CHAPTER VII
Isn’t this just a bit redundant?

"shit that’s a big ass dragon…"

Gharzia turned back and listened to the echo, "Sounds like Candy’s seen it… I wonder if it’s moving again…" Then she hurried back to the group as they left the cave once and for all.

"Good damn sun!" Gerren said blocking his eyes, "And I thought it was going to be such a nice cloudy day!"

"Don’t worry, it’s gonna get lot better young one!" A voice said.

The group paused as their eye adjusted to the light they discovered that they were not alone. A dark figure stood before them. The tatters of his silver embroidered cloak flapped in the wind as he laughed.

Gerren, most of all froze as unheard words escaped his lips, "The Spider Priest…"

"Who are you and what do you want with us?" Gharzia stated boldly, as she readied her hands.

"Come on, you all know who I am. Especially you Gern you young pup! Heh heh heh…" He laughed as drew back his hood. His long white beard suddenly became very recognizable, once his eyes could be seen*.

"Gerren… err… me… err…" Gerren stuttered.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don’t look so shocked kiddies! Back when I was you I caught on pretty quick!" The really old drow laughed, "Or at least I think I was… bugger… after 230 years the memory gets a little week…" He trailed off, "But I sure as hell remembered those knockers! Ha hah ha!" He laughed more, looking over Ghazia from neck to waist. "Nice to see you babe!"

Gharzia took it as flattering an slightly arched her back, before she resumed her questioning, "So why are you here? Can you tell us anything about what’s going on?"

Old Gerren sighed and scratched at a itch in is bushy beard, "I came here for two reasons: One, to return something…" Stepping aside he reviled another person behind him, a small blond halfling girl.

"Allia!" They all shouted as she came running up to them, "You’re alive… err… not a panda!"

"Good lords!" Allia said, grabbing a hold of Gharzia’s hips for a big hug, "Gerren said they’d given you larger breasts, but… but… wow…" She muttered, more grateful to see them than anything else, but a twinge of inadequacy, but we’ll get back to that later.

"From the mists of a big group hug Gharzia looked back over at old Gerren, "Thank you so much… But how? The archmage said…?"

Old Gerren whipped away what he would call ‘condensation’ from his good eye, "The Archmage is a ninny! And well… as un-drow like as it is, I felt guilty for what happened to her back at Zag-Nor-Kan** and since I had a bit of free time I decided to unlock the secrets of transmogrification. It took me fifteen years and several thousand rats, but I did it! Heh heh heh!" He cackled.

Gharaia thanked him again, "if there’s anything I or the others can do…"

"Nah girlie, the one thing I’d like to do now, I just don’t think I can take… Heh heh heh…" He said, drooling at Gharia’s assets. "But I’ll settle from what’s coming up!"

The party froze, "What’s ‘coming up’?" They asked worriedly.

Old Grerren sighed and gave a yawn, "It’s time I reaped the bounty that is my revenge!"

Meanwhile, back in the cave:

"Ooh my god! IT ATE PUSSY WILLOW!" Thorn screamed, "You bastard! You shall pay!"

The dragon finished swallowing a leg before laughing, "HA HA HA! I THINK THAT’S WHAT THE LAST PARTY SAID… BEFORE I KILLED THEM!" The dragon paused, I DID KILL THEM RIGHT… DAMN HEADACHE… I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED…

The Black Thorns feel into a tight formation with their backs to each other with weapons at the ready as the dragon once again reared up all around them. Encircling them with his tail and wings.

"Oh sh*t what are we gonna do?" Thorn gasped, to worried to keep up appearances.

Back outside:

"What did you do Gerren?" Gharzia asked, very worried about the near future…

"Now Gharzia, you’ve known me for all this time… well actually I have been gone eighty years… but still… Let’s just say I gave them… presents…" He said laughingly, but it came out maniacally.

Inside:

"Don’t worry! I got a plan!" Candy said.

The group turned to the dwarf in amazement, "You? You have a plan? What the hell happened?"

Candy reached into a pouch on her belt and produced six vials of indeterminate liquids. "I was talking to this old guy in a bar, and he suggested this! He said he once had to did it,, and that it saved his ass!"

"What are they?" Thorn asked, inquisitively yet cautiously.

"Donno, they’re random magical potions he sold to me. He didn’t know what they were so he only charged me thirty gold for the whole bunch!"

Thorn contemplated their dilemma throughly in the time she had remaining… "Okay… let’s do it!"

Outside:

"It took me a few years of adventuring to save up the gold of just to find them…" Old Gerren said, "But I made thirty of it back and to see the Black Thorns after the… effects… will make it all worth it! Trust me… heh heh heh…"

Gharzia narrowed her brow, "So you set them up… not bad… but what if they dragon gets them?"

Old Gerren laughed, "Xa-bor-nog’s been killed a hundred times!" Then pointing to Gerren the younger he continued, "I did it back when I did my last jump, and he’ll do it soon enough too! He keeps coming back, but there are certain ways you can ensure a short-term death… a sword through the brain… a cannon in the eye… or perhaps baste a war horse with ten different poisons and a little garlic sauce…" He said evilly. "In fact, everyone should be getting their just dessert right about now… heh heh heh…"

Gharzia turned her head back to the cave. Even with her keen sense of hearing all was silent except for the sounds of wind entering the cavern, and then there was a slight gust and a slight rumble at there feet, as if something really big just fell to the floor. And even though her ears weren’t strong enough, she could feel the anger of several people in the cave along with a lot of shouting directed at a laughing dwarf.

*Fenwick’s Notes: Actually it was more like ‘eye’, they never asked the really old Gerren about it, but his right eye was scared shut as well as he had another wound that ran from cheek to cheek. However, at a point when bother Gerren’s are along the older gives the younger two little bits of advice: 1) Duck! 2) Duck again!

**Fenwick’s Notes: Zag-Nor-Kan: A High Temple of Extreme Peril. The followers believe that there is a balance of chaos and order which they keep thinking is tipping a bit too much towards order, so periodically they come down from their mountain an set things on fire. Things like, homes, villages, towns, castles, farms, farm animals, both large and small rocks, witches, wombats, bridges, men named ‘Earl’, monasteries and temples (sometime their own), and pretty much anything else that they can think of. They also perform other ‘experiments’, some of which might of the effects of… giving a dwarf a bad rash… or turning a halfling ranger into a panda bear.