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Top Ten Reasons It's great to be a Dark Perk!
10) Showing your DP badge gets you 10% off at participating coffee shops.
9) You never need to worry that your faction leader will drain you and leave your body floating in Lake Ontario
8) Drop Tracy's name and you'll never get a speeding ticket again!
7) You never have a problem getting a pick-up game of street hockey
6) Free tattoos!!
5) Being a Dark Perk means never having to ask permission
4) You learn to pack a duffel bag mighty efficiently
3) Nothing says fun like a pink demon in your pocket
2) We've -almost- figured out how to work the mirror
1) Frappacchinos may be trendy, but caffeine addiction is forever!
Top Ten Ways Tracy Spends her Spare Time:
10) Writing taunt psychological thrillers under the pen name 'Teresa Valiant'
9) Riding her pink Harley to Ottawa, grabbing a coffee and bagel, turning around and coming back.
8) Moonlighting as a tattoo artist in a downtown shop called "Stained for Life."
7) Giving out Nick's name and address to every Jehovah Witness and missionary she meets.
6) Singing lead in a punk band
5) Toying with Vachon, acting innocent and naïve around him in such a way that he'll wake up several times a night screaming her name.
4) Doing something entirely different which causes Lacroix to wake up several times a night screaming her name
3) Rejecting all the movie roles (Such as the lead in 'Babe Cop IV: Lethal Lady') that she was sent after her appearance on the Jerry Tate Show.
2) Running a hockey betting pool with one of the gals she met from the vice squad.
1) Defending her kick-boxing title on the underground gladiatorial circuit.
Top Ten Most Common Things Overheard at a DP Party:
10) "Okay, where's the coffee?"
9) "My God! Is Mary wearing Tracy's 'Trophy Girl' dress -again-?!"
8) "All right, now where’s the ammo?"
7) "But if Tracy and Lacroix really got together…who'd get the remote?"
6) "Is that wall really melting or did Jenn put something in the punch?"
5) "This is getting ridiculous! There's a Shrine to Dryer Lint under the stairs now!"
4) "Can we watch 'Clue' again?!"
3) "Of course she already knew he was!"
2) "So how many stakes can you fit in the average sized duffel bag?"
1) "The Mirror is working again! Woohoo!!!"
Top Ten Things You'll -Never- Hear at a DP Party:
10) "Tracy's all right, but Alma…now there's a role model!"
9) "Don't you think we've watched 'Monty Python, Quest for the Holy Grail' enough?"
8) "Let's skip archery practice tomorrow and watch 'Friends' instead!"
7) "Maybe we should ask Nick's advice about that."
6) "Now, there's no need to resort to violence."
5) "Lacroix and Tracy would never -really- make a good couple."
4) "Let's be nice to the demons."
3) "Let's be nice to Nick."
2) "Can someone please ask that Vachon look-alike to put his shirt back on?"
1) "Decaf Please."
Top Ten Ways to get kicked out of the Dark Perks:
10) Telling a series of dumb blonde jokes before everyone's had their first cup of coffee.
9) Putting a shrine to Dolbert Dawkins under the stairs.
8) Forgetting to offer Ren (The Dark Pink Ninja) cream and sugar with her coffee.
7) Giving away (unless under duress) the combination to Laura's closet.
6) Letting the Mountie go without clearing it with the rest of the Thugs first.
5) Holding a country music concert in the Mansion while Mary is in residence. (warn me first, I'll get a hotel room)
4) Intentionally letting loose in the Mansion: (a) a jar of termites (b) A swarm of angry beavers (c) Howard Stern
3) Killing the cook. Dinner wasn't that bad!
2) Applying the 'B' word to Tracy…bleached
1) Attempting to switch our normal perfect beans with Folgers decaffeinated crystals.
Top Ten Things To Do At DP Mansion When you're Bored:
10) Order pizza and watch the delivery boys get sucked into the basement.
9) Teach the demons the 'Hustle'
8) Alphabetize something
7) Try to guess what's really in Mrs. Hitchcock's 'stew'
6) Pick a shrine and worship something
5) Write letters to the Police Commission and try to get Tracy another promotion
4) Go to the ballroom and learn yet another way to beat your enemies into a dark pink pulp
3) Sew a couple body parts back onto the zombie
2) Beg and plead with the Silver Mirror
1) Try watching The Jerry Springer Show just to see what the house will do to you!
Top Ten ways Francesca would've been different if a Dark Perk had directed:
10) Instead of a can of soda, Trace would be downing scotched spiked coffee
9) Tracy would've been the one to kill Frank (Karma dictates she should've anyway)
8) Instead of saying of Gordon, "I dated him once," she'd have told the truth, "I kept him and his fraternity brothers as my personal male-harem for a month or two last summer."
7) For no particular reason, right in the middle of the episode, Tracy would get into a brawl with a gang of hoodlums and kick some serious booty!
6) Two word: Hockey Try-outs
5) At the end of the ep., instead of going to the therapist's couch, Tracy would go to Lacroix's couch...
4) To celebrate another closed case, Tracy would invite Nat and Grace to go with her to Chippendales
3) For no particular reason, right in the middle of the episode, Tracy would stake at least 4 marauding vampires
2) After Vachon's re-strung his guitar, Trace would've grabbed it and gone into a rockin' rendition of 'Oh Canada' Jimi Hendrix style!
and the number one way,
1)Um, er
let's just say the church scene with Vachon would've ended a -little- differently
She was Captain of her school’s Hockey Team.Little Know Facts About Tracy Vetter:
Top 10 Ways Tracy Could Survive LK:
10) Tracy is brought across by her friend Jody, the sheet over the head was just the doctors confusing the 'after bite nap' with real death.
9) Tracy, pregnant with Vachon's baby. She wakes up in the morgue, the baby healed her
8) All of LK was Tracy's dream/hallucination
7) The doctor was the same one who pronounced Nick dead in NiQ, she's since gone insane and pronounces -every- patient with a head wound dead, regardless (have to say I like this idea
) 6) Two words: "Highlander Xover!"
5) Lacroix, Jeanette, or Vachon (who digs himself out) brings her across
4) Nat, after being left on the floor of Nick's loft, bring herself across with one of her samples of Nick's blood, then speeds over to the hospital and does the same for Tracy
3) Three words: "Bionic Woman Xover!"
2) A mad scientist, for some reason I think his name should be Mitch, does a Frankenstein on Tracy's nice fresh corpse
1) And finally, that wasn't Tracy's body...it was her evil twin's :)
10) Suddenly Barbie's
9) Commisioner Vetter's picture is tacked on your dartboard.
8) Whether or not you actually drink it, you cruise down the coffee aisle in the supermarket.
7) You openly snarl at authority when they use the word "perky."
6) JellO
5) You can't go by a Ford dealership without looking for that "screaming fun ride."
4) Haunted mansions are a challenge and a wicked fic inspiration, and not scary for you anymore.
3)You find yourself burning your paperwork in effigy.
2) Long haired guitarist types (T+V) / buzz cut cynics (CP) enrapture your absolute and complete attention for no reason than how they look.
And number 1...
1)You name your cat/ dog/ firstborn child "Tracy."
Top ten things Tracy and Darth Vader have in common! (...Darth Vetter?)
1) Both are told they have lots of potential
2) Both have pre-set destinies
3) Both can carry off that long flapping black cape/trench coat look
4) Both killed people with strange names (Obi-Wan/ Sedrick)
5) Both hate Ewoks! (well, that's just a guess on my part *eg*)
6) Both have close ties to people who've had their hands severed
7) Both carry weapons they're pretty darn handy with (Tracy in TG, 2 in one week, not bad!)
8) Both have rigid demanding jobs, and both kick that off and get "insubordinate"
9) Both drive vehicles with great gas mileage (oh, you didn't know that about the tie-wing fighters?)
10) Both die dramatically with heart wrenching last words (well, not Tracy, we all know that was just a dream!)
10. The importance of bunny heads
9. Why you should never step into a cellar full of pink JellO
8. Why coffee is a major food group
7. Lacroix
6. The subtle difference between pink... and *dark* pink
5. How anything - even a door - can be a lethal weapon in the right hands
4. Why you have to be tidy when there are pink demons about
3. The attraction of derelict churches
2. Apricots and callalillies
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY DP'S UNDERSTAND...
1. Cousin Mary!
Top Ten Books found in Tracy's Desk Drawer
10) '10 Ways to Avoid Paperwork'9) 'Chicken Soup for the Malnourished'
8) 'Vampire Hunting for Dummies'
7) 'Keeper of the King'
6) 'Conquest of Gaul'
5) 'The Feminine Mystique'
4) 'How to be Insubordinate and Still Get Promoted'
3) 'Nancy Drew and the Case of the Slacker Werewolf'
2) '20 Ways to Kill a Man without Leaving a Mark'
1) 'How to Get Organized When You Don't Have the Time'
Top Ten Places Tracy Can Hide the Bodies
10) the trunk of Nick's caddy9) buried next to the other 2
8) The Raven's beer fridge (no one would expect it twice!)
7) the Morgue (yeah, like Nat does any autopises other than the ones good for plot)
6) Prop them up in a 24 hour diner with a coffee in hand
5) the Kessel House (like anyone would notice while they were being haunted)
4) Stack them in the cellar after a particularly interesting dinner party, have the other guests leave quietly one at a time and forget any of it ever happened
3) Am I the only one who wants to vote a corpse into Congress?
2) UPS 'em to CERKs, mark the box 'fanmail'
and the #1 place... even -we- don't know. That's how good she hides them!
10) Magnets
9) Fairy Dust
8) Strings, baby!
7) Capes hidden under their Armani
6) Jet propulsion stilettos
5) big black balloons tied to all their limbs (they just don't show up on camera it being night and all...)
4) Invisible Airplanes a la Wonder Woman
3) lots and lots of espressos
2) 4 words "What -is- the Matrix?"
1) Swallows, very laden
Top Ten Things You'd Never Hear Tracy Say:
10) "Don't worry about it Nick, I'll do all the paperwork. No problem!"
9) "I was going to get my dad a gift for Father's Day, but then I thought 10% of black pumps at Payless?! Screw Dad!"
8) "Pride in being a cop? Puh-lease! I do it for the hot and cold running donuts!"
7) "Wait! Before going in there Nick, we'd better ask ourselves... what would Columbo do?"
6) "I don't wanna go in there... it looks all dark.... and scary... and it might be dangerous!"
5) "You will take me out of this sewer immediately! Wait! No. Leave me here. I'm starting to like it."
4) "You know Vachon... maybe a buzz cut is the way you should go."
3) "Sometimes, you know, to relax, you just have strip down and moon celebrities."
2) "It's like there's a big neon sign over my head: Teletubbies fanatic."
and the number one thing Tracy'd never say:
"No, no, make mine a decaf!"
Top 10 Ways The FK Vampires Abuse Their Powers
10) The Inca convinced a young Bob Kane that brooding creatures of the night could be good. (Bob Kane created Batman)
9) Every time someone takes Lacroix's picture he makes his eyes turn red, then he tells them they're bad photographers
8) Janette wears white after Labor Day all the time, she just convinces us its black
7) Urs sometimes dons a frilly pink dress and flies around town, knocking on kid's windows and asking if they have any teeth for her.
6) Nick convinced a generation Disco was cool
5) Janette personally killed Disco
4) The phrase, Bald is Beautiful! Screed's doing, in league with Lacroix
3) Vachon really was first in line for Rolling Stones tickets, uh huh, right.
2) No one remembers the time Lacroix got drunk and danced the hula, and with good reason
1) Nick has never had the Caddy emissions tested, ever
