A boy that I knew. He attended a school that I'd gone to when we'd fled back to the colonies. Hell, he was about the only person who noticed that the Duo Maxwell who'd started off at the school wasn't the same as me, and he had photographs.
I wanted to curse. I wanted to scream. I did neither. I smiled instead. “Hi,” I said brightly. “I'm Davin McDonnell, who are you?” I asked swinging the door shut behind me. The giant accepted it automatically, recognition of the name flickering in his eyes. I decided that was an affirmation that he was my roommate.
The boy, whose name I couldn't remember, gaped me. “But… but…” he sputtered. “But you're Duo Maxwell, the Gundam Pilot,” he blurted. The giant frowned and so did I.
I sighed. “Did it ever occur to you,” I began conversationally, seeing no point in denying it since I knew he had proof, “that I didn't want that spread around? That I changed my name so I can get my education in peace and quiet without being targeted by every person who's upset about the outcome of the war?”
Understanding flickered in the giant's eyes, and I was fairly sure that we were going to get along, especially as a grin was covering his face that was as bright as my own smile. The boy just looked confused.
“Adam,” the giant began, “if you'd learn to think before you speak you might get further in life,” he said. Adam looked even more confused.
“But, Drew, he's a Gundam Pilot! He's brought us peace and freedom again! And I went to school with him for a while in the colonies! What's he doing here?” Adam cried out.
I sighed, yet again. Drew smiled. “Adam, shut up. He's here to get an education. And he's not Gundam Pilot Duo Maxwell, he's simply Davin McDonnell, boy genius.” He turned to me. “Hello, Dav. You don't mind if I call you Dav, do you? I'm your roommate, Andrew Ferguson. You can call me Drew.” He shoved his hand towards me and I took it. That was the beginning of the best friendship I made at College.
It took a bit of work, and a lot of effort, but Adam eventually figured out why I didn't want to be known.
I quietly got out of the shower, dried off, got dressed, and spent time doing my hair. I was shocked that Heero hadn't arrived yet. It was nearly one-thirty by the time I got downstairs and he was nowhere in sight.
I ate lunch and was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper when he arrived.
The doorbell gave out a stuttering ring, sounding more nervous than a virgin on her wedding night.
I left the brightly lit kitchen for the dim hall and made my way to face the past. I still wasn't ready. I opened the door, and found myself face to face with a blank expression, and tortured Prussian blue eyes.
Why couldn't he have let me stay dead?
Copyright 2005