CHAPTER IX
"Oh shit… someone probably gonna die…" Merrel muttered backing behind Gharzia as both teams stood motionless before each other. One would almost expect a tumbleweed to roll by followed by the typical showdown music… however this was no western, and Ghariza’s definitely no Clint Eastwood… "Yeah probably…" She replied, her gaze never leaving Thorn’s bead blue eyes. Thorn in turn look across… and up at the orcs as a black cloud of rage boiled inside looking for a direction to vent.* And that’s when she locked onto Gharzia. Hmmmm… Looks like the bitch is about to blow… better think of something quick… Gharzia thought to herself. Thorn may only be a halfling, but the great orc has the scars to prove that she’s dangerous when enraged Although her voice gets sooo squeaky it’s hilarious…. Stepping forward Gharzia gave Thorn a big smile and laughed, "So the old guy sold you a bag full of bottles too eh?"** Thorn blinked her eyes a few times and nodded slowly, "Yeah… I guess so…." DAMN! She did it again… how can I be pissed at her now… she must plan it… "We’ve got dibs though!" "Sure you do Thorn! However, might I suggest we travel back to town together? Both our teams are a little worse for were after all." Gharzia said, relaxing enough to rest a hand on Thorn’s shoulder. "Sure… why not…" Thorn murmured, Hmmm… She’s planning something… she must want to make sure she gets to the old guy first… the bitch! It’s not gonna happen though! I’ll see to it! "Yeah… it’ll be fun… catch up on old… times…" Gharzia continued to smile, "Good! It’ll be fun…" She hasn’t stuck me with a knife… that’s a good sign… the down side though is now I gotta spend two day riding with her… yay… Meanwhile Feniss watched the two exchange pleasantries and narrowed her eyes, I can’t Bellevue Thorn is actually gonna ride with these… these… pathetic wretches! We should be crushing them underfoot like the bugs they are! I can’t believe this! I… I… Feniss paused as her stream of conciseness became more of a physical dilemma, "I… I… I gotta go tinkle!!!" Everyone turned as the young elf screamed and grabbed her crotch, "I gotta pee! Gotta pee! Gotta pee!" She yelped again and again as she sprinted towards the surrounding forest, her now oversized cloak trailing behind her.. Blankly they watched her speed off, only to be distracted and shift paths suddenly as she started shouting, "Bunny! Bunny! I see a bunny!" and bounded into the brush closely behind it. Thorn blinked her eyes more and scratched at an ear, "Tell me I did not just hear that!" Gharzia shook her head, twitched a pointed ear. "Umm… Okay… you didn’t… and I didn’t either!" "Bunny! Bunny! Bunny!" She shouted as scrambled under a fallen log, only to loose it in the undergrowth. "Oh poo…" She pouted as it disappeared down a hole. Shaking her head she tried to collect her thoughts as she slumped down into the dirt. Where upon she remember why she was here in the first place, and went about her business. Slipping out of her exaggerated apparel with ease. ‘Oh poo?’ What the hell is wrong with me… I don’t say ‘poo’! I don’t even say shit! Even if it describes our new company… Pausing in mid thought Feniss giggled to herself. "I said a naughty word! Naughty naughty!" And why can’t I keep focused… Hmmm… She wondered, looking down at an old familiar form, "Sigh… Yep… I’m young again…" She noted, copping a feel. "Chest’s gone… and so has all the hair…" Feeling herself up more she started to giggle, "Still tickles though!" Where upon she giggled more until she feel over backwards into a bush. A perverted smile crossed her face as she continued talking to herself, "Naughty Feniss! Thorn would spank you if she knew what you were up to! But I don’t wanna stop…" "FENISS! WHERE ARE YOU!" A shrilled voice echoed through the woods. "Oh poop!" The young elf yipped as she hopped up and took off back towards the clearing and the shouting. "Where have you been?" Thorn asked demandingly as she tapped he boot, "And where are your pants?" Feniss looked down at herself, "Umm… I forgot ‘em when I went potty… I can go back…" She stagered. "Ah forget it! We need to be heading back to town before the old guy gets away! We’ll just buy you some new clothes when we get there…" She said, grabbing the girl’s arm and trudging across the field. "Hurry up with that gold! We don’t have all day!" Ragu nodded as he loaded up the horses with the loot that they’d been able to grab. And yipped as Dorgu grabbed a bit of loot himself. "Nice ass! Me like very much!" He said in as suave a tone orges can manage, which turned out to be more disturbing then anything, especially when it’s coming from one’s brother. "Cut that out Dorgu! Me not that kind of girl… me not girl anyway! It’s me, Ragu! Ragu! Ragu! Ragu!" "Nice name, Dorgu have brudder with same name!" Gharzia watched and shook her head, "Poor girl.. errr… guy…err ogre… poor ogre…" "Well, as much fun as this is, I really do have to be going…" The apparently younger Gerren said heading towards his horse. "Oh really? And where might you be off to?" The older one asked, "Gern." "You remember… father… you said I had to go visit mother." "Oh really…" He replied in the traditional drow tone for: You bastard! You’re gonna leave, assume my for and sleep with my … err… our wife! If only I had a length of rope, and jar of honey, and an ant hill!**** "Yep, you’re memory must be going old man. Well, I really must be going. I’ll give mom you regards!" Young Gerren replied in the: I’m goona score tone. "Okay son, don’t forget Puppy now!" "Huh?" "You know, your war wolf! You never go anywhere without him!" Older Gerren said as he leaned over and started scratching Puppy behind the ears. "Now go on boy, take good care of Gern, and mother too for that matter!" "Gee… thanks… dad…" Again, the You Bastard Tone. "You’re quite welcome." Gerren said as an evil smile crossed his face, as if to say, Good luck trying to sleep with my wife you chronologically displaced son of a bitch! The young Gerren mounted his horse and waved, "Well good bye all, good luck finding that old geezer that sold you the jinxed potions!" Thorn glanced up from where she had been scolding Feniss, "Oh we’ll find him alright! Trust me! There’s no hiding from the Black Thorns!" Candy nodded as the drow rode off, "What a nice guy. So now what do we do?" "NOW YOU ALL DIE!" A voice bellowed, as the mountain behind them exploded.
*Fenwick’s Notes: No one is quite sure of where Thorn got her violent and hateful disposition. It might have all stemmed from getting stuck with a name like Penelope Annette Fuzzytoes. Or growing up around elven women while only being 4’8 with pudgy thighs and having a voice like an irate squirrel. Or even having grown up under his more beloved sister’s shadow, "They only like her because she puts out!". Or perhaps she’s just a bitch… who knows for sure. **Fenwick’s Notes: Gharzia actually doesn’t remember where she’d picked up her magic bottles, but she thought having a similar story might help to defuse Thorn… However, if she had a better memory she would have remembered long ago, back in her home town of Grakstonberry*** her and Akiyo where in a bar. When an old man in a black cloak approached them and asked them about their upcoming journey, and if they had a ‘back up’ plan. "Trust me heh heh…, if all else fails take these! My party did it once heh heh… and that’s why I’m here today! Ha ha!" Gharzia thought it over and agreed to it, and dropped twenty silver into the old man’s wrinkled black hand. Then gave him another five for good measure, because you always want Spider Priests on your side! ***Fenwick’s Notes: The town of Grakstonberry was named after it’s founder: Grak Stonebelly, who cleared the forest land and built it’s first home. Although, in truth, the troll simply punched over a couple dozen trees and leaned them on a rock. However, unwittingly he was also the first to leave after realizing too late that he had enraged many squirrels with his action and was chased that night! The following settlers then turned empty clearing into a trade center, with many, many squirrel houses. ****Fenwick’s Notes: Okay… maybe ‘oh really’ it doesn’t translate to all of that, but the YOU BASTARD part was definitely there… in spades… and clubs… |
