A Discussion of Jakes, Fools, Freaks, and Thuds
So a few days (or weeks, or months, or whatever, this still applies) ago, we had the colossal Normal holiday April Fools, which has its roots back in bygone days when the Christian world made the shift from Julian to Gregorian Calendars. Note I said "Christian World," as the Discordian Calendar has never had this problem, and my personal calendar (and that word is begining to look a bit strange) doesn't even have things which might lead to this problem (some day perhaps I'll discuss my calendar, but not today). So the Normals all celebrate and pull idiot pranks on each other and make me generally paranoid. It's always a bad thing when the Legions of Thud conspire against you.
What I think people fail to realize (and by people I mean people who claim to be pranksters, of whatever ilk) is that pulling a prank on April 1st and expecting people to be surprised is tantamount to giving your mother a card on Mothers' Day and expecting her to wonder for what reason she's getting the card. It's expected. It's anticipated. All you're doing is making people suffer, and if that's your aim, you have no business calling yourself a prankster. Making people suffer is sometimes the most enjoyable part of the prank, but should never be the end goal.
And that's not even taking into account the various people who think that April 1st is the supreme Jake Day. Pranks and Jakes are somewhat similar, but if your Jake is a prank then the above applies, and if it isn't, the above applies and then some. I don't have to explain myself! No one else does!
So I hereby, for all Karmic Erisians, declare April 1st Anti-Jake Day! Let the Legions of Thud think they've got us. Let them try to prank their little hearts out. We can sow more chaos by not doing what's expected.
So, as our new Holyday, Anti-Jake Day will be observed as follows:
- No pranks, jakes, or otherwise will be perpetrated from sunup to sundown. Think of it as the Jake Ramadan, or something. Think of it as like unto joyously not partaking of hotdog buns, if you want. I don't really care.
- Our Paranoid brethren will be our guides on this one day, and we shall hold them as first among us for this day, because hey, the Legions of Thud really are out to get us.
- All attempts shall be made to foil the pranking of others, and any pranks perpetrated upon us shall be met with walls of indifference.
- To that end, our mode of dress shall be as conservative as possible, with a "Kick me" sign affixed prominently to our backs. When this sign is mentioned, we must simply say "Of course there's a sign on my back. I couldn't very well put it on my face, could I?"
I may think of more things to do to observe this day of much Anti-Jakitude, but for the moment, that's all. And as Pope, I give my religious support to this proclamation.
All this being said, I hope everyone will realize that, once I've made you all think I won't be Jaking on April 1st, I can justifiably Jake, as it won't be what you're expecting. But having told you that, I can't, because you'll be expecting it. And now that you're expecting me to not Jake because you're expecting me to Jake, the circle is complete and I can do whatever I damn well please! Huzzah!
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