Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What's with this site?

A: Well, you see Bobby, when a man and a woman love each other very very much...
Wait, wrong Frequently Asked Question.

Q: Hey, you didn't answer my question!

A: These are questions only please, no statements.

Q: But seriously, what is with the site?

A: Firstly, it's anything but serious. Second, with the site comes a side order of fries and the vegetable of the day.

Q: No, I meant what is the site's purpose?

A: If you figure it out, let me know.

Q: Well, why did you waste your time creating it then?

A: A good question, one which I'm not sure I can answer. But I'll try. At the point when I first created it, I was working as the Editor In Chief of a very amusing publication entitled Ave Discordia, a link to which can be found in my links page (keep in mind though, it hasn't been updated since Eris knows when). One of the features in said underground newspaper, entitled, oddly enough, "The Center for the Hackneyed Cliché" was written by my good friend (or at least he used to be) Yan the Chicken Lizard, and he prevailed upon me to create a niche of cyber-space for him.
I created it, and thus The Center was born. The newspaper died in ignominy and the Center became the only vestige of Ave Discordia-dom that remained. I used it for my own ends when Eris cursed me with Episkopos-ness and thus the Online Cathedral for Greater Enlightenment and Stuff was born. I suppose they should be two separate sites, but they are inextricably interconnected at this point, and since I am Obfuscator Supreme of Clichédom as well as other titles, I feel that they make a good match.

Q: So, what's this Discordianism that you preach anyway?

A: I don't preach it. Gosh, for a manifestation of myself designed to ask Frequently Asked Questions, you sure are belligerant.

Q: Okay, what's Discordianism?

A: Well, I could try to explain it, but that would defeat the purpose. Also, it would mean that I would be like all of those other Discordian sites which merely cut pieces of the Principia out and pass it off as their own. I won't do that. My links page has a number of good Discordian resources for the truly interested.

Q: So, why do you call yourself a Karmic Erisian?

A: Again, not really an easy question to answer. The simplest answer is that, as an Episkopos, I have formed my own cabal, which is the Karmic Erisians. The longer answer is one which I may at some point address on this site, but probably not, as I hate mission statements and statements of belief.

Q: Okay, so I know what a cabal is (if you don't, read up). I really think your ideas are briliant. How can I join yours?

A: Well, simply telling someone you're a Karmic Erisian should suffice for membership. If you really want me to know about it, send me an e-mail telling me about it. I suppose I could send you a membership card, or maybe I'll make one at some point and put it up here.

Q: Hey, that last question wasn't frequently asked!

A: What did I say about asking questions instead of statements?

Q: But you're not supposed to be asking questions!

A: Deal with it.

Q: Okay, so I've been living on Mars for the past millennium. What's a cliché?

A: A cliché is something that gets said a lot because people are too lazy to do original things. Take a look at my cliché list for details. It can also mean a ready allusion which is easy to use, or any number of other things. I use it to mean both things that people say and things they do which are unoriginal and provoke an easy-to-predict response. If you have a better definition, keep it to yourself.

Q: So what's with the Pope nonsense? You aren't really a Pope.

A: Actually, I am a card-carrying Pope, as my card proves, which you can see on the main page. If you're interested in becoming a Pope too, you can apply with the Vatican or (much more easy) find the site which will make personalized Popecards, or (perhaps even more easy) take the image of mine and substitute your name. As Pope, I authorize any and all of these avenues.

Q: I know someone who's a Discordian, and I think it's unhealthy. Can you list some common myths about Discordianism that you've discovered that I can use to convince him/her that Discordianism is bad?

A: What kind of fink do you take me for?

Q: Please?

A: Oh all right.

• Discordianism is a cult which advocates the worship of powerful drugs.
  
  Discordianism is probably a cult, but we don't worship the drugs. I, in fact, don't even take them, but many Discordians do. What's wrong with that? According to Catholics, Christianity is cannibalism, and many people who aren't Discordian take drugs.
  
  
• Discordians worship Satan.
  
  No, Discordians worship Eris, Goddess of Chaos. Many people believe that chaos is Satan; I'll leave better sources than I to dispute that.
  
  
• If I read the Principia Discordia I'll go to Hell.
  
  Only if laughter is a sin. Read it, disagree with it, and burn it; I don't really think anyone cares. But if you even think it's the least bit amusing, then think about what it says... then disagree with it and burn it. Don't think about it too much; thinking is unhealthy.
  
  
• Discordians advocate the violent overthrow of the government.
  
  Well, maybe some Discordians do, but then again some Christians do, and some Muslims do, and some Jews do, etc. etc. Personally, I believe in the amusing restructuring of the government. Anything we laugh at has to be better that things we don't laugh at.
  
  
• Discordianism will kill brain cells.
  
  Not true. In fact, Discordianism is good for you. There was a recent study conducted where scientists read from the Principia Discordia to lab rats 24 hours a day. The lab rats ignored the scientists. The scientists, however, all decided to give up torturing lab rats a become rock musicians. So we can see that Discordianism is very beneficial to the well-beings of both lab rats and scientists. Laughter is good exercise too, and if you're a Discordian, there are so many more things in life to laugh about.
  
  
• Discordianism makes you forget things.
  
  Not really, no.
  
  
• Discordianism makes you forget things.
  
  Not really, no.

Q: Wasn't that last myth about Discordianism a cliché?

A: Actually. they all are, as is this list of Frequently Asked Questions.

Q: Are we done?

A: I should certainly hope so.